Inspiration.
Sometimes we need some.
Especially lately with people caving, making excuses why they can't post role, some lieing and getting kicked off the site, etc...shit can get depressing.
Add to that a famous actor who after 20 years fell back into the arms of addiction and paid the ultimate price for it. I understand Kodiak and heroine aren't the same, but addiction is universal, and it got me to thinking.
It makes you, well at least made ME think..."damn, this addiction stuff sucks". I read something today relating addiction to putting a car in park, but never being able to turn off the engine, or being able to forget the sound of reving the engine. Might be a good analogy, but when you're the one sitting in the car you don't get warm and fuzzy feelings.
On top of all that, some shit is going haywire at work, running my kids in 10 different directions is starting to wear on me, and my buddies mom passed of lung cancer last week and he's really struggling. She was 59 and smoked for 42 years. Dayum.
All this has made the Diesel a little glum.
Needing an inspirational pick me up, I came here and did some reading. Helped a bit but after 610 days sometimes you have to go off the grid to get some wind back in your sails.
So...after a good workout at the gym I came home, left my headphones in, sat down at the computer opened the "my pictures" folder and just started scrolling.
One of the downfalls of digital cameras I suppose, is you never Fucking print the pictures. You just download them onto your computer to free up space on your card so you can take MORE pictures. At least that's the case with me.
So I as I sat there I was basically scrolling through my adult life. I saw my wife and I before we were married, our wedding pictures, pics of my wife prego, my son (now 10) in his first minute in this world up to present day.  I saw him morph from my little guy into an outstanding young man.  The same for my beautiful daughter who is now 8. Went from her in diapers, to her in her first little ballet tutu, to last year where at her dance recital looking like she was a damn teenager.Â
Along the way I also saw pics of friends and family members who had passed. Many thanks to addiction...Uncle Billy to small cell cancer from smoking at 58. My Aunt Flo also taken too young from smoking. My Grandpa whose love of his pipe cut him down early. My cousin Kim who fell victim to drugs and alcoholism and actually died in jail, and my Uncle Dick...he abused alcohol and tobacco as well. I had forgotten how bad he was until I saw the pics of him with no jaw.
It was all a lot to take in to be honest.Â
Yet it was that inspirational spark I was looking for.
The pics of my kids got to me the most. Just the thought of doing anything to cut my time with them short got me pissed.  While addiction claimed many of my past family members, I believe selfishness feeds into addiction. I refuse to be selfish. I don't want to be a memory on someone else's hard drive. I want to be Grandpa Diesel, who at age 90 is grabbing my grandsons wife's ass in a picture, not someone who died 30 years prior because he chose to be a slave to nicotine.
So yeah I'm in that parked car and maybe I can't shut the engine off, but I'm opening the Fucking door and getting out of the son of a bitch and going to live life. The doors aren't Fucking locked. Who's the asshole who came up with that analogy, anyway? It sucks.
Bottom line (this got waaay longer than I intended), when you feel a little down, maybe questioning a few things and you find that as great as this site is , maybe no matter how much you read you still are feeling a little down. Go off the grid for some inspiration and to put some mojo back into your quit. It's not uncommon to feel bunched up and frustrated, so don't feel bad if you go there.
"It's not as if this barricade, blocks the only road.
It's not as if you're all alone, in wanting to explode..."
Quit on....
Sometimes we just need to share. It has positive effects on our psychic. It helps the reader and writer. It's good to find we aren't alone!
Enjoyed the read, thanks.
As always Diesel, great read. Thanks!
So yeah I'm in that parked car and maybe I can't shut the engine off, but I'm opening the Fucking door and getting out of the son of a bitch and going to live life. The doors aren't Fucking locked. Who's the asshole who came up with that analogy, anyway? It sucks.
Loved it esp. ^^^ that part 'crackup'
I'm fired up to be QLF all day now
Fuckin' aye, I want to be a Grandpa with Diesel!! 90 sounds much better than 60 any damn day. Healthier every day with You! Quit with you D all day long.
"So yeah I'm in that parked car and maybe I can't shut the engine off..."
As a fellow (former) Michigander....don't you just hate rice burners Diesel? Although like any GM vehicle (circa 1970s), with sufficient age, eventually the door will just fall off on its own. May it be so with your aged quit as well!
You's a gud riter Diesel! Thanks for that! Getting all smoothed out inside.
Raging at unreachable glory, straining at invisible chains, turn around and walk the razors edge.
very nice man. Dont stop. Sometimes your words are exactly that inspiration that you speak of.
Every time I go into a grocery store I go to the cereal isle just to check and see if possibly they have it,,,,,,, they never do,,,,,,,, but,,,,,, one of these days I am confident I will find it,,,, I will walk down the isle and there it will be,,,,,,,, "Diesel's Crunch". Yea and it will set right next to the damn Wheaties,,, for winners,,,,, yea and our fucking cereal will say "for quitters who fucking mean it"!!!!
Nutritional facts
Supplement Daily percent
Quit..........................100%
Roll...........................100%
Kool-aid.....................100%
Honoring ones word....100%
Supporting others.......100%
Pussies.........................0%
Caving..........................0%
Nicotine........................0% (ALL FUCKING DAY)
Ingredients;
Brotherhood, honesty, integrity, resolve, quit knowledge, and the desire to be quit!
Questions; please submit to Killthecan.org
Thanks for the cereal Diesel. I am grateful to be quitting with you.
Erussell 282 days of freedom!