Colonel_No_Cope Intro

[Colonel_No_Cope]

I posted this in my October Group... but its just as important for you guys to know what is on my mind.
-------------------------------------------
After CopeFiend pointed out my incorrect day count this morning, I have come to the conclusion that a new fog had set in during my approach to 2nd Floor.

Which also means that I have been at risk of complacency.

I am buckling down again, but just a note to my fellow Bastards... it ain't over. It'll never be over.

I'm an addict... I AM an addict... always will be. I will never forget that, but now I must change my mantra to "DO NOT LEAVE THE SITE... DO NOT SLIP AWAY FROM THE SITE AGAIN, YOU BASTARD!!!"

Sure, we all need to stay alert... but this stretch to 300 was the beginning of my downfall last time. I have missed roll 4 times in the last month... not a pattern per se, but could have been an indicator of the "milestone fog."

So, if you all see me slipping on Roll... or if I begin to sound complacent or foggy, fill my Inbox with PMs PLEASE.

Text the hell out of me if you are so inclined.

I do not wish to live in a world of shit, again. I will NOT live in a world of shit again.

[RAZD611]

I was just sitting here reading through the forums... thinking about all the newbs, retreads and long-time vets... then something significant hit me like a sabot round in the chest.

I remember a certain feeling, oh 184 days ago, when I flushed my can and tossed my spitters.

The feeling of freedom... from the lies, the routine, the constant state of ninja vigilance required to keep my addiction hidden.

It was a *sigh of relief that is, in and of itself, addictive.

I suppose its good to remember the tough times to better appreciate the good/current times. I won't dwell on the lost days, or missed opportunities due to my dip escapes... that is just too painful.

So many guys to thank for my return and the last 184 days, but you exist all over KTC... the comma dudes, the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th floor (and above) badasses, May 2009, Jan 2009, October 2011, and every newb group over this time that has faced the daily challenges, and to those that I may in some small part have provided some useful mentorship to.

Just a good revelation to bring this year to a close... and to bring in a new and even more successful one.

Thanks,
Colonel

Happy New Year!!!

Freedom is good!!!

[Colonel_No_Cope]

I was just sitting here reading through the forums... thinking about all the newbs, retreads and long-time vets... then something significant hit me like a sabot round in the chest.

I remember a certain feeling, oh 184 days ago, when I flushed my can and tossed my spitters.

The feeling of freedom... from the lies, the routine, the constant state of ninja vigilance required to keep my addiction hidden.

It was a *sigh of relief that is, in and of itself, addictive.

I suppose its good to remember the tough times to better appreciate the good/current times. I won't dwell on the lost days, or missed opportunities due to my dip escapes... that is just too painful.

So many guys to thank for my return and the last 184 days, but you exist all over KTC... the comma dudes, the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th floor (and above) badasses, May 2009, Jan 2009, October 2011, and every newb group over this time that has faced the daily challenges, and to those that I may in some small part have provided some useful mentorship to.

Just a good revelation to bring this year to a close... and to bring in a new and even more successful one.

Thanks,
Colonel

[rustaf]

Sorry guys, I guess I just needed to vent a little... NOT on you peeps, I swear. Just a shotgun blast for the hell of it.

I suppose I am just a little more pissed off at the world today and I really don't want to have any of that "pissed off" crap in my system when the girls/twins start crying again...

I hope you all understand... its still safe to vent a little rage in here, right? If for no better reason than to spare my now doubled family size?

Maybe I sounded a little more confident than is realistic over the past couple days... I have had a couple craves. Yeah, a couple good ones.

But it was just the Nic Bitch trying to tell me I had every reason in the world to cave... no one would fault me for doing so... just one dip... just one... its okay, the girls screamed all fucking day... you earned it...

Instead, I get REALLY fucking pissed off because there is no way in the world I am gonna cave... so, where does that anger go??? Toward my helpless daughters as they cry about their diapers filled to capacity??? To them when all they want is a warm hug???

How can I be such a heartless fucking bastard when my family deserves so much more. God I hate that I ever got involved in this habit... why does it still haunt us when we are quit for 200ish days???

Answer: I don't fucking care why... I want to tear someone a new asshole... and it must be someone who 1) deserves it and 2) someone that is not my family.

You guys think that the rage is only part of the initial weeks of the quit??? GUESS THE FUCK WHAT... I DIPPED FOR 20 YEARS, SO I HAVE 20 YEARS OF RAGE TO VENT!!! DAMNIT!!! 20 WASTED YEARS!!! FUCK ME TO TEARS!!!

And this worthless habit is going to effect the way I treat my daughters??? My newborn twins??? What did they ever do to deserve this??? Huh??? I want to take a caver out of one of these lesser Quit Groups and thrash their fucking lives!!! Thats what I want... I want to crush someone...

But, its really me that deserves the treatment... yeah, I ought to kick my own ass for what I chose to do. So, how do I pay the fine??? Can someone tell me how I pay restitution for 20 years of bad decisions???

I need a target for my anger and rage, and my daughters need a father... tough choice, eh?

[11X4]

Hit 200 today. I feel great... ot because its been 200 days, but because I wasn't even thinking about it and it happened.

The craves are pretty few and far between... okay fine, when they hit, they grate on my nerves something fierce, but thats about it. Never close to caving, just irritated that I have to expend a little energy on the Nic Bitch (i.e., ignoring her or punching her in the crotch).

I'll tell you what folks... especially you FNGs out there... the battle is winnable. While there are dozens of successful quitters still active on the site to prove it, I continue to be surprised at how well this site/system worked for me.

Give it a chance... don't sell this stuff short... and trust what the veteran quitters are telling you. I have been a loner before... I have faced adversity on my own more times than I can count. YOU do not need to on your quit.

Good luck on your quits.

Congrats on 200 Colonel.

No luck involved....

[Colonel_No_Cope]

Hit 200 today. I feel great... not because its been 200 days, but because I wasn't even thinking about it and it happened.

The craves are pretty few and far between... okay fine, when they hit, they grate on my nerves something fierce, but thats about it. Never close to caving, just irritated that I have to expend a little energy on the Nic Bitch (i.e., ignoring her or punching her in the crotch).

I'll tell you what folks... especially you FNGs out there... the battle is winnable. While there are dozens of successful quitters still active on the site to prove it, I continue to be surprised at how well this site/system worked for me.

Give it a chance... don't sell this stuff short... and trust what the veteran quitters are telling you. I have been a loner before... I have faced adversity on my own more times than I can count. YOU do not need to on your quit.

Good luck on your quits.

[Remshot]

I need a target for my anger and rage

We're your huckleberry....

[cdforecheck]

Can someone tell me how I pay restitution for 20 years of bad decisions???

Keep posting daily

while nothing ever makes up for it keep the quit now and make the right decisions and pay forward!

[visamoht]

Can someone tell me how I pay restitution for 20 years of bad decisions???

Keep posting daily

[Colonel_No_Cope]

Sorry guys, I guess I just needed to vent a little... NOT on you peeps, I swear. Just a shotgun blast for the hell of it.

I suppose I am just a little more pissed off at the world today and I really don't want to have any of that "pissed off" crap in my system when the girls/twins start crying again...

I hope you all understand... its still safe to vent a little rage in here, right? If for no better reason than to spare my now doubled family size?

Maybe I sounded a little more confident than is realistic over the past couple days... I have had a couple craves. Yeah, a couple good ones.

But it was just the Nic Bitch trying to tell me I had every reason in the world to cave... no one would fault me for doing so... just one dip... just one... its okay, the girls screamed all fucking day... you earned it...

Instead, I get REALLY fucking pissed off because there is no way in the world I am gonna cave... so, where does that anger go??? Toward my helpless daughters as they cry about their diapers filled to capacity??? To them when all they want is a warm hug???

How can I be such a heartless fucking bastard when my family deserves so much more. God I hate that I ever got involved in this habit... why does it still haunt us when we are quit for 200ish days???

Answer: I don't fucking care why... I want to tear someone a new asshole... and it must be someone who 1) deserves it and 2) someone that is not my family.

You guys think that the rage is only part of the initial weeks of the quit??? GUESS THE FUCK WHAT... I DIPPED FOR 20 YEARS, SO I HAVE 20 YEARS OF RAGE TO VENT!!! DAMNIT!!! 20 WASTED YEARS!!! FUCK ME TO TEARS!!!

And this worthless habit is going to effect the way I treat my daughters??? My newborn twins??? What did they ever do to deserve this??? Huh??? I want to take a caver out of one of these lesser Quit Groups and thrash their fucking lives!!! Thats what I want... I want to crush someone...

But, its really me that deserves the treatment... yeah, I ought to kick my own ass for what I chose to do. So, how do I pay the fine??? Can someone tell me how I pay restitution for 20 years of bad decisions???

I need a target for my anger and rage, and my daughters need a father... tough choice, eh?

[Colonel_No_Cope]

Hey guys, I had to re-post this as a sign for those that follow me.  A very significant event in my life (twins born on 20 July 2009)... and many KTC guys were there for me.   159 days and counting!!!  I know I am a brute and crude... but I guess its kinda my own way to cope.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Okay folks... no gimmicks or crazy Army talk, I'm gonna give it to you straight.

I am now the PROUD fucking daddy of two gorgeous baby girls.

Jade, 6 lb 15 oz, 20.25"  Alexis, 6 lb 8 oz, 20"

Geez where would I ever start in describing the events of the last 24+ hours. blink.gif

For a hard ass like me, I must admit I had to wipe my eyes an awful lot. Must have been a leaky ceiling in the delivery room or something. My mask was soaked when it was all over. Hmmm, better talk to the Hospital Admin about that. unsure.gif

I have pulled (and still am pulling) a 32 hour shift... Sure I managed a little shut eye. 20 minutes a couple times here and there... nothing that the Army hasn't put me thru over the last 20 years. Some of you know that drill.

By the time the sun came up, I was re-energized and ready for the next go round. Time for the obligatory KTC plug: All that pressure and the associated craves due to years of addiction to NIC, and not a single one sent me towards the nearest gas station. I am still QUIT. Fuckin' A bubba!!! I still have this unholy LOVE for Halls Cherry Cough Drops though... Argh, I don't think they can kill me though. Thoughts????

Now, for what you guys have done over the last 32 hours. I have gotten more damn support from you all than my entire fucking unit could muster!!! Can you fucking believe that??? I am quickly learning to despise this organization... I still love and always will love the Big Army and my purpose... and my Group Commander is AWESOME demonstrated by the fact that we talked yesterday 2 hours after the blessed event and he just as excited as any given family member... but the rest of this outfit can suck my post PT sweaty balls and stinky ass if this is the best they can do. Better yet, they can suck clean my daughters' dirty diapers!!!

I am honored to announce the following:
All you guys (internal and external to May 09) get the Colonel No Cope's "Medal for Outstanding Service and Support" during Operation Stay Quit, along with the "Personal Concern Device" for demonstrating genuine interest in me and my family. Genuine... thats the operative word.

Make a note you cheese dicks. Yes, I actually said "Genuine".

Thanks to every single one of you fucking rat bastards. Shit, now water has started leaking in my home office too, right into my eyes again... what the fuck, over?!?

I suppose the keyboard isn't supposed to look this blurry either, so I had better move along for now. More exciting news to follow as the story develops.

You guys really are good people in my book!!! that's one of the higher Army compliments by the way

Colonel sends.

Bravo Zulu, Colonel. Lucky kids. 'welcome'

Congrats on your kids Colonel!!! You are going to do great!.....it's a good thing they look ike their mother. Bah! :lol:

Well, actually, one looks like me... and the other one looks like her mom.

Fortunately, the one that looks like me only carries the attractive traits... the rest fell out of the gene pool. 'archer'

[JpCrew]

Hey guys, I had to re-post this as a sign for those that follow me.  A very significant event in my life (twins born on 20 July 2009)... and many KTC guys were there for me.  159 days and counting!!!  I know I am a brute and crude... but I guess its kinda my own way to cope.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Okay folks... no gimmicks or crazy Army talk, I'm gonna give it to you straight.

I am now the PROUD fucking daddy of two gorgeous baby girls.

Jade, 6 lb 15 oz, 20.25"  Alexis, 6 lb 8 oz, 20"

Geez where would I ever start in describing the events of the last 24+ hours. blink.gif

For a hard ass like me, I must admit I had to wipe my eyes an awful lot. Must have been a leaky ceiling in the delivery room or something. My mask was soaked when it was all over. Hmmm, better talk to the Hospital Admin about that. unsure.gif

I have pulled (and still am pulling) a 32 hour shift... Sure I managed a little shut eye. 20 minutes a couple times here and there... nothing that the Army hasn't put me thru over the last 20 years. Some of you know that drill.

By the time the sun came up, I was re-energized and ready for the next go round. Time for the obligatory KTC plug: All that pressure and the associated craves due to years of addiction to NIC, and not a single one sent me towards the nearest gas station. I am still QUIT. Fuckin' A bubba!!! I still have this unholy LOVE for Halls Cherry Cough Drops though... Argh, I don't think they can kill me though. Thoughts????

Now, for what you guys have done over the last 32 hours. I have gotten more damn support from you all than my entire fucking unit could muster!!! Can you fucking believe that??? I am quickly learning to despise this organization... I still love and always will love the Big Army and my purpose... and my Group Commander is AWESOME demonstrated by the fact that we talked yesterday 2 hours after the blessed event and he just as excited as any given family member... but the rest of this outfit can suck my post PT sweaty balls and stinky ass if this is the best they can do. Better yet, they can suck clean my daughters' dirty diapers!!!

I am honored to announce the following:
All you guys (internal and external to May 09) get the Colonel No Cope's "Medal for Outstanding Service and Support" during Operation Stay Quit, along with the "Personal Concern Device" for demonstrating genuine interest in me and my family. Genuine... thats the operative word.

Make a note you cheese dicks. Yes, I actually said "Genuine".

Thanks to every single one of you fucking rat bastards. Shit, now water has started leaking in my home office too, right into my eyes again... what the fuck, over?!?

I suppose the keyboard isn't supposed to look this blurry either, so I had better move along for now. More exciting news to follow as the story develops.

You guys really are good people in my book!!! that's one of the higher Army compliments by the way

Colonel sends.

Bravo Zulu, Colonel. Lucky kids. 'welcome'

Congrats on your kids Colonel!!! You are going to do great!.....it's a good thing they look ike their mother. Bah! :lol:

[PbKid]

Hey guys, I had to re-post this as a sign for those that follow me. A very significant event in my life (twins born on 20 July 2009)... and many KTC guys were there for me. 159 days and counting!!! I know I am a brute and crude... but I guess its kinda my own way to cope.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Okay folks... no gimmicks or crazy Army talk, I'm gonna give it to you straight.

I am now the PROUD fucking daddy of two gorgeous baby girls.

Jade, 6 lb 15 oz, 20.25"  Alexis, 6 lb 8 oz, 20"

Geez where would I ever start in describing the events of the last 24+ hours. blink.gif

For a hard ass like me, I must admit I had to wipe my eyes an awful lot. Must have been a leaky ceiling in the delivery room or something. My mask was soaked when it was all over. Hmmm, better talk to the Hospital Admin about that. unsure.gif

I have pulled (and still am pulling) a 32 hour shift... Sure I managed a little shut eye. 20 minutes a couple times here and there... nothing that the Army hasn't put me thru over the last 20 years. Some of you know that drill.

By the time the sun came up, I was re-energized and ready for the next go round. Time for the obligatory KTC plug: All that pressure and the associated craves due to years of addiction to NIC, and not a single one sent me towards the nearest gas station. I am still QUIT. Fuckin' A bubba!!! I still have this unholy LOVE for Halls Cherry Cough Drops though... Argh, I don't think they can kill me though. Thoughts????

Now, for what you guys have done over the last 32 hours. I have gotten more damn support from you all than my entire fucking unit could muster!!! Can you fucking believe that??? I am quickly learning to despise this organization... I still love and always will love the Big Army and my purpose... and my Group Commander is AWESOME demonstrated by the fact that we talked yesterday 2 hours after the blessed event and he just as excited as any given family member... but the rest of this outfit can suck my post PT sweaty balls and stinky ass if this is the best they can do. Better yet, they can suck clean my daughters' dirty diapers!!!

I am honored to announce the following:
All you guys (internal and external to May 09) get the Colonel No Cope's "Medal for Outstanding Service and Support" during Operation Stay Quit, along with the "Personal Concern Device" for demonstrating genuine interest in me and my family. Genuine... thats the operative word.

Make a note you cheese dicks. Yes, I actually said "Genuine".

Thanks to every single one of you fucking rat bastards. Shit, now water has started leaking in my home office too, right into my eyes again... what the fuck, over?!?

I suppose the keyboard isn't supposed to look this blurry either, so I had better move along for now. More exciting news to follow as the story develops.

You guys really are good people in my book!!! that's one of the higher Army compliments by the way

Colonel sends.

Bravo Zulu, Colonel. Lucky kids. 'welcome'

[Colonel_No_Cope]

Hey guys, I had to re-post this as a sign for those that follow me. A very significant event in my life (twins born on 20 July 2009)... and many KTC guys were there for me. 159 days and counting!!! I know I am a brute and crude... but I guess its kinda my own way to cope.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Okay folks... no gimmicks or crazy Army talk, I'm gonna give it to you straight.

I am now the PROUD fucking daddy of two gorgeous baby girls.

Jade, 6 lb 15 oz, 20.25"  Alexis, 6 lb 8 oz, 20"

Geez where would I ever start in describing the events of the last 24+ hours. blink.gif

For a hard ass like me, I must admit I had to wipe my eyes an awful lot. Must have been a leaky ceiling in the delivery room or something. My mask was soaked when it was all over. Hmmm, better talk to the Hospital Admin about that. unsure.gif

I have pulled (and still am pulling) a 32 hour shift... Sure I managed a little shut eye. 20 minutes a couple times here and there... nothing that the Army hasn't put me thru over the last 20 years. Some of you know that drill.

By the time the sun came up, I was re-energized and ready for the next go round. Time for the obligatory KTC plug: All that pressure and the associated craves due to years of addiction to NIC, and not a single one sent me towards the nearest gas station. I am still QUIT. Fuckin' A bubba!!! I still have this unholy LOVE for Halls Cherry Cough Drops though... Argh, I don't think they can kill me though. Thoughts????

Now, for what you guys have done over the last 32 hours. I have gotten more damn support from you all than my entire fucking unit could muster!!! Can you fucking believe that??? I am quickly learning to despise this organization... I still love and always will love the Big Army and my purpose... and my Group Commander is AWESOME demonstrated by the fact that we talked yesterday 2 hours after the blessed event and he just as excited as any given family member... but the rest of this outfit can suck my post PT sweaty balls and stinky ass if this is the best they can do. Better yet, they can suck clean my daughters' dirty diapers!!!

I am honored to announce the following:
All you guys (internal and external to May 09) get the Colonel No Cope's "Medal for Outstanding Service and Support" during Operation Stay Quit, along with the "Personal Concern Device" for demonstrating genuine interest in me and my family. Genuine... thats the operative word.

Make a note you cheese dicks. Yes, I actually said "Genuine".

Thanks to every single one of you fucking rat bastards. Shit, now water has started leaking in my home office too, right into my eyes again... what the fuck, over?!?

I suppose the keyboard isn't supposed to look this blurry either, so I had better move along for now. More exciting news to follow as the story develops.

You guys really are good people in my book!!! that's one of the higher Army compliments by the way

Colonel sends.

[mule]

I am still learning how to cope with the new me (or should I say the original me).






That is one of the greatest lines i have read on this site......

very nice