I learned about this Group thru my brother, CopeFiend. I have been dipping for many years... pretty close to 20, and between the two of us, we have made numerous attempts to cease this habit, but always to no avail. With his recent/on-going success, I decided that there was no better time than the present.
A little bit about me, I am an U.S. Army Lieutenant Colonel with nearly 18 years of active federal service under my belt. I have seen Iraq, and gave 14 months to that effort during the early years of the war. It was this career that exposed me to dip. I can even remember the first time I tried Kodiak as a cadet (my first dip ever), then my first dip of Copenhagen during a field exercise in order to stay awake. It about knocked me on my ass... I remember the feeling quite well.
Anyway, since then, the habit got more and more ingrained into my life... just like pretty much every other guy I was around. Dipping is the Army way, much like smoking was for all wars leading up to Desert Shield/Storm.
So, here I sit 20 years later wondering why I was never actually able to quit... why every time I thought I had, I always went back to it. I am an addict... while I never said that I wasn't, or that "I could quit any time I wanted", the fact is I never really wanted to. These days, I want to quit for myself, to quit for my family, to quit just to get this damn monkey off my back. I suppose in my early years I just didn't want to give it up... it was the thing to do, it kept me alert, it helped me concentrate, it felt good, etc. You guys obviously know the stories.
But I will say this... as badly as I want to quit, as much as I know I NEED to quit, a part of me cannot see LTC Jim (me) as a Nicotene free soldier. It has been part of my "image" (Cope or Marlboro lights) for as long as I can remember. Not the best image, of course, but I would rather go out for a smoke to think about my next decision, than to scream at the top of my lungs at some undeserving trooper. I would rather take a pinch of Cope to calm my nerves before and during "murder board" briefings. I have been known to dip a whole can of Cope and smoke a half pack of cigs in a single day or if supply dictated, a pack of cigs and a half can of Cope. This is how it worked during my Command days, and certainly during the most insane days in Iraq.
I suppose I shall close this with a simple truth... I want and need to quit. As of 30 minutes ago, I HAVE quit. Its all gone... spit bottles, Cope, cigs, etc. My brother, CopeFiend, despises the Commit quitting aids, or as we call them, Nico-Candies. They are being handed off to the wife as soon as she gets home from work. I am done with it all. Based on CopeFiend's recommendation, Friday seems the best day to quit... away from work (where the stress triggers are) and staying home with family (where the support is). Cold turkey it shall be.
As of this very moment, I can already feel the need. Talking about it... thinking about it... that damn drug begging for one last ride. CopeFiend and I used to call it a rollercoaster ride of addiction... we couldn't have been more right. If I can survive a war, assholes for bosses, and daily insanity, I certainly can come to terms with this operation... "Operation Quit" followed by "Operation Stay Quit".
Not sure if this is what most would consider a good Intro posting or bad, but it is the essence of what I feel right now. If you want to read posts from a straight shooter, who is tougher on himself than anyone else can be, then that would be me.
I am happy to now be associated with the only type of quitters that exemplify bravery... yes, I am looking forward to this continued association, but to be honest, not to the next several days. Been there done it... its gonna SUCK!!!
