Toys Today
My daughter had a couple of young kids over the other day babysitting them, first time I have had young kids in my house in years which is nowhere close to kid proof by the way. I leave knives, tools, matches, all kinds of stuff just laying around.
The boy (2) was all over the house, chasing my Rottie, screaming, playing in my closet. You name it. The final straw was when he went upstairs and got his head stuck in the banister posts. Now that is funny !! I thought to myself "hey at least now I know where he is" and I should leave him there until his mom shows back up. "
Aside from the shreaking he was doing as he tried to pull his head back out which may have caused him to pass out, he was in no real danger so it was some really funny stuff. I finally get his head unwedged with a couple of my bad ass tools and down stairs we went.
I decided I would sit with them all and play in hopes of keeping the volume level down and I was already in a decent mood with the events of the evening so far. We plugged in Finding Nemo ( Which is also some very funny shit ) and I drag out the bag of toys in hopes of keeping my great mood going.
I have to say I was very disapointed !! My toys were so much cooler and I will give you some examples.
1. His toy cars vs. my Tonka toys. First of all my Tonka toys rocked ! The were made of steel and made in America (probably from some cool shit like melted down planes, retired aircraft carriers, or unused ordinance) and they were painted with paint that did not scratch off when one hits the table leg. ( Probably lead paint which is bad ass too. ) Anyway, his cars were made of plastic and made in China. That alone makes my toys better but that is not all. I could actually move dirt around and build shit with my stuff. I pushed his car across the floor one time and the wheel falls off. Cheap China shit !! I used to ride on my Tonka trucks ! His shit can't survive in the harsh environmnet of my kitchen floor. I used to throw mine off the roof, ride them down the hills, my parents even backed over them. If I had cars like his when I was young my parents would have gone broke trying to replace them all the time. There is NO WAY his cheap ass cars would have survived any of the stuff I used to do, let alone the matches and Lysol flamethrower of death like my Tonka trucks did.
2. His GI Joes vs. My GI Joes - Ok this one was again very easy. He had very small lame ass GI Joes ! They are like 3" tall now. WTF ? And they had no cool ass gear ? What happened to the bad ass GI Joes ? The big dudes with the kung fu grip, eagle eyes!! Bad ass dudes with Bad ass stuff. The ones that would pimp slap Ken and take Barbie ! Big ass helicopters, ATV's, Guns of all sorts, Grenades, Bazookas, war shit. My GI Joes had a buzz cut and scars which makes them very cool. They should have had some bad ass tattoo also but they were still cool. And you could go to the store and buy a whole new set of "Special Ops" gear for whatever bad ass mission you wanted to send him on. Plus if need be you could pick up one of the GI Joes I had and use it to crack your friend across the head for talking shit, or you could throw it like a ninja star. So it was not only a toy it was also a weapon which puts my GI Joes to a whole new level of bad assery versus his. If any of you have ever taken a GI Joe to the head you know it is a formidable weapon. I am sure some of you are wondering about the doll thing. Well I was 7 at the time and they were cool shit.
3. His building blocks vs. Mine - Again this one was very easy. He had lame ass lego blocks to build with and although you can build some fun stuff with them they are far less fucntional than the blocks I had. I think, looking back all my building blocks were trash from construction sites, sanded down and the nails pulled out of them. You know the ones I mean. Pieces of two by fours, dowel rods, two by fours with the arches cut into them.... those building blocks. ( By the way great idea by the guy who did it. Gather some scraps from the build site, sand em a bit, slap some lead paint on them and sell them..) Although I could not actually build shit with windows in it or fancy stuff you can't use his to prop up a wobbly table or crack your kid in the ass with a lego block. Not to mention my blocks made you actually use your imagination. And again if need be my blocks could be wielded as weapons. There was more than one lump handed out in my neighborhood. So my blocks rock !!
Anyway I am sure all of my toys were cooler than his but he did not have any other stuff for me to break. I still say all my stuff is cooler than what he had. If he comes back over maybe I will show him how to use the Lysol flamethrower of death...
