Had Enough

[Bucky]

For christ's sake. I am so damn pissed at myself. I go from chewing Kodiak every damn day for over 26 years to finally waking up, doing something about it and quitting. For so many years my boys don't see me put one in, don't see me spit, don't see me have a tin, and frankly have no clue their Dad is addicted to poison.

Well, ........ now my oldest two probably know. They have found empty cans, half full cans, and even seen Dad put one in. In no time, my younger 2 will know too. I am using smokey mtn Mint to make it different taste than Kodiak as well as look different to my boys.

Fuck me .... Oldest 2 are 11  12 and are about as innocent as you can be .... Meaning I'm not sure they even know. If, when and how do I approach this?

You guys have been a blessing... Thanks

[pab1964]

I've been meaning to use this as a diary of sorts to look back on, but haven't had the time or motivation to do it as much as I'd like. Mostly, because I am a shitty writer. So, though there are several thoughts I have, today I will list some successes and concerns of my quit to date (about 3 weeks in).

Success: I have quit nicotine for 23 days ... longest time in my life ... hell yeah!
Concern: After chewing for over 26 years, this is like stopping for less than 1 fucking day per year ... big fucking deal.

Success: I have at least tripled the time I can think of something other than tobacco since Day 1.
Concern: After more than 3 weeks, I don't think I have held a non-tobacco thought for more than 10 fucking seconds. Talk about a waste of mental energy.

Success: I do not have a dip in all day every day.
Concern: I seem to still need that oral fixation and can't make it over an hour without seeds, candy, or primarily fake stuff

Success: I am not gutting tobacco spit all day every day.
Concern: I am still gutting the fake stuff for about a quarter of the day. Explanation: To be a ninja dipper, I found ways to put the shit in my mouth where it is not easily noticed by others, while mastering a way of not generating the juice necessitating the need to spit. I am following this pattern with the fake stuff, but trying to spit as often as I can remember.

Success: I have found 8 cans of Kodiak around the house and in clothes that I have thrown out (6.5 empty and 1.5 with tobacco in them that I flushed than tossed)
Concern: For the first time in their lives, my 4 young impressionable sons have found empty tins laying around. Although they are Smokey Mountain cans, I feel like I may need to explain. Unbelievable how careless I have become now that I don't have the guilt of chewing tobacco in front of them.

All for now as I have to run, but wanted to give a big shout out to all those who've given support. Without it, I wouldn't have made it this far.

Long way to go, but if anyone on the fence reads this ... please buy in to this KTC kool-aide ... it does work.

Concerns,success. It's all awesome my friend! 145 day's later still packing the fake. I hate the shit but it's the oral fixation after 38 years. Every day I'm quit is a huge victory , hell every second I'm not dipping nic is huge. I crave everyday and have come to except the fact I always will. I can handle that ,to be free! It gets better remember the mind is rewiring itself at the same time olé nic whore trying to stick her tongue in your mouth! You've got this! It's yours! Own it! Damn proud to be quit with you!

[Bucky]

I've been meaning to use this as a diary of sorts to look back on, but haven't had the time or motivation to do it as much as I'd like. Mostly, because I am a shitty writer. So, though there are several thoughts I have, today I will list some successes and concerns of my quit to date (about 3 weeks in).

Success: I have quit nicotine for 23 days ... longest time in my life ... hell yeah!
Concern: After chewing for over 26 years, this is like stopping for less than 1 fucking day per year ... big fucking deal.

Success: I have at least tripled the time I can think of something other than tobacco since Day 1.
Concern: After more than 3 weeks, I don't think I have held a non-tobacco thought for more than 10 fucking seconds. Talk about a waste of mental energy.

Success: I do not have a dip in all day every day.
Concern: I seem to still need that oral fixation and can't make it over an hour without seeds, candy, or primarily fake stuff

Success: I am not gutting tobacco spit all day every day.
Concern: I am still gutting the fake stuff for about a quarter of the day. Explanation: To be a ninja dipper, I found ways to put the shit in my mouth where it is not easily noticed by others, while mastering a way of not generating the juice necessitating the need to spit. I am following this pattern with the fake stuff, but trying to spit as often as I can remember.

Success: I have found 8 cans of Kodiak around the house and in clothes that I have thrown out (6.5 empty and 1.5 with tobacco in them that I flushed than tossed)
Concern: For the first time in their lives, my 4 young impressionable sons have found empty tins laying around. Although they are Smokey Mountain cans, I feel like I may need to explain. Unbelievable how careless I have become now that I don't have the guilt of chewing tobacco in front of them.

All for now as I have to run, but wanted to give a big shout out to all those who've given support. Without it, I wouldn't have made it this far.

Long way to go, but if anyone on the fence reads this ... please buy in to this KTC kool-aide ... it does work.

[formyself]

I can hide a can of Skoal under my arm pit on the way to the shower so that know one can detect it.

That is a new one... I would always use a set of folded clean clothes to bring to the bathroom with me. Funny what we would do just to be discrete.

[formyself]

.... somehow I manage to have a dip in 100% of the day, everyday except when I eat or sleep. It is so bad,

I wonder how many of us can relate to this statement. I thought I was one of the few who lived like this. Either way, you got this quit. You and I both got this. Like you said, do it for yourself.

[Done4Me]

Bucky,

I think this site has its fair share of ninja dippers. I dipped about 30 years and never told anyone. I am the master of dipping in the back seat of a car or in my seat on an airplane without anyone knowing. I can hide a can of Skoal under my arm pit on the way to the shower so that know one can detect it. I can't tell you how many cans full of dip made it safely through the wash cycle without allowing water inside. I am a master at convincingly explaining why my car smells like mint or stale tobacco. I could go no and on.

Quark

Cool part is when you stick with your daily promise here the +1s begin to add up and eventually a day will pass with no cravings. Then those days get more frequent. Then craves are rare and then no more.

Meanwhile all this hiding, excuses, and ninja crap is a faded memory. More time with the wife, family, or whatever floats your boat. No more hiding.

[quark]

Bucky,

I think this site has its fair share of ninja dippers. I dipped about 30 years and never told anyone. I am the master of dipping in the back seat of a car or in my seat on an airplane without anyone knowing. I can hide a can of Skoal under my arm pit on the way to the shower so that know one can detect it. I can't tell you how many cans full of dip made it safely through the wash cycle without allowing water inside. I am a master at convincingly explaining why my car smells like mint or stale tobacco. I could go no and on.

Quark

[pab1964]

Now that I haven't had a chew in a week or so, and I'm still feeling miserable at times and the cravings are relentless, my mind has finally cleared up some for a couple minutes at a time. As an attempt to bring some humor to my miserable addiction of 25+ years, I decided to play a little game. My game is the over/under of the number empty (at least I sure hope empty) cans of Kodiak I have squirreled away around the home.

As a teacher, coach, father and husband, I was excellent at concealing my embarrassing, shameful addiction. As a result, I would not just throw tins away in our garbage at home, rather transfer from pocket to pocket in pants, jackets, shorts, shoes, shirts, wherever I could hide my embarrassment. I would always have to wait to discard them when I went to a store alone or at work.

Since I live in WI and quit in Spring, I am imagining finding quite a few in Winter jackets and clothing as well as summer shorts and wherever else they may be. I am going to set my over/under at 10.

I wonder if anyone has ever discussed this on here, or can remember back if they were similar, but I think it will entertain me for awhile. Thought I'd post this in the Intro section, as perhaps I can look back on this some day way out in the future and remember how shameful I felt.

Bucky my friend,
At least you tried to hide the filthy shit! Not me , I was your basic redneck dipper, damn proud to have that big olé fatty in , hell I was one tough sum bitch! Walk in stores with the family with spit bottle in one hand holding daughters hand with the other! Look how stupid this shit sounds! Before you ever and I mean ever start to put this back in your mouth think of the total embarrassment! It's worth whatever your going through, get through it's worth every damn second of it! Damn proud to be quit with you today my friend!

[Bucky]

Now that I haven't had a chew in a week or so, and I'm still feeling miserable at times and the cravings are relentless, my mind has finally cleared up some for a couple minutes at a time. As an attempt to bring some humor to my miserable addiction of 25+ years, I decided to play a little game. My game is the over/under of the number empty (at least I sure hope empty) cans of Kodiak I have squirreled away around the home.

As a teacher, coach, father and husband, I was excellent at concealing my embarrassing, shameful addiction. As a result, I would not just throw tins away in our garbage at home, rather transfer from pocket to pocket in pants, jackets, shorts, shoes, shirts, wherever I could hide my embarrassment. I would always have to wait to discard them when I went to a store alone or at work.

Since I live in WI and quit in Spring, I am imagining finding quite a few in Winter jackets and clothing as well as summer shorts and wherever else they may be. I am going to set my over/under at 10.

I wonder if anyone has ever discussed this on here, or can remember back if they were similar, but I think it will entertain me for awhile. Thought I'd post this in the Intro section, as perhaps I can look back on this some day way out in the future and remember how shameful I felt.

[lighty7]

Bucky,

Congrats on a great decision. I feel a weird sense of kinship when I read an intro of a fellow former Kodiak slave. I was that Bear's bitch for 22 years till I found this place. You can do this if you follow the simple formula that others have laid out. I am coming up on 1 year quit and I have posted roll every single one of those 352 days. Coincidence? I don't think so. Also get involved with others in your quit group and exchange phone numbers. Early on in your quit a simple text from a guy asking how you are doing and saying he is quit with you can make all the difference.

You can do this!

Send me a PM if you want my digits for support. Also check out my signature with the line about Kodiak - always gave me a chuckle early in my quit.

Lighty

[pab1964]

Bucky something to ponder. I have a son who is 28 years old that watched me every day of his life stuff my face with that disgusting shit, and he started dipping at 14. Wow that makes pop feel really good! Think about it, you have 4? Damn proud to be quit and remember this enjoy every damn second you can with them because you've screwed them out of alot of Father time already! Damn proud to be quit with you today my friend!

[Bucky]

Love the Math ... but what is the $1 million dollar question for folks like us?

I put together a list of some basic assumptions of my prior tobacco use and can find how disturbing this can be to the wallet. I started in 1988 when the cost of Kodiak was $2 a can and assumed a usage of 2 cans per week. Increasing the cost $0.50 every couple of years and the usage because we all know how addictive that nic bitch is, I have a very conservative estimate of an out of pocket expense of $37,500.

Now, here is where it can get really fucked up. If you put that money into the stock market and just chose a basic index fund (sp 500), where the annual average return is 10.3% (below), you would have $140,000 by the time you were 42 (which happens to be my age). Worse yet, had that money been put into a retirement account it would grow to be $1.24 million by age 65.

Kicker for me is, I have been giving a very similar scenario to my students for a quiz for the last several years. The answer turns out to be about a half of million and we always discuss my input assumptions were a pack a day smoker for 20 years (about half of my students smoke). While I would always mention that I am not preaching and that I have some bad habits myself, I did not come clean with them until this semester.


http://dqydj.net/sp-500-return-calculator/

[Steakbomb18]

Thanks guys. Not sure the best place to ask these dumb ass questions, but I'm on Day 4, was doing great, but the last hour has been the worst yet. I'm shaking like crazy, and can't help thinking that all quitters are pussies and I'm not a pussy. Talk about fukd up justification, huh.

I don't mean that literally and am jealous of all you quitters, just wanted to rage.

Rage on brother. We all do it and this is the place to do it. Get out and run it off, even a slow sprint, just get winded and it is amazing how that changes things. Drink your water, take a shower, Piss outside and remind yourself that you have the power to control what you do. Tobacco is just a poisonous weed that cares nothing about you except your destruction. Keep control.

Mogul

HaHa. Where else can you call everyone a bunch of f..ng pussies, say you'd like to be a f...ng pussy too and get support?

Thanks.

25 year kodiak user here too bro. Until 861 days ago. I'm in the math biz myself. Here is a equation for you:

$5 x 365 x 25 = $45,625. That is present value, in dollars, of our addiction to our wallet. Think about all the minutes that you sneaked away to get your fix. Think about the value of that. Fuck kodiak, nicotine can suck it bro. You have a family that deserves those dollars, those minutes, and you deserve to take your life back.

One day at a time you can do this. I'll be honest, quitting nicotine is the hardest thing I've ever done. It is the best decision of my life. And of yours. If I can help, let me know. Freedom ahead.

That right there is some quit gold. WTW just calculated that you basically could have purchased a BMW 335i X-drive (or other car of your choosing) with what you've been forking over to the makers of Kodiak. Keep plowing through day 4 Bucky, we'll be back doing the same thing with you first thing in the morning...posting roll and quitting.

[worktowin]

Thanks guys. Not sure the best place to ask these dumb ass questions, but I'm on Day 4, was doing great, but the last hour has been the worst yet. I'm shaking like crazy, and can't help thinking that all quitters are pussies and I'm not a pussy. Talk about fukd up justification, huh.

I don't mean that literally and am jealous of all you quitters, just wanted to rage.

Rage on brother. We all do it and this is the place to do it. Get out and run it off, even a slow sprint, just get winded and it is amazing how that changes things. Drink your water, take a shower, Piss outside and remind yourself that you have the power to control what you do. Tobacco is just a poisonous weed that cares nothing about you except your destruction. Keep control.

Mogul

HaHa. Where else can you call everyone a bunch of f..ng pussies, say you'd like to be a f...ng pussy too and get support?

Thanks.

25 year kodiak user here too bro. Until 861 days ago. I'm in the math biz myself. Here is a equation for you:

$5 x 365 x 25 = $45,625. That is present value, in dollars, of our addiction to our wallet. Think about all the minutes that you sneaked away to get your fix. Think about the value of that. Fuck kodiak, nicotine can suck it bro. You have a family that deserves those dollars, those minutes, and you deserve to take your life back.

One day at a time you can do this. I'll be honest, quitting nicotine is the hardest thing I've ever done. It is the best decision of my life. And of yours. If I can help, let me know. Freedom ahead.

[Bucky]

Thanks guys. Not sure the best place to ask these dumb ass questions, but I'm on Day 4, was doing great, but the last hour has been the worst yet. I'm shaking like crazy, and can't help thinking that all quitters are pussies and I'm not a pussy. Talk about fukd up justification, huh.

I don't mean that literally and am jealous of all you quitters, just wanted to rage.

Rage on brother. We all do it and this is the place to do it. Get out and run it off, even a slow sprint, just get winded and it is amazing how that changes things. Drink your water, take a shower, Piss outside and remind yourself that you have the power to control what you do. Tobacco is just a poisonous weed that cares nothing about you except your destruction. Keep control.

Mogul

HaHa. Where else can you call everyone a bunch of f..ng pussies, say you'd like to be a f...ng pussy too and get support?

Thanks.