Day 36... my first real night at a bar, had a "singular beer". Felt good to enjoy it without having my lip full of a worm dirt. The awkwardness didn't occur until one of the people in the group of people I was talking to at the bar looked at all of us and said "wanna go smoke?". Now, 36 days ago I would have joined them and had a smoke, but tonight I didn't and felt this shit eating grin pride when I looked at them and said "I don't smoke". She looked at me with a confused looked and said "wanna come outside at least?". So I did.. but of course I checked which way the wind was blowing so I would have to smell it. She looked at me and again said in a sarcastic tone "aww come on, just one won't kill ya. All the cool grown ups are doing it". I nicely told her "that shit is gonna kill you hun" and "it's a real bitch to quit nicotine!".
That's pretty much where my night ended. I went back in, paid off my food tab and went home. It's amazing to see how when I could go to a bar in the past it was really easy to get to know people when would I smoke one of their cigs or I would step out with them.
This quit is a life change! Not to say I can't find people to interact with at a bar that don't smoke or dip, but let's face it... if they're getting drunk in a bar they might be prone to making bad choices. Not all, but man it was a bummer. It killed the entire conversation about hockey and my line of work when I told her it was disgusting. So, yeah maybe I was a bit strong in my reply, but I don't view this stuff the same way as they do. So I came home, made something to eat and hit up KTC to feel comfortable again. I rarely get uncomfortable, after-all uncomfortable situations is what my job description is... but this time it was a whole different feeling. Almost that feeling of not being picked for the team.
I realized two things tonight... One, tobacco use is out of fucking control! Two, my entire social life changed 36 days ago. Now I am left trying to figure out the bar scene and how I can find the non-smoker groups.
Just a little rant, maybe one day I can copy and paste this for a new quitter or they find it on their own. Hopefully it can help them to make sense of what they're feeling and that it is ok to feel this way and giving into peer pressure is not the answer.
Thanks guys... QLF NAFAR!