*edit* New introduction time. I'm james, Below me is a load of horse shit I was trying to kid myself into thinking I was still quit when I was a few weeks shy of buying a can again and already consuming my fair share of nicotine during the week. I mean yes I am a fat piece of shit...But besides that mostly bullshit. 'bang head' 'bang head'
Anyway I'm quit now and every day I will post and stay quit, there will be no caving. *end edit*
Hi, I'm James and plain and simple its been a struggle. I quit after 13 years going from a pinch from cans hidden in the bathroom during showers, so my parents couldn't catch me. to a can a day. to I couldn't even tell you because I'd just keep 2-5 logs in the freezer at all times. I hit 26 years old and realized I had been dipping for as many years as I had not. Granted there were a lot of quit attempts, making it a week, making it a month, switching from cope to days of work for almost 6 months. I told my then fiance that I was quitting after the wedding....great idea btw...nothing like putting them through the ringer with that "for better or worse" line right off the bat. But it was worth it. At least I ended up smartening up and waited until after the honeymoon. Didn't wanna ruin Italy with my miserable withdrawal period.
The first few months sucked. Everyone knows that. But even after it got better some days really still feel like those first few. I know its a bitch to kick the habit but you would think after a year and 3 months I'd be free and clear of the urges.
The problem is there are a lot of things I blame on quitting. I never experienced the bad effects of chew personally and I didn't want to quit for strong reasons I wanted to quit because I knew it was only a matter of time. Now for me I had used nicotine as a way to avoid learning how to handle stress and anxiety during my teen years. About 6 months after quitting I had a severe mental breakdown and had to switch to a new more Dr approved drug to use daily. at least its cheaper. I've also put on about 90 lbs since I quit, pure fat. I hate everything about quitting still. I still dunno what to do with myself on long drives. i still crave it insanely badly at Giants games. Some days it almost feels like I am hoping for a disease with an expiration date attached so I can just say "Fuck it I'm gonna die anyway, might as well go down with a dip in my lip"
Let me apologize now, that is insensitive to people that actually have that. No I'm not suicidal. I just want an excuse to start again very badly and that has been one of many thoughts my brain throws out to get me to start. It's an agreement I have with myself that if I get diagnosed with a certain amount of years I'm going back to chew. I've also had some small backslides, occasionally when drunk I've had the "Well Red Man isn't really chew" or "It's snuss/cigerettes/cigars not dip, doesn't count"
Anyway, just don't have many people to talk about this with because honestly I'm the only one of my friends that has made it passed the fabled 100 days mark. Anyone out there with a few years experience does this shit get better? LOL Do many of you backslide when you are drunk? Has anyone found a good way to get around the getting fat issue, cause if I get any fatter it's gonna kill me faster than the chew would have anyway, and diets are having less effect now it seems like. Mostly just thank you for having an outlet to rant in because my wife does not understand how I still have urges after so long, and doesn't understand the strength of these urges.
