Good morning all,
My name is Karen, call-name, Frazzled's wife. This is my first contribution to this Introduction site so I hope I'm posting in the right place.
First all, I'm an addict. That hurts. Bad. I was also a closet smoker for years. I quit on and off my whole life since the age of 13. I quit for 5 years one time. My dissolution that I'm only a "social smoker" began to take over my life and body. Smoking went against everything I believe in living a healthy life style. I love running, walking, roller-blading, cross country skiing, swimming and other physical activities along with eating good foods.
However, this past summer, smoking really started to effect my work outs. I was winded just walking up the stairs and big hills. But hey, I'm only a social smoker - no problem here. However, I knew in the back of my head, I had to quit. I was washing my face and brushing my teeth four or five times a day to try to mask the smell emanating from me. I still stunk and I HATED it. So I only smoked at home. I stopped smoking in the truck, and would not smoke until I was done with my day where I come home, grab a cig and sit outside on the deck. My poor husband - dealing with my stench and bad breath. My pillow and our bedding smelled like smoke even though I had just washed my face and brushed my teeth right before bed, the stench was coming up from my poor lungs, (I call my lungs my filters).
For weeks I kept telling hubby I want to quit smoking. For weeks hubby kept telling me he's worried about the increase in cigs I was smoking. I had this routine down and he noticed. Finally one day, I said to Mike I think I'm ready to quit. He quickly walked over to me and said, "That is great, why not start now?" So he walked over to the two packs in the cupboard and said to follow him. We stood over the toilet crushing and flushing my cigarettes. That felt good. I was ready. I kept thinking of how much better I will feel not smoking - but I hadn't thought of it as nicotine, but, just cigarettes. I hadn't thought about me being a brain-wired-addict. I kept treading through some really bad days. Thank God I have my husband. He's been a great support system for me.
Hubby was now suggesting that I post on KLC and write my thoughts and backwards thinking about my quit. He said I'd get really good people offering more support and wisdom of words then what I was getting just from him. I didn't make the time nor did I have any interest and I will tell you why in a bit.
I continued to just post for the day and nothing else. Mike started to tell me that people wanted to hear from me and to stop my silence. Well today I found myself on the "Bitch List." That shook me a bit because I'm not a bitch nor do I think of myself better than anyone else working their quit using this site.
Just for your understanding, when things start heating up, my first response is isolate. I clam up and deal with these crazy thoughts by myself. This is my MO with most upsetting things and I'm working on this daily. Like the people I trusted smoking around - I trust the people on this site for help and understanding and spliced words. But it goes both ways. I give - you give and I will try very hard to honor this.
Thank you for all your congratulations. Thank you for writing and giving me support because your words really mattered to me TODAY. Especially with all my thoughts about our upcoming vacation and what's looming over my head. That's for another writing. I will share it with you soon because we're leaving in less than two weeks.
Pura Vita (good day)
Karen
xxx-xxx-xxxx