Three weeks in...with a crutch

[syndrome]

Cross posting this here for posterity's sake...

Whoa dudes. I had a super intense chew dream last night. I don't remember the specifics, but I remember "waking" up (dream within a dream kinda thing), and not being able to resist putting a chew in my mouth. I was consciously thinking that it would throw my 38 days of quit down the toilet, and I would be betraying my brothers, and I didn't want to do it, but I did it anyway.

I felt like total shit. The only thing I can compare the way I felt in the dream to anything in my real life is the one and only time I ever cheated on a girlfriend. (She had been living out of state for like 8 months and we were on the verge of breaking up, but still). The sick, gut wrenching guilt I felt waking up the next morning was the same thing I felt in the dream.

How fucking amazing of a feeling to wake up and realize that I didn't actually dip and that it was all just a horrible dream.

I have my first dentist appointment in like 6 or 7 years this afternoon. I wonder if that had anything to do with it!

Anyway, thought I would share with the group. Again, this site affects you in more ways that you realize. The more seriously you take this site and your commitment to the quit brothers in here, the more successful you will be in your quit.

Long Live KTC.

sad part is man they dont go a way. man i had one in june this yeer bout a month afore i got my comma to. pist me off in dreem world but when i woke up i new it was just a dreem.

[bigsky406]

Cross posting this here for posterity's sake...

Whoa dudes. I had a super intense chew dream last night. I don't remember the specifics, but I remember "waking" up (dream within a dream kinda thing), and not being able to resist putting a chew in my mouth. I was consciously thinking that it would throw my 38 days of quit down the toilet, and I would be betraying my brothers, and I didn't want to do it, but I did it anyway.

I felt like total shit. The only thing I can compare the way I felt in the dream to anything in my real life is the one and only time I ever cheated on a girlfriend. (She had been living out of state for like 8 months and we were on the verge of breaking up, but still). The sick, gut wrenching guilt I felt waking up the next morning was the same thing I felt in the dream.

How fucking amazing of a feeling to wake up and realize that I didn't actually dip and that it was all just a horrible dream.

I have my first dentist appointment in like 6 or 7 years this afternoon. I wonder if that had anything to do with it!

Anyway, thought I would share with the group. Again, this site affects you in more ways that you realize. The more seriously you take this site and your commitment to the quit brothers in here, the more successful you will be in your quit.

Long Live KTC.

[Nolaq]

Thirty Two days in and loving the quit. That month seemed to fly by.

Great moments in quit so far.

1) Tossed the gum, grabbed my balls and told NOLAQ to fuck off as I posted Day 1 in Feb. 12.

2) Did not spend 60 minutes on the can "reading" just so I could have one last chew before bed.

3) Told my girlfriend about my horrible addiction, came clean, told her about KTC and was amazed at her understanding and support.

4) Went hunting and didn't dip, despite the fact that one of my hunting partners chewed the same shit I used to.

5) Butchered a deer without a chew.

6) Worked in the garden without a chew.

7) Went to work each day and produced on deadline without a chew.

8) Went to the bars and had drinks with my buddies without a chew.

9) Went skiing and didn't even have the urge to put in a chew on the lift.

10) Didn't chew when personal tragedies affected my life.

11) Called Wastepanel just to thank him and have him post roll for me while hunting.

12) Got a call from a quit brother in crisis and talked him off the ledge. He's still quit.

13) Made it through the holidays without even thinking about chewing.

14) Posted roll on this site every day for the last 32 days whether I was able to get to a computer or not because I've got digits for about a dozen quit brothers who've got my back.

15) Saved $136, most of which I donated to a medical fund for a friend who suffered a massive stroke.

I could go on and on. Anyone who doubts that this site works is a fucking idiot. Period. If you drink the Kool-Aid and participate in this site YOU WILL BE QUIT.

Thanks Chewie and all those brilliant bad-ass quitters who conceived of this site and make it happen every day. We are literally saving lives in here. One day at a time.

That's something I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving.

:)

This is outstanding shit Biggie. That list right there shows there is a BigSky without the cancer candy.

Keep emphasizing the "you" in the things you do. Let that guy shine. Fuck the addict.

P.S. I do not advise telling NOLAQ off. I'm quite certain that man's quit can transcend the physical and plague your dreams.

Nah, I'm a kitten, really.

I'm just happy the ole' boy jumped in tits deep and drank the kool aid. Even if it comes with the price that I have to get told to fuck off.

I'm a big boy. I can take it. _

On a serious note Sky, well done.

The great thing is, that list you started just keeps getting longer and longer.

Just make sure you never have to repeat #1.

[Scowick65]

Posted this in Feb group, but thought it'd be worth keeping here as well.

Man. Last night I had a bit of a blow up with my lady. It triggered some serious rage I haven't felt in a long time. I think the nic bitch might have had something to do with it.

I walked out of the house to take a walk and cool off so I didn't say or do anything I'd regret (though walking out of the house was regrettable in and of itself...). While on my walk I texted Wastepanel to tell him how I was raging and how the nic bitch was just begging to have me take her back.

You know what? Just the simple act of text WP, even though I didn't get a reply until this morning (it was super late his time), helped quiet the nic bitch down. Just having that accountability, putting it in writing to a quit brother that you're having a rough time and jonezing, really helped put the bitch back in the bottle.

I was never in any real danger of caving, because I'm committed to my quit and because I'm not stupid enough to think that putting that shit in my face is going to somehow solve whatever problem I happened to be having. It would certainly only make things worse.

Anyway, just another example of how this site helps you in ways you might not even think about until the time comes when you need it.

Good stuff. This is the foundation that quit and friendships are made of.

[bigsky406]

Posted this in Feb group, but thought it'd be worth keeping here as well.

Man. Last night I had a bit of a blow up with my lady. It triggered some serious rage I haven't felt in a long time. I think the nic bitch might have had something to do with it.

I walked out of the house to take a walk and cool off so I didn't say or do anything I'd regret (though walking out of the house was regrettable in and of itself...). While on my walk I texted Wastepanel to tell him how I was raging and how the nic bitch was just begging to have me take her back.

You know what? Just the simple act of text WP, even though I didn't get a reply until this morning (it was super late his time), helped quiet the nic bitch down. Just having that accountability, putting it in writing to a quit brother that you're having a rough time and jonezing, really helped put the bitch back in the bottle.

I was never in any real danger of caving, because I'm committed to my quit and because I'm not stupid enough to think that putting that shit in my face is going to somehow solve whatever problem I happened to be having. It would certainly only make things worse.

Anyway, just another example of how this site helps you in ways you might not even think about until the time comes when you need it.

[Souliman]

Thirty Two days in and loving the quit. That month seemed to fly by.

Great moments in quit so far.

1) Tossed the gum, grabbed my balls and told NOLAQ to fuck off as I posted Day 1 in Feb. 12.

2) Did not spend 60 minutes on the can "reading" just so I could have one last chew before bed.

3) Told my girlfriend about my horrible addiction, came clean, told her about KTC and was amazed at her understanding and support.

4) Went hunting and didn't dip, despite the fact that one of my hunting partners chewed the same shit I used to.

5) Butchered a deer without a chew.

6) Worked in the garden without a chew.

7) Went to work each day and produced on deadline without a chew.

8) Went to the bars and had drinks with my buddies without a chew.

9) Went skiing and didn't even have the urge to put in a chew on the lift.

10) Didn't chew when personal tragedies affected my life.

11) Called Wastepanel just to thank him and have him post roll for me while hunting.

12) Got a call from a quit brother in crisis and talked him off the ledge. He's still quit.

13) Made it through the holidays without even thinking about chewing.

14) Posted roll on this site every day for the last 32 days whether I was able to get to a computer or not because I've got digits for about a dozen quit brothers who've got my back.

15) Saved $136, most of which I donated to a medical fund for a friend who suffered a massive stroke.

I could go on and on. Anyone who doubts that this site works is a fucking idiot. Period. If you drink the Kool-Aid and participate in this site YOU WILL BE QUIT.

Thanks Chewie and all those brilliant bad-ass quitters who conceived of this site and make it happen every day. We are literally saving lives in here. One day at a time.

That's something I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving.

:)

This is outstanding shit Biggie. That list right there shows there is a BigSky without the cancer candy.

Keep emphasizing the "you" in the things you do. Let that guy shine. Fuck the addict.

P.S. I do not advise telling NOLAQ off. I'm quite certain that man's quit can transcend the physical and plague your dreams.

[Scowick65]

Thirty Two days in and loving the quit. That month seemed to fly by.

Great moments in quit so far.

1) Tossed the gum, grabbed my balls and told NOLAQ to fuck off as I posted Day 1 in Feb. 12.

2) Did not spend 60 minutes on the can "reading" just so I could have one last chew before bed.

3) Told my girlfriend about my horrible addiction, came clean, told her about KTC and was amazed at her understanding and support.

4) Went hunting and didn't dip, despite the fact that one of my hunting partners chewed the same shit I used to.

5) Butchered a deer without a chew.

6) Worked in the garden without a chew.

7) Went to work each day and produced on deadline without a chew.

8) Went to the bars and had drinks with my buddies without a chew.

9) Went skiing and didn't even have the urge to put in a chew on the lift.

10) Didn't chew when personal tragedies affected my life.

11) Called Wastepanel just to thank him and have him post roll for me while hunting.

12) Got a call from a quit brother in crisis and talked him off the ledge. He's still quit.

13) Made it through the holidays without even thinking about chewing.

14) Posted roll on this site every day for the last 32 days whether I was able to get to a computer or not because I've got digits for about a dozen quit brothers who've got my back.

15) Saved $136, most of which I donated to a medical fund for a friend who suffered a massive stroke.

I could go on and on. Anyone who doubts that this site works is a fucking idiot. Period. If you drink the Kool-Aid and participate in this site YOU WILL BE QUIT.

Thanks Chewie and all those brilliant bad-ass quitters who conceived of this site and make it happen every day. We are literally saving lives in here. One day at a time.

That's something I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving.

:)

[bigsky406]

Thirty Two days in and loving the quit. That month seemed to fly by.

Great moments in quit so far.

1) Tossed the gum, grabbed my balls and told NOLAQ to fuck off as I posted Day 1 in Feb. 12.

2) Did not spend 60 minutes on the can "reading" just so I could have one last chew before bed.

3) Told my girlfriend about my horrible addiction, came clean, told her about KTC and was amazed at her understanding and support.

4) Went hunting and didn't dip, despite the fact that one of my hunting partners chewed the same shit I used to.

5) Butchered a deer without a chew.

6) Worked in the garden without a chew.

7) Went to work each day and produced on deadline without a chew.

8) Went to the bars and had drinks with my buddies without a chew.

9) Went skiing and didn't even have the urge to put in a chew on the lift.

10) Didn't chew when personal tragedies affected my life.

11) Called Wastepanel just to thank him and have him post roll for me while hunting.

12) Got a call from a quit brother in crisis and talked him off the ledge. He's still quit.

13) Made it through the holidays without even thinking about chewing.

14) Posted roll on this site every day for the last 32 days whether I was able to get to a computer or not because I've got digits for about a dozen quit brothers who've got my back.

15) Saved $136, most of which I donated to a medical fund for a friend who suffered a massive stroke.

I could go on and on. Anyone who doubts that this site works is a fucking idiot. Period. If you drink the Kool-Aid and participate in this site YOU WILL BE QUIT.

Thanks Chewie and all those brilliant bad-ass quitters who conceived of this site and make it happen every day. We are literally saving lives in here. One day at a time.

That's something I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving.

[Wild_Bill]

BigSky,

Well done. Keep up the good work. Stick close to KTC.

[bigsky406]

15 days in. I know that's not any kind of a milestone or anything, but tomorrow will mark the one-month anniversary of not chewing tobacco. It's actually been more than a month since I bought the last tin of my life.

I know I've only been off nicotine for 15 days, but to me the day I put in that last dip of Griz will always be my quit day. October 9, 2011 will be like a birthday for me from now on.

I know people have strong feelings about using nicotine replacements, but I'd be lying if I said two weeks of using gum to break the chew habit didn't help me tremendously when I finally decided to kick nic altogether. It might not be as badass as just quitting cold turkey, but when the goal is to quit the nic bitch, the ends are more important than the means.

Though the "new quit smell" is starting to wear off, I'm settling-in nicely with my quit. I still feel great, energized and excited that I can go into the world each day knowing that I won't be dependent on that cancerous lip-turd to get me through. I've had some tough tests in recent days, too. My friend remains in a coma after suffering massive stroke, my brother is going through some very trying personal matters, and I nearly drove my truck into a river over the weekend but was saved by the kindess of a stranger. All pretty stressful stuff. Never once did I even THINK about wavering on my quit.

My quit is strong.

[bigsky406]

I'm with you on your approach to the quit bigsky. I chose to treat my quit as a joy rather than a burden: whenever I would get a crave, I would treat it as a positive sign - a sign that I was successfully overcoming my addiction. I used each crave as a reminder to pause for a moment and appreciate the fact that I was actually doing this, finally, and owning my fucking quit. I developed a habit of turning any negative feelings into a feeling of gratitude. That's still working for me... 1025 days later.

I hope I'm not putting words in your mouth here, but a lot of what you posted sounded really familiar.

You took words out of my mouth, actually. That's EXACTLY what I was failing to articulate when I started all this. When I have a crave, and I look at my quit number, I think, "Well shit man, I've gotten this far without caving, what's another day?"

Perhaps you and I are a rare kind of quitter, but that's definitely how I feel about my quit. I'm not having as hard of a time as others seem to be at my point. Thanks for chiming in, and way to go on your AWESOME quit.

[nkt]

I realize I'm a complete tool at times, and you may not give two shits about my opinion, but I am gonna drop it here anyway.

I'm very proud of your quit and your attitude right now. 

I do want to caution you on something, though;  the other shoe will drop.  You can bet a paycheck on it. Just remember this feeling you have now.  How proud you are of yourself.  How awesome life is when you're not chained to a tin can, cuz when she comes knocking...she's gonna knock hard.

Arm yourself with this site, and it's tools (not necessarily me).  While it's great to inspire your buddies, remember - YOUR quit is A-Number One right now. 

One week of freedom.  Awesome.  When you were typing your very first post at the bottom...did you think you would ever go a week?

Well done Sky.

I don't think you're a complete tool, NOLAQ.

Your opinions are valued. I just take the advice on this site À la carte. Advice that's applicable to me and my situation, I take to heart. Advice that might be more suitable for someone else, I take with a grain of salt.

For instance, advice that says, "You're doing great, but..." and then follows with all the pitfalls, temptations and craves I'll face, etc. doesn't necessarily help me. It doesn't work with my psychology. It just pisses me off. I'm what you might call a positive reinforcement kind-of-guy. I know full well what's coming, and I've prepared myself to deal with it when it comes.

The other shoe may or may not drop. But I'm not too worried about it, and I'm not going to worry about it until it happens...if it happens.

I don't obsesses about my quit. I don't think about it all the time. Nicotine doesn't define me anymore. I'm transitioning my mindset from "quitting" to "quit." The sooner I'm quit, rather than quitting, the sooner I can move on with my life.

But yeah, I appreciate your opinion...sometimes. B)

NOLAQ is correct. The new quit smell fades just like a the new car smell. I like your attitude. Deal with tomorrow when it comes. In our desire to help, we sometimes use the wrong techniques with the wrong folks. Keep the quit. Reach out to me, NOLAQ or anyone when and if necessary. We are 100% behind you.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not disillusional in thinking it's going to be a field of roses from here on out. I just don't think it makes much sense to deflate a quitter's sense of pride, success or accomplishment when he's high on his quit. Being excited about the quit makes the suck bearable and keeps me motivated.

Sometimes sayin' "Way to go on your kick ass quit. If things turn around and you find the suck wrapping it's hands around your neck, remember your KTC training and get your ass in here ASAP. We're all here to help you..." might work better than, "Glad you're having a good quit today, but it WILL wear off and things will suck ass and you'll fail in your quit if you're not prepared with all of the great advice all us experienced quitters have to offer..."

I'm really not trying to be an asshole here or to just argue with you guys, but I'm not always going to be able to turn to this site when shit gets rough. As great as this site is and as helpful as ya'll are, you're more or less a bunch of random, faceless, nameless dudes who have NO idea who I am or what I'm about. I'm going to have to quit whether I have an Internet connection or not, and sayin' that I've got to rely on this website to get me through is just wrong in my case. That ain't going to work. The accountability aspect and the comradery of the group and the roll is fantastic. But it takes a lot more than that. There's a real world that I have to live in with my quit.

Keep bringing the quit and call out if you ever need it. Proud to quit with ya.

Big sky,
you are right that you need to find a way to deal with the addiction without the internet.

However I can tell you that many of the vets do tell the guys that are starting to get proud of themselves to watch out.......and that is a good thing

I am currently 80 days into my quit and on a business trip. Found myself thinking about how good a packed lip would feel last night while I was at a local watering hole. I can guaran-fucking-tee you that if it were not for this site i would be fingerbumping a can right now!

the site is the backbone of my quit! I'm glad KTC is here and I'm glad there are som many vets out here to kick some tail every now and then!

Wow. Some really deep quit psychology in this here thread. I'm particularly interested in the notion of how we deal with "quit pride", and excitement.

I tend to side with NOLAQ's point of view, and I think that's because I'm looking at this concept from such a high altitude, (3 1/2 years quit).

CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM

Quit pride is great. Revel in it. But know that it will eventually dull. It'll no longer be new or exciting, I can assure you. I've watched many, many quitters wilt when that fresh quit smell wore off. So, yeah...be proud of the fact that you're quit, you earned that pride...BUT know this:

If your quit is fueled by just pride, that's not a long-term recipe for success.

That's where these boards come in. When being quit is no longer a source of deep emotional pride, the accountability offered here can step in and save you. That's why posting long term has kept me and many like me from relapsing to the most powerful addiction man has ever known.

...theo

Hate to say it, but NOLAQ and Theo are spot on. If you won't digest that little nugget, I will. Thanks.

Theo also said, "The only thing nic use does is relieve withdrawal symptoms that come from not using. That's it”. ~ Pure genius.

Man. What a bunch of buzz killers. :wacko:

Oh well. I feel good. I don't see any reason not to enjoy that. Ya'll can have it anyway you want it.

This introduction thread is my quit diary, so I'll document my quit my way. Ya'll are welcome to chime in, and you're even welcome to say "I toldya so" when the crave hits me smack in the temple and I come back here to bitch about it.

But pride isn't the only thing driving my quit so please don't put words in my mouth. All I'm sayin' is ya'll are quick to say "curb your enthusiasm." I don't get why there needs to be all this self loathing and suffering in order for your quit to be successful. If the quit feels good I see no reason why I shouldn't enjoy that. I choose to have a positive attitude about it rather than bitch and whine about how much the suck sucks.

All you vets might be the Brett Favre of the quit, but I'm the fucking Aaron Rodgers of the quit. I'll see you in the HOF.

:D

This is a long, long, long struggle Sky, that's all.

If you get a win today, post it. Celebrate it.

When the suck is thick, and you hate everyone, post it. Embrace it. Remember it.

We will continue to do our best to help you along the path. I'm not a big 'I told you so guy'....awww...who am I kidding.... I LOVE being right! 'na na'

Either way, I'm here to quit. If I can help, I'm all for it. If I'm a distraction to keep you from stuffing your face, fine. If I'm the source and target for your rage that will come...that's ok. I'm a big boy and can take it.

...and doesn't Aaron Rogers lead the NFL in turnovers? :blink:

Go Raiders!

I'm with you on your approach to the quit bigsky. I chose to treat my quit as a joy rather than a burden: whenever I would get a crave, I would treat it as a positive sign - a sign that I was successfully overcoming my addiction. I used each crave as a reminder to pause for a moment and appreciate the fact that I was actually doing this, finally, and owning my fucking quit. I developed a habit of turning any negative feelings into a feeling of gratitude. That's still working for me... 1025 days later.

I hope I'm not putting words in your mouth here, but a lot of what you posted sounded really familiar.

[whacko]

...and doesn't Aaron Rogers lead the NFL in turnovers?   :blink:

Go Raiders!

You wish. Rodgers actually leads the league in every category except INTs. Old Brent Farve owned the INT crown, but Philip Rivers leads the league in turnovers this season.

And I can respect the Raiders, but I bleed green and gold.

Rivers. That's who it was, right.

For crying out load even vince wilfork picked rivers off this season!

[Nolaq]

...and doesn't Aaron Rogers lead the NFL in turnovers?  :blink:

Go Raiders!

You wish. Rodgers actually leads the league in every category except INTs. Old Brent Farve owned the INT crown, but Philip Rivers leads the league in turnovers this season.

And I can respect the Raiders, but I bleed green and gold.

Rivers. That's who it was, right.

[bigsky406]

...and doesn't Aaron Rogers lead the NFL in turnovers? :blink:

Go Raiders!

You wish. Rodgers actually leads the league in every category except INTs. Old Brent Farve owned the INT crown, but Philip Rivers leads the league in turnovers this season.

And I can respect the Raiders, but I bleed green and gold.