Whats up guys,
Thought I would put in an entry because my Day 2 was not easy and wanted to spill out some shit that went through my head.
I had a pretty big craving for a good portion of the afternoon after lunch yesterday. This was expected because that was a time everyday when I would have a lip. Anyways, I got through that and made it home feeling really good. I could feel the crave subside and I was very clear minded thinking about how I got this and that I could go this.
But then, around 7-8 o'clock, I started to seriously wonder why I even wanted to quit. I was telling myself how I enjoyed doing it, it was a nice stress reliever, I had figured out a way to pretty much do it at any time, in front of anyone and have no one realize, it was something to do when I was bored and it passed the time. I had also been thinking about how I was so much younger, and have dipped for so much less time than most of the people I have been reading about on this site. So whats another couple years when I am not even at the decade point.
So I started looking up what one lip would do to my quit. I found the law of addiction and how it would restart the clock the instant i put that shit in. Somehow, that first thought started a whirlwind of clear thoughts.
I remembered that the reason I wanted to quit was because it was making me less social than I wanted to be. I wanted to quit weighing secretly in my head if I wanted to go out and do something or if I would rather just stay in and dip on the couch (too often, the latter won). I remembered that I have a wedding coming up and will be damned if I am going to miss out on any of the planning, engagement parties, reception, honeymoon, etc because I snuck off to have a lip.
I remembered that I wanted to be free of the constant thought of the tin in my head, did i have enough for the day at work? weekend? vacation? should I dip now or wait a little while to get the most out of it, even though I will be doing it again in an hour or so? Are all my spitters, tins, spit cleaned up and put away in a safe enough spot so I wont get caught? Can anyone tell that I have this lip in? my boss? my friends? How can i sneak away so that I can get a 20 min sesh in without missing anything or, more importantly, have anyone notice?
Anyways, I have rambled, but I wanted to put it out there for comments and for anyone that has, is, or will go through the same type of thoughts, which I am sure is just about everyone on this site at some point.
My craving tried to blind me from my goals and the reasons that I am quitting. I would be lying if I told you I didnt come close to giving in. But, my head cleared and I was able to see the craving for what it really was, an attempt to hit me while I was weak and to push me back to the shit. When you are faced with the same questions and doubt of why your putting yourself through this shit, remember what you thought about before you quit, when you head was clear. Might be a good idea to write that shit down so you can pull it out later, when the craving prevents you from seeing it.
I am proud to say that I made it through that night and I am still quit. I have a face full of seeds (btw, the flamas flavor of frito lays seeds gives you a burn which is pretty great) and not of dip. I am 6 hours from hitting that 72 hour marker and having the nic out of my system. I know I am no where near done at that point, but I will take the milestone.
Kevin
