16 years later, I quit

[DWEIRICK]

285, done with the train of January and honestly I'm glad.

Love doing it but I am tired. It was a long month.

2 weeks to my next tattoo session

Thanks for your hard work and dedication to the members of January!! You did one hell of a job brother!! I still need to book my KTC ink session!!

[BigRedDog]

285, done with the train of January and honestly I'm glad.

Love doing it but I am tired. It was a long month.

2 weeks to my next tattoo session

[BigRedDog]

283 and January is almost done... It was different conducting this time around, wasn't quite as eye opening...but was good to be able to pass along what I've learned in the months that have gone on since I made it

Feeling good and moving forward jne day at a time... Won't be long and we will be celebrating a year quit which is wild to think

Both because who would of ever thought I'd make it a year, and where the hell did the time go

Never underestimate the impact of giving back!

Dude, I'm coming up on 10 years in April and I still remember vividly engaging with folks on my first day at KTC. Crazy but incredible!

284

10 years is crazy! Honored to quit with you

[MN_Engineer]

283 and January is almost done... It was different conducting this time around, wasn't quite as eye opening...but was good to be able to pass along what I've learned in the months that have gone on since I made it

Feeling good and moving forward jne day at a time... Won't be long and we will be celebrating a year quit which is wild to think

Both because who would of ever thought I'd make it a year, and where the hell did the time go

Never underestimate the impact of giving back!

Dude, I'm coming up on 10 years in April and I still remember vividly engaging with folks on my first day at KTC. Crazy but incredible!

[BigRedDog]

283 and January is almost done... It was different conducting this time around, wasn't quite as eye opening...but was good to be able to pass along what I've learned in the months that have gone on since I made it

Feeling good and moving forward jne day at a time... Won't be long and we will be celebrating a year quit which is wild to think

Both because who would of ever thought I'd make it a year, and where the hell did the time go

[BigRedDog]

255

Crazy to think but for the first time since highschool I have started a year without nicotine in the body.

2026 gonna be a great year

[MN_Engineer]

250

Uncle Danny is in hospice now. Stage 4 cancer spread to his brain, least surprising news after he refused treatment a year ago. Man spent his entire life on cigs and alcohol. Age 13 to 78, while I don't judge as he has been through Vietnam and shit and who knows what that did to him....just crazy to watch the addiction in action still.

On his death bed, he didn't want to go home and be with family...he wanted to go home so he could smoke and drink.

He lost half a lung and they told him stop, and he went home with a cig in his mouth and chugged a beer.

A great, caring, soft hearted man who would do anything for anyone. The man was 70 years old teaching me construction as I rebuilt a house years ago and he fell through my roof, got up cussing at himself and smoked on his way back to his house while he was all cut up and bleeding.

Once healed he went right back to helping. Wouldn't even care about his own well being just wanted to help people....

Then his own family, his own kids, his sister, none of them went to his house for his last Christmas.

Such a sad, sad week.

Watching addiction, while not ending a life, certainly pushed it along quickly, and watching a great man be ignored by his family.

Sad sad shit.

Incredibly thankful for his service. Praying his remaining days are peaceful and pain free. Thanks for sharing his story and helping inspire others to continue fighting the addictions in our lives.

[BigRedDog]

250

Uncle Danny is in hospice now. Stage 4 cancer spread to his brain, least surprising news after he refused treatment a year ago. Man spent his entire life on cigs and alcohol. Age 13 to 78, while I don't judge as he has been through Vietnam and shit and who knows what that did to him....just crazy to watch the addiction in action still.

On his death bed, he didn't want to go home and be with family...he wanted to go home so he could smoke and drink.

He lost half a lung and they told him stop, and he went home with a cig in his mouth and chugged a beer.

A great, caring, soft hearted man who would do anything for anyone. The man was 70 years old teaching me construction as I rebuilt a house years ago and he fell through my roof, got up cussing at himself and smoked on his way back to his house while he was all cut up and bleeding.

Once healed he went right back to helping. Wouldn't even care about his own well being just wanted to help people....

Then his own family, his own kids, his sister, none of them went to his house for his last Christmas.

Such a sad, sad week.

Watching addiction, while not ending a life, certainly pushed it along quickly, and watching a great man be ignored by his family.

Sad sad shit.

[MN_Engineer]

241

Break the cycle.

I've spent, well really my entire life, but especially these last 15 years having my life ran by demons. I'd go 2-3 years trying to have a life and build towards something and then I'd get knocked down and the fear and despair would take over and I would wash my hands of everything and walk away. I'd walk away from jobs, houses, cars, people, everything.

I couldn't handle it. I could not handle the darkness that was at the door. So I walked away from it and his behind dip and ran. I moved across the country I ran so far. But it always catches up to you.

You can fill your life with as much distraction or nicotine or alcohol or whatever but it's still there at the door. There's no outrunning it, there's no ignoring it forever. The only choice is to open the door and walk through it and come out the other side.

Monday, my truck breaking down threw me into such a spiral. The severe despair hit me immediately but instead of letting the panic and the darkness take me. Instead of walking away, washing my hands and disappearing I instead took action, solved the problem and then faced it.

I sat in it, let the emotions hit. I let the fear and guilt and despair and loneliness and exhaustion hit. I faced it and went to work in spite of it. I refused to accept defeat. I was ready. I was ready to wash my hands of everything and start dipping just so I could feel peace and relief again. But I knew those lies all too well.

I refused to let it run me, I forced myself to go do my job. I scheduled therapy for Wednesday but I went to work Tuesday and forced myself to live. Then Wednesday I had therapy where I finally was able to talk to someone.

Yes I have several people at KTC I know I could pick up the phone and go through anything with. I am not there yet. I'm such a withdrawing, solo person. All I have ever had in my life is myself so when it comes down to it I am so much more comfortable alone. I trust no one but myself truly, and even then I don't trust myself.

It will get better, this week suddenly turned into a battle I was not prepared for but it's one I'm ready to finally face. My demons don't get to run me anymore. The fear, the guilt the despair doesn't get to be in charge anymore.

This is my life.

Proud of you brother! My digits are always available for the asking for when you are ready to expand your network. I'm Day 378 alcohol free today and have been doing counseling for the past few years - there is always room for more healing and growth. Happy to be on this journey with you.

[BigRedDog]

241

Break the cycle.

I've spent, well really my entire life, but especially these last 15 years having my life ran by demons. I'd go 2-3 years trying to have a life and build towards something and then I'd get knocked down and the fear and despair would take over and I would wash my hands of everything and walk away. I'd walk away from jobs, houses, cars, people, everything.

I couldn't handle it. I could not handle the darkness that was at the door. So I walked away from it and his behind dip and ran. I moved across the country I ran so far. But it always catches up to you.

You can fill your life with as much distraction or nicotine or alcohol or whatever but it's still there at the door. There's no outrunning it, there's no ignoring it forever. The only choice is to open the door and walk through it and come out the other side.

Monday, my truck breaking down threw me into such a spiral. The severe despair hit me immediately but instead of letting the panic and the darkness take me. Instead of walking away, washing my hands and disappearing I instead took action, solved the problem and then faced it.

I sat in it, let the emotions hit. I let the fear and guilt and despair and loneliness and exhaustion hit. I faced it and went to work in spite of it. I refused to accept defeat. I was ready. I was ready to wash my hands of everything and start dipping just so I could feel peace and relief again. But I knew those lies all too well.

I refused to let it run me, I forced myself to go do my job. I scheduled therapy for Wednesday but I went to work Tuesday and forced myself to live. Then Wednesday I had therapy where I finally was able to talk to someone.

Yes I have several people at KTC I know I could pick up the phone and go through anything with. I am not there yet. I'm such a withdrawing, solo person. All I have ever had in my life is myself so when it comes down to it I am so much more comfortable alone. I trust no one but myself truly, and even then I don't trust myself.

It will get better, this week suddenly turned into a battle I was not prepared for but it's one I'm ready to finally face. My demons don't get to run me anymore. The fear, the guilt the despair doesn't get to be in charge anymore.

This is my life.

[BigRedDog]

238

Well that didn't take long for something stupid to happen. Truck goes boom and suddenly I'm in emergency car buying mode and stressed the hell out.

Didn't have the urge to pack a lip though so that's something. Wild how much you can change your life and your mind in 200 days

All it takes is quitting.

That simple.

[BigRedDog]

236

Time is moving so fast I don't even remember there being a day 231-235. Tattoo gets finished Tuesday, get through the holidays without losing my mind and we will have accomplished something.

[BigRedDog]

223

Days are ticking off like crazy now for me... Which is wild it took 200 days to happen but finally its gotten to where it almost surprises me everyday that I'm 200+ days in. I find myself trying to remember where the days went.

Been a wild last week, what's even crazier is I haven't wanted nicotine through it all. I find myself focusing on the next day my therapy is more than anything which is a much better mechanism than nicotine ever was.

Never would of thought a tattoo would be what finally made me admit what I knew all along. That my blood family and I are not the same. Our values are not the same and I have to stop chasing their approval. Just like with nicotine this is my life and it's time I live it for me and not for them.

Continuing to move towards taking control of my life.

[BigRedDog]

217

The quitting journey has revealed itself to be more than anything I could of seen coming. Which is probably a good thing.

It's no surprise really that I lined up my quit with my decision to finally address my mental health, I just didn't realize how entertwined the two are.

[BigRedDog]

210

First version of the tattoo done, a celebration of 200 and no option to cave now with KTC on my shoulder

Will fill in the white in a month or two, was too much tonight