3rd time quitter. First time using what I know.

[wildirish317]

First and most important, for those wondering. I have not used. A shit ton of fuckery has fallen on me. I know the old timers and even some of my fellow class of quitters thought I fell off the train. And, if I was in the shoes of my brethren I would think the same thing. But, alas, it is not. I have stayed strong despite it all. Posted when I could remember (yes. It is an issue). When there are times you question if you even know how to tie a shoe, memory is an issue. I won't bore anyone with the details. Lord knows there are quite a few. In the most simple description. I have a super bug that is resistant to all known medications. When it is active, it eats away muscle tissue. Only thing to treat this things is massive amounts of antibiotics and a few off label uses of medications. To go from busting it in the 120 degree weather working with soil and tending plants and what not to getting winded walking WalMart. The antibiotics wreak havoc on my memory. Daily, it is a fight. I write this for anyone. Me, you, that guy, this guy reading over my shoulder, and that booty that just swung its way in from of me. All nice and jiggly in those leggings. This is a really good day for me. Barely have any symptoms except getting winded in a short distance. No matter what guys and gals. Today is not the last day. No matter if it is or not. Get up, fight the shit, get some rest, fight the shit storm again. Eventually, this will shit storm its way and leave me blank faced and catatonic. Eventually, a pine box awaits me. But you know what. Fuck. That. I have been shot, stampeded, stabbed and left to bleed out, divorced, and a for the past 16 years fighting this shit. Newbies. This is nothing but a thing. No matter what problems you have, tobacco is another problem added to it. Don't let life beat you down. Old schoolers, thanks for setting up this way to freedom.

Good stuff brother. Keep up the fight. I'm going to post this in June 2016 for those who don't venture in here much.

[kubiackalpha]

First and most important, for those wondering. I have not used. A shit ton of fuckery has fallen on me. I know the old timers and even some of my fellow class of quitters thought I fell off the train. And, if I was in the shoes of my brethren I would think the same thing. But, alas, it is not. I have stayed strong despite it all. Posted when I could remember (yes. It is an issue). When there are times you question if you even know how to tie a shoe, memory is an issue. I won't bore anyone with the details. Lord knows there are quite a few. In the most simple description. I have a super bug that is resistant to all known medications. When it is active, it eats away muscle tissue. Only thing to treat this things is massive amounts of antibiotics and a few off label uses of medications. To go from busting it in the 120 degree weather working with soil and tending plants and what not to getting winded walking WalMart. The antibiotics wreak havoc on my memory. Daily, it is a fight. I write this for anyone. Me, you, that guy, this guy reading over my shoulder, and that booty that just swung its way in from of me. All nice and jiggly in those leggings. This is a really good day for me. Barely have any symptoms except getting winded in a short distance. No matter what guys and gals. Today is not the last day. No matter if it is or not. Get up, fight the shit, get some rest, fight the shit storm again. Eventually, this will shit storm its way and leave me blank faced and catatonic. Eventually, a pine box awaits me. But you know what. Fuck. That. I have been shot, stampeded, stabbed and left to bleed out, divorced, and a for the past 16 years fighting this shit. Newbies. This is nothing but a thing. No matter what problems you have, tobacco is another problem added to it. Don't let life beat you down. Old schoolers, thanks for setting up this way to freedom.

[kubiackalpha]

I started to think that I would get by June without a hitch. Maybe a small scratch, I would be ecstatic with that. Well. Nope. In one day. Mower broke, A/C went out, Flat Tire. One day at a time is all I can do. Just wonder why it didn't wait til Sunday to swat my balls with a bat. I am not whining. I am just venting. Thanks guys.

[kubiackalpha]

Thank you!

[wildirish317]

May has pretty much sucked. It has pretty much just rode my ass like a donkey on Viagra and Spanish fly. Don't get me wrong. Good things have happened. I finally talked my student loan people into buying me dinner before demanding a put out. A few other things are promising but I don't want to say anything out of fear of jinxing them.

Those of you in the June Platoon 2016 group know the bad and it just would hurt too much for me to type it out again.

I can't say I didn't think about using. I sure as fuck did think about using. Not going to lie about it. No sense in lying about it. I didn't cave. My promise to you is that I won't break weak. I take that promise very fucking seriously. I am committed to quitting daily. Saturday, I am having the procedure done. Don't worry if I don't post early and don't participate in the forums as I normally do. I will honestly post fairly late.

I have support going with me. He is a brother in quit. He is also the only person I know with legs long enough to kick me in my ass. All my hidey holes at my parents place have been cleaned out. My Jeep has been cleaned out. My dad has been told not to offer me any by both me and my mother. So, with all that in place I should be good. I do ask for one thing from all of you. Your prayers.

Kubiackalpha, June is a new month and with it a big milestone for you. 100 days. The Hall of Fame. A very big congratulations on your achievement. I wanted to reach out to you as I remember you reaching out to me when I posted my intro. I appreciated it then and I really appreciate it now. All the bits and pieces of support help build our foundation to a strong quit. It's because of folks like you that this site is successful with helping addicts like us stay quit. We are all woven into the fabric that makes this place so strong. Celebrate 100 days clean. Wow. Keep leading the way for those of us behind ya Bro. Proud to be quit with you! Paul-san

Congrats on your 100 days!

Bravo Kub! You've been through some kind of hell since I've known you. Your username should be Job. I pray that God loosens Her grip on your nuts and lets you enjoy life for a while.

Let's keep quitting on!!!

[kubiackalpha]

Thank you guys! It means a lot to me.

[ChickDip]

May has pretty much sucked. It has pretty much just rode my ass like a donkey on Viagra and Spanish fly. Don't get me wrong. Good things have happened. I finally talked my student loan people into buying me dinner before demanding a put out. A few other things are promising but I don't want to say anything out of fear of jinxing them.

Those of you in the June Platoon 2016 group know the bad and it just would hurt too much for me to type it out again.

I can't say I didn't think about using. I sure as fuck did think about using. Not going to lie about it. No sense in lying about it. I didn't cave. My promise to you is that I won't break weak. I take that promise very fucking seriously. I am committed to quitting daily. Saturday, I am having the procedure done. Don't worry if I don't post early and don't participate in the forums as I normally do. I will honestly post fairly late.

I have support going with me. He is a brother in quit. He is also the only person I know with legs long enough to kick me in my ass. All my hidey holes at my parents place have been cleaned out. My Jeep has been cleaned out. My dad has been told not to offer me any by both me and my mother. So, with all that in place I should be good. I do ask for one thing from all of you. Your prayers.

Kubiackalpha, June is a new month and with it a big milestone for you. 100 days. The Hall of Fame. A very big congratulations on your achievement. I wanted to reach out to you as I remember you reaching out to me when I posted my intro. I appreciated it then and I really appreciate it now. All the bits and pieces of support help build our foundation to a strong quit. It's because of folks like you that this site is successful with helping addicts like us stay quit. We are all woven into the fabric that makes this place so strong. Celebrate 100 days clean. Wow. Keep leading the way for those of us behind ya Bro. Proud to be quit with you! Paul-san

Congrats on your 100 days!

[paul-san]

May has pretty much sucked. It has pretty much just rode my ass like a donkey on Viagra and Spanish fly. Don't get me wrong. Good things have happened. I finally talked my student loan people into buying me dinner before demanding a put out. A few other things are promising but I don't want to say anything out of fear of jinxing them.

Those of you in the June Platoon 2016 group know the bad and it just would hurt too much for me to type it out again.

I can't say I didn't think about using. I sure as fuck did think about using. Not going to lie about it. No sense in lying about it. I didn't cave. My promise to you is that I won't break weak. I take that promise very fucking seriously. I am committed to quitting daily. Saturday, I am having the procedure done. Don't worry if I don't post early and don't participate in the forums as I normally do. I will honestly post fairly late.

I have support going with me. He is a brother in quit. He is also the only person I know with legs long enough to kick me in my ass. All my hidey holes at my parents place have been cleaned out. My Jeep has been cleaned out. My dad has been told not to offer me any by both me and my mother. So, with all that in place I should be good. I do ask for one thing from all of you. Your prayers.

Kubiackalpha, June is a new month and with it a big milestone for you. 100 days. The Hall of Fame. A very big congratulations on your achievement. I wanted to reach out to you as I remember you reaching out to me when I posted my intro. I appreciated it then and I really appreciate it now. All the bits and pieces of support help build our foundation to a strong quit. It's because of folks like you that this site is successful with helping addicts like us stay quit. We are all woven into the fabric that makes this place so strong. Celebrate 100 days clean. Wow. Keep leading the way for those of us behind ya Bro. Proud to be quit with you! Paul-san

[kubiackalpha]

May has pretty much sucked. It has pretty much just rode my ass like a donkey on Viagra and Spanish fly. Don't get me wrong. Good things have happened. I finally talked my student loan people into buying me dinner before demanding a put out. A few other things are promising but I don't want to say anything out of fear of jinxing them.

Those of you in the June Platoon 2016 group know the bad and it just would hurt too much for me to type it out again.

I can't say I didn't think about using. I sure as fuck did think about using. Not going to lie about it. No sense in lying about it. I didn't cave. My promise to you is that I won't break weak. I take that promise very fucking seriously. I am committed to quitting daily. Saturday, I am having the procedure done. Don't worry if I don't post early and don't participate in the forums as I normally do. I will honestly post fairly late.

I have support going with me. He is a brother in quit. He is also the only person I know with legs long enough to kick me in my ass. All my hidey holes at my parents place have been cleaned out. My Jeep has been cleaned out. My dad has been told not to offer me any by both me and my mother. So, with all that in place I should be good. I do ask for one thing from all of you. Your prayers.

[kubiackalpha]

Do what you always did. Get what you always got.


I hear that phrase that came from a Polysubstance Addict. that is now clean and sober and has been for 15 years. He knew the last time he was busted he had to make a change. He had a brief view of light before his door got busted down. Ever so briefly he seen that the Jail had all his stuff in reserve, waiting for him whenever he came to "visit" . When I quit in March I as well had a brief view of the light. My smoke shop had me set up once a week. They knew when I was coming in and what my order was. 3 cans of Kayak Wintergreen, 20oz Dr. Pepper, One big fat cigar. I was stuck and i knew it. It helped me to make the decision I was flat broke and wasn't going to have any money for another 7 days. So, I made the decision. I quit. I haven't looked back. I don't regret it at all. I am happy with myself and the decision. Every day is a blessing for me anyways. So, why do I want to sully the blessing with tobacco. Life is hard enough as it is. why do I want to add the complication of nic? My friend is also a fan of the saying,'Keep it simple, stupid'.

[kubiackalpha]

So. Very. Tired. That is all.

We all get tired. You're not special. Don't get pissed but I sincerely see a person that really feels sorry for himself. Take a deep breath look around you. Beauty everywhere! Now think of the blind man that wishes he could see what you just did. I guess what I'm trying to say is we have so much more to be thankful for than we do to complain about. There's always someone out there that is a whole lot worse off than you! Quit on! And smiling makes people beautiful, try it!

I had to sit through an eight hour seminar on medical gas systems design for hospitals today. I need a nap. Do some deep meditation Kub, it'll freshen you right up.

Not feeling sorry for myself at all. Quite the contrary. I am absolutely humble, grateful, and appreciative of everything I have. You kinda get that when you have been on the brink of death a few times. Not pissed. Just don't read into any of it. I was truly tired at that point. I released that demon that had me tired and I was back at it.

Irish. Oh, Geez. Dude. That sounds painful. I went to a seminar on the new Addiction Severity Index.....it was the old ASI....nothing more. Questions re arranged. It was pathetic.

[wildirish317]

So. Very. Tired. That is all.

We all get tired. You're not special. Don't get pissed but I sincerely see a person that really feels sorry for himself. Take a deep breath look around you. Beauty everywhere! Now think of the blind man that wishes he could see what you just did. I guess what I'm trying to say is we have so much more to be thankful for than we do to complain about. There's always someone out there that is a whole lot worse off than you! Quit on! And smiling makes people beautiful, try it!

I had to sit through an eight hour seminar on medical gas systems design for hospitals today. I need a nap. Do some deep meditation Kub, it'll freshen you right up.

[pab1964]

So. Very. Tired. That is all.

We all get tired. You're not special. Don't get pissed but I sincerely see a person that really feels sorry for himself. Take a deep breath look around you. Beauty everywhere! Now think of the blind man that wishes he could see what you just did. I guess what I'm trying to say is we have so much more to be thankful for than we do to complain about. There's always someone out there that is a whole lot worse off than you! Quit on! And smiling makes people beautiful, try it!

[kubiackalpha]

So. Very. Tired. That is all.

[kubiackalpha]

Again. Just another piece of evidence that shows that it isnt 30 days and done. I am exceptionally depressed today. I don't have any reason to be, really. I have hit the water hard this morning already sucked down 50 oz of it in less than 2 hours. I have walked every where this morning rather than driving my cart to the places on the farm. First walk was 25 minutes from my office. I hoped that would de funk me. Been walking since 7a.m. I quit today. I quit this hour. I quit this minute. This very moment I quit. It never ceases to amaze me how therapeutic it is just to put something down on paper.

Stay strong kubiackalpha!
Congrats on day 66!
It gets better....... Lots better.
Let the engine (truth) pull the train.
The (emotional) caboose will follow!
Your right on track brother. ODAAT
I Quit with you today.
Rawls 534

K, it's called "Post-acute withdrawal". I'm going through it too. Read about in my intro for more details. It won't make you feel any better, but at least you'll know you're "normal" (at least not any more focked up than the rest of us).

I've been through several stages of depression all throughout my quit days. I do seem to feel like it is fewer and farther between, but can be aggravated by events in my life.
Hang in there and know it is only temporary.

Thanks guys.

P.A.W.S. Yep. For sure.

I spent a little too much time in the sun today. I am hoping that it soon does it thing and give me a natural mood stabilizer boost.

This weekend I am going to angrily tear the carpet out of at least one bedroom and maybe the living room. Yes. I said angrily tear. I really do feel as if a physical draining will do some good. I also need someone to emotionally vomit to that wont judge. Wish i was still in contact with my therapist. Yes. Therapists have Therapists or Counselors have Counselors.