Copied my post from my Jan. 2016 quit group and saving it here for later.
So here i am sitting on day 40 sorta looking back on my journey so far. Now that i'm out of the initial few days of fucking suck i can put together a coherent thought.
Before signing up here I had already spent a few hours that Sunday night reading as much as i could on this site so i had a good idea of how things worked around here. Honestly though, all the trading phone numbers with complete internet strangers and calling said strangers brother all the time was a bit to much for me. That was almost the reason i wasn't going to sign up. Then i remembered why i was even searching on the internet about quitting. I was just tired. Constantly having to worry about my dip supply. Always thinking about when i can get that last dip in before whatever i was about to do. The ashamed feeling when the dentist says i see your still chewing. Brushing off my 6 yr old sons concerns on why i do it. Looking at pictures and seeing that shit in my lip. Hoping that sore in my mouth isnt CANCER! That's when i though to myself what do i have to lose and signed up. Initially i had set a quit date of the coming Friday. Got my profile on here all dialed in and was going to post my into thread Monday morning. Well Monday morning rolled around the first thought in my mind that morning was FUCK IT TODAY IS THE DAY! Got to work, threw out all my chew and posted my into and roll.
I remember the first few days of my quit being on here looking at some of the other members of my January 2016 group saying to myself "Man that CIKI guy is 8 days in." Even other people being quit just for single digit amount of days and thinking that seemed like eternity and would give anything to be where they were at. Looking back now i have come to realize we are all in the same place no matter the day count, one day at a time. The past 40 days has been a real roller coaster emotionally and physically. The physical part i was prepared for. The other not so much. Going from a confidence high to having some serious doubt in my quit sometimes in the matter of an hour can be draining. Now it seems that i am more angry with myself for letting this shit control my life for so long. Like the pictures i mentioned with me having a dip in. Looking at those make me think what fool i was to think that was OK.
The last 40 days seem to have flown by. I am proud of myself for signing up, spitting out that last chew and committing to never do it again. Not only have i made a promise to you guys here daily that i wont use, but more importantly i made a promise to myself, wife and children.
For whatever reason i felt like putting this out here. Maybe one of you are in the same boat, or your experience is totally different. Or i just want to look back sometime and read this again. Possibly this will help some random person on the fence about quitting and joining this crazy group of internet strangers. If you are that random person........jump in the water is fine.
Thanks for reading and thank you to all my quit brothers for staying quit with me every day!