Day 130 Update - Monster Jam // gout // How I'm holding up
So I've been thinking back over the last few weeks and trying to take an inventory of the good and bad things in my quit and life in general around me. Things are starting to have new angles and fresh perspectives with a mind clear of the bitch and constant fog. But, what they forget to tell you (or you neglect to "hear" or read) is that the struggle to remain free of the bitch is far from over at the 100 day point.
If anything, I would describe it as the first 100 days are training and learning time to get ready for the fight that's coming from that day 101- when ever it stops for me point. I go for days at a time for dipping my fake dip and not even really even thinking about actual nicotine or cravings. But, then, it will hit like I don't know what. All of the sudden I'll either just go from zero - pissed off in a second and for what I don't even know what triggered. Are they craves? Am I really that much of a dick? Will these last forever?
I will say with 100% certainty and proudly... It is a small percentage of the time, most days, like I said I don't even think about dip. I've have some off the most positive things happen in the days since I've quit. I look forward to quitting the fake dip at some point but until then I'm just fine with the fact that it's no longer Nicotine.
Since I've quit Nicotine, I've dropped about 28lbs and managed to keep about 20-22 lbs of that for the entire time so far. I did lay off of the walking and running and wonder if that has lead to some of the craves and so called 'funks' I've fallen into. I've been walking one day since not and it felt good, I was able to jog for longer than I usually can. I can tell it's harder to push my motorcycle around without the weight. I also found an old mountain bike and am currently replacing the gripes and seat and plan on starting to ride the bike as a form of exercise. The wife and I have implemented "no meat Mondays" which I'm a total "meat and potatoes" kind of guy it's hard for even me to believe but, I love eating veggies and trying to stay away from most "crap" food. Still love some sweets, ice cream, and a few others. Just not as often and wife some movement it becomes a reward and treat not a crutch and staple. I hope to continue to get more healthy as a family.
With my fake dip I'm generally not too worried about the "crave" per sea as I have the fake. But, I've noticed in a few situations, that if it wasn't for not having KTC and at least a half assed plan I would have caved. Yesterday at the Monster Jam was a perfect example... In high-n-sight I should have realized it was going to be a bunch of good ole boys like myself and thus alot of dip in Texas! It was an simple 2+2=4 type of deal! LOL However, I'm an ADHD grown up and didn't really put much thought into it. Luckily "my plan" is a loose one in that I'm here daily posting roll, I'm in a chat group that chats daily, I'm friends with some guys on Facebook, I have some guys personal numbers, and know a few local quitter here in town that we do lunch and meet ups. I also, have told mi boss, co-workers, family, friend, and anyone I think will help hold me accountable. I think knowing I can't fail them and also I think a huge part is this time I WANTED TO QUIT AND IT HAS BEEN ALMOST EASY. I think that alone was one of the biggest things.
But, anyway, back to yesterday. There was dip everywhere and I said to someone today... I could see myself pre-KTC buddying up to some random stranger to not seem like a weird-O hitting him up for a dip in a few minutes. Yesterday, I was content to stuff my lip with a little fake and be proud that I've accomplished what I have. I also, enjoyed spending time with my #1 buddy (my 4yr old son Josh). All that being said, I still want to be quit more than anything and will continue to work at it as well as being a better father to my 2 kid-o's, but also to being a better husband.
I know I'm starting to ramble here, but want to mention one more thing/lesson learned that will probably apply to others. I had the unfortunate pleasure of inheriting "the gout" (as we call it around here) from my mothers father most likely. We know he had it. It's a little like arthritis in that it affest mostly the joints in the lower body. They get inflamed and it's just on overall bitch to get around and can hurt like hell just to have say a sheet on you. It's miserable and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Luckily, in my 30's I've slowed down on drinking, over the last year cleaned up my diet... Some, still working on it! And overall have not had attacks as often. Having said that I had a pretty bad one just about a week ago that resulted in a trip to the doc for a cortisone shot, a dose pack of steroids, anti-inflammatory meds, and pain killers. Luckily that cortisone shot got me feeling back to normal and not taking pain killers any longer. My whole point being that we may all have something in our health or just "shit" in our personal life that is inevitability going to pop-up on us out of nowhere. Be ready, be prepared, IT STILL SUCKS sometimes.... But, remember 1 problem + Nicotine just = 2 problems!
Stay quit my friends! to day 130 and beyond, here I come. You better not slow down Nic Bitch - Run, Bitch, Run... I'm on your ass!
