Starting now

[luby]

Wanted to share with you the benefit of no more dip. Going to hardware store, grocery store, home depot etc., etc. on the weekends used to be a great reason to dip. In fact, as I am sure many of you have done, I would make up shit that I needed to get at these places, typically go sit in the parking lot play on my phone, listen to the radio and dip my freaken face off.

Also I forgot to mention that my kids would always ask to come with me - but of course that would ruin the whole trip, so I would quickly depart and leave them at home.

Well yesterday - the first Saturday of my quit - I spent the entire morning with my kids, running errands, playing out side, took them to lunch and man did we have a ball. Quitting nicotine sucks - but what really sucks are the 10 years I missed spending time with my kids on weekends- because I was a selfish fool.

Fucking tobacco - you do not realize it but if it lets you live it takes your life away, or it just decides to up and kill you - either way you are dead!

It is a rainy, nasty Sunday outside - I can't wait to have the best Sunday with my kids in 10 years!

I can relate! No kids, but I was always coming up with excuses to run off and be a little bitch with my can all by my loser ass self....
No more, it's called freedom and it's what I am doing today.

[Mthomas3824]

Wanted to share with you the benefit of no more dip.  Going to hardware store, grocery store, home depot etc., etc. on the weekends used to be a great reason to dip.  In fact, as I am sure many of you have done, I would make up shit that I needed to get at these places, typically go sit in the parking lot play on my phone, listen to the radio and dip my freaken face off.

Also I forgot to mention that my kids would always ask to come with me - but of course that would ruin the whole trip, so I would quickly depart and leave them at home.

Well yesterday - the first Saturday of my quit - I spent the entire morning with my kids, running errands, playing out side, took them to lunch and man did we have a ball.  Quitting nicotine sucks - but what really sucks are the 10 years I missed spending time with my kids on weekends- because I was a selfish fool. 

Fucking tobacco - you do not realize it but if it lets you live it takes your life away, or it just decides to up and kill you  - either way you are dead!

It is a rainy, nasty Sunday outside - I can't wait to have the best Sunday with my kids in 10 years!






This is exactly what this shit will do to you.  You start out young, with "just a pinch between your cheek and gum."  Before you know it, the nic bitch has taken control of your life - you lie to your wife, lie to your kids, lie to yourself - all so you can spend that "quality" time alone with the bitch.  Yeah, we're not addicts.

It's damn pathetic that we end up alone, stuffed into a car or the shitter or whatever, sucking on cancer candy after running away from our wife and kids.  I've done it and I'm betting most people on this board have done it.  I don't know how I used to get up in the morning and look at myself in the mirror.

And that is exactly why we are here.  We're here to regain the trust of our family, to get our honor back, and to get back to being the husbands and fathers that we should be.

Ktb: This sounds like a chapter out of my life book. Always amazes me how similar we all are in this addiction.

Proud to be quit. I hate tobacco! I have a little time left with my kids, its been fun but I do not want to hear, "The cats in the cradle playing".

Great post. I am going to see if my kids want to go to home depot with me now.

[ktb1764]

Wanted to share with you the benefit of no more dip. Going to hardware store, grocery store, home depot etc., etc. on the weekends used to be a great reason to dip. In fact, as I am sure many of you have done, I would make up shit that I needed to get at these places, typically go sit in the parking lot play on my phone, listen to the radio and dip my freaken face off.

Also I forgot to mention that my kids would always ask to come with me - but of course that would ruin the whole trip, so I would quickly depart and leave them at home.

Well yesterday - the first Saturday of my quit - I spent the entire morning with my kids, running errands, playing out side, took them to lunch and man did we have a ball. Quitting nicotine sucks - but what really sucks are the 10 years I missed spending time with my kids on weekends- because I was a selfish fool.

Fucking tobacco - you do not realize it but if it lets you live it takes your life away, or it just decides to up and kill you - either way you are dead!

It is a rainy, nasty Sunday outside - I can't wait to have the best Sunday with my kids in 10 years!






This is exactly what this shit will do to you. You start out young, with "just a pinch between your cheek and gum." Before you know it, the nic bitch has taken control of your life - you lie to your wife, lie to your kids, lie to yourself - all so you can spend that "quality" time alone with the bitch. Yeah, we're not addicts.

It's damn pathetic that we end up alone, stuffed into a car or the shitter or whatever, sucking on cancer candy after running away from our wife and kids. I've done it and I'm betting most people on this board have done it. I don't know how I used to get up in the morning and look at myself in the mirror.

And that is exactly why we are here. We're here to regain the trust of our family, to get our honor back, and to get back to being the husbands and fathers that we should be.

[Coach Steve]

We Quit Like Fuck.

[Wt57]

Carumba:
There is some solid quit gold advice here.  I pay attention whenever the Cunt and scow through out this kind of inspiration.  I am 3 days from HOF, but was in a serious funk like you around day 30.  I am posting a PM from a brother that I hold in high regard.  I have kept this and i reference it frequently.  Disregard the first paragraph though, that is for another time.  ;)

Vadge

Hey Vadge-

Nice to hear from you buddy. Hope you had a good weekend. Yes I do remember the cuckoldry talk hah. And Tex's online lady conquests.

Sorry to hear about the insomnia, but not at all surprised. This is a very normal thing. You're doing a great job by staying on the site and just letting that time pass. Such a huge part of the quit at this stage will be to just keep yourself occupied and avoid any 'boredom'-y free-time.

And I'm really glad you asked this question - it's a very important one. You've probably heard a lot of the catch phrases around here by now. It's one of those things where you hear them all the time and they just kind of become jaded.

But for today, I want you to really consider the implications of "one day at a time". Vadge, there is an immense power therein. I will advise you against thinking *at all* about 'for the rest of my life'. That's something you can consider at a later date. Wont' do you any good right now.

So, let me cut you some truth from some different sides.

1) No, you're not going to have to make the FIGHT OF YOUR LIFE every day for the rest of your life. The acute, intense battles, are what you are doing right now. Those can show up after HOF as well, but often they don't. And when they do, the severity is usually never anywhere near close to, say, the things we can experience only a couple of weeks in.

2) You absolutely will have to stay reminded of the danger. In other words, keeping your guard up. But don't think about that for now. It's not that you're going to have to orient your whole life around spending 2 hours a day on this site or you're going to be back to chewing. It's more like you're going to learn to watch your brain and just make necessary adjustments. Do you remember learning to drive? How stressful that was and how many things to do at once... How much concentrated effort is it now to drive a few blocks away?

3) The men here are TRUSTABLE men. People are looking out for you and all you ever need to do is reach up your hand and people can hold you up through anything. I see you put up a 30 yesterday. You're doing great man. There are a lot of ups and downs in this process. It wasn't *that* long ago that I was exactly in your shoes. Distilling my experience and the perspective I have now (AND the inexplicable degree to which my life has become better):

The only thing that matters right now is that you don't chew. Trust in the men (and women) around you. Keep your mind open. Ask for all the help you need. But, Vadge, most of all, just

KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE doing. This is the hardest part because you don't get the opportunity to see the changes coming. And it's hard to be patient. But I assure you that, at the stage you are at right now, your work is to just pay attention to when/why/where/how the craves come up, and deal accordingly. I personally give you permission to not even CARE about anything else, within reason.

So, a wrap up, don't be thinking about *tomorrow* let alone any days beyond. You can do this today, you are going to do this TODAY, and that's the only thing we give a shit about right now.

It's only to ease any anxiety that I tell you, no, it's not going to be this outrageous burden that you are now stuck with forever. If you get a chance to ever talk with a vet with 1000 or 2000 days, ask them about this. Every one I've talked to never ever ever really thinks about chew anymore.

But we can have correspondence or discussions about that later on when appropriate. The game changes at different stages. Right now, you are doing exactly what you need to do. The only relevant thing is growing your number and starting to watch how your addiction works.

I'll quit with you all damn day today Vadge

The insomnia doesn't last forever either. Just know that your body is healing itself in ways you aren't even aware. Don't stress too much over being a little short on the sleep.


Quitting with you

ToeTag

This fucker has it down.

This thread today isn't nearly as fast pace and vial as yesterdays drama but it is equally as informative and alot more useful. I take that daily quit to be the most important thing in my life for that moment and that day!! At day 19 I recognize the wisdom that is out there from those that have been around for a while. I recently went through the long term thoughts and started thinking about how far down the road would I make it before a crave got me. Then we saw several day 1 postings after longer quits, I Kicked those nic bitch thoughts out of my head and realized that if looked past today at this point in my quit I would fail, I would give up, I would set myself up to fail again. I know that I can quit today and for me that is all that matters. I think that I got mad when seeing those day 1 postings because it kept bringing the thoughts of long term back into my mind. I had pushed those thought out only a few days earlier and then fuck the scab got pulled off the sore. I'm putting a big fuckin bandaid on my quit to guard it from all of those evil bitch thoughts by reading things like this thread with so much very good advice.

[dukedog]

Carumba:
There is some solid quit gold advice here. I pay attention whenever the Cunt and scow through out this kind of inspiration. I am 3 days from HOF, but was in a serious funk like you around day 30. I am posting a PM from a brother that I hold in high regard. I have kept this and i reference it frequently. Disregard the first paragraph though, that is for another time. ;)

Vadge

Hey Vadge-

Nice to hear from you buddy. Hope you had a good weekend. Yes I do remember the cuckoldry talk hah. And Tex's online lady conquests.

Sorry to hear about the insomnia, but not at all surprised. This is a very normal thing. You're doing a great job by staying on the site and just letting that time pass. Such a huge part of the quit at this stage will be to just keep yourself occupied and avoid any 'boredom'-y free-time.

And I'm really glad you asked this question - it's a very important one. You've probably heard a lot of the catch phrases around here by now. It's one of those things where you hear them all the time and they just kind of become jaded.

But for today, I want you to really consider the implications of "one day at a time". Vadge, there is an immense power therein. I will advise you against thinking *at all* about 'for the rest of my life'. That's something you can consider at a later date. Wont' do you any good right now.

So, let me cut you some truth from some different sides.

1) No, you're not going to have to make the FIGHT OF YOUR LIFE every day for the rest of your life. The acute, intense battles, are what you are doing right now. Those can show up after HOF as well, but often they don't. And when they do, the severity is usually never anywhere near close to, say, the things we can experience only a couple of weeks in.

2) You absolutely will have to stay reminded of the danger. In other words, keeping your guard up. But don't think about that for now. It's not that you're going to have to orient your whole life around spending 2 hours a day on this site or you're going to be back to chewing. It's more like you're going to learn to watch your brain and just make necessary adjustments. Do you remember learning to drive? How stressful that was and how many things to do at once... How much concentrated effort is it now to drive a few blocks away?

3) The men here are TRUSTABLE men. People are looking out for you and all you ever need to do is reach up your hand and people can hold you up through anything. I see you put up a 30 yesterday. You're doing great man. There are a lot of ups and downs in this process. It wasn't *that* long ago that I was exactly in your shoes. Distilling my experience and the perspective I have now (AND the inexplicable degree to which my life has become better):

The only thing that matters right now is that you don't chew. Trust in the men (and women) around you. Keep your mind open. Ask for all the help you need. But, Vadge, most of all, just

KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE doing. This is the hardest part because you don't get the opportunity to see the changes coming. And it's hard to be patient. But I assure you that, at the stage you are at right now, your work is to just pay attention to when/why/where/how the craves come up, and deal accordingly. I personally give you permission to not even CARE about anything else, within reason.

So, a wrap up, don't be thinking about *tomorrow* let alone any days beyond. You can do this today, you are going to do this TODAY, and that's the only thing we give a shit about right now.

It's only to ease any anxiety that I tell you, no, it's not going to be this outrageous burden that you are now stuck with forever. If you get a chance to ever talk with a vet with 1000 or 2000 days, ask them about this. Every one I've talked to never ever ever really thinks about chew anymore.

But we can have correspondence or discussions about that later on when appropriate. The game changes at different stages. Right now, you are doing exactly what you need to do. The only relevant thing is growing your number and starting to watch how your addiction works.

I'll quit with you all damn day today Vadge

The insomnia doesn't last forever either. Just know that your body is healing itself in ways you aren't even aware. Don't stress too much over being a little short on the sleep.


Quitting with you

ToeTag

This fucker has it down.

[T-Cell]

 
KNOW THIS: You will never be "normal" again. You're going to crave on Day 56, Day 181, Day 304, Day 772.... But you'll deal with it. The scar will always be there.

You need to come to terms with that, or you're going to cave. You're going to rip that wound wide open again.

And sooner or later, it's going to kill you.

The only option, then, is to let it heal. Right? Or do you want to die?

Catching my drift, brother?

I am going to invoke the 24 hour rule and not respond the way I would really like to respond.

I will say this though. Is this supposed to fucking inspire me to stay quit ?

I'm replying directly to you, but a lot of new quitters are reading this thread, so the response isn't *entirely* for you:

Yes. It's supposed to inspire you to stay quit. You're not hearing what I'm saying at all. You are always going to crave, whether once a day for seventy minutes straight (with a seven-second break to think about how fucking constipated you are) or once a year for seven seconds. You will GET to that point and WIN. No doubt. That's guaranteed. But you need to have a realistic perspective on what you are facing, or you are much more likely to fail. No one wants that.

Dean is right. That said I get where a new quitter's head is. Dean does to. We were both in your shoes. We are addicts. We get it. Damn do we get it.

If you read my HOF speach you will see that I stopped once for a year and a half and started back. Believe me when I tell you this, it was MY plan all along. I had no intentions to stop forever. And alas, I followed though with MY own plan. Believe me when I tell you this. I will NEVER dip again. Period. I have shut the door. I shall follow through.

Focus on 1 day at a time if that is where you are right now. At some point you will have your shit together. At that point you best shut the door. Trust me, the nic bitch is on the other side...shut or not shut....

This is an awesome thread guys. I couldn't agree more with Dean and Scowick on this one. Some leave the door cracked well into their quit. It is sometimes obvious to other addicts, sometimes it is not (addicts can be pretty sneaky).
I've thought of this more as stopping vs quitting. Stopping leaves the possibility of a cave (or even a planned cave as Scowick describes). Quitting is shutting that door permanently, even though that does play out one day at a time.
I chewed for ~38 yrs, and I honestly don't know why I wasn't ready to be quit before, nor why Feb 10 was the quit day for me other than on that day I was ready to shut the door. I still had all the same reasons to quit before Feb 10, I just wasn't ready to shut that door forever.
I will never go back to it, but in order to keep that promise to myself I need to not kid myself ever. I am an addict, I will always be an addict. The nic bitch will continue to check on me, even many years into my quit. Failing to understand that is failing to protect your quit and keeping your word to yourself.

[ERDVM]

Carumba:
There is some solid quit gold advice here. I pay attention whenever the Cunt and scow through out this kind of inspiration. I am 3 days from HOF, but was in a serious funk like you around day 30. I am posting a PM from a brother that I hold in high regard. I have kept this and i reference it frequently. Disregard the first paragraph though, that is for another time. ;)

Vadge

Hey Vadge-

Nice to hear from you buddy. Hope you had a good weekend. Yes I do remember the cuckoldry talk hah. And Tex's online lady conquests.

Sorry to hear about the insomnia, but not at all surprised. This is a very normal thing. You're doing a great job by staying on the site and just letting that time pass. Such a huge part of the quit at this stage will be to just keep yourself occupied and avoid any 'boredom'-y free-time.

And I'm really glad you asked this question - it's a very important one. You've probably heard a lot of the catch phrases around here by now. It's one of those things where you hear them all the time and they just kind of become jaded.

But for today, I want you to really consider the implications of "one day at a time". Vadge, there is an immense power therein. I will advise you against thinking *at all* about 'for the rest of my life'. That's something you can consider at a later date. Wont' do you any good right now.

So, let me cut you some truth from some different sides.

1) No, you're not going to have to make the FIGHT OF YOUR LIFE every day for the rest of your life. The acute, intense battles, are what you are doing right now. Those can show up after HOF as well, but often they don't. And when they do, the severity is usually never anywhere near close to, say, the things we can experience only a couple of weeks in.

2) You absolutely will have to stay reminded of the danger. In other words, keeping your guard up. But don't think about that for now. It's not that you're going to have to orient your whole life around spending 2 hours a day on this site or you're going to be back to chewing. It's more like you're going to learn to watch your brain and just make necessary adjustments. Do you remember learning to drive? How stressful that was and how many things to do at once... How much concentrated effort is it now to drive a few blocks away?

3) The men here are TRUSTABLE men. People are looking out for you and all you ever need to do is reach up your hand and people can hold you up through anything. I see you put up a 30 yesterday. You're doing great man. There are a lot of ups and downs in this process. It wasn't *that* long ago that I was exactly in your shoes. Distilling my experience and the perspective I have now (AND the inexplicable degree to which my life has become better):

The only thing that matters right now is that you don't chew. Trust in the men (and women) around you. Keep your mind open. Ask for all the help you need. But, Vadge, most of all, just

KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE doing. This is the hardest part because you don't get the opportunity to see the changes coming. And it's hard to be patient. But I assure you that, at the stage you are at right now, your work is to just pay attention to when/why/where/how the craves come up, and deal accordingly. I personally give you permission to not even CARE about anything else, within reason.

So, a wrap up, don't be thinking about *tomorrow* let alone any days beyond. You can do this today, you are going to do this TODAY, and that's the only thing we give a shit about right now.

It's only to ease any anxiety that I tell you, no, it's not going to be this outrageous burden that you are now stuck with forever. If you get a chance to ever talk with a vet with 1000 or 2000 days, ask them about this. Every one I've talked to never ever ever really thinks about chew anymore.

But we can have correspondence or discussions about that later on when appropriate. The game changes at different stages. Right now, you are doing exactly what you need to do. The only relevant thing is growing your number and starting to watch how your addiction works.

I'll quit with you all damn day today Vadge

The insomnia doesn't last forever either. Just know that your body is healing itself in ways you aren't even aware. Don't stress too much over being a little short on the sleep.


Quitting with you

ToeTag

[Scowick65]

 
KNOW THIS: You will never be "normal" again. You're going to crave on Day 56, Day 181, Day 304, Day 772.... But you'll deal with it. The scar will always be there.

You need to come to terms with that, or you're going to cave. You're going to rip that wound wide open again.

And sooner or later, it's going to kill you.

The only option, then, is to let it heal. Right? Or do you want to die?

Catching my drift, brother?

I am going to invoke the 24 hour rule and not respond the way I would really like to respond.

I will say this though. Is this supposed to fucking inspire me to stay quit ?

I'm replying directly to you, but a lot of new quitters are reading this thread, so the response isn't *entirely* for you:

Yes. It's supposed to inspire you to stay quit. You're not hearing what I'm saying at all. You are always going to crave, whether once a day for seventy minutes straight (with a seven-second break to think about how fucking constipated you are) or once a year for seven seconds. You will GET to that point and WIN. No doubt. That's guaranteed. But you need to have a realistic perspective on what you are facing, or you are much more likely to fail. No one wants that.

Dean is right. That said I get where a new quitter's head is. Dean does to. We were both in your shoes. We are addicts. We get it. Damn do we get it.

If you read my HOF speach you will see that I stopped once for a year and a half and started back. Believe me when I tell you this, it was MY plan all along. I had no intentions to stop forever. And alas, I followed though with MY own plan. Believe me when I tell you this. I will NEVER dip again. Period. I have shut the door. I shall follow through.

Focus on 1 day at a time if that is where you are right now. At some point you will have your shit together. At that point you best shut the door. Trust me, the nic bitch is on the other side...shut or not shut....

[DeanTheCoot]

I don't mean to make anyone upset. I swear, if we were all sitting here just rapping, you'd hear that I'm not being at all combative. I just want every one of you guys to own this shit.

[DeanTheCoot]

 
KNOW THIS: You will never be "normal" again. You're going to crave on Day 56, Day 181, Day 304, Day 772.... But you'll deal with it. The scar will always be there.

You need to come to terms with that, or you're going to cave. You're going to rip that wound wide open again.

And sooner or later, it's going to kill you.

The only option, then, is to let it heal. Right? Or do you want to die?

Catching my drift, brother?

I am going to invoke the 24 hour rule and not respond the way I would really like to respond.

I will say this though. Is this supposed to fucking inspire me to stay quit ?

I'm replying directly to you, but a lot of new quitters are reading this thread, so the response isn't *entirely* for you:

Yes. It's supposed to inspire you to stay quit. You're not hearing what I'm saying at all. You are always going to crave, whether once a day for seventy minutes straight (with a seven-second break to think about how fucking constipated you are) or once a year for seven seconds. You will GET to that point and WIN. No doubt. That's guaranteed. But you need to have a realistic perspective on what you are facing, or you are much more likely to fail. No one wants that.

[rgross298]

 
KNOW THIS: You will never be "normal" again. You're going to crave on Day 56, Day 181, Day 304, Day 772.... But you'll deal with it. The scar will always be there.

You need to come to terms with that, or you're going to cave. You're going to rip that wound wide open again.

And sooner or later, it's going to kill you.

The only option, then, is to let it heal. Right? Or do you want to die?

Catching my drift, brother?

I am going to invoke the 24 hour rule and not respond the way I would really like to respond.

I will say this though. Is this supposed to fucking inspire me to stay quit ?

Yo, Carumba,

IT GETS FUCKING BETTER BRO. I PROMISE.

You will look back at this and chuckle. Stay strong. Don't worry about that other shit down the road, it ain't shit. You're in a serious fucking funk right now. Keep scratching, you'll see the light soon.

[carumba10]

 
KNOW THIS: You will never be "normal" again. You're going to crave on Day 56, Day 181, Day 304, Day 772.... But you'll deal with it. The scar will always be there.

You need to come to terms with that, or you're going to cave. You're going to rip that wound wide open again.

And sooner or later, it's going to kill you.

The only option, then, is to let it heal. Right? Or do you want to die?

Catching my drift, brother?

I am going to invoke the 24 hour rule and not respond the way I would really like to respond.

I will say this though. Is this supposed to fucking inspire me to stay quit ?

[DeanTheCoot]

The shut door vs 1 day at a time.

I've learned that you need both. You need to shut the door, as well as go one day at a time. One MINUTE at a time, if necessary. (That was me, for sure. Mister Freak The Fuck Out.)

These concepts are NOT in opposition to one another. I didn't mean to suggest otherwise.


It's both: one millisecond at a time AND knowing you're done. Forever. With 100% certainty.

I know what you're saying, carumba, but this is not a time for being what you believe is "realistic." Get me? Being realistic is going to put your fingers back in that can, brother.

I am trying to "get you" ...and others, but I am in a bit of a catch 22. The more I think about it, the worse the craves are. I am better off acting like a 5 year old with my fingers in my ear singing lalala I can't hear you. Just deal with today with "No Mind" (quote from Last Samurai). Be quit today and don't worry or think about tomorrow. (the advice 'everyone' gives me when I am having a bad day)

It crushes me when I read on the forums that some people are craving at day 150....300 etc. That scares the living hell out of me and definitely weakens my resolve. It won't hurt my quit today, since I promised.

I can't wrap my mind around one day at a time and at the same time close the door forever. Seems contradictory....but I will keep trying to understand !

I think I wrote a long metaphor once about quitting being a lot like a huge, deep laceration.

When you first quit, it's ghastly. It's a bloody fucking mess. It's all you can pay attention to. It's painful beyond words.

But it starts to heal. In a week, it's better than it was on day one. In a month, you're still fucked up, but not bleeding profusely. In a year, it hurts every once in a while, but you tend to not even notice it unless you look at it. Sometimes, though, a stinging pain strikes you, one year, two years or more after you got cut.

Catching my drift, brother?

KNOW THIS: You will never be "normal" again. You're going to crave on Day 56, Day 181, Day 304, Day 772.... But you'll deal with it. The scar will always be there.

You need to come to terms with that, or you're going to cave. You're going to rip that wound wide open again.

And sooner or later, it's going to kill you.

The only option, then, is to let it heal. Right? Or do you want to die?

[rangy96]

The shut door vs 1 day at a time.

I've learned that you need both. You need to shut the door, as well as go one day at a time. One MINUTE at a time, if necessary. (That was me, for sure. Mister Freak The Fuck Out.)

These concepts are NOT in opposition to one another. I didn't mean to suggest otherwise.


It's both: one millisecond at a time AND knowing you're done. Forever. With 100% certainty.

I know what you're saying, carumba, but this is not a time for being what you believe is "realistic." Get me? Being realistic is going to put your fingers back in that can, brother.

I am trying to "get you" ...and others, but I am in a bit of a catch 22. The more I think about it, the worse the craves are. I am better off acting like a 5 year old with my fingers in my ear singing lalala I can't hear you. Just deal with today with "No Mind" (quote from Last Samurai). Be quit today and don't worry or think about tomorrow. (the advice 'everyone' gives me when I am having a bad day)

It crushes me when I read on the forums that some people are craving at day 150....300 etc. That scares the living hell out of me and definitely weakens my resolve. It won't hurt my quit today, since I promised.

I can't wrap my mind around one day at a time and at the same time close the door forever. Seems contradictory....but I will keep trying to understand !

I'm in no position to help when it comes to closing the door, at least for the long term. But I have learned to deal much better with the craves. . Like you, I had days where I would obsess about the craves, and the craves would seem to multiply and pile up. It was sort of self-fulfilling. But my big break-through was the when I mentally sat myself down, and my mind and me had a little talk.
Basically, I seriously considered how far I was going to take the promise I made earlier that morning. The answer was very calming to me - I decided that if I calmly thought about it, I came to the conclusion that there was just no realistic way that I was going to dip today. For me, I think a lot of the anxiety had to do with me subconsciously trying to figure out a way to dip AND keep my word AND stay quit. Rationally seeing that this was not possible sort of made my mind surrender and say "ok, fuck it. I won't bother you for a while. But later we are gonna talk about this shit again."
And later me and myself do talk about it again. After 80-something days of this, I (1) always come to the same conclusion, (2) that conclusion comes much more quickly, and best of all (3) the need to even have that inner conversation comes MUCH less often.

Yes, I'm a psycho who apparently talks to himself, but I'm QUIT psycho.

Ditto. What Zam said.

Despite having run my yapper about closing the door earlier, I still think one day at a time is extremely important. Don't fret about the future, just today. Earlier in my quit, I wrote some stuff that said the only way I could even come close to functioning each minute was to relax and just deal with today. I knew somewhere in the deep recesses of my brain the door was closed, but it certainly didn't feel like it in the middle of a mind boggling crave.

Bottom line, don't worry. If all this analyzing makes you freak out, then stop it and just worry about today. It's the only day that matters anyway.

Stay Quit Brother.