Introduction

[FMBM707]

Day 74.

Ughhhhhh.

Before I joined, I read KTCers talking about the wave of cravings that came around the 70s. I had been cruising along nicely and figured it just wouldn't happen to me. But .... Having a tough Day 74!!! So weird. It's like I can taste it. A terrible trick of the mind.

BUT... I KNOW I WON'T CAVE because...
1. I am not a dipper. I don't dip.
2. I am a TITAN. And we don't cave; we quit.
3. I have been educated about the addiction thru KTC - so I'm not surprised. Eyes wide open.
4. I know countless KTCers in the HOF and + who have rode through this and boarded the train - including Lim. And he's ghey.
5. I have 100% posting status and I'm addicted to having OCD... EDD. The Roll works!
6. That evil craving has already passed since I started this entry.

Thanks KTC.
Thanks Titans.
I'm staying quit with you thru the 70's and beyond!

Way to do it Bro!

Keep up the solid quit David. Quit with you!

[visamoht]

Day 74.

Ughhhhhh.

Before I joined, I read KTCers talking about the wave of cravings that came around the 70s. I had been cruising along nicely and figured it just wouldn't happen to me. But .... Having a tough Day 74!!! So weird. It's like I can taste it. A terrible trick of the mind.

BUT... I KNOW I WON'T CAVE because...
1. I am not a dipper. I don't dip.
2. I am a TITAN. And we don't cave; we quit.
3. I have been educated about the addiction thru KTC - so I'm not surprised. Eyes wide open.
4. I know countless KTCers in the HOF and + who have rode through this and boarded the train - including Lim. And he's ghey.
5. I have 100% posting status and I'm addicted to having OCD... EDD. The Roll works!
6. That evil craving has already passed since I started this entry.

Thanks KTC.
Thanks Titans.
I'm staying quit with you thru the 70's and beyond!

Way to do it Bro!

[david.m]

Day 74.

Ughhhhhh.

Before I joined, I read KTCers talking about the wave of cravings that came around the 70s. I had been cruising along nicely and figured it just wouldn't happen to me. But .... Having a tough Day 74!!! So weird. It's like I can taste it. A terrible trick of the mind.

BUT... I KNOW I WON'T CAVE because...
1. I am not a dipper. I don't dip.
2. I am a TITAN. And we don't cave; we quit.
3. I have been educated about the addiction thru KTC - so I'm not surprised. Eyes wide open.
4. I know countless KTCers in the HOF and + who have rode through this and boarded the train - including Lim. And he's ghey.
5. I have 100% posting status and I'm addicted to having OCD... EDD. The Roll works!
6. That evil craving has already passed since I started this entry.

Thanks KTC.
Thanks Titans.
I'm staying quit with you thru the 70's and beyond!

[FMBM707]

Day 50

Half way to that beautiful coin.

Nice David! You are doing it! (ODAAT)

Keep up the strong QUIT David

[rdad]

Day 50

Half way to that beautiful coin.

Nice David! You are doing it! (ODAAT)

[david.m]

Day 50

Half way to that beautiful coin.

[B-loMatt]

Great work David, NAFAR is so nice once you get that mindset, but never forget ODAAT! You still have some rollercoaster left so stay frosty.

[david.m]

Day 43

Watching the Albuquerque sun rise... it has been 2 years and 27 days since I quit smoking. It's here that I started that journey. It was in the quiet of these New Mexico mornings that I "discovered" and meditated on the truth of my freedom from that addiction. Now, 43 days into my freedom from dip - and nicotine (the real source) - I am reminded of and filled with the serene yet powerful sense of peace that knowing you're free brings.

It's a revelation: I don't do that. I am not that. I (the truest sense of "I") don't want that.

757 days without a cigarette (or any other type of smoke entering my lungs)
43 days without a dip (or any other type of nicotine entering my blood stream)

The numbers don't seem that large. But the finality of "without" feels infinite. Never again.

[david.m]

Day 40.

What's in a number?

 Genesis 7:17 | For FORTY DAYS the flood kept coming on the earth, and as the waters increased they lifted the ark high above the earth.
After 40 days of purging... life got a fresh start.

 Exodus 34:28 | Moses was there with the Lord FORTY DAYS and forty nights without eating bread or drinking water. And he wrote on the tablets the words of the covenant.
Strengthened by God's presence to endure 40 days of self-denial...revelation of God's promises became clear.

 Numbers 13:25 | At the end of FORTY DAYS they [Joshua, Caleb  the other spies sent to Canaan] returned from exploring the [promised] land.
12 men spent 40 days surveying what God promised them he would give them. 10 caved. 2 believed and entered.

 1 Samuel 17:16 | For FORTY DAYS the Philistine [Goliath] came forward every morning and evening and took his stand.
After 40 days of being mocked by a seemingly unconquerable foe... God helped David defeat the giant.

 1 Kings 19:8 | So he [Elijah] got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled FORTY DAYS and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God.
Thinking all was hopeless, Elijah found a supernatural source of strength to endure a 40 day journey to encounter the presence of God.

 Jonah 3:4 | Jonah began by going a dayÂ’s journey into the city, proclaiming, "FORTY DAYS and Nineveh will be overthrown."
After spending time in the stomach of a fish for his rebellion, Jonah brings warning to Ninevah. Ninevah responds and their destruction is averted.

 Luke 4:1-2 | Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, left the Jordan and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness, where for FORTY DAYS he was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them he was hungry.
After 40 days of self-denial - amidst great temptation - Jesus emerged purified and clear on his life's purpose.

 Acts 1:3 | After his suffering, he presented himself to them and gave many convincing proofs that he was alive. He appeared to them over a period of FORTY DAYS and spoke about the kingdom of God.
Having cheated death and emerging from Hell, Jesus spent 40 days preparing His disciples for the new world his suffering had accomplished.

May your FORTY DAYS of evil-purging, self-denying, giant-killing, and temptation-resisting...
...be marked by God's promise, His presence, and His strengthening...
...and though others may cave... may you believe!
And may your destruction be averted, your blood be purified, your mind made clear...
...and may you understand that these first 40 Days are not the end...
...but a preparation for your new life of freedom that this suffering is accomplishing for you.

[bigreddude44]

Day 39

Feeling the rumblings of "cravings" today. That is, I'm feeling a bit anxious, a bit distracted, and a bit down.
All for different reasons - or no reason at all - but all things that would've led me to nicotine - 39 days ago. Not anymore.

I mention it because while the "craving" feeling is there, it's not nearly what it was in the first three weeks.
It's far far weaker, for one thing.
Also, I understand it differently: the feelings (anxiety, etc.) are the issue, not my refusal to mask them with harmful substances and behaviors.
I'm learning to stop saying, "I'm craving dip"... and start thinking it through... "I'm stressed... I'm depressed... I'm angry... etc."

I also mention it because it's helpful to write it out. I would encourage all quitters to keep a log.
It gives you a place to toss your thoughts - memorable or forgettable, as they may be.
Also (see post above) you never know when your experience will be significant to a fellow quitter. And that just feels amazing when you find out you have helped another. Thank you Heisenberg for that encouragement!!!

I love your idea of thinking through "craves" and getting to the root of what we're really dealing with and facing the stress, anxiety, boredom or whatever it is that is bugging us rather than simply blaming it on dip. I'm going to stop referring to those moments as craves because I think it gives dip more recognition and power than it deserves.

[david.m]

Day 39

Feeling the rumblings of "cravings" today. That is, I'm feeling a bit anxious, a bit distracted, and a bit down.
All for different reasons - or no reason at all - but all things that would've led me to nicotine - 39 days ago. Not anymore.

I mention it because while the "craving" feeling is there, it's not nearly what it was in the first three weeks.
It's far far weaker, for one thing.
Also, I understand it differently: the feelings (anxiety, etc.) are the issue, not my refusal to mask them with harmful substances and behaviors.
I'm learning to stop saying, "I'm craving dip"... and start thinking it through... "I'm stressed... I'm depressed... I'm angry... etc."

I also mention it because it's helpful to write it out. I would encourage all quitters to keep a log.
It gives you a place to toss your thoughts - memorable or forgettable, as they may be.
Also (see post above) you never know when your experience will be significant to a fellow quitter. And that just feels amazing when you find out you have helped another. Thank you Heisenberg for that encouragement!!!

[Heisenberg]

Day 17.

Really tough day. Cravings are particularly strong. They're spaced far apart - but strong when they hit. And different: they're amplified by the fear that this feeling is never going to go away, that this is my life now: periodic waves of pain.

[***WARNING: All you rabid Quit-police, you don't need to light me up for what I'm about to say. It's not what I really think... it's just what I'm thinking. I'm logging the emotions of my quit... not making conclusions.***]

I don't want to live in pain everyday for the rest of my life. Yeah, I might get cancer from dip. But... I might not. I started late; I'm not in the highest risk categories.
I might get heart disease from the nicotine. But... I might not. I'm in fairly good shape. How much longer can I go on being quit - if it doesn't get easier than this?

--

Of course, I immediately see the faulty logic in that! "I might get cancer from dip." "I might get heart disease from nicotine." Isn't that reason enough to endure this mild pain now?! (I'm also visualizing the disgusting picture BigRedDude loves to show everyone. C,mon Red! You've scarred my brain!!!! lol)

Isn't this mild pain merely an inconvenience in comparison?

Perhaps, I need to embrace this pain - and begin to think about it differently.... as something good - even if (especially if) it never goes away.

• It is, for one thing, the consequence of my foolishness: the result of my former bad choices and my willful surrender to addiction, in spite of the warnings. (There are warnings on the packs!, on the cans! So stupid.) So.... when I feel the pain, I am reminded: some decisions carry a lifetime of consequence. Use wisdom!
• It is, for another thing, a sign of my ongoing victory over something that is trying to destroy me. Struggling is a sign you haven't given up. The only way to lose this battle is to surrender. So... when I feel the pain, I am encouraged: I haven't given up, laid down, caved in. I'm still standing - in spite of the pain. I AM winning this battle.

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

This post may very well have saved me from a cave yesterday. The worst craving I've had yet, on day 11, and it lasted well over 2 hours. Just a battle between two different sides of my brain debating the argument as to weather I should break down and buy a six pack and a can of dip or not. And just to set the record straight, I haven't had a craving in a couple days prior to this. Thanks to david.m and this post it helped the logical side of my brain take control. Thanks Dave and KTC. I was a little skeptical of this site from the beginning, but I'm quickly understanding how well this works when you use it correctly.

[steffano626]

Nice quit you have going here, David! I just read through your intro after reading BigRedDude's repost of your research into addiction. That is very helpful to me. I have long felt that just "normal" daily highs were just not enough for me, which is probably a big reason I was so susceptible to addiction. I really need to learn healthier ways of dealing with those craves. This site and insights from fellow quitters are a great way to start! Congrats on the no-chew baseball weekend.

[B-loMatt]

Day 35

5 weeks.

Had a great weekend at Cooperstown! At first, it felt weird to play without dip... like something was missing... but that was just a mental blip. Shook it off, loaded my mouth with seeds, and had a day. It felt great. My friends were super supportive. I can't wait to stand at the plate and take a pic with my KTC chip next year!

Nice win David! You are doing it right, keep working your quit. Use the eye of the storm break to strengthen your quit: keep building your accountability, keep adding phone #s, adopt a newb, and get ready for the rollercoaster to take you up the next hill.

[Grizzlyhasclaws]

Day 26

Some interesting research:

on Nicotine as a dopamine releasing drug, ala heroin and other opiates:

"Nicotine and opiates are very different drugs, but the endpoint, with respect to the control of dopamine signaling, is almost identical. It demonstrates the seriousness of tobacco addiction, equating its grip on the individual to that of heroin. It reinforces the fact that these addictions are very physiological in nature and that breaking away from the habit is certainly more than just mind over matter."- Daniel McGehee, University of Chicago Medical Center."The 10 Hardest Drugs to Kick"
- by Jacqueline Detwiler

The chemical makeup of drugs guarantee that certain drugs are more addictive than others. The hardest ones to kick actually train your brain to crave them. A team of researchers led by professor David Nutt of London's Imperial College recently set out to determine which drugs were most harmful based on their addictive properties. Dutch scientists replicated the London study and devised a "dependency rating" that measured addictive potency of the biggest drugs out there on a precisely calibrated scale of 0-to-3.
1. Heroin - 2.89
2. Crack Cocaine - 2.82
3. Nicotine - 2.82 (tied with Crack for second "most addictive and hardest to kick" drug!!!)
4. Methadone - 2.68
5. Crystal Meth - 2.24
6. Alcohol - 2.13
7. Cocaine - 2.13
8. Amphetamines - 1.95
9. Benzodiazepines - 1.89
10. GHB - 1.71


on the first 100 days:

"There is growing evidence that on average, it takes about 90 days for the brain to break free of the immediate effects of the drug and reset itself. Researchers at Yale University call this 90-to-100 day period the 'sleeper effect,' a time during which the brain's proper... functions gradually recover."- Tony O'Neill, in his article, "The 100-Day Hangover""Whatever substance you're detoxing from, there's always an attachment. We're talking about people who are cutting off something that has started to feel as vital to them as the air they breathe. So you inevitably go through this painful period of wrenching yourself away from it, and now you're feeling lousy. It's pretty common for many recovering addicts to ask, 'Is this the reward I get for getting clean?' Most people are led to believe that once they stop using, their life will start to get better, when in reality this next period can really suck. But it gets better."- Dr. Arnold Washton, author of Willpower is Not Enough: Recovering From Addictions of Every Kind on not replacing nicotine-addiction with other dopamine-releasing-addictions:

"If you stop using your drug of choice but continue to use alcohol or another drug, you're saying that you don't want to learn new coping skills and that you don't want to change your life. You're saying that you want to continue to rely on drugs or alcohol to escape, relax, and reward yourself. But if you don't learn those new skills, then you won't have changed, and your addiction will catch up with you all over again.- www.AddictionsAndRecovery.orgI read another article (can't find it now to post the quotes) that essentially explained that "addicts are addicts." Meaning, after nicotine has left the body, our cravings are not really cravings for nicotine... they're cravings for dopamine. After years of nicotine use we've created extra "gates" in our brain through which the excess amount of dopamine was able to get to the brain. Now that we've stopped using, those "gates" are huuuungry. We get normal-sized shots of dopamine when we eat, have sex, exercise, complete tasks, etc... but we may also find our cravings pop up soon after (like the post-meal crave)... that's because the brain is used to getting bigger drops of dopamine at a time... so the natural ways we produce it aren't equal to the unnatural/drug-induced ways. So it wants more. The brain doesn't know (or care) what source is feeding it the excessive amounts of dopamine it's used to. So, often nicotine quitters will transition to another addiction - usually alcohol - and they're not actually breaking addiction at all, only shifting it to a new dopamine-source. The article advised steering clear of all drugs/alcohol during the first 100 days of nicotine-quitting so that the brain has time to recover and re-learn proper balance.

Thanks for posting this! This is great information! I'm going to repost this to my intro because I want to remember it!

I'm going to do the same. Great stuff David! Glad to be quit with you!

I just saw this. Thanks for the great information!