This is Day 1

[Souliman]

Nice quitting Med. Good stuff. Keep up the positive attitude...be a Mexican, not a Mexicant.

[MedStudent]

Just wanted to share two victories over the past couple days. First was me and 11 other friends successfully completed the Hood to Coast Relay, which is a 200 mile relay from above timberline on Mount Hood (about 6000 ft) to Seaside, OR, a small town just outside Astoria. We went for about 23 hours straight and had a great time running over mountain passes, along rivers in 90 degree heat, and under a magnificent set of stars, chasing the fog of our breaths. Great experience.

Bigger victory, however, was upon making it back to my buddies house in Portland. I'd seen that my car had been broken into. They rummaged through everything, but ended up only stealing my Garmin GPS. Sucks, but more damage could have been done. In the process, they unearthed some old pieces of nicotine gum that I must have had hanging around from another life. Even in the midst of my funk, exacerbated by just realizing my car had been broken into, I managed to trash the gum and totally forget about it until now. Leaves me feeling quit.

[AgLawyer]

I was just reading the "How much do you pay for a can" thread. Someone was talking about how they would drive all over the place, going to great lengths trying to find a place that sold the poison. Reminded me of a funny story.

I had to go down to LA to take a test for school. I remember driving around my hotel looking for a gas station to buy a can of dip, but couldn't find one anywhere. Eventually I roll up to this intersection that has convenience stores at every corner and think, "Bingo." I don't really look around much at the neighborhood before parking my car and getting out. Everyone is speaking spanish in the first place I go into, and there's a cop standing just inside, like he's paid to sit there and guard the place. I ask for dip, but the cashier just shakes her head no. So I go across the street, now taking a look around and beginning to feel a bit uncomfortable with where I'm at. Next place, no dip. Still getting uncomfortable, but still wanting a can of chew, I hit the next place at the intersection. No dip.

I get back in my car and start driving through some other neighborhood straight out of Boyz N' the Hood, yet still park my damn car right in the middle of it so I can get out at another convenience store to ask for some Copenhagen (and probably ask to get my ass kicked, stabbed, and shot at the same time). No dip there, either. And here, I tell the Spanish speaking guy behind the counter that I've been to four places and no one sells it. He tells me, "That's because Mexicans don't chew."

Turns out I was wandering around Inglewood, LA in search of Copenhagen. I find that funny. Don't know why.

That is funny. The things we would do for that pinch. I remember a couple of years ago I was in D.C. on business and freaked when I realized I forgot to stock up for the trip. It was late, like getting close to midnight, and I set out to try and find some. To make a long story short, I grabbed a taxi who drove me around to various convenience stores till I could find some - some places in real shitty areas of town - and paid this taxi driver like 25 bucks after all was done. That was an expensive can of dip. What a freaking moron.

[jmiah]

I just finished up a rotation in the Trauma Intensive Care Unit (TICU). Late one evening/early one morning, we got called down to the emergency department for a guy that had been stabbed in the chest, had stopped breathing, and whose blood pressure was very much on the low end of abnormal. I stood there in the trauma bay as the medics rolled this guy in, placed him on our gurney, and a pack of nurses and doctors descended upon him like hungry wolves, stripping his clothes and leaving him naked in a matter of seconds. Within one minute, a chest tube was being inserted into his thoracic cavity which immediately drained nearly a liter of bright red blood. He was then taken immediately to the OR where his chest was cracked wide open and the bleeding artery identified and repaired prior to his arrival in the TICU.

He remained on a ventilator for a few days leaving him unable to talk and us unable to get a definitive explanation why he had been stabbed or who had stabbed him. After the breathing tube was removed, I went into remove the chest tube that was placed in the emergency department days earlier. I pulled the tube and proceeded to leave the room when he called me back. "Hey, can I ask you something," he said.

"Sure, what's up," I replied as I approached his bedside once again.

"Say you have this girl who you've been with for a long time. She's your soul mate. Even when things are so bad, they seem so good and you can't imagine the world without her."

I just nodded. Recently engaged, I know the feeling of having found the woman you know you are destined to spend the rest of your life with. I listened further as he looked down, touching his chin to his chest and stretching his eyes down to stare at the 8 inch incision running along the middle of his chest, beneath which lie the wires holding his rib cage together following his life saving trip to the OR.

Continuing with his downward gaze he said, "Then she does something like this to you. What do you do?"

He went on to explain how it had seemed like he was the only one that wanted their relationship to work. I agreed with him, surprised to hear that it was his girlfriend of many years who'd put him in the spot he was in while trying to emphasize the fact that she nearly killed him.

"What would you do?," he repeated.

In the minute I spent standing there listening to him, his situation was painfully obvious to me. This man was in a terribly broken relationship that could never be fixed, but for whatever reason, he couldn't see that on his own and, with no small amount of irony, wanted their relationship to work. He wanted his girlfriend to see him in the hospital, perhaps out of the possibility that she will feel bad for what she had done to him and take him back.

Based on his blood tests from admission to the hospital, I knew this man was an addict, but as I listened to him tell me about the "amazing" relationship he had with the woman who stabbed him, I could see that his addict mind not only affected how he approached narcotics, but every single aspect of his life, including that of his relationship with someone who literally wanted him dead. Only an addict would let someone stab them in the chest and then go on to explain how great his relationship is with her while pondering whether he'll be able to make it work or not. ONLY AN ADDICT WOULD ALLOW SOMEONE, OR SOMETHING, TO TAKE THEM LITERALLY TO THE BRINK OF DEATH YET STILL NOT BE ABLE TO ANSWER (OR EVEN ASK) THE QUESTION, "IS THIS REALLY WHAT IS BEST FOR ME?"

With the both of us being no strangers to addiction I said, "The relationship you have with your girlfriend sounds very much like an addiction to me. She nearly killed you, yet you still entertain the idea of taking her back. Now ask yourself, 'Is it the addiction that is telling me to take her back out of fear of what might happen without her, or is taking her back what is truly best for me?' Try thinking about it that way."

It's the same question I've asked myself so many times over the past 48 days since dumping my can and posting roll back on June 22nd. It's the same question we ask to the newest quitters coming in who are not yet able to see that quitting is the right choice and who then go on to struggle with the decision of what to do, just like this guy I'm talking about.

I had nothing else to say after that. The man had listened to me and heard what I said. He nodded and understood what I had said. He made a fist and posed it in the air so that I could give him "a pound." I gave him that pound and left the room.

Checking in on him the next day, I saw that this patient had made the decision to deny his now ex-girlfriend access to his room. Plans were in motion to move him to another floor under another name such that even if she did show up at the hospital, she couldn't find him. He'd made the decision to dump this woman down the toilet. If there were some kind of venue outside his own heart and soul to post day one, I hope he would have done that, too.

Beautiful, if not heartbreaking story. That really touched a cord for me and intertwined well with my addiction. Thank You.

[MedStudent]

I was just reading the "How much do you pay for a can" thread. Someone was talking about how they would drive all over the place, going to great lengths trying to find a place that sold the poison. Reminded me of a funny story.

I had to go down to LA to take a test for school. I remember driving around my hotel looking for a gas station to buy a can of dip, but couldn't find one anywhere. Eventually I roll up to this intersection that has convenience stores at every corner and think, "Bingo." I don't really look around much at the neighborhood before parking my car and getting out. Everyone is speaking spanish in the first place I go into, and there's a cop standing just inside, like he's paid to sit there and guard the place. I ask for dip, but the cashier just shakes her head no. So I go across the street, now taking a look around and beginning to feel a bit uncomfortable with where I'm at. Next place, no dip. Still getting uncomfortable, but still wanting a can of chew, I hit the next place at the intersection. No dip.

I get back in my car and start driving through some other neighborhood straight out of Boyz N' the Hood, yet still park my damn car right in the middle of it so I can get out at another convenience store to ask for some Copenhagen (and probably ask to get my ass kicked, stabbed, and shot at the same time). No dip there, either. And here, I tell the Spanish speaking guy behind the counter that I've been to four places and no one sells it. He tells me, "That's because Mexicans don't chew."

Turns out I was wandering around Inglewood, LA in search of Copenhagen. I find that funny. Don't know why.

[Souliman]

Good stuff MS. Its really amazing in how many places that addict ego exists. Substances, relationships, thoughts. That's great stuff. I hope you post more of these stories when they happen.

Good quitting bro.

[ninereasons]

It's a real encouragment reading this story from beginning to the present.

I'm looking for a hollywood ending - not that art-house garbage where the quitter is doing great until his dog dies, after which in his nihilistic despair he pushes tobacco on grade-schoolers, the sweetest of whom is having the cancer in her jaw removed in the closing scene, and we all go home feeling like we've been used for a toilet - ok?

[Scowick65]

I just finished up a rotation in the Trauma Intensive Care Unit (TICU). Late one evening/early one morning, we got called down to the emergency department for a guy that had been stabbed in the chest, had stopped breathing, and whose blood pressure was very much on the low end of abnormal. I stood there in the trauma bay as the medics rolled this guy in, placed him on our gurney, and a pack of nurses and doctors descended upon him like hungry wolves, stripping his clothes and leaving him naked in a matter of seconds. Within one minute, a chest tube was being inserted into his thoracic cavity which immediately drained nearly a liter of bright red blood. He was then taken immediately to the OR where his chest was cracked wide open and the bleeding artery identified and repaired prior to his arrival in the TICU.

He remained on a ventilator for a few days leaving him unable to talk and us unable to get a definitive explanation why he had been stabbed or who had stabbed him. After the breathing tube was removed, I went into remove the chest tube that was placed in the emergency department days earlier. I pulled the tube and proceeded to leave the room when he called me back. "Hey, can I ask you something," he said.

"Sure, what's up," I replied as I approached his bedside once again.

"Say you have this girl who you've been with for a long time. She's your soul mate. Even when things are so bad, they seem so good and you can't imagine the world without her."

I just nodded. Recently engaged, I know the feeling of having found the woman you know you are destined to spend the rest of your life with. I listened further as he looked down, touching his chin to his chest and stretching his eyes down to stare at the 8 inch incision running along the middle of his chest, beneath which lie the wires holding his rib cage together following his life saving trip to the OR.

Continuing with his downward gaze he said, "Then she does something like this to you. What do you do?"

He went on to explain how it had seemed like he was the only one that wanted their relationship to work. I agreed with him, surprised to hear that it was his girlfriend of many years who'd put him in the spot he was in while trying to emphasize the fact that she nearly killed him.

"What would you do?," he repeated.

In the minute I spent standing there listening to him, his situation was painfully obvious to me. This man was in a terribly broken relationship that could never be fixed, but for whatever reason, he couldn't see that on his own and, with no small amount of irony, wanted their relationship to work. He wanted his girlfriend to see him in the hospital, perhaps out of the possibility that she will feel bad for what she had done to him and take him back.

Based on his blood tests from admission to the hospital, I knew this man was an addict, but as I listened to him tell me about the "amazing" relationship he had with the woman who stabbed him, I could see that his addict mind not only affected how he approached narcotics, but every single aspect of his life, including that of his relationship with someone who literally wanted him dead. Only an addict would let someone stab them in the chest and then go on to explain how great his relationship is with her while pondering whether he'll be able to make it work or not. ONLY AN ADDICT WOULD ALLOW SOMEONE, OR SOMETHING, TO TAKE THEM LITERALLY TO THE BRINK OF DEATH YET STILL NOT BE ABLE TO ANSWER (OR EVEN ASK) THE QUESTION, "IS THIS REALLY WHAT IS BEST FOR ME?"

With the both of us being no strangers to addiction I said, "The relationship you have with your girlfriend sounds very much like an addiction to me. She nearly killed you, yet you still entertain the idea of taking her back. Now ask yourself, 'Is it the addiction that is telling me to take her back out of fear of what might happen without her, or is taking her back what is truly best for me?' Try thinking about it that way."

It's the same question I've asked myself so many times over the past 48 days since dumping my can and posting roll back on June 22nd. It's the same question we ask to the newest quitters coming in who are not yet able to see that quitting is the right choice and who then go on to struggle with the decision of what to do, just like this guy I'm talking about.

I had nothing else to say after that. The man had listened to me and heard what I said. He nodded and understood what I had said. He made a fist and posed it in the air so that I could give him "a pound." I gave him that pound and left the room.

Checking in on him the next day, I saw that this patient had made the decision to deny his now ex-girlfriend access to his room. Plans were in motion to move him to another floor under another name such that even if she did show up at the hospital, she couldn't find him. He'd made the decision to dump this woman down the toilet. If there were some kind of venue outside his own heart and soul to post day one, I hope he would have done that, too.

Thanks for that. My quit just got stronger.

[MedStudent]

I just finished up a rotation in the Trauma Intensive Care Unit (TICU). Late one evening/early one morning, we got called down to the emergency department for a guy that had been stabbed in the chest, had stopped breathing, and whose blood pressure was very much on the low end of abnormal. I stood there in the trauma bay as the medics rolled this guy in, placed him on our gurney, and a pack of nurses and doctors descended upon him like hungry wolves, stripping his clothes and leaving him naked in a matter of seconds. Within one minute, a chest tube was being inserted into his thoracic cavity which immediately drained nearly a liter of bright red blood. He was then taken immediately to the OR where his chest was cracked wide open and the bleeding artery identified and repaired prior to his arrival in the TICU.

He remained on a ventilator for a few days leaving him unable to talk and us unable to get a definitive explanation why he had been stabbed or who had stabbed him. After the breathing tube was removed, I went into remove the chest tube that was placed in the emergency department days earlier. I pulled the tube and proceeded to leave the room when he called me back. "Hey, can I ask you something," he said.

"Sure, what's up," I replied as I approached his bedside once again.

"Say you have this girl who you've been with for a long time. She's your soul mate. Even when things are so bad, they seem so good and you can't imagine the world without her."

I just nodded. Recently engaged, I know the feeling of having found the woman you know you are destined to spend the rest of your life with. I listened further as he looked down, touching his chin to his chest and stretching his eyes down to stare at the 8 inch incision running along the middle of his chest, beneath which lie the wires holding his rib cage together following his life saving trip to the OR.

Continuing with his downward gaze he said, "Then she does something like this to you. What do you do?"

He went on to explain how it had seemed like he was the only one that wanted their relationship to work. I agreed with him, surprised to hear that it was his girlfriend of many years who'd put him in the spot he was in while trying to emphasize the fact that she nearly killed him.

"What would you do?," he repeated.

In the minute I spent standing there listening to him, his situation was painfully obvious to me. This man was in a terribly broken relationship that could never be fixed, but for whatever reason, he couldn't see that on his own and, with no small amount of irony, wanted their relationship to work. He wanted his girlfriend to see him in the hospital, perhaps out of the possibility that she will feel bad for what she had done to him and take him back.

Based on his blood tests from admission to the hospital, I knew this man was an addict, but as I listened to him tell me about the "amazing" relationship he had with the woman who stabbed him, I could see that his addict mind not only affected how he approached narcotics, but every single aspect of his life, including that of his relationship with someone who literally wanted him dead. Only an addict would let someone stab them in the chest and then go on to explain how great his relationship is with her while pondering whether he'll be able to make it work or not. ONLY AN ADDICT WOULD ALLOW SOMEONE, OR SOMETHING, TO TAKE THEM LITERALLY TO THE BRINK OF DEATH YET STILL NOT BE ABLE TO ANSWER (OR EVEN ASK) THE QUESTION, "IS THIS REALLY WHAT IS BEST FOR ME?"

With the both of us being no strangers to addiction I said, "The relationship you have with your girlfriend sounds very much like an addiction to me. She nearly killed you, yet you still entertain the idea of taking her back. Now ask yourself, 'Is it the addiction that is telling me to take her back out of fear of what might happen without her, or is taking her back what is truly best for me?' Try thinking about it that way."

It's the same question I've asked myself so many times over the past 48 days since dumping my can and posting roll back on June 22nd. It's the same question we ask to the newest quitters coming in who are not yet able to see that quitting is the right choice and who then go on to struggle with the decision of what to do, just like this guy I'm talking about.

I had nothing else to say after that. The man had listened to me and heard what I said. He nodded and understood what I had said. He made a fist and posed it in the air so that I could give him "a pound." I gave him that pound and left the room.

Checking in on him the next day, I saw that this patient had made the decision to deny his now ex-girlfriend access to his room. Plans were in motion to move him to another floor under another name such that even if she did show up at the hospital, she couldn't find him. He'd made the decision to dump this woman down the toilet. If there were some kind of venue outside his own heart and soul to post day one, I hope he would have done that, too.

[MedStudent]

This place reminds me of Fight Club, except for nicotine. You throw away what you think is important and embrace the suck. Then you are free.

[Skoal Monster]

Somebody say monster?

[Scowick65]

Med,

You have transformed from a reluctant quitter to a quit monster. Well done brother.

[Souliman]

"borderline psychotic" welcome:

YEAH DR. DEATH! YEAH BROTHER. Way to find the quit. Let's grab the NB by the couchie and beat this thing one day at a time. We can do this. We'll quit today and do it again tomorrow. FUCK. I'm excited.

Welcome into the pool.

[Nolaq]

Look at this site at work before your eyes!

You all fuckin ROCK! Especially YOU MedStudent. I will walk your path with you if you need me to.

Ready...you got this ball rolling. I am honored to quit along side of you sir.

I love this Freak Show!

Well done men!

[husker06484]

i no longer want you to die. congrats.

Another classic line from smokey...

Great, Great decision Med....Proud to be quit with you...See you tomorrow and I will be proud to be quit with you then too....Its simple, keep your word, be accountable and the freedom you have been looking for wil be found....