Introduction Time

[CoachDoc]

...At least I'm not being a puss about my quit right now...Have to at least give me that.

Maybe I'm just a prick, but, NO...no, I don't have to give you anything. Today, I posted Day 720...I've yet to cave. I WILL NOT CAVE. I do not have to accept yours...or your attempt to "smooth: it over.

If you guys don't want me here, I wont post here

Martyr? Victim? If you want someone to hold your hand, it ain't happening.

I'm not exactly sure what my reperations are supposed to consist of but i did apologize in the april thread.

You made it nearly a hundred day? And you don't know the answer to this? Why do cavers come in and play dumb? It's complete and utter disrespect to all the quitters here...for you to say, "I was a member of this site but never cared enough to understand the way the site operates."

Yeah...explain why you CHOSE to BUY A CAN INSTEAD OF COMING ON HERE OR CALLING A BROTHER....I'd LOVE to hear that justification...

[30yraddict]

Tony,

Right now it's the bottom of the ninth and the score is:

Addiction/nicotine/big tobacco: 1,000,000 Tony: 0

The good news is you only have to put one run on the board to win today.

You are right, all the reasons why you caved are excuses. The simple fact of the matter is that you are an addict. Personally I think you stopped posting roll because you knew deep down that the door was not shut on nicotine. Now I know that this is going to seem like I am busting your nuts, but, in all honesty, I do not see your posts here as showing the resolve that you are going to need to stay quit. At some point you will probably stop posting roll...and then it is only a matter of time before your addict brain takes over and starts romanticizing, starts rationalizing....then at a weak moment, you will relapse.

Why do I think that you knew deep down that the door was not shut? Well, you were here 60-70 days last time? How many times did you read of someone coming back and saying their biggest mistake was drifting/not posting roll? So that means one of two things is true 1) as mentioned before- you knew that you would return to active use...or....2) you thought that you were in some way immune to the weakness of others who had drifted from the site.

If the answer is #1 and you are coming back here for another "try", it will not be successful UNTIL you find a way to close the door. Read about Tom and Jenny Kern, the link is in May 2012's header....look at cancer pics, go to whyquit.com and read some stories there...whatever it takes to shut the door. No amount of advice or support is going to work until you get to the point where you are steadfast in your resolve to remain quit.

It the answer is #2, learn your lesson: YOU ARE AN ADDICT- and that is for life. The day to day battle to stay quit might get less intense, but your addict brain can remain dormant for many YEARS and then, in a moment of weakness and complacency, will take the opportunity to rationalize "just one". Posting roll here every day has the benefit of reminding you each day that you are an addict, and that there is no "just one".

At this point, the ball is in your court: I know you CAN quit....the question is: WILL you? What will you do to stay quit? Perhaps a better question is: what WON'T you do to stay quit.

Post Roll
Honor Your Promise
Repeat.

It's a life sentence, cupcake.

[MikeA]

I think my biggest mistake was not continuing to post roll.

and your 2nd biggest mistake was not having numbers and using them.

[J2b]

Going into the details of WHY you caved should be as important to you as it is to your group. You all need to learn from it. "Why did you cave?" is not a simple question meant to embarrass you. It is meant to force you to identify and address your addict mind. You want to quit? You need to understand why you have failed in the past. You need to know what to watch for, and most importantly you need a real, no-bullshit plan for handling it.

You came here for a reason. You came back for a reason. You also failed for a reason; no one can tell you what that reason is. Remember the old adage - failing to plan is planning to fail.

You know what steps 1-3 are: post roll call, honor your word, repeat.

What else are you going to do to make sure step 2 is done? Are you going to get numbers? Be active in your group? What are YOU going to do?

Also, you really need to recognize this for what it is - a daily endeavor designed to save your life. This is not a "habit" you can break - you are addicted to nicotine and will always be an addict. the sooner you admit that to yourself, the easier it will be for you to honor your word and stay quit.

[tony]

I think my biggest mistake was not continuing to post roll.

edit-I didn't go into details on why i rationalized the cave at the time in the may thread. It seems like it would just be viewed as me trying to make excuses, which isn't the case-I know I slipped and no excuse can rationalize going back to dip again. Unless you want me to explain exactly why I bought the stuff again.

[dippshit]

May 2012 is missing a roll post and an explanation. Don't think of explaining your cave as a punishment, most of those guys aren't retreads, they haven't failed, and learning from your cave helps them tremendously so they don't make the same mistakes.

[tony]

I think I had that as a disclaimer in my first post when I mentioned how I was probably going to recieve a ton of shit for posting here again. At least I'm not being a puss about my quit right now and making excuses and clinging onto the cans. Have to at least give me that. I just posted in April too btw, making my post now for May 2012.
If you guys don't want me here, I wont post here but I remember having a community did help me out the first time. I'm not exactly sure what my reperations are supposed to consist of but i did apologize in the april thread.

[Highway48]

Butterfly fairy tale? No..I won't lash out at you, even though my temper may be short. Are you trying to troll me in my introductory thread? I did man up..I quit.

tony you should know its not gonna be that easy just to get back in... alot of people arent going to welcome you with open arms

[tony]

Butterfly fairy tale? No..I won't lash out at you, even though my temper may be short. Are you trying to troll me in my introductory thread? I did man up..I quit.

Edit-Sorry I read that wrong. I'll go tell April and May.

[dippshit]

Wow. That's an amazing story. This is Sarcasm.

Now man up and go tell everyone else your special butterfly tale.


April 2011

May 2012

[tony]

I let my guard down and went back to the stuff after having fallen asleep at the wheel 4x in a row at work. I couldn't think of anything else to stay awake with-I had tried 5 hrs, minithins (lol that was interesting), energy drinks. I was getting 30min sleep before a 11 hour night shift. I know I'm going to get some shit for that, and yeah I ended up staying awake but now I get to go through this again. In my messed up sleep deprived thinking I thought "well I'd rather deal with cope and get through tonight then drive into a tree". I know thats fucked up and a poor excuse, but its what i thought at the time. I should've just pulled over and napped or something. Or did what I finally ended up doing-quit that job. It would have been better to quit the job then to think that nicotine could honestly sustain me any better on that shift. I had 30 min sleep before school, 30 min sleep before work. Fortunately I don't have the night shifts anymore. I quit the job.

So now here I am again. I drew down from a can a day last week to a piece of gum every 12 hours or so, but with my obsessive personality, I was annoying myself with counting the number of hours all the time as to when I had had a piece last. So sunday, I stopped. I do need to throw the gum away, and I have several empty cans lying around that I need to dispose of. I've gone through this before, so I bought several bags of spitz sunflower seeds, and several cans of that beef jerky jack links fake chew stuff. The good thing about it all, is while I know this is a serious, and once again, epic quit phase I get to go through, is that I tend to get through my issues by laughing at myself later. I had one fit yesterday, I messed up on a homework assignment (network engineering student here) and made one tiny error which invalidated 3 hours worth of work. After some yelling and possibly throwing something, I realized I left the window open. lol. But that was the only temper tantrum I had yesterday. I seem to remember last year that my throat was sore from yelling so much.

[dippshit]

I didn't want to hear your bullshit excuses, so I didn't even read past the first sentence.

You owe an explanation to April 2011. What happened? What are you going to do so that it doesn't happen again? Maybe apologize for letting them down.

You haven't posted a day 1 in May 2012 either yet... You owe them the same explanation as well, and to also let them know they have a retread amongst them.

We can forgive, but we will not forget.

[tony]

Some of you may remember me (I was part of the infamous april 2011 group). I stopped posting roll around march and continued to be dip free until I made a mistake around octoberish. I was running off about 5 hours sleep total for a week, taking finals, and working night shifts and used that as an excuse, and I ended up buying a can of cope. It didn't take long after that to be back at my can a day habit, which continued from october till last sunday when I decided it was time to stop. I'm kind of in the fog now, although its not as bad as the first time I quit last january-I remember really losing control a few times with anger and literally just staring at my monitor for hours. This time, it sucks..but my temper is more in check and I have more focus. It would've been nice not to have slipped and be going down this road again lol. So I have returned..and I'm expecting to recieve some sort of ass kicking for my foolishness.

[G]

Bump. For obvious reasons.

[tony]

tony,

You either need to masturbate (solely this time, no Loot), or grab some Cheetos Brand Cron Puffs.

Just sayin'.

Doc says, masturbating once a day helps keep the cravings away