Just had this conversation with my wife, while I was in the kitchen holding my son:
Dean: *putting dishes away...comes across steak knife...holds it like I am ready to slash with it, handle palmed and blade facing rear/outward from forearm...makes thrusting noises...son laughs*
Wife: Honey.
Dean: What?
Wife: Are you stupid?
Dean: What? He needs to learn how to knife-fight!
Wife: Idiot.
Chicks don't understand man lessons.
That reminds me of when I was but a lad...
When I was like 12 someone came back from somewhere and gave me one of those sailor bracelets. You know the white braided rope kind? Now, at 12 I didn't understand the signals I was putting out to the Nambla crowd so of course I wore it proudly....I digress
So my father says to me: "Hey, come here for a minute." So I do, and he in one fluid movement gains control of my braceleted arm by slipping his index and middle fingers under said ornamentation, and yanking me towards him.
He very plainly states: "This is why men don't wear jewelry," as he raises my arm and dangles it helplessly infront of my face. He then, with the precision of a cobra strike, snaps my own wilted fingers at the tip of my nose, and then retracts. He relinquises control of my apendage and it falls to my side.
After my eyes clear-up, and the initial sting fades, I realize I learned three lessons that day.
1. Men don't wear jewelry because it can by used as leverage against you in a combat situation.
2. Avoid getting hit in the nose at all costs: that shit'll fuck your morning up.
3. My dad is kind of a dick.
