July 09 Quitters

[DeanTheCoot]

To all those critical of my cocksmoocher pants: Your lady didn't have any problem opening up my button-fly with her teeth and thereafter swallowing my johnson to my balls.

[GlennFtheKodiak]

Only cocksmoochers wear buttonfly pants....

Dean do you still have a pair of Zubazs?

[Stretch]

Day 85

I am wearing button-fly pants today. I am accustomed to spending upwards of a minute to undo these goddamn buttons when I go to take a leak.

I find that I start unbuttoning them as I walk toward the urinal at work...it saves time.

So, earlier today, I walk into the bathroom. I begin to unbutton my pants as soon as I am through the door, per usual.

I glance in the mirror as I am walking in, and I see something on my chin. It's a sunflower-seed piece. I get closer to the mirror and wipe it off my chin. I am still unbuttoning my pants, and making progress therein.

I then notice sunflower-seed remnants in my teeth. I get even closer to the mirror, so I can really inspect. I am unbuttoning my fly with my right hand while holding down my bottom lip with my left.

My cock is now out of my pants, but I am too transfixed on the mess of sunflower seeds in my teeth to notice. I am distracted by examining my gum line.

Suddenly, one of the tech guys walks in the bathroom. It is only THEN that I notice that I am standing in front of the mirror, giving myself a big fucking toothy smile with my dick in my right hand.

And this my friends, does not surprise me in the least.

Fucking hysterical!

[Smokeyg]

There is a brace and pull technique

Cocksmoocher

[bearattack]

Only cocksmoochers wear buttonfly pants....

[RoyJester]

Day 85

I am wearing button-fly pants today. I am accustomed to spending upwards of a minute to undo these goddamn buttons when I go to take a leak.

I find that I start unbuttoning them as I walk toward the urinal at work...it saves time.

So, earlier today, I walk into the bathroom. I begin to unbutton my pants as soon as I am through the door, per usual.

I glance in the mirror as I am walking in, and I see something on my chin. It's a sunflower-seed piece. I get closer to the mirror and wipe it off my chin. I am still unbuttoning my pants, and making progress therein.

I then notice sunflower-seed remnants in my teeth. I get even closer to the mirror, so I can really inspect. I am unbuttoning my fly with my right hand while holding down my bottom lip with my left.

My cock is now out of my pants, but I am too transfixed on the mess of sunflower seeds in my teeth to notice. I am distracted by examining my gum line.

Suddenly, one of the tech guys walks in the bathroom. It is only THEN that I notice that I am standing in front of the mirror, giving myself a big fucking toothy smile with my dick in my right hand.

'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup'

I politely informed the girlfriend to NEVER buy me button fly again, I hate them with a passion.

I didn't know they still made button fly pants. How did the tech handle the situation?

FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!!!

Two points:
1. You've got to have button fly pants, sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away 'chief'
2. There is a brace and pull technique, two handed operation, you get the top button undone, hold on with your right hand (brace) and pull down and away with your left hand, buttons pop open.

[DanTheMan]

Day 85

I am wearing button-fly pants today. I am accustomed to spending upwards of a minute to undo these goddamn buttons when I go to take a leak.

I find that I start unbuttoning them as I walk toward the urinal at work...it saves time.

So, earlier today, I walk into the bathroom. I begin to unbutton my pants as soon as I am through the door, per usual.

I glance in the mirror as I am walking in, and I see something on my chin. It's a sunflower-seed piece. I get closer to the mirror and wipe it off my chin. I am still unbuttoning my pants, and making progress therein.

I then notice sunflower-seed remnants in my teeth. I get even closer to the mirror, so I can really inspect. I am unbuttoning my fly with my right hand while holding down my bottom lip with my left.

My cock is now out of my pants, but I am too transfixed on the mess of sunflower seeds in my teeth to notice. I am distracted by examining my gum line.

Suddenly, one of the tech guys walks in the bathroom. It is only THEN that I notice that I am standing in front of the mirror, giving myself a big fucking toothy smile with my dick in my right hand.

'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup'

I politely informed the girlfriend to NEVER buy me button fly again, I hate them with a passion.

I didn't know they still made button fly pants. How did the tech handle the situation?

FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!!!

[cubs204]

Day 85

I am wearing button-fly pants today. I am accustomed to spending upwards of a minute to undo these goddamn buttons when I go to take a leak.

I find that I start unbuttoning them as I walk toward the urinal at work...it saves time.

So, earlier today, I walk into the bathroom. I begin to unbutton my pants as soon as I am through the door, per usual.

I glance in the mirror as I am walking in, and I see something on my chin. It's a sunflower-seed piece. I get closer to the mirror and wipe it off my chin. I am still unbuttoning my pants, and making progress therein.

I then notice sunflower-seed remnants in my teeth. I get even closer to the mirror, so I can really inspect. I am unbuttoning my fly with my right hand while holding down my bottom lip with my left.

My cock is now out of my pants, but I am too transfixed on the mess of sunflower seeds in my teeth to notice. I am distracted by examining my gum line.

Suddenly, one of the tech guys walks in the bathroom. It is only THEN that I notice that I am standing in front of the mirror, giving myself a big fucking toothy smile with my dick in my right hand.

'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup'

I politely informed the girlfriend to NEVER buy me button fly again, I hate them with a passion.

[DeanTheCoot]

Day 85

I am wearing button-fly pants today. I am accustomed to spending upwards of a minute to undo these goddamn buttons when I go to take a leak.

I find that I start unbuttoning them as I walk toward the urinal at work...it saves time.

So, earlier today, I walk into the bathroom. I begin to unbutton my pants as soon as I am through the door, per usual.

I glance in the mirror as I am walking in, and I see something on my chin. It's a sunflower-seed piece. I get closer to the mirror and wipe it off my chin. I am still unbuttoning my pants, and making progress therein.

I then notice sunflower-seed remnants in my teeth. I get even closer to the mirror, so I can really inspect. I am unbuttoning my fly with my right hand while holding down my bottom lip with my left.

My cock is now out of my pants, but I am too transfixed on the mess of sunflower seeds in my teeth to notice. I am distracted by examining my gum line.

Suddenly, one of the tech guys walks in the bathroom. It is only THEN that I notice that I am standing in front of the mirror, giving myself a big fucking toothy smile with my dick in my right hand.

[DeanTheCoot]

"just relaxing watching the golf."

That is SUPREMELY funny.

[jaydisco]

Just had this conversation with my wife, while I was in the kitchen holding my son:

Dean: *putting dishes away...comes across steak knife...holds it like I am ready to slash with it, handle palmed and blade facing rear/outward from forearm...makes thrusting noises...son laughs*

Wife: Honey.

Dean: What?

Wife: Are you stupid?

Dean: What? He needs to learn how to knife-fight!

Wife: Idiot.

Here's one for you........

So my wife and daughter head out yesterday afternoon to attend one of those stupid pre-wedding get togethers to make bows or some shit. My son and I are left behind....thank you baby Jesus!

So after I get him up from his nap, I toss him into our bed in front of the television which is appropriately showing golf. I go about what ever it was I was doing at the time....I look over and he is just chilling watching the tournament. When the time comes to get him, I walk over to the bed, pull back the sheets only to find my son has pulled an "Al Bundy" on me. I'm talking this kid is in there deep...at least half way up his tiny forearm. I ask:

"Matt, what are you doing with your hand down your pants?"

His response, "just relaxing watching the golf."

Mind you he is only two (2). He already refers to it as "junk" and obviously is way ahead of the curve when it comes to relaxing on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Brings a tear to a father's eye to see his son grow up so fast.

Next weekend, we learn the ins and outs of knife fighting from Uncle Dean!

This is a perfect example of instinct vs. learned behavior.

This is pure instinct.

[Stretch]

Just had this conversation with my wife, while I was in the kitchen holding my son:

Dean: *putting dishes away...comes across steak knife...holds it like I am ready to slash with it, handle palmed and blade facing rear/outward from forearm...makes thrusting noises...son laughs*

Wife: Honey.

Dean: What?

Wife: Are you stupid?

Dean: What? He needs to learn how to knife-fight!

Wife: Idiot.

Here's one for you........

So my wife and daughter head out yesterday afternoon to attend one of those stupid pre-wedding get togethers to make bows or some shit. My son and I are left behind....thank you baby Jesus!

So after I get him up from his nap, I toss him into our bed in front of the television which is appropriately showing golf. I go about what ever it was I was doing at the time....I look over and he is just chilling watching the tournament. When the time comes to get him, I walk over to the bed, pull back the sheets only to find my son has pulled an "Al Bundy" on me. I'm talking this kid is in there deep...at least half way up his tiny forearm. I ask:

"Matt, what are you doing with your hand down your pants?"

His response, "just relaxing watching the golf."

Mind you he is only two (2). He already refers to it as "junk" and obviously is way ahead of the curve when it comes to relaxing on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Brings a tear to a father's eye to see his son grow up so fast.

Next weekend, we learn the ins and outs of knife fighting from Uncle Dean!

[Smokeyg]

Man, these intro pages are the best reading around. Fucking funny shit.

[Montana Rob]

That reminds me of when I was but a lad...

He very plainly states: "This is why men don't wear jewelry,"

This is pretty funny because I had a girlfriend braid up a neck thing out of parachute cord and the old man did the same thing to me. Except he had me by the neck!!

[HuckleBuck357]

Life is good