Day 259:
I wanted to share a reflection I had in bed the other night (it's about nicotine/addiction, I promise 'winker' ). I was lying down with the lights off and my mind started to drift as it normally does at this time. Thinking about what it would feel like, at day 259, to pop a real dip in my lip... now before you freak the F out and chastise me for bringing this up, let me finish my thought process...
So there I would be. Lying in the dark by myself. Suppose I mad the incredibly rash, selfish, ignorant, ill-advised decision to have a dip that night before bed. Say I didn't even need to run to the store, but that it was right there in my dresser. How would I feel when I put it in my lip? This is how I best imagined it:
Joe puts dip in lip. Eyelids dilate immediately, get that "rush" feeling for about 10 seconds. After the 10 second high, I become extremely queasy. Like ran a mile and then immediately consumed a Double Quarter Pounder meal with a regular Coke, in less than a total of 20 minutes. At this point.... I am hunched over with what feels like a giant, concentrated hangover.... if hangovers were what it feels when you put poison in your body, poison that your body used to be fed constantly....
Those are just the purely physical effects. What would be going through my mind? Surely, strong thoughts of guilt, shame, and embarrassment would be the overall feeling. Would I see Alvin, Tony, Doug, and Michael and the look of dissappointment on their face? What about all the newbies I helped along the way? What would their expressions look like? I never want to know or have to imagine that again. That's why I posted roll this morning and decided to QUIT for today.
Also, I am amazed at how better I feel at 259 than 149 when I last posted a long reflection such as this.
For anyone on the fence about quitting for good.... POST your Day 1 and flush all that poison. It's the biggest self-inflicting liability. Be done with the lies of addiction. You owe it to yourself. I chose LIFE over a poisonous weed.
