Accountibility.
My battles here have all been fought, my lessons learned. I will always be an addict, that truth is burned into my addled brain. But there is no more danger of me caving. I'm past that. I'm just done, and it's ok. No fanfare, no wondering , no craves, no thoughts, no nostalgia. Just relief and regret. Sometimes victorious old warriors lay down their sword and dream of other things.
I am accountable to myself
I am accountable to my wife and kids
I am accountable to all of you that came before me and so graciously beat a path that I could follow.
I am accountable to all of you that came after me because my words still echo on these boards.
At some point , the accountability changed from you lunatics, back to me and my loved ones. In that subtle shift was the door slamming shut.
Roll call was fundamental in getting me to my feet, over a thousand days and a thousand daily promises until I learned how to keep just one promise. To stay quit, and then I did.
I haven't regularly posted roll since. I had to use the quit tracker to remember what day I was on. I check in from time to time, care about the site, the quitters, the admins, and even the window licking mods ;) . I come back for an inoculation of quit , and for the entertainment, and to see if my Syndrome decoder ring came in the mail. Sometimes I pitch in, some times I take. Don't confuse my lack of posting with a lack of credibility or integrity, perhaps I'm guilty "of a lack of recent participation" .
I am glad that the site was here for you when you needed it. Also glad that you still stop by to contribute periodically. Take what you need and leave the rest. Personally I still need roll. At 540 in I still feel like an infant in this quit. Perhaps that could change someday? I am sure it is different for everyone.
Your semi-bi annual contributions are very much appreciated. It's heartwarming to know that, somewhere over the rainbow, we too will be cured one day.
'sac' :scowick:
NOLAQ's dad used to say everything after "but" is bullshit. Good Luck.
"But there is no more danger of me caving." ????
That sentence is total BS. I get that you are in a good place... you have put in some time have been a monster of quit. You helped me find the path too quit and I appreciate that.
However, there is always a danger for an addict. No matter how small the danger. There is no cure for being an addict. No magic pill, no time period, no nothing... it just is.
Whether you post roll or not everyday... that is your call. Just don't say "there is no more danger". The danger is always there and never totally fades.
Glad you are back posting more, you are great with words and support. And -- I have to agree with Derk and hope that those words are not a slip of the tongue revealing an achilles heel of complacency. I sort of get what you must have intended, but complacency is tricky so I question whether the words reveal a weakness. Have to say it in case you can't see it. It's called trying to have your back.
I'm far from complacent about my quit, believe me. I'm not suggesting I'm cured either. Nor am I suggesting that I roll call is not important. But the reality is that people don't stay here and post for 2,000 -3,000 days. why not? clearly they are not cured. Do they all cave? or is it something else.
My two cents on this. I am 840 days quit. I think I understand skoals point that he is still accountable and protects his quit. I don't think he was telling us what to do, he was explaining why he posts and why he doesn't. However, I can't fully understand what he means until I am at 2,002 days quit. So to the newbies on the site and anyone under 2,002 days quit, keep posting daily. When you reach 2002 days quit come back and read this post. Maybe it will make more sense. Until then, SM has been a great teacher in my quit. He knows the science behind our experiences. He is still quit and I have faith it will stay that way.
You know, mthomas...you are wise beyond your years. I've had a busy morning and have been thinking about this and came to the same conclusion.
Maybe, someday, I'll feel I have my addiction under control and won't need to post roll. But that's not important now. I need roll now, and I know that. I know that because I once had 3 years under my belt and still failed. I failed because I didn't keep my tools sharpened and ready.
I stopped posting roll the first time I was here around 150 days. It was a tumultuous time. My mom was dying from cancer. My wife and I were struggling with each other. Professionally, I had taken quite a hit to the ego and I was mulling over my next job. I got through these without failing (and roll), and I figured I had this. Time to concentrate on other things...
Every fall I put my law mower away after a season of use. It logs 3-4 hours a week summer through fall. We bought it 10 years ago and I've only had one instance that I had to send it in for repair work. It starts every time...well, except for those first few times each spring. I'm bad about starting it in the winter to assure smooth starting in the spring. I end up having to jump it, clean out the filters, change the oil, and wash off that junk I was too lazy to wash up before packing it away. In other words, my first On my way! is expletive laced and stressful. It takes me 3 times as long to get it done than normal, and my wife just sits inside shaking her head.
You never know when you're going to need your tools. I've luckily escaped so far. If I can't get it started, the shop has about a 4-5 week backlog. That means is have to beg and borrow or pay somebody $40 to mow the lawn twice a week. It won't be fun (especially of I have to wait to find out I need a new mower). I shouldn't take this chance when regular starting over the winter will alert me of issues beforehand and get it into the shop before I really need it.
Roll is the same. It's you turning the key and verifying your quit will run when you need it.
I've failed before. Never again.
Personally, I don't like the fact that this discussion is necessary. Only because new guys read it and they don't need to be thinking about any day other than right this minute. But I guess it is necessary. It's obvious that some folks stop posting daily at some point, and people question. I questioned big time. The first time I questioned was when loot announced another sabbatical from the site and I was probably at day 200 to one year. He assured me his nic quit was safe and he was fine. I knew he'd also just recently quit the booze, so I implored him to text me his roll daily and he agreed. Worked out well and that's where our friendship developed. My attitude has always been that I disagree with the decision to not post daily (or at least text it in) and do all I can to get them to reconsider. If they won't agree to be here daily, I try to get them to text me their roll call. If they don't want to do that, I figure I have done everything I can do. Can't quit for them. Can't hold them accountable when they say they don't need it or want it.
I don't think I have ever missed roll call. If I have, it was only one or two days and I thought I had posted and didn't realize until the next day that I never actually hit roll call.
Yes, the guys who have made a habit of not roll calling daily, or taken breaks, sabbaticals, whatever, have no right to come back and preach EDD to a new guy. But I don't think it makes loot or skoal monster or gaytor a hypocrite necessarily, because they needed EDD when they were a new guy and they are now passing on what they know works. I know others disagree with the hypocrite part, and that's fine. Whether it is okay to ever stop posting daily, at what point, etc., is probably better for thread other than an intro. As I said above, my preference is to not mention it at all because new guys will find it. But if there is interest, maybe someone has a good suggestion of a place to continue the discussion. I'm not saying it can't continue here, I'm just sayin...
I thought intros were the exact place to record your quit progression and thoughts.
Some think they have found peace with their quit and don't think they need this place everyday anymore. Hopefully they are right. Yet we see monthly examples of those that were wrong with a fresh Day1.
I personally need this place on a daily basis. Sm has my number. He has many. I trust he will use them if needed.
True, Razd. Can't really hide it in the end anyway.
I don't know my future, but, right now I'm QLF EDD and NAFAR and hitting roll call EDD.
Did I miss any acronyms?
Just your membership to NAMBLA.
http://blog.ung.edu/hist3220/files/2012 ... -800wi.jpg SFW
Very interesting discussion you started here SM! Have been missing your intellect lately.
Further proof of my theory that you can only run the jackhammer for so long.
sM has helped me more than he will ever know. Whether he's here every day or checks in from time to time, that will NEVER change.
Quits evolve, people evolve.
This shouldn't scare the new guys, it should inspire them.
Every fall I put my law mower away after a season of use. It logs 3-4 hours a week summer through fall. We bought it 10 years ago and I've only had one instance that I had to send it in for repair work. It starts every time...well, except for those first few times each spring. I'm bad about starting it in the winter to assure smooth starting in the spring. I end up having to jump it, clean out the filters, change the oil, and wash off that junk I was too lazy to wash up before packing it away. In other words, my first On my way! is expletive laced and stressful. It takes me 3 times as long to get it done than normal, and my wife just sits inside shaking her head.
You never know when you're going to need your tools. I've luckily escaped so far. If I can't get it started, the shop has about a 4-5 week backlog. That means is have to beg and borrow or pay somebody $40 to mow the lawn twice a week. It won't be fun (especially of I have to wait to find out I need a new mower). I shouldn't take this chance when regular starting over the winter will alert me of issues beforehand and get it into the shop before I really need it.
I really like this NolaQ, Is it possible to take home the tools and learn to fix the lawnmower in the garage? or you think I'll connect the spark hammer to the doohickey?
I connected my doohickey to a spark hammer one time. It'll make yer kids be born nekkid.
I'm a little slow on the uptake... What I see here is a who's who of members who've actually, collectively posted about 20,000 consecutive days quit in a circle jerk about whether a fucking addict to a poisonous, deadly substance should promise to quit every day or just until he doesn't feel like it anymore.
JEEzousfuckingchrist, please make it stop.
BBJ over 7000 and he's still fucking here edd
Ready well over 3000 and he's still fucking here.
There's a shit ton of folks here well over 2000.
sM 1 post in May and you're all suckin him off like he's some sort of guru. What in the fuck is going on here?
What's going on is everyone has differing opinions.
So sM or anyone else for that matter is only a "guru" if they are here every single day? Words of guys who have been quit 5+ years, written 2 years ago, don't matter now because they are now only posting once a month?
Ktc helped save my life and I will forever be gteatful to the site and the people.
Over time I will NEVER loose track of the FACT that I am an addict. It's burned into my brain permanently, and I know it's something I will never "beat" or be "cured" of.
However, also over time I may not feel the need to come here every single day. As of now I'm still here quite a bit, but I've definitely faded away compared to what I used to do. My quit however has not faded one bit. It's strong as ever.
I'll quit every single day, one day at a time. No matter the time or place.
