I guess after two months of not chronicling anything I should post something to remember later. I'm cutting and pasting a pm I sent to someone struggling today. He's a combat vet and 22yr Army guy who deals with PTSD, TBI and a fucked up body also. It really kind of sums up a lot of my Quit so far:
Hey,
I was medically retired this summer after 17 years of service in the Army and Coast Guard. Lots of time in South America and both an Iraq and an A'stan tour. I live with PTSD, TBI and chronic pain, but one thing I don't live with anymore is Nicotine. I dipped since OSUT almost 18 years ago. I dipped openly and never even tried to Quit. I was up to 2 cans a day until this summer. I had my retirement party on the 4th of July and I was just sitting there thinking about it when I went to put my first dip of the morning in, how long I'd been dipping. I had a moment of clarity that if I didn't stop then, I'd never stop. I had a unique time as I was transitioning out of the service to break the habit. I Quit cold turkey without any type of plan 96 days ago. I was hurting real bad on day 4or 5 and found this site. I don't buy into a lot of people's bullshit on this site, but what does work for me is Brotherhood, Accountability and Support. I've got a group of Bad Ass guys, and two gals, that I give my word to every day that I'll make it through that day without putting nicotine into my body. At day 4 or 5, I couldn't see a week into the future, let alone 100 days of not using that shit, but I knew that I could put up with anything for 1 freaking day. So that's what I did, and still do. I post up on roll first thing after midnight or when I wake, giving my word and then I do whatever it takes to not dip. Now, it's gotten a lot easier.
I'll be honest upfront. I don't buy into a lot of this "everyone's an addict" talk that you hear on here. I don't, and neither does my head doc, consider myself a Nicotine Addict, but rather a Nicotine Abuser, but I do know that I like me without Copenhagen a lot better than with it. My lips don't hurt, my breath isn't toxic, my wife is happy, I'm not setting a bad example for my nephews, I've saved $1015 in 3 months from my "dip money" and I don't worry when I look into a can and realize I don't have enough shit to pack my lip in the morning.
There are a lot of things about me that I don't control right now. I'm fighting to regain control and some of them are going to be harder than others, but I'm not a slave to Copenhagen anymore. That's something I fought and won control over, and that's something I can build upon. One Day At A Time, because I survived Sapper School, combat, countless warrant executions, some big ass seas in the Bering Straits and I know that I can survive anything for one day. I'm a man of my word, so I give my word early to my group on roll and I do whatever it takes to survive that. Then I wake up and do it again, and slowly, each day has gotten easier. I'll be honest, a lot of the shit from therapy for my PTSD has made Quitting pretty easy compared to others. Things like thought pausing, shifting to my happy place, controlled breathing and all that. I wish it worked on my flashbacks and nightmares as good as it's gotten me through the early cravings. Which I don't crave anymore. I've practiced from the beginning telling myself, "I don't dip." Period. I burned the boat, I was winning the war or dying because I shut off any route to retreat. I would say it out loud, and slowly but surely, I began to believe it. I don't crave, because why would you crave something that you don't do? Something that is toxic? It's all about controlling, and changing your behaviors and your thoughts. A lot of people change their behavior,and that's great, they're Quit, but if you can change your though process about nicotine also, it makes Quitting so much easier. I told everyone publicly that I was Quit so that I'd be humiliated if they saw me dipping. I put 5-100 dollar bills in an envelope for my niece to keep if I caved in the first 50 days as extra incentive. I would leave money and cards at home so that I didn't have the ability to buy any shit. I got creatively crazy with it in the beginning. About day 35 or 40, I woke up and wasn't thinking about Copenhagen first thing. Now, I really don't crave even when I'm sitting here typing about it, because I don't do that shit anymore. I can talk about it, write about it, and I don't get that stupid ache that I'd get in the beginning.
I did/still do use fake chew. When I'm going fishing or working out on the ranch, I use Smokey Mountain Wintergreen. I put it in before I ever even start to get a ache or crave for the real shit, that way I don't have to fight a reaction I've banished from my system. It works for me, I only use it outside, and haven't used it without planning to, if that makes sense and if I use it until the day I die, I'm okay with that.
You can do this. I will support you and help you however I can. PM me, email me, text me, call me. I don't sleep much at night, so I don't care when it is. The only time I won't answer is if I'm in a Dr. appointment, then leave a v'mail and I'll call back or text QRF and I'll walk out and call you back. There are others on this site that will help you also.
Tom
number
email
Anyway, this was what I sent him. I really don't like alot of people in this world, so it's no surprise that I don't like alot of people on this site, but I found my group. That's what I like about this place. Their are enough people from different backgrounds, ages, parts of the country opps continent, can't leave out our Canadian Quit brothers, ay, that you can find people that Quit like you. And just because I don't like someone, nor them me, we're in this battle together and will have each others back. (With the one exception of the asshat who told me he wouldn't) But I digress. Take what you need, give what you can, post roll and be a man of your word. Everything else is gravy...................................................................
.........................................and get on Kakao 'na na'