I started a new business about a year ago. And, its been a long hard year. Things are dire, probably going to lose it all, financially and professionally. IÂ’m tired, defeated, angry, doubting myself, my leadership, and fearing for my family. And then my quit stands there asking for 100% from me when thereÂ’s just nothing left. Each day lately, I force myself here and engage, but its like trying to make small talk while your house is on fire all around you. Feels kinda fake.
Yesterday was a really bad day dealing with all this. For some reason last night, I shot out a text to my group and opened up about this to them. I feared doing that, as it is so personal. After discussing why our name changed to “Circle Jerks”, it got serious. In seconds all of them were texting away about what’s going on, how to help, and just being there. They don’t know it, but half the time I sat there teared up reading their words of encouragement, concern, support and some inappropriate ghey offers. Then today, my old June gang shows up in force, text bombing me. I don’t even know how they found out. But it was awesome and powerful and humbling. They will never know what a pick-me-up that was. It’s hard to stay down when that many people are trying to lift your sorry ass up.
Last night, my quit evolved. It got real and personal. Things were said IÂ’d expect from life long friends. Today, I came in to work not only supported to quit, but supported to face life. How does this happen? We are just random people who landed in groups. But its like weÂ’ve been buds for years. We couldnÂ’t be any different. This addiction that made us all bitches, also makes us tight fighting for our freedom. KTC is an amazing tool, but itÂ’s the other addicts who stand with you that is the secret sauce here.
If you only know people here casually and only do your KTC duties, you are missing the boat. I’ve found a treasure here that goes well beyond ditching a rancid tin. Rather than defeated, bored and in-a-slump, I’m jazzed about these goofy people and deeply sincere about staying true to them. It’s a bright spot in the quit and in the midst of terribly bad days. I went from annoyed at all the texts all day, to finding myself always in touch with them and whats up in their world. This binds us. There’s no way I can face them with a fail – its now far too personal.
I love and thank my Circle Jerks, the June 2014 crew, and all the Turtles who blew up my phone the past 24 hours. I encourage you all to go get some of this, its everywhere. Enough serious talk for now.