Wanted to share an addict experience this AM. I'll preface by saying at no time was I considering caving or anything else. Also, I need to let you know that my #1 tool is Smokey Mountain wintergreen. I know there are mixed feelings on using fake etc. but I do. Anyway, I realize around 9:30 this AM that I was "dipping" my last Smokey Mountain that I had. Panic set in...Suddenly, job/tasks weren't important, all that mattered was that I find some Smokey Mountain. being that Walmart is the only store near me (that I know of) that carries it, I went to the one near my office (leaving work to run this errand and this errand only)...that walmart was out of wintergreen...I lost it...I flew to the walmart across town (10 minutes or so) calling them while on the way asking if they had it IN STOCK -- all they would tell me is that they carry it....I already knew that. So I pull in and go to the tobacco counter because they're where they sell the SM, and she said "we only have classic....then she reached further back, oh, here's a whole box (10 cans) -- I'll take the whole box please. Walking out there was immediate relaxation knowing that "major problem" had been solved. It hit me like a ton of bricks as I was walking out the door....I even texted FF at this time...this is addiction..it was a vivid flashback to when I dipped tobacco/nicotine and that's EXACTLY how I'd react if I ran out at an inconvenient time. I probably would have driven 30+ miles if needed to find smokey mountain if I had to. In hindsight, it worries me that I may be creating a dependency of sorts on SM but I still think that's better than the real cat poo. I'll just try to minimize consumption and hope that, like others, the need/desire for it just goes away one day.
Hi David,
Once again I find remarkable similarity in your story. I too used Smokey mountain. I had a particular fondness for peach. In my journal I dedicate a post in the beginning, exactly as you wrote, to the joy of smokey mountain and the freedom it brings. Later I realize that it's a crutch and I lament ever using it.
There's only one right answer here and you touched on it in your post. It doesn't matter how you stay clean and free of nicotine...just that you stay free of it.
It will require you to at some point to let go if the crutch. It just doesn't go away on its own in my experience. You kind of have to decide to let it go. It's somewhat like the analogy of ripping the bandage off all at once or slowly peeling it away. At some point it's got to cone off. The important thing is that your quit of nicotine. The rest will happen on its own.
Stay strong brother. Just stay quit.
This addiction never ceases to blow my mind by how damn consuming it was/is.
My weigh in here won't matter much because I decided from the get go... no fake for me. Straight up cold turkey... let come what may. The reason?... exactly what you have described in your post bro. It was just too damn close to the real thing. I was afraid the remove from actual dip wasn't far enough.
That being said... I'd say don't sweat it. Not even a little bit. The first thing I see here, the most important thing I see here... a dude owning his Quit. Protecting it with a tool he knows to work.
That's badass.
Real badass.
I'm sitting at 1,529 days today and all those things you hope when you first Quit (will the cravings fade... will this get easier... will you ever NOT think about it) have all come to pass. I never think about a dip anymore. Cravings are squashed in a mere thought. I am no longer tethered to the Quitting process... I'm Quit. It'll happen, man. Just ride it out and do what you're doing. Rewriting your addict brain will take time... this is you healing.
This is the path to freedom and it's so damn cool.
