The power of not feeling alone

[TSNUS]

Ending day 5 late, big day for reflection.  Took a few steps back to the real world today (thanks for the push Diesel, it was the right time).  Met a friend for coffee, did some shopping, and started back at work.

Triggers are everywhere and I see them coming.  As an example, I know before I take my last bite of every meal, I am going to be challenged.  Every time that I pass the shops where I used to buy dip, I know a challenge will come.  When I sit at my desk for work, I am used to a dip and now I have to tell my mind that I will not be having a dip, I am quit.  That bitch is going to keep asking...she is never going to learn. 

KTC has prepared me well.  My mind will likely never be trained to stop asking if I would like a dip.  I am OK with that.  I am quit, nothing is going to change that answer.  My core belief, based on the teachings at KTC, is that not dipping is better than dipping.  I have found a million reasons why that is true (the value of reading all the introductions and HOF speeches!) and have picked the ones that matter to me.

Just like there will be a "x" opportunities for my mind to ask me if I want a dip, I am finding that there is "more than x" reasons why not dipping is better than dipping.

I didn't have to clean tobacco out of my fingernails today.  That is something which worried me all day, every day for the past 2 decades.  In addition to checking for wallet, keys, and dip (that phrase is repeated in so many introductions), I would (because I have always been in hiding) have to plan for my fingernails, breath, spit cup hiding space, and the list goes on and on.  Managing those lies was destroying my life over and over again.

I talked about "being a user" to someone over the phone (KTC member)tonight.  That was the first time I ever spoke those words.  I am very proud of what I accomplished today and I look forward to tomorrow where I know that I will wake up, post my commitment, and live my life without dipping for another day.

It finally hit me today, my quit number is MY number.  I have never done 5 days straight without dipping.  I actually broke a record (yes, the record was 4 days, set by me, set yesterday)!  I am not going to catch Diesel and rest of the guys that I look up to in terms of days quit, that is not an apples to apples comparison.

Here is the power of KTC...Bean (who has 700+ days clean) posts within my introduction "5 days is huge! Congrats, brother".  I may never meet Bean in person but he (or she) helped me today with that simple post.  It didn't help right away but as I read my introduction throughout the course of today, it put my quit into the proper perspective.  I know what I am doing is hard,  the bitch keeps asking me the same question and I have to keep saying NO.  For me, it is not the acknowledgement by Bean specifically about the 5th day, it was a reminder to me that all days are going to be filled with challenges and getting past them is what I am now trained to do.  It could be the 50th, 500th, or 5000th day, I am going to be proud of myself when I make it through.

I have a skill (albeit a work in progress) that allows me to say no to dip one day at a time.  I am going to use that skill more than any other skill tomorrow.  When I make it though another day of quit, I am going to be happy because I used my skill and was successful doing it.  I am looking forward to it.  That is how I translate (in the words of (now immortal in my eyes) Bean), "embrace the suck".

Thank you KTC,
Aaron (Atlanta, GA)

Awesome post, Brother! 5 days is indeed huge! It gets so much better, my friend. There is a time in the near future that you will think about dip less and less. The triggers will fade, the craves will get less frequent and less intense. Freedom is around the corner.

Proud to be quit with you,

Dale

Wow looking back on day 5 I was fighting for my life. Literally raging and in pain struggling through every minute at times with triggers and craves. I just want to say that if you keep after it it does get better. Fight all you can to keep that door closed and take all the help you need. You are not the only quitter struggling today, sometimes helping someone else along distracts you a minute and helps you both, along with anyone else reading who might feel the same way. Never underestimate the power of encouragement.

[30yraddict]

Ending day 5 late, big day for reflection. Took a few steps back to the real world today (thanks for the push Diesel, it was the right time). Met a friend for coffee, did some shopping, and started back at work.

Triggers are everywhere and I see them coming. As an example, I know before I take my last bite of every meal, I am going to be challenged. Every time that I pass the shops where I used to buy dip, I know a challenge will come. When I sit at my desk for work, I am used to a dip and now I have to tell my mind that I will not be having a dip, I am quit. That bitch is going to keep asking...she is never going to learn.

KTC has prepared me well. My mind will likely never be trained to stop asking if I would like a dip. I am OK with that. I am quit, nothing is going to change that answer. My core belief, based on the teachings at KTC, is that not dipping is better than dipping. I have found a million reasons why that is true (the value of reading all the introductions and HOF speeches!) and have picked the ones that matter to me.

Just like there will be a "x" opportunities for my mind to ask me if I want a dip, I am finding that there is "more than x" reasons why not dipping is better than dipping.

I didn't have to clean tobacco out of my fingernails today. That is something which worried me all day, every day for the past 2 decades. In addition to checking for wallet, keys, and dip (that phrase is repeated in so many introductions), I would (because I have always been in hiding) have to plan for my fingernails, breath, spit cup hiding space, and the list goes on and on. Managing those lies was destroying my life over and over again.

I talked about "being a user" to someone over the phone (KTC member)tonight. That was the first time I ever spoke those words. I am very proud of what I accomplished today and I look forward to tomorrow where I know that I will wake up, post my commitment, and live my life without dipping for another day.

It finally hit me today, my quit number is MY number. I have never done 5 days straight without dipping. I actually broke a record (yes, the record was 4 days, set by me, set yesterday)! I am not going to catch Diesel and rest of the guys that I look up to in terms of days quit, that is not an apples to apples comparison.

Here is the power of KTC...Bean (who has 700+ days clean) posts within my introduction "5 days is huge! Congrats, brother". I may never meet Bean in person but he (or she) helped me today with that simple post. It didn't help right away but as I read my introduction throughout the course of today, it put my quit into the proper perspective. I know what I am doing is hard, the bitch keeps asking me the same question and I have to keep saying NO. For me, it is not the acknowledgement by Bean specifically about the 5th day, it was a reminder to me that all days are going to be filled with challenges and getting past them is what I am now trained to do. It could be the 50th, 500th, or 5000th day, I am going to be proud of myself when I make it through.

I have a skill (albeit a work in progress) that allows me to say no to dip one day at a time. I am going to use that skill more than any other skill tomorrow. When I make it though another day of quit, I am going to be happy because I used my skill and was successful doing it. I am looking forward to it. That is how I translate (in the words of (now immortal in my eyes) Bean), "embrace the suck".

Thank you KTC,
Aaron (Atlanta, GA)

Awesome post, Brother! 5 days is indeed huge! It gets so much better, my friend. There is a time in the near future that you will think about dip less and less. The triggers will fade, the craves will get less frequent and less intense. Freedom is around the corner.

Proud to be quit with you,

Dale

[aaronep]

Ending day 5 late, big day for reflection. Took a few steps back to the real world today (thanks for the push Diesel, it was the right time). Met a friend for coffee, did some shopping, and started back at work.

Triggers are everywhere and I see them coming. As an example, I know before I take my last bite of every meal, I am going to be challenged. Every time that I pass the shops where I used to buy dip, I know a challenge will come. When I sit at my desk for work, I am used to a dip and now I have to tell my mind that I will not be having a dip, I am quit. That bitch is going to keep asking...she is never going to learn.

KTC has prepared me well. My mind will likely never be trained to stop asking if I would like a dip. I am OK with that. I am quit, nothing is going to change that answer. My core belief, based on the teachings at KTC, is that not dipping is better than dipping. I have found a million reasons why that is true (the value of reading all the introductions and HOF speeches!) and have picked the ones that matter to me.

Just like there will be a "x" opportunities for my mind to ask me if I want a dip, I am finding that there is "more than x" reasons why not dipping is better than dipping.

I didn't have to clean tobacco out of my fingernails today. That is something which worried me all day, every day for the past 2 decades. In addition to checking for wallet, keys, and dip (that phrase is repeated in so many introductions), I would (because I have always been in hiding) have to plan for my fingernails, breath, spit cup hiding space, and the list goes on and on. Managing those lies was destroying my life over and over again.

I talked about "being a user" to someone over the phone (KTC member)tonight. That was the first time I ever spoke those words. I am very proud of what I accomplished today and I look forward to tomorrow where I know that I will wake up, post my commitment, and live my life without dipping for another day.

It finally hit me today, my quit number is MY number. I have never done 5 days straight without dipping. I actually broke a record (yes, the record was 4 days, set by me, set yesterday)! I am not going to catch Diesel and rest of the guys that I look up to in terms of days quit, that is not an apples to apples comparison.

Here is the power of KTC...Bean (who has 700+ days clean) posts within my introduction "5 days is huge! Congrats, brother". I may never meet Bean in person but he (or she) helped me today with that simple post. It didn't help right away but as I read my introduction throughout the course of today, it put my quit into the proper perspective. I know what I am doing is hard, the bitch keeps asking me the same question and I have to keep saying NO. For me, it is not the acknowledgement by Bean specifically about the 5th day, it was a reminder to me that all days are going to be filled with challenges and getting past them is what I am now trained to do. It could be the 50th, 500th, or 5000th day, I am going to be proud of myself when I make it through.

I have a skill (albeit a work in progress) that allows me to say no to dip one day at a time. I am going to use that skill more than any other skill tomorrow. When I make it though another day of quit, I am going to be happy because I used my skill and was successful doing it. I am looking forward to it. That is how I translate (in the words of (now immortal in my eyes) Bean), "embrace the suck".

Thank you KTC,
Aaron (Atlanta, GA)

[Diesel2112]

You're "getting small" which isn't a bad idea when you first quit. Life in the bubble is good at first. Keeps you away from a lot of temptations but eventually you have to venture out of the bubble and tackle things head on. Once you realize you can do things that you would normally do 100 out of 100 times with a lip full, is when you really start to build confidence and your quit takes off.

No need to rush it if you're not comfortabld though. Slow and steady wins the race. Keep it up.

[Bean]

Aaronrep,

5 days is huge! Congrats, brother. The nicotine is gone from your system now. Just think, you're living nic free now. Pretty cool, huh? Yeah, I know you still have withdrawal symptoms. But here's the trick...embrace the suck. Turn the tables on the Nic Bitch. DECIDED that you will ENJOY the feeling of your recovery. Every minute of every day your brain is re-wiring itself to live without nic.

Stay strong and stay quit.

[copingwithoutcopen]

Day 5 - note to self..."Self, you don't feel physical withdrawal symptoms any more, so start living life."

I am scared.  I am not putting myself in postion to be tempted while I quit in my bubble.  I eat all meals at home and exercise immediately afterward.  I am limiting how much work I do.  I limit my time in the car to 5 minutes.  I am reading in the forum all day and night. I don't like this feeling.  One of the most used and most powerful terms that I find in other posts is "freedom".  The freedom I am experiencing now from day 1 to day 5 has been life changing.  I know I have an addictive personality and that is why I want more.

Most importantly, I don't want to feel this again.  I know I am only supposed to think about the commitment I made to stay clean today but it is hard.

I have lots of temptations but they don't bother me in my bubble.  Everything I do is a trigger, I have had shit in my lip for 23 years doing everything.  When I leave my bubble, I am prepared.  I have started to prove that to myself a little at a time, one task at a time.

I will not dip today.  Not dipping is better than dipping, that is the simple math for me.  The little freedom I have now is still so much better than the no-freedom life I was living in before.

I support my brothers who are living outside my bubble.  Your strength is awesome.  I read stories of long car rides in the snow on day 1 and it makes me cry.  That is torture and you pulled through.  I am a pussy by comparison.

Lot's of rambling today, lack of sleep (first time the sleeping pills didn't give me the knock-out blow) causing lack of concentration.

I am starting to see new folks join.  I encourage you to read complete posts (day 1 to current) from others in the introduction section.  They make me believe that I will be successful today, today's hurdle can't be too hard, look at all the others who have passed it.

I love reading your posts aaronep. Brings back a lot of memories that I don't want to relive but reminds me why I'm here.

Beat those triggers one at a time. Beat 'em good. Every time you do, it adds a little more freedom and a little less bubble. You are wise to take your time.

For me the withdrawls were painful and unpleasant but the temptations that came after the pain left were much more insidious. Its a mind game now. Stay vigilant brother.

Once you've decided that you're done, there's nothing that can get in your way. Keep fighting man... you've won every battle everyday so far and there's no reason it shouldn't continue. You aren't alone, reach out if you need to.

[DW3]

Day 5 - note to self..."Self, you don't feel physical withdrawal symptoms any more, so start living life."

I am scared. I am not putting myself in postion to be tempted while I quit in my bubble. I eat all meals at home and exercise immediately afterward. I am limiting how much work I do. I limit my time in the car to 5 minutes. I am reading in the forum all day and night. I don't like this feeling. One of the most used and most powerful terms that I find in other posts is "freedom". The freedom I am experiencing now from day 1 to day 5 has been life changing. I know I have an addictive personality and that is why I want more.

Most importantly, I don't want to feel this again. I know I am only supposed to think about the commitment I made to stay clean today but it is hard.

I have lots of temptations but they don't bother me in my bubble. Everything I do is a trigger, I have had shit in my lip for 23 years doing everything. When I leave my bubble, I am prepared. I have started to prove that to myself a little at a time, one task at a time.

I will not dip today. Not dipping is better than dipping, that is the simple math for me. The little freedom I have now is still so much better than the no-freedom life I was living in before.

I support my brothers who are living outside my bubble. Your strength is awesome. I read stories of long car rides in the snow on day 1 and it makes me cry. That is torture and you pulled through. I am a pussy by comparison.

Lot's of rambling today, lack of sleep (first time the sleeping pills didn't give me the knock-out blow) causing lack of concentration.

I am starting to see new folks join. I encourage you to read complete posts (day 1 to current) from others in the introduction section. They make me believe that I will be successful today, today's hurdle can't be too hard, look at all the others who have passed it.

I love reading your posts aaronep. Brings back a lot of memories that I don't want to relive but reminds me why I'm here.

Beat those triggers one at a time. Beat 'em good. Every time you do, it adds a little more freedom and a little less bubble. You are wise to take your time.

For me the withdrawls were painful and unpleasant but the temptations that came after the pain left were much more insidious. Its a mind game now. Stay vigilant brother.

[aaronep]

Day 5 - note to self..."Self, you don't feel physical withdrawal symptoms any more, so start living life."

I am scared. I am not putting myself in postion to be tempted while I quit in my bubble. I eat all meals at home and exercise immediately afterward. I am limiting how much work I do. I limit my time in the car to 5 minutes. I am reading in the forum all day and night. I don't like this feeling. One of the most used and most powerful terms that I find in other posts is "freedom". The freedom I am experiencing now from day 1 to day 5 has been life changing. I know I have an addictive personality and that is why I want more.

Most importantly, I don't want to feel this again. I know I am only supposed to think about the commitment I made to stay clean today but it is hard.

I have lots of temptations but they don't bother me in my bubble. Everything I do is a trigger, I have had shit in my lip for 23 years doing everything. When I leave my bubble, I am prepared. I have started to prove that to myself a little at a time, one task at a time.

I will not dip today. Not dipping is better than dipping, that is the simple math for me. The little freedom I have now is still so much better than the no-freedom life I was living in before.

I support my brothers who are living outside my bubble. Your strength is awesome. I read stories of long car rides in the snow on day 1 and it makes me cry. That is torture and you pulled through. I am a pussy by comparison.

Lot's of rambling today, lack of sleep (first time the sleeping pills didn't give me the knock-out blow) causing lack of concentration.

I am starting to see new folks join. I encourage you to read complete posts (day 1 to current) from others in the introduction section. They make me believe that I will be successful today, today's hurdle can't be too hard, look at all the others who have passed it.

[aaronep]

Thinking about Diesel getting out of his car with his shirt soaked from windshield washer fluid, his lip cut from the bottle, and a bunch of people with wet cars wanting to kill him has had me laughing all day long. I can only imagine what he said to the first person he ran into.

This has been a great day. I have made a point to slowly introduce myself to the world and this was my first time getting out of the house and driving by the stores where I would stock up. I travel with work so I was someone that required inventory and have a large supply channel.

I didn't cave, not even close. I know better. I don't want that life anymore, the new life is so much better.

Thoughts of cheating come to me a few times during the day. The most frequent is, "I can have a dip after the dentist in 30 days". When I hear that in my thought, I say it out loud and I know how stupid that sounds. It is as stupid as me not answering the door because I didn't want to pull out my dip. It is actually more stupid than Diesel emptying the washer fluid while driving on the highway!

I can't wait for tomorrow. You guys are amazing.

Wt - you are living my dream and you are providing proof to all of us that it exists. It doesn't sound like normal to me, at this stage, it seems like you are in wonderland.

[Diesel2112]

Aaron I'm going to pirate some space here in your intro.  Taking a little time today relaxing and enjoying my freedom, enjoying the grandkids and not sneaking away from the family for a dip.  So I took a minute and read a few posts here.  I've realized how little time I've spent keeping my quit in my mind, quitting has just become part of my life.  I'm not sure when it happened but somewhere after 225 days I quit needing the constant reminder that I was quit and didn't need nicotine to feel normal. Aaron this happens to people at different times but we all learn and reprogram our lives to live nic free.  Reading about answering the door,  J and Diesel posts I'm laughing my ass off reminiscing some of the really stupid things I did. (I think that was diesel drinking the antifreeze week one to kill himself. I'm sure all of us who were here when he quit remember his pain and how far he has come). I encourage you to write plenty of your thoughts and struggles during quitting here in your intro it is so inspiring to go back and read where you came from later in your journey.  Freedom is fantastic and so worth it and you will be surprised at how fast time goes.

Yeah...I was a God damn mess, one of the biggest candy asses ktc has ever seen, read my intro if you dare. If a pussy like me can turn it around, anyone can.

[Wt57]

Aaron I'm going to pirate some space here in your intro. Taking a little time today relaxing and enjoying my freedom, enjoying the grandkids and not sneaking away from the family for a dip. So I took a minute and read a few posts here. I've realized how little time I've spent keeping my quit in my mind, quitting has just become part of my life. I'm not sure when it happened but somewhere after 225 days I quit needing the constant reminder that I was quit and didn't need nicotine to feel normal. Aaron this happens to people at different times but we all learn and reprogram our lives to live nic free. Reading about answering the door, J and Diesel posts I'm laughing my ass off reminiscing some of the really stupid things I did. (I think that was diesel drinking the antifreeze week one to kill himself. I'm sure all of us who were here when he quit remember his pain and how far he has come). I encourage you to write plenty of your thoughts and struggles during quitting here in your intro it is so inspiring to go back and read where you came from later in your journey. Freedom is fantastic and so worth it and you will be surprised at how fast time goes.

[GR8WHITEBUFFALO]

I guarantee EVERYTHING you have done,  I or someoene else on this site has done.  Take comfort in not being alone.  It helps.  Also take conform in knowing that you can change your life,  and we will help every step of the way.  I'm here for you, pm me anytime if u want my didgits.

Example of how dumb I once was:  going 75 mph down the highway when I realize I have no spitter...but I do have a full bottle of windshield washer fluid in my back seat.  Reeeeaaach back as I swereve all over the place trying to grab the jug. I finally get it, proceed to roll down my window and pour out a gallon of wiper fluid at 75 mph.  The shit was all over the side of my car and SOAKS my nice long sleeved shirt, not to mention the people behind me were honking and pissed because their cars were getting coated.  I didn't give a shit...I needed something to spit in.  Ever spit into an empty wiper fluid jug?  The lip on it is sharpe as hell and you get a taste of fluid every time you spit...it doesn't taste too good.

I look back now and cant believe I was such an asshole.  But that's the power of addiction.  It makes you do shit a "sane" you would never normally do.

One more thing to take comfort in....when your quit days build up and you start giving advice and helping out new guys...it helps just as much and feels just as good as reading and getting the advice you are getting now.  It truly is better to give than receive.

Stick with it my friend.  You have many great things to look forward too.  We are here to help when the road gets bumpy,  use us.  When the road starts to smooth out...pay it forward, it will strengthen your quit beyond beliefe

'crackup' Classic.

[Diesel2112]

I guarantee EVERYTHING you have done, I or someoene else on this site has done. Take comfort in not being alone. It helps. Also take conform in knowing that you can change your life, and we will help every step of the way. I'm here for you, pm me anytime if u want my didgits.

Example of how dumb I once was: going 75 mph down the highway when I realize I have no spitter...but I do have a full bottle of windshield washer fluid in my back seat. Reeeeaaach back as I swereve all over the place trying to grab the jug. I finally get it, proceed to roll down my window and pour out a gallon of wiper fluid at 75 mph. The shit was all over the side of my car and SOAKS my nice long sleeved shirt, not to mention the people behind me were honking and pissed because their cars were getting coated. I didn't give a shit...I needed something to spit in. Ever spit into an empty wiper fluid jug? The lip on it is sharpe as hell and you get a taste of fluid every time you spit...it doesn't taste too good.

I look back now and cant believe I was such an asshole. But that's the power of addiction. It makes you do shit a "sane" you would never normally do.

One more thing to take comfort in....when your quit days build up and you start giving advice and helping out new guys...it helps just as much and feels just as good as reading and getting the advice you are getting now. It truly is better to give than receive.

Stick with it my friend. You have many great things to look forward too. We are here to help when the road gets bumpy, use us. When the road starts to smooth out...pay it forward, it will strengthen your quit beyond beliefe

[jhaenel23]

Day 4, 11AM. Another great reason for my quit. The doorbell rang and I just answered it! No scrambling around tossing my dip, hiding my cup, making excuses (meaning lies) and feeling guilty about yet another thing.

Today is a great day my brothers, you have prepared me well. After drinking 10+ gallons of water, 30 miles of running (or walking the dog, who is on the verge of collapse), 12 laxatives (keeping everything firing on all cylinders down below), 6 sleeping pills (10 hours a night), and 5 rambling posts to KTC...I am doing just fine. I love my quit. I want more people to knock on my door!

It is only day 4 and I know that everyday is a fight but I am ready for it. I embrace all that is good about my quit. This morning...it was the FedEx guy. I am not sure he will ever get such a warm reception again.

My head isn't foggy right now and my hair is not standing up at attention, today is going to be a good quit day.

Thanks to my brothers who have helped me along this path. I know it is going to be hard, but it has been proven to work and that takes away the scare. I love reading reading the HOF speeches, for those who have written them, your keystrokes were not wasted.

I smell some serious Quit with this one! I recently re-read my intro posts from my first days and you can see the clarity and confidence as the days tick by. You go from counting seconds to minutes to hours to days! Keep doing what you are doing. And dont let down your guard!! I had a severe crave this am!! Near as I can tell, the NIC Bitch never goes away!! Your posts help us to brother!

Welcome!


J

[aaronep]

Day 4, 11AM. Another great reason for my quit. The doorbell rang and I just answered it! No scrambling around tossing my dip, hiding my cup, making excuses (meaning lies) and feeling guilty about yet another thing.

Today is a great day my brothers, you have prepared me well. After drinking 10+ gallons of water, 30 miles of running (or walking the dog, who is on the verge of collapse), 12 laxatives (keeping everything firing on all cylinders down below), 6 sleeping pills (10 hours a night), and 5 rambling posts to KTC...I am doing just fine. I love my quit. I want more people to knock on my door!

It is only day 4 and I know that everyday is a fight but I am ready for it. I embrace all that is good about my quit. This morning...it was the FedEx guy. I am not sure he will ever get such a warm reception again.

My head isn't foggy right now and my hair is not standing up at attention, today is going to be a good quit day.

Thanks to my brothers who have helped me along this path. I know it is going to be hard, but it has been proven to work and that takes away the scare. I love reading reading the HOF speeches, for those who have written them, your keystrokes were not wasted.