Jake_M Day 1

[jake_m]

Day 25- Yesterday the nic bitch was reeking havoc in my brain with a crowbar. She was making me seriously contemplate caving saying things like "this shit aint worth it" and "Your are just quitting for your wife and she doesn't deserve this" and "you wouldn't be so pissed if you had a dip". It was a real struggle. It didn't really build up to that point over much time. The voices just came out of no where. It hit me like a freight train. I drove down the road, where I had cell service, and called a couple guys from my quit group (NMCB, and Danno30) and talked to both of them for a while and they reminded me why I quit. I suppose just raging on them helped as well. Normally when me and my wife would get into a fight I would just get a pinch of snuff and everything would be ok. Not the case yesterday. It took me much longer to find forgiveness than before I quit. This was really my first experience with getting in a serious argument with my wife and not being able to retreat to my grizzly wintergreen longcut. I hope that this was the hardest one. I am glad to of had the numbers of my fellow quitters. I am not sure I would have been able to post day 25 today with out them. That is what this site is all about. We just have to use all the tools at our disposal. Today I logged on and seen where Skoal Monster posted a speech that I really could have used yesterday. I have to figure out how to get internet at my house...

[Mthomas3824]

Day 19- Humor- So yesterday my wife wanted me to show her "my" site. She wanted to see what had gotten into me to make me this on fire about quitting. So I said sure I can show you. She was pretty excited about finally seeing the thing that possibly saved my life. I pull up jan. quit group on the internet. Now my wife is a very jealous woman. So what is the first thing she sees when we log on, a post by non other than lippi, followed by a post by shorthorn. Thank you Mahem. She thought that their avatars were pictures of themselves. She thought that I was a member of slut city. I finally explained to her that they were just horny men that put that as their Avatar. Her reply was "You probably have something just as nasty as yours don't you?" I said "Baby you know me better than to have something that would disgrace my good name." She said "show me". Her reaction: "You mean to tell me that two turtles fucking is not disgraceful!!!" My abs still hurt from laughing so hard

LOL!!! That's was funny to read.

[jake_m]

Day 19- Humor- So yesterday my wife wanted me to show her "my" site. She wanted to see what had gotten into me to make me this on fire about quitting. So I said sure I can show you. She was pretty excited about finally seeing the thing that possibly saved my life. I pull up jan. quit group on the internet. Now my wife is a very jealous woman. So what is the first thing she sees when we log on, a post by non other than lippi, followed by a post by shorthorn. Thank you Mahem. She thought that their avatars were pictures of themselves. She thought that I was a member of slut city. I finally explained to her that they were just horny men that put that as their Avatar. Her reply was "You probably have something just as nasty as yours don't you?" I said "Baby you know me better than to have something that would disgrace my good name." She said "show me". Her reaction: "You mean to tell me that two turtles fucking is not disgraceful!!!" My abs still hurt from laughing so hard

[Danno30]

Jake, I just PM'd you my cell #. Put me in your text group if you have not already. From the way you describe your work environment, you've got it harder than I do. You will be / are a great example b/c I know I won't have a fraction of the temptation you do. I'm the opposite, no one I hang out with on a regular basis dips. That just mean I am my own worst enemy.

All right bro, I gonna keep quitting with you. I'll tell you right now, for me to go 10 days without dipping is nothing. Its a part of my psychological "I'm not addicted" cycle. But after 10 days (or so) the nic bitch says "It's okay, see you are not addicted, you can quit any time." So I fucking start again. I've been fooling myself with this cycle for nearly 30 years. Complacency after a stop is my biggest challenge.

I'll look for your post tomorrow. I will be posting late in the day. I'm flying London to Houston tomorrow and won't have access to the computer until early evening.

[jake_m]

Day 14-When they told me that 60% of the people in my quit group would cave I didn't find it hard to believe. What I never considered was that my text group had the same statistics. It makes sense it just never occurred to me that over half of the people I am texting with on a daily basis would stab me in the back. This is truly upsetting for me. I just found out another one of my text group members caved....Hartbkd31. This was extremely surprising and painful for Tony to be the next one. Since the very first day tony got here, him and I have non stop texted. He and I worked over vibes and Dalco (two others in our text group) when they caved. If you would have told me yesterday that tony was gonna cave I would have called you a fucking liar. I have fought side by side with him several times against cavers he fucking hates them. Today I stand corrected. I always get so angry when someone caves. How come with tony I don't feel anger? I feel mostly hurt and deceived. I was proud to stand by Tony. I spoke with tony a few minutes ago and I will not tell his story but for some insight, He is dealing with demons much harsher than the nic bitch, and the nic bitch convinced him that it was one or the other. He chose the less harsh one because it seemed "logical". I told him that he was making excuses. He said he didn't want to came back for he was so ashamed. I talked with him and convinced him that it was a stupid decision not to. I hope that tonight he will be posting his three answers. I want to see Tony come back. I hate that he caved. This has put a real damper on me. It has got me think again about my text group. Statistically over half should cave. There are 8 in my text group. That means statistically at least one maybe two more will cave. Who will it be? Operator? Cpoz? Matt006? Sean15? or Mark4? I look at this list of names and am trying to figure out which one it will be. None of them, they are all badass quitters. I said that yesterday about Tony. Yesterday Tony was a badass quitter. I apparently don't know shit.

[Mthomas3824]

Day 14- Today both of my brothers are quit. Very good day for me. Next stop will be my dad.

You my man are absolutely killing it. Love me some Jake getting the whole family quit.

This just strengthens my quit bro ... thanks for that!

Absolutely love it!

Bastards at US Tobaccy are going to send a sales rep to your city to see what the hell is going with their drop in sales. Fuck em

Thanks guys couldn't have done it with out yalls help

Jake, you caught the vision, very inspired by your quit and work. Just protect your quit. I used to make deals with my wife and son. "If you quit diet coke and Mt. Dew, I will quit chewing" The second, seriously the moment I caught my wife or son humping their addiction...It gave me freedom (more like excuse) to go back on my word.

Your family members might fail. How will that impact your quit?

Get them involved but never forget that posting roll here will keep you protected from a stupid impulse to cave! Once you have posted, you need to call someone on that roll to ask permission to cave. If you can't get permission, I don't give a shit what your family chose. You promised to quit.

Short version: You own your quit and your word. Keep true to both!

[wastepanel]

Day 14- Today both of my brothers are quit. Very good day for me. Next stop will be my dad.

You my man are absolutely killing it. Love me some Jake getting the whole family quit.

This just strengthens my quit bro ... thanks for that!

Absolutely love it!

Bastards at US Tobaccy are going to send a sales rep to your city to see what the hell is going with their drop in sales. Fuck em

Thanks guys couldn't have done it with out yalls help

You know what's really funny?

After I quit, I suddenly starting getting mailings from ust ALL THE TIME. I had never signed up for anything when I was using, so why did it start afterwards???

Tin foil hat on.

[jake_m]

Day 14- Today both of my brothers are quit. Very good day for me. Next stop will be my dad.

You my man are absolutely killing it. Love me some Jake getting the whole family quit.

This just strengthens my quit bro ... thanks for that!

Absolutely love it!

Bastards at US Tobaccy are going to send a sales rep to your city to see what the hell is going with their drop in sales. Fuck em

Thanks guys couldn't have done it with out yalls help

[lighty7]

Day 14- Today both of my brothers are quit. Very good day for me. Next stop will be my dad.

You my man are absolutely killing it. Love me some Jake getting the whole family quit.

This just strengthens my quit bro ... thanks for that!

Absolutely love it!

Bastards at US Tobaccy are going to send a sales rep to your city to see what the hell is going with their drop in sales. Fuck em

[Smeds]

Day 14- Today both of my brothers are quit. Very good day for me. Next stop will be my dad.

You my man are absolutely killing it. Love me some Jake getting the whole family quit.

This just strengthens my quit bro ... thanks for that!

[Done4Me]

Day 14- Today both of my brothers are quit. Very good day for me. Next stop will be my dad.

You my man are absolutely killing it. Love me some Jake getting the whole family quit.

[Grady]

Great news about your brothers Jake. Keep doing what you're doing. Good luck with Dad.

[jake_m]

Day 14- Today both of my brothers are quit. Very good day for me. Next stop will be my dad.

[jake_m]

Day 12- I have attempted to quit many times. I have never succeeded because it was just to hard and I didn't have the tools I needed. Not once had I ever even came close to actually staying quit for this long. For the past 2 weeks I have been glued to this site. Though this site alone did I quit being a fool. Thank you, all of KTC.

[wastepanel]

Day 11-Cave Rant- Today I found out my quit group had two cavers over the weekend, Vibes and Dalco. Both of these were in my text group. How did this happen? They were texting all day. They seemed perfectly fine. They never once said that they were about to cave. What is the point of having all these contacts and people that care when you don't even reach out when you most need it. Why did these people not reach out? I feel disgusted, betrayed, angry, disappointed, confused, and hurt all at the same time. I never thought of it this way until this very moment but I guess I now know (slightly) how my wife felt all those years. I'm sure she asked herself these very same questions countless times. I don't even know these guys, I cant even imagine how much I must have been hurting her, . How many times did I promise my wife that I wouldn't or hadn't caved when I knew full and well that I had and would continue to do so. I am absolutely ashamed of what I have done to her. I wish I knew of a word that was more shameful than shame because that is how I feel. All this over something that was killing me. How dumb am I ? Today I was beside myself because these two betrayed me. I am so very glad my wife did not want to rid me the same way that I wanted to rid you, despite me doing it to her again and again and again. I'm so glad she is more forgiving than I am. All of that is in the past and all I can do now is change what the future will hold. I will never be that sorry piece of trash again. I will never be that person again. I WILL NEVER let nicotine control me like that again.

There's one thing and one thing alone that you can control in this world: your actions.

You're a leaf in the wind on the rest of it, my friend.

Keep up the great work. Very fucking proud of you.