My good cave

[Wt57]

Thanks to everyone for your support that got me to today, day 365!

I layed down and had a nap this afternoon, what happened? "Dip dream!" This wasn't the first by any means but this was the most vivid and my list if feelings upon discovering I had caved were something like this: extreme disappointment in myself, embarrassment for letting my brothers down, question; (had I posted roll today), how can I hide my folly, no one needs to know, I just as well have another, how can I face my wife ( she surprised me this morning with a 1 year celebration card this morning). While planning my deception the phone rang and I woke up. Damn it I'm still such an addict! How sad we ever introduced this evil substance into our bodies but how great it is that we found the keys to quit and stay quit! I guess that this was a timely reminder that I'm still that addict. I'd been having thoughts that I didn't need a daily promise.

[mich 34]

Nice job Wt
(you're listed as 1 year today - I went into July and see that's off by a few days, still - nice work you do here!)

[Grizzly25]

Just one more!

Just one more what?  Yesterday I had a newbie that was dwelling on wanting one more dip!  Why?  'Crazy'  why would anyone who's gone through the pain of the first couple of weeks want to throw that away?  Two main things come to mind: 1. We are addicts and 2. We've fooled ourselves that it would be easier to quit than it is. (Reality is it sucks)

I'm choosing today: Just One More!  that's right, One More Day Of Freedom!. I'm extending my hand of support, join me.

I will join you WT, you are in inspiration to many of us. I won't hold your hand in public, but I am with you!

One more day of awesome quitness!

One more day of Freedom from the can!

One more day where we badass quiters win!

One more day where big tobacco loses!

Quit on Quiters one awesome day at a time!

[Tazbutane]

Just one more!

Just one more what? Yesterday I had a newbie that was dwelling on wanting one more dip! Why? 'Crazy' why would anyone who's gone through the pain of the first couple of weeks want to throw that away? Two main things come to mind: 1. We are addicts and 2. We've fooled ourselves that it would be easier to quit than it is. (Reality is it sucks)

I'm choosing today: Just One More! that's right, One More Day Of Freedom!. I'm extending my hand of support, join me.

I will join you WT, you are in inspiration to many of us. I won't hold your hand in public, but I am with you!

[Wt57]

Just one more!

Just one more what? Yesterday I had a newbie that was dwelling on wanting one more dip! Why? 'Crazy' why would anyone who's gone through the pain of the first couple of weeks want to throw that away? Two main things come to mind: 1. We are addicts and 2. We've fooled ourselves that it would be easier to quit than it is. (Reality is it sucks)

I'm choosing today: Just One More! that's right, One More Day Of Freedom!. I'm extending my hand of support, join me.

[CleanFuel]

Yesterday was a day I've desired for decades!  I honestly believe it will be the turning point in my quit and my life.  How could one event be so dramatic and important?  Well I've carried some burdens in my life that for me were deep secrets that I hid at all expense.  Not wanting to accept, admit or even think about my secrets I went from one addiction to another to hide the pain and avoid facing reality.  After about 150 days I began to hurt, I no longer had my cover!  I really didn't even know what was wrong because of the 40 years of addiction had me tricked, I wasn't even sure what I was running or hiding from anymore.  I talked about the void I felt and not knowing how to fill it.  For the past 170 days or so I've been going crazy trying to figure out what was wrong.  During my first weeks of quit I had shared some things that i had held as secrets with a councilor and felt liberated, freed.  So for the past 3 weeks I've been jotting down notes in my personal notes on my control panel account summary page. I started writing like I was writing to a friend explaining what I've been feeling. I had a lot of pain laid out in my letter to my imaginary friend. 

Two days ago I decided to share some of my thoughts and fears in quitting with a fellow quitter here at KTC.  The personal messages went back and forth and the more we shared our experiences quitting the more comfortable I got sharing extremely personal experiences which lead to my exposing my burdens and came as a relief that I no longer am hiding my secrets.  I'm not sure where I'm going from here but I do know it is forward.  I do know that the giant hole I've felt since quitting shrunk to a small hole that is within my ability to deal with.

The brotherhood of KTC is a phenomenal experience.  I've spent my life avoiding people and going into my seclusion to ninja dip.  For the past 320 days I've gone out of my comfort zone and been open about things I've never considered talking to anyone about. I don't know if I've been a lot of help to others (I hope I have) but I have definitely become a much different person than I was when I started.  I never expected all the added benefits I'm enjoying by being part of this group.  Thank you to everyone, and drink up the koolaid is so so satisfying!

Get out of my head, wt!!! Dammit that sounds so much like me. I'm still getting used to that feeling of moments when I don't need to carry those burdens anymore. It's really astounding to me how one vice seems to make other parts of your life worse, and if not worse, at least more uncomfortable. You're ten times further along in your quit than I am, and you're admitting that it has taken that long to shed those burdens. As hard as it is to quit, I think it's just as hard to get rid of those burdens. Even bigger than that, for me anyway, is forgiveness. Somebody on April's roll yesterday said they looked forward to the freedom that came from forgiving themselves. That is a burden I still feel today. But I'm getting there. Thanks for the post and the honesty, wt.

And yes, you have helped people on here. I'm one of them. I find myself reading everything you write on here. You are very introspective and that really helps those of us that analyze the hell out of everything, most importantly ourselves.

You rock, old man.

WT....I Love you man.....

you know that....

PEACE

I can tell you that you have been instrumental in my quit. I always appreciate the texts and posts. I'm glad that you have gained a lot from this website, and it is pushing you to move forward. Great job WT!!!

Nice work WT. Congratulations man. Hard work to find who you are is worth it. We're all walking a path together.

Great stuff brother!!

Keep inspiring those who believed they were once uninspirable!

Way to go WT! Quit porn right there!

This is good shit right hey'ah. You don't know me from Adam, WT, but I follow you. You have presence here. You have power here. When I see those two kids in the avatar I want to read what's posted. I respect what you say. You're someone we look too for guidance. I admire you WT. Keep doing what you're doing because it means something to me. Thank you.

WT is a mother fucking QUIT ROCK GOD......bring it BITCH.....

POWWWWW

[per034]

Yesterday was a day I've desired for decades!  I honestly believe it will be the turning point in my quit and my life.  How could one event be so dramatic and important?  Well I've carried some burdens in my life that for me were deep secrets that I hid at all expense.  Not wanting to accept, admit or even think about my secrets I went from one addiction to another to hide the pain and avoid facing reality.  After about 150 days I began to hurt, I no longer had my cover!  I really didn't even know what was wrong because of the 40 years of addiction had me tricked, I wasn't even sure what I was running or hiding from anymore.  I talked about the void I felt and not knowing how to fill it.  For the past 170 days or so I've been going crazy trying to figure out what was wrong.  During my first weeks of quit I had shared some things that i had held as secrets with a councilor and felt liberated, freed.  So for the past 3 weeks I've been jotting down notes in my personal notes on my control panel account summary page. I started writing like I was writing to a friend explaining what I've been feeling. I had a lot of pain laid out in my letter to my imaginary friend. 

Two days ago I decided to share some of my thoughts and fears in quitting with a fellow quitter here at KTC.  The personal messages went back and forth and the more we shared our experiences quitting the more comfortable I got sharing extremely personal experiences which lead to my exposing my burdens and came as a relief that I no longer am hiding my secrets.  I'm not sure where I'm going from here but I do know it is forward.  I do know that the giant hole I've felt since quitting shrunk to a small hole that is within my ability to deal with.

The brotherhood of KTC is a phenomenal experience.  I've spent my life avoiding people and going into my seclusion to ninja dip.  For the past 320 days I've gone out of my comfort zone and been open about things I've never considered talking to anyone about. I don't know if I've been a lot of help to others (I hope I have) but I have definitely become a much different person than I was when I started.  I never expected all the added benefits I'm enjoying by being part of this group.  Thank you to everyone, and drink up the koolaid is so so satisfying!

Get out of my head, wt!!! Dammit that sounds so much like me. I'm still getting used to that feeling of moments when I don't need to carry those burdens anymore. It's really astounding to me how one vice seems to make other parts of your life worse, and if not worse, at least more uncomfortable. You're ten times further along in your quit than I am, and you're admitting that it has taken that long to shed those burdens. As hard as it is to quit, I think it's just as hard to get rid of those burdens. Even bigger than that, for me anyway, is forgiveness. Somebody on April's roll yesterday said they looked forward to the freedom that came from forgiving themselves. That is a burden I still feel today. But I'm getting there. Thanks for the post and the honesty, wt.

And yes, you have helped people on here. I'm one of them. I find myself reading everything you write on here. You are very introspective and that really helps those of us that analyze the hell out of everything, most importantly ourselves.

You rock, old man.

WT....I Love you man.....

you know that....

PEACE

I can tell you that you have been instrumental in my quit. I always appreciate the texts and posts. I'm glad that you have gained a lot from this website, and it is pushing you to move forward. Great job WT!!!

Nice work WT. Congratulations man. Hard work to find who you are is worth it. We're all walking a path together.

Great stuff brother!!

Keep inspiring those who believed they were once uninspirable!

Way to go WT! Quit porn right there!

This is good shit right hey'ah. You don't know me from Adam, WT, but I follow you. You have presence here. You have power here. When I see those two kids in the avatar I want to read what's posted. I respect what you say. You're someone we look too for guidance. I admire you WT. Keep doing what you're doing because it means something to me. Thank you.

[30yraddict]

Yesterday was a day I've desired for decades!  I honestly believe it will be the turning point in my quit and my life.  How could one event be so dramatic and important?  Well I've carried some burdens in my life that for me were deep secrets that I hid at all expense.  Not wanting to accept, admit or even think about my secrets I went from one addiction to another to hide the pain and avoid facing reality.  After about 150 days I began to hurt, I no longer had my cover!  I really didn't even know what was wrong because of the 40 years of addiction had me tricked, I wasn't even sure what I was running or hiding from anymore.  I talked about the void I felt and not knowing how to fill it.  For the past 170 days or so I've been going crazy trying to figure out what was wrong.  During my first weeks of quit I had shared some things that i had held as secrets with a councilor and felt liberated, freed.  So for the past 3 weeks I've been jotting down notes in my personal notes on my control panel account summary page. I started writing like I was writing to a friend explaining what I've been feeling. I had a lot of pain laid out in my letter to my imaginary friend. 

Two days ago I decided to share some of my thoughts and fears in quitting with a fellow quitter here at KTC.  The personal messages went back and forth and the more we shared our experiences quitting the more comfortable I got sharing extremely personal experiences which lead to my exposing my burdens and came as a relief that I no longer am hiding my secrets.  I'm not sure where I'm going from here but I do know it is forward.  I do know that the giant hole I've felt since quitting shrunk to a small hole that is within my ability to deal with.

The brotherhood of KTC is a phenomenal experience.  I've spent my life avoiding people and going into my seclusion to ninja dip.  For the past 320 days I've gone out of my comfort zone and been open about things I've never considered talking to anyone about. I don't know if I've been a lot of help to others (I hope I have) but I have definitely become a much different person than I was when I started.  I never expected all the added benefits I'm enjoying by being part of this group.  Thank you to everyone, and drink up the koolaid is so so satisfying!

Get out of my head, wt!!! Dammit that sounds so much like me. I'm still getting used to that feeling of moments when I don't need to carry those burdens anymore. It's really astounding to me how one vice seems to make other parts of your life worse, and if not worse, at least more uncomfortable. You're ten times further along in your quit than I am, and you're admitting that it has taken that long to shed those burdens. As hard as it is to quit, I think it's just as hard to get rid of those burdens. Even bigger than that, for me anyway, is forgiveness. Somebody on April's roll yesterday said they looked forward to the freedom that came from forgiving themselves. That is a burden I still feel today. But I'm getting there. Thanks for the post and the honesty, wt.

And yes, you have helped people on here. I'm one of them. I find myself reading everything you write on here. You are very introspective and that really helps those of us that analyze the hell out of everything, most importantly ourselves.

You rock, old man.

WT....I Love you man.....

you know that....

PEACE

I can tell you that you have been instrumental in my quit. I always appreciate the texts and posts. I'm glad that you have gained a lot from this website, and it is pushing you to move forward. Great job WT!!!

Nice work WT. Congratulations man. Hard work to find who you are is worth it. We're all walking a path together.

Great stuff brother!!

Keep inspiring those who believed they were once uninspirable!

Way to go WT! Quit porn right there!

[Grizzly25]

Yesterday was a day I've desired for decades!  I honestly believe it will be the turning point in my quit and my life.  How could one event be so dramatic and important?  Well I've carried some burdens in my life that for me were deep secrets that I hid at all expense.  Not wanting to accept, admit or even think about my secrets I went from one addiction to another to hide the pain and avoid facing reality.  After about 150 days I began to hurt, I no longer had my cover!  I really didn't even know what was wrong because of the 40 years of addiction had me tricked, I wasn't even sure what I was running or hiding from anymore.  I talked about the void I felt and not knowing how to fill it.  For the past 170 days or so I've been going crazy trying to figure out what was wrong.  During my first weeks of quit I had shared some things that i had held as secrets with a councilor and felt liberated, freed.  So for the past 3 weeks I've been jotting down notes in my personal notes on my control panel account summary page. I started writing like I was writing to a friend explaining what I've been feeling. I had a lot of pain laid out in my letter to my imaginary friend. 

Two days ago I decided to share some of my thoughts and fears in quitting with a fellow quitter here at KTC.  The personal messages went back and forth and the more we shared our experiences quitting the more comfortable I got sharing extremely personal experiences which lead to my exposing my burdens and came as a relief that I no longer am hiding my secrets.  I'm not sure where I'm going from here but I do know it is forward.  I do know that the giant hole I've felt since quitting shrunk to a small hole that is within my ability to deal with.

The brotherhood of KTC is a phenomenal experience.  I've spent my life avoiding people and going into my seclusion to ninja dip.  For the past 320 days I've gone out of my comfort zone and been open about things I've never considered talking to anyone about. I don't know if I've been a lot of help to others (I hope I have) but I have definitely become a much different person than I was when I started.  I never expected all the added benefits I'm enjoying by being part of this group.  Thank you to everyone, and drink up the koolaid is so so satisfying!

Get out of my head, wt!!! Dammit that sounds so much like me. I'm still getting used to that feeling of moments when I don't need to carry those burdens anymore. It's really astounding to me how one vice seems to make other parts of your life worse, and if not worse, at least more uncomfortable. You're ten times further along in your quit than I am, and you're admitting that it has taken that long to shed those burdens. As hard as it is to quit, I think it's just as hard to get rid of those burdens. Even bigger than that, for me anyway, is forgiveness. Somebody on April's roll yesterday said they looked forward to the freedom that came from forgiving themselves. That is a burden I still feel today. But I'm getting there. Thanks for the post and the honesty, wt.

And yes, you have helped people on here. I'm one of them. I find myself reading everything you write on here. You are very introspective and that really helps those of us that analyze the hell out of everything, most importantly ourselves.

You rock, old man.

WT....I Love you man.....

you know that....

PEACE

I can tell you that you have been instrumental in my quit. I always appreciate the texts and posts. I'm glad that you have gained a lot from this website, and it is pushing you to move forward. Great job WT!!!

Nice work WT. Congratulations man. Hard work to find who you are is worth it. We're all walking a path together.

Great stuff brother!!

Keep inspiring those who believed they were once uninspirable!

[Souliman]

Yesterday was a day I've desired for decades!  I honestly believe it will be the turning point in my quit and my life.  How could one event be so dramatic and important?  Well I've carried some burdens in my life that for me were deep secrets that I hid at all expense.  Not wanting to accept, admit or even think about my secrets I went from one addiction to another to hide the pain and avoid facing reality.  After about 150 days I began to hurt, I no longer had my cover!  I really didn't even know what was wrong because of the 40 years of addiction had me tricked, I wasn't even sure what I was running or hiding from anymore.  I talked about the void I felt and not knowing how to fill it.  For the past 170 days or so I've been going crazy trying to figure out what was wrong.  During my first weeks of quit I had shared some things that i had held as secrets with a councilor and felt liberated, freed.  So for the past 3 weeks I've been jotting down notes in my personal notes on my control panel account summary page. I started writing like I was writing to a friend explaining what I've been feeling. I had a lot of pain laid out in my letter to my imaginary friend. 

Two days ago I decided to share some of my thoughts and fears in quitting with a fellow quitter here at KTC.  The personal messages went back and forth and the more we shared our experiences quitting the more comfortable I got sharing extremely personal experiences which lead to my exposing my burdens and came as a relief that I no longer am hiding my secrets.  I'm not sure where I'm going from here but I do know it is forward.  I do know that the giant hole I've felt since quitting shrunk to a small hole that is within my ability to deal with.

The brotherhood of KTC is a phenomenal experience.  I've spent my life avoiding people and going into my seclusion to ninja dip.  For the past 320 days I've gone out of my comfort zone and been open about things I've never considered talking to anyone about. I don't know if I've been a lot of help to others (I hope I have) but I have definitely become a much different person than I was when I started.  I never expected all the added benefits I'm enjoying by being part of this group.  Thank you to everyone, and drink up the koolaid is so so satisfying!

Get out of my head, wt!!! Dammit that sounds so much like me. I'm still getting used to that feeling of moments when I don't need to carry those burdens anymore. It's really astounding to me how one vice seems to make other parts of your life worse, and if not worse, at least more uncomfortable. You're ten times further along in your quit than I am, and you're admitting that it has taken that long to shed those burdens. As hard as it is to quit, I think it's just as hard to get rid of those burdens. Even bigger than that, for me anyway, is forgiveness. Somebody on April's roll yesterday said they looked forward to the freedom that came from forgiving themselves. That is a burden I still feel today. But I'm getting there. Thanks for the post and the honesty, wt.

And yes, you have helped people on here. I'm one of them. I find myself reading everything you write on here. You are very introspective and that really helps those of us that analyze the hell out of everything, most importantly ourselves.

You rock, old man.

WT....I Love you man.....

you know that....

PEACE

I can tell you that you have been instrumental in my quit. I always appreciate the texts and posts. I'm glad that you have gained a lot from this website, and it is pushing you to move forward. Great job WT!!!

Nice work WT. Congratulations man. Hard work to find who you are is worth it. We're all walking a path together.

[dr_jones_25]

Yesterday was a day I've desired for decades!  I honestly believe it will be the turning point in my quit and my life.  How could one event be so dramatic and important?  Well I've carried some burdens in my life that for me were deep secrets that I hid at all expense.  Not wanting to accept, admit or even think about my secrets I went from one addiction to another to hide the pain and avoid facing reality.  After about 150 days I began to hurt, I no longer had my cover!  I really didn't even know what was wrong because of the 40 years of addiction had me tricked, I wasn't even sure what I was running or hiding from anymore.  I talked about the void I felt and not knowing how to fill it.  For the past 170 days or so I've been going crazy trying to figure out what was wrong.  During my first weeks of quit I had shared some things that i had held as secrets with a councilor and felt liberated, freed.  So for the past 3 weeks I've been jotting down notes in my personal notes on my control panel account summary page. I started writing like I was writing to a friend explaining what I've been feeling. I had a lot of pain laid out in my letter to my imaginary friend. 

Two days ago I decided to share some of my thoughts and fears in quitting with a fellow quitter here at KTC.  The personal messages went back and forth and the more we shared our experiences quitting the more comfortable I got sharing extremely personal experiences which lead to my exposing my burdens and came as a relief that I no longer am hiding my secrets.  I'm not sure where I'm going from here but I do know it is forward.  I do know that the giant hole I've felt since quitting shrunk to a small hole that is within my ability to deal with.

The brotherhood of KTC is a phenomenal experience.  I've spent my life avoiding people and going into my seclusion to ninja dip.  For the past 320 days I've gone out of my comfort zone and been open about things I've never considered talking to anyone about. I don't know if I've been a lot of help to others (I hope I have) but I have definitely become a much different person than I was when I started.  I never expected all the added benefits I'm enjoying by being part of this group.  Thank you to everyone, and drink up the koolaid is so so satisfying!

Get out of my head, wt!!! Dammit that sounds so much like me. I'm still getting used to that feeling of moments when I don't need to carry those burdens anymore. It's really astounding to me how one vice seems to make other parts of your life worse, and if not worse, at least more uncomfortable. You're ten times further along in your quit than I am, and you're admitting that it has taken that long to shed those burdens. As hard as it is to quit, I think it's just as hard to get rid of those burdens. Even bigger than that, for me anyway, is forgiveness. Somebody on April's roll yesterday said they looked forward to the freedom that came from forgiving themselves. That is a burden I still feel today. But I'm getting there. Thanks for the post and the honesty, wt.

And yes, you have helped people on here. I'm one of them. I find myself reading everything you write on here. You are very introspective and that really helps those of us that analyze the hell out of everything, most importantly ourselves.

You rock, old man.

WT....I Love you man.....

you know that....

PEACE

I can tell you that you have been instrumental in my quit. I always appreciate the texts and posts. I'm glad that you have gained a lot from this website, and it is pushing you to move forward. Great job WT!!!

[CleanFuel]

Yesterday was a day I've desired for decades!  I honestly believe it will be the turning point in my quit and my life.  How could one event be so dramatic and important?  Well I've carried some burdens in my life that for me were deep secrets that I hid at all expense.  Not wanting to accept, admit or even think about my secrets I went from one addiction to another to hide the pain and avoid facing reality.  After about 150 days I began to hurt, I no longer had my cover!  I really didn't even know what was wrong because of the 40 years of addiction had me tricked, I wasn't even sure what I was running or hiding from anymore.  I talked about the void I felt and not knowing how to fill it.  For the past 170 days or so I've been going crazy trying to figure out what was wrong.  During my first weeks of quit I had shared some things that i had held as secrets with a councilor and felt liberated, freed.  So for the past 3 weeks I've been jotting down notes in my personal notes on my control panel account summary page. I started writing like I was writing to a friend explaining what I've been feeling. I had a lot of pain laid out in my letter to my imaginary friend. 

Two days ago I decided to share some of my thoughts and fears in quitting with a fellow quitter here at KTC.  The personal messages went back and forth and the more we shared our experiences quitting the more comfortable I got sharing extremely personal experiences which lead to my exposing my burdens and came as a relief that I no longer am hiding my secrets.  I'm not sure where I'm going from here but I do know it is forward.  I do know that the giant hole I've felt since quitting shrunk to a small hole that is within my ability to deal with.

The brotherhood of KTC is a phenomenal experience.  I've spent my life avoiding people and going into my seclusion to ninja dip.  For the past 320 days I've gone out of my comfort zone and been open about things I've never considered talking to anyone about. I don't know if I've been a lot of help to others (I hope I have) but I have definitely become a much different person than I was when I started.  I never expected all the added benefits I'm enjoying by being part of this group.  Thank you to everyone, and drink up the koolaid is so so satisfying!

Get out of my head, wt!!! Dammit that sounds so much like me. I'm still getting used to that feeling of moments when I don't need to carry those burdens anymore. It's really astounding to me how one vice seems to make other parts of your life worse, and if not worse, at least more uncomfortable. You're ten times further along in your quit than I am, and you're admitting that it has taken that long to shed those burdens. As hard as it is to quit, I think it's just as hard to get rid of those burdens. Even bigger than that, for me anyway, is forgiveness. Somebody on April's roll yesterday said they looked forward to the freedom that came from forgiving themselves. That is a burden I still feel today. But I'm getting there. Thanks for the post and the honesty, wt.

And yes, you have helped people on here. I'm one of them. I find myself reading everything you write on here. You are very introspective and that really helps those of us that analyze the hell out of everything, most importantly ourselves.

You rock, old man.

WT....I Love you man.....

you know that....

PEACE

[Dlee3]

Yesterday was a day I've desired for decades! I honestly believe it will be the turning point in my quit and my life. How could one event be so dramatic and important? Well I've carried some burdens in my life that for me were deep secrets that I hid at all expense. Not wanting to accept, admit or even think about my secrets I went from one addiction to another to hide the pain and avoid facing reality. After about 150 days I began to hurt, I no longer had my cover! I really didn't even know what was wrong because of the 40 years of addiction had me tricked, I wasn't even sure what I was running or hiding from anymore. I talked about the void I felt and not knowing how to fill it. For the past 170 days or so I've been going crazy trying to figure out what was wrong. During my first weeks of quit I had shared some things that i had held as secrets with a councilor and felt liberated, freed. So for the past 3 weeks I've been jotting down notes in my personal notes on my control panel account summary page. I started writing like I was writing to a friend explaining what I've been feeling. I had a lot of pain laid out in my letter to my imaginary friend.

Two days ago I decided to share some of my thoughts and fears in quitting with a fellow quitter here at KTC. The personal messages went back and forth and the more we shared our experiences quitting the more comfortable I got sharing extremely personal experiences which lead to my exposing my burdens and came as a relief that I no longer am hiding my secrets. I'm not sure where I'm going from here but I do know it is forward. I do know that the giant hole I've felt since quitting shrunk to a small hole that is within my ability to deal with.

The brotherhood of KTC is a phenomenal experience. I've spent my life avoiding people and going into my seclusion to ninja dip. For the past 320 days I've gone out of my comfort zone and been open about things I've never considered talking to anyone about. I don't know if I've been a lot of help to others (I hope I have) but I have definitely become a much different person than I was when I started. I never expected all the added benefits I'm enjoying by being part of this group. Thank you to everyone, and drink up the koolaid is so so satisfying!

Get out of my head, wt!!! Dammit that sounds so much like me. I'm still getting used to that feeling of moments when I don't need to carry those burdens anymore. It's really astounding to me how one vice seems to make other parts of your life worse, and if not worse, at least more uncomfortable. You're ten times further along in your quit than I am, and you're admitting that it has taken that long to shed those burdens. As hard as it is to quit, I think it's just as hard to get rid of those burdens. Even bigger than that, for me anyway, is forgiveness. Somebody on April's roll yesterday said they looked forward to the freedom that came from forgiving themselves. That is a burden I still feel today. But I'm getting there. Thanks for the post and the honesty, wt.

And yes, you have helped people on here. I'm one of them. I find myself reading everything you write on here. You are very introspective and that really helps those of us that analyze the hell out of everything, most importantly ourselves.

You rock, old man.

[SirDerek]

Yesterday was a day I've desired for decades! I honestly believe it will be the turning point in my quit and my life. How could one event be so dramatic and important? Well I've carried some burdens in my life that for me were deep secrets that I hid at all expense. Not wanting to accept, admit or even think about my secrets I went from one addiction to another to hide the pain and avoid facing reality. After about 150 days I began to hurt, I no longer had my cover! I really didn't even know what was wrong because of the 40 years of addiction had me tricked, I wasn't even sure what I was running or hiding from anymore. I talked about the void I felt and not knowing how to fill it. For the past 170 days or so I've been going crazy trying to figure out what was wrong. During my first weeks of quit I had shared some things that i had held as secrets with a councilor and felt liberated, freed. So for the past 3 weeks I've been jotting down notes in my personal notes on my control panel account summary page. I started writing like I was writing to a friend explaining what I've been feeling. I had a lot of pain laid out in my letter to my imaginary friend.

Two days ago I decided to share some of my thoughts and fears in quitting with a fellow quitter here at KTC. The personal messages went back and forth and the more we shared our experiences quitting the more comfortable I got sharing extremely personal experiences which lead to my exposing my burdens and came as a relief that I no longer am hiding my secrets. I'm not sure where I'm going from here but I do know it is forward. I do know that the giant hole I've felt since quitting shrunk to a small hole that is within my ability to deal with.

The brotherhood of KTC is a phenomenal experience. I've spent my life avoiding people and going into my seclusion to ninja dip. For the past 320 days I've gone out of my comfort zone and been open about things I've never considered talking to anyone about. I don't know if I've been a lot of help to others (I hope I have) but I have definitely become a much different person than I was when I started. I never expected all the added benefits I'm enjoying by being part of this group. Thank you to everyone, and drink up the koolaid is so so satisfying!

It's posts like this that bring a tear to my eye, and a new strengthening to my quit as I see people just like me having the life changing experience as we quit.

proud to be right there, side by side with you in this fight.

'worship'

[Wt57]

Yesterday was a day I've desired for decades! I honestly believe it will be the turning point in my quit and my life. How could one event be so dramatic and important? Well I've carried some burdens in my life that for me were deep secrets that I hid at all expense. Not wanting to accept, admit or even think about my secrets I went from one addiction to another to hide the pain and avoid facing reality. After about 150 days I began to hurt, I no longer had my cover! I really didn't even know what was wrong because of the 40 years of addiction had me tricked, I wasn't even sure what I was running or hiding from anymore. I talked about the void I felt and not knowing how to fill it. For the past 170 days or so I've been going crazy trying to figure out what was wrong. During my first weeks of quit I had shared some things that i had held as secrets with a councilor and felt liberated, freed. So for the past 3 weeks I've been jotting down notes in my personal notes on my control panel account summary page. I started writing like I was writing to a friend explaining what I've been feeling. I had a lot of pain laid out in my letter to my imaginary friend.

Two days ago I decided to share some of my thoughts and fears in quitting with a fellow quitter here at KTC. The personal messages went back and forth and the more we shared our experiences quitting the more comfortable I got sharing extremely personal experiences which lead to my exposing my burdens and came as a relief that I no longer am hiding my secrets. I'm not sure where I'm going from here but I do know it is forward. I do know that the giant hole I've felt since quitting shrunk to a small hole that is within my ability to deal with.

The brotherhood of KTC is a phenomenal experience. I've spent my life avoiding people and going into my seclusion to ninja dip. For the past 320 days I've gone out of my comfort zone and been open about things I've never considered talking to anyone about. I don't know if I've been a lot of help to others (I hope I have) but I have definitely become a much different person than I was when I started. I never expected all the added benefits I'm enjoying by being part of this group. Thank you to everyone, and drink up the koolaid is so so satisfying!