The caver's diary

[Mthomas3824]

sigh....

The only thought vectoring that needs to be clear is the notion of personal responsibility- and how it relates to your quit.

I REFUSE to take credit if you stay quit, and I REFUSE to take responsibility if you cave.  Those are not mine to bear- THEY ARE YOURS, and yours alone.


I don't want to dash your hopes... but there is only one answer.  Your quit has to originate from you.  Sure we can help. We can give advice, We can give you an ass whooping when necessary.  But after the tuba, trombone, bagpipes and those baton twirlers, when the ticker tape is merely debris for the sanitation worker to sweep up, the quit is about you.  You choose to honor your promise....or not.  You choose to be a slave, or a free man.  We cannot quit for you.  We cannot substitute our balls for your own.  We cannot close the door on nicotine for you. 

These things are your responsibility.  Take ownership over your own quit.

'clap'

Deja Vu,

He owned up to it. Yes he took a withdraw out of his trust account. He acknowledge his debt and had a plant to build up his trust account.

Once a deal was made, we also should honor our deal.

I don't think we need to re rake a cave once the wound has been cleaned and healing. there was no infection or change in his healing wound.

Simply an observation for him to take care of the wound and let it heal properly.

I feel that all that was discussed and it is water under the bridge. If you don't want to support his quit, don't.

However it is anti-success if we want to keep opening the wound. His day of account is past and retribution has been agreed.

My two cents...

[Kdip]

I did post roll after I caved, and continued to post roll while using in order to avoid getting caught and getting shit from people on the site, but mostly to avoid detection by my fiance and family. It is disgraceful, and I am still ashamed.

How old are you? Because that just doesn't sound like something a responsible adult would do.

I know there are way more forgiving people on this site than me, but in my opinion what you did was completely unacceptable and if it were up to me, you would lose all of your privileges on this site.

You made a mockery of the roll posting process and I take that pretty fucking seriously and it appears that you don't.


Your integrity is nothing, your word is nothing. I'm not exactly sure how anyone here can believe a single thing that comes out of your mouth.

Pathetic and disgusting.

If it happens again there WON'T be another chance. Posting roll while dipping is totally UN-acceptable and won't be allowed again!!! Take note flying-free! Stay QUIT this time or you will be banned to QSLite!!!!

[Roamcountry]

sigh....

The only thought vectoring that needs to be clear is the notion of personal responsibility- and how it relates to your quit.

I REFUSE to take credit if you stay quit, and I REFUSE to take responsibility if you cave.  Those are not mine to bear- THEY ARE YOURS, and yours alone.


I don't want to dash your hopes... but there is only one answer.  Your quit has to originate from you.  Sure we can help. We can give advice, We can give you an ass whooping when necessary.  But after the tuba, trombone, bagpipes and those baton twirlers, when the ticker tape is merely debris for the sanitation worker to sweep up, the quit is about you.  You choose to honor your promise....or not.  You choose to be a slave, or a free man.  We cannot quit for you.  We cannot substitute our balls for your own.  We cannot close the door on nicotine for you. 

These things are your responsibility.  Take ownership over your own quit.

'clap'

[Kubrick]

I did post roll after I caved, and continued to post roll while using in order to avoid getting caught and getting shit from people on the site, but mostly to avoid detection by my fiance and family. It is disgraceful, and I am still ashamed.

How old are you? Because that just doesn't sound like something a responsible adult would do.

I know there are way more forgiving people on this site than me, but in my opinion what you did was completely unacceptable and if it were up to me, you would lose all of your privileges on this site.

You made a mockery of the roll posting process and I take that pretty fucking seriously and it appears that you don't.


Your integrity is nothing, your word is nothing. I'm not exactly sure how anyone here can believe a single thing that comes out of your mouth.

Pathetic and disgusting.

[30yraddict]

sigh....

The only thought vectoring that needs to be clear is the notion of personal responsibility- and how it relates to your quit.

I REFUSE to take credit if you stay quit, and I REFUSE to take responsibility if you cave. Those are not mine to bear- THEY ARE YOURS, and yours alone.


I don't want to dash your hopes... but there is only one answer. Your quit has to originate from you. Sure we can help. We can give advice, We can give you an ass whooping when necessary. But after the tuba, trombone, bagpipes and those baton twirlers, when the ticker tape is merely debris for the sanitation worker to sweep up, the quit is about you. You choose to honor your promise....or not. You choose to be a slave, or a free man. We cannot quit for you. We cannot substitute our balls for your own. We cannot close the door on nicotine for you.

These things are your responsibility. Take ownership over your own quit.

[flyingfree]

FlyinFree,

I just wanted to add to your new found commitment to quit, that I looked back on the spreadsheet, and you barely posted roll leading up to your cave, and then even more rare after caving. Just a testament to how important posting roll is. I know that you posted roll for 40 days while dipping, but look at you roll leading up to your cave. Just sayin, make sure posting roll is important to you. If I see that you stop posting, or are inconsistent =cave in my book.

Quit with you today!!  'nutkick'

Oh for sure! I got lazy, lost focus on my quit and BOOM, my cave was waiting.

The question I keep asking myself is; did I unconsciously get lazy and that lead to my failure, or was it intentional because I didn't really want to quit?

Unfortunately and sadly, I think it was intentional. Not outright, not obtuse, but subconsciously I didn't want to quit.

Also, that scares me, worries me that there's a cave waiting for me, because I can feel a part of me that still wants the nic. It fucking whispers to me.

But that's just the addiction, its the sick part of my mind that's slaved to the chemical dependency created by nicotine.

When I think about isolating that part, sealing it off from the healthy, quit me, I feel much better. My cravings are much more manageable, my nic rage woosahs, I feel proud of myself for putting 6 clean, honest days on the board, and I'm confident I can quit for today.

Sounds easier than it is. Sometimes it takes a constant and significant effort to suppress that sick part. So when I feel it getting bigger, and that fucker starts talking in my ear, I get on KTC and start reading and posting and reading.

I've found things over the last few days I never saw before, like the words of wisdom and Randy's story. That's some quit magic, settles me right down.

But you're totally right dr jones, whether intentional or not, my first sign was slacking on roll. If you see that again, you kick me in the nuts for real. Then tell me to get my shit together.

Thanks for quitting with me.

Just so I'm clear about what I read here - Did you post roll for 40 days while you continued to dip?

If so, I thought that was pretty much one of the unforgivable sins on this site.

If not, then my reading comprehension just sucks.

Kub, I had the same question?????

Wasn't trying to stir the pot. He admitted that first thing when he caved?

Okay evidently I am the slow one in the room, he admitted it first thing? He admitted what first thing? Was he or was he not posting roll for 40 days while dipping?

I did post roll after I caved, and continued to post roll while using in order to avoid getting caught and getting shit from people on the site, but mostly to avoid detection by my fiance and family. It is disgraceful, and I am still ashamed.

I am so sorry that I didn't have the integrity to at least say that I'd caved. I was fucked up. I still am fucked up, but I'm quit today.

I think dr_jones was just pointing out how late and inconsistent rolls were a precursor to my original cave, and that if he sees the same indications then he'll assume I've caved, even if I don't admit it, since I've broken the trust of the site by lying about being quit before. The message (not his words) was post roll early every day you dumbfuck.

My reply was mostly pscyo-babble about how I originally caved, exploring in my mind the "what" and "why" cave questions so I can better understand and protect my quit. I just used this as a media to express my thoughts and acknowledge how slack roll posts indicate an incoming cave.

I sincerely wasn't trying to fool anyone about my sad, disgraceful history. I was just talking to myself out loud, thinking things through, working through a crave by thinking and posting about my quit. I apologize if it seemed different.

I titled this thread as "A caver's diary" so I can use it for this kind of "thinking it through" purpose as part of the "how" in my new quit plan. I didn't have this before, and it's helped me so far. I welcome all advice, comments and critiques (another good reason for this is so vets can check my thoughts and keep me vectored correctly).

If you want to take your shots for what I did; lying about being quit, posting false roll, breaking the trust, then I deserve them and have no defense.

If you want to tell me that "isolating" the sick, addicted part of my brain is a stupid idea that won't work, ok. I just made it up, and it seemed to help, but maybe you've got a better idea or your experience says that's a bad one. I'm listening, I want your help.

I am quit with you today.

[Buddy Mac]

FlyinFree,

I just wanted to add to your new found commitment to quit, that I looked back on the spreadsheet, and you barely posted roll leading up to your cave, and then even more rare after caving. Just a testament to how important posting roll is. I know that you posted roll for 40 days while dipping, but look at you roll leading up to your cave. Just sayin, make sure posting roll is important to you. If I see that you stop posting, or are inconsistent =cave in my book.

Quit with you today!!  'nutkick'

Oh for sure! I got lazy, lost focus on my quit and BOOM, my cave was waiting.

The question I keep asking myself is; did I unconsciously get lazy and that lead to my failure, or was it intentional because I didn't really want to quit?

Unfortunately and sadly, I think it was intentional. Not outright, not obtuse, but subconsciously I didn't want to quit.

Also, that scares me, worries me that there's a cave waiting for me, because I can feel a part of me that still wants the nic. It fucking whispers to me.

But that's just the addiction, its the sick part of my mind that's slaved to the chemical dependency created by nicotine.

When I think about isolating that part, sealing it off from the healthy, quit me, I feel much better. My cravings are much more manageable, my nic rage woosahs, I feel proud of myself for putting 6 clean, honest days on the board, and I'm confident I can quit for today.

Sounds easier than it is. Sometimes it takes a constant and significant effort to suppress that sick part. So when I feel it getting bigger, and that fucker starts talking in my ear, I get on KTC and start reading and posting and reading.

I've found things over the last few days I never saw before, like the words of wisdom and Randy's story. That's some quit magic, settles me right down.

But you're totally right dr jones, whether intentional or not, my first sign was slacking on roll. If you see that again, you kick me in the nuts for real. Then tell me to get my shit together.

Thanks for quitting with me.

Just so I'm clear about what I read here - Did you post roll for 40 days while you continued to dip?

If so, I thought that was pretty much one of the unforgivable sins on this site.

If not, then my reading comprehension just sucks.

Kub, I had the same question?????

Wasn't trying to stir the pot. He admitted that first thing when he caved?

Okay evidently I am the slow one in the room, he admitted it first thing? He admitted what first thing? Was he or was he not posting roll for 40 days while dipping?

[dr_jones_25]

FlyinFree,

I just wanted to add to your new found commitment to quit, that I looked back on the spreadsheet, and you barely posted roll leading up to your cave, and then even more rare after caving. Just a testament to how important posting roll is. I know that you posted roll for 40 days while dipping, but look at you roll leading up to your cave. Just sayin, make sure posting roll is important to you. If I see that you stop posting, or are inconsistent =cave in my book.

Quit with you today!!  'nutkick'

Oh for sure! I got lazy, lost focus on my quit and BOOM, my cave was waiting.

The question I keep asking myself is; did I unconsciously get lazy and that lead to my failure, or was it intentional because I didn't really want to quit?

Unfortunately and sadly, I think it was intentional. Not outright, not obtuse, but subconsciously I didn't want to quit.

Also, that scares me, worries me that there's a cave waiting for me, because I can feel a part of me that still wants the nic. It fucking whispers to me.

But that's just the addiction, its the sick part of my mind that's slaved to the chemical dependency created by nicotine.

When I think about isolating that part, sealing it off from the healthy, quit me, I feel much better. My cravings are much more manageable, my nic rage woosahs, I feel proud of myself for putting 6 clean, honest days on the board, and I'm confident I can quit for today.

Sounds easier than it is. Sometimes it takes a constant and significant effort to suppress that sick part. So when I feel it getting bigger, and that fucker starts talking in my ear, I get on KTC and start reading and posting and reading.

I've found things over the last few days I never saw before, like the words of wisdom and Randy's story. That's some quit magic, settles me right down.

But you're totally right dr jones, whether intentional or not, my first sign was slacking on roll. If you see that again, you kick me in the nuts for real. Then tell me to get my shit together.

Thanks for quitting with me.

Just so I'm clear about what I read here - Did you post roll for 40 days while you continued to dip?

If so, I thought that was pretty much one of the unforgivable sins on this site.

If not, then my reading comprehension just sucks.

Kub, I had the same question?????

Wasn't trying to stir the pot. He admitted that first thing when he caved?

[Buddy Mac]

FlyinFree,

I just wanted to add to your new found commitment to quit, that I looked back on the spreadsheet, and you barely posted roll leading up to your cave, and then even more rare after caving. Just a testament to how important posting roll is. I know that you posted roll for 40 days while dipping, but look at you roll leading up to your cave. Just sayin, make sure posting roll is important to you. If I see that you stop posting, or are inconsistent =cave in my book.

Quit with you today!!  'nutkick'

Oh for sure! I got lazy, lost focus on my quit and BOOM, my cave was waiting.

The question I keep asking myself is; did I unconsciously get lazy and that lead to my failure, or was it intentional because I didn't really want to quit?

Unfortunately and sadly, I think it was intentional. Not outright, not obtuse, but subconsciously I didn't want to quit.

Also, that scares me, worries me that there's a cave waiting for me, because I can feel a part of me that still wants the nic. It fucking whispers to me.

But that's just the addiction, its the sick part of my mind that's slaved to the chemical dependency created by nicotine.

When I think about isolating that part, sealing it off from the healthy, quit me, I feel much better. My cravings are much more manageable, my nic rage woosahs, I feel proud of myself for putting 6 clean, honest days on the board, and I'm confident I can quit for today.

Sounds easier than it is. Sometimes it takes a constant and significant effort to suppress that sick part. So when I feel it getting bigger, and that fucker starts talking in my ear, I get on KTC and start reading and posting and reading.

I've found things over the last few days I never saw before, like the words of wisdom and Randy's story. That's some quit magic, settles me right down.

But you're totally right dr jones, whether intentional or not, my first sign was slacking on roll. If you see that again, you kick me in the nuts for real. Then tell me to get my shit together.

Thanks for quitting with me.

Just so I'm clear about what I read here - Did you post roll for 40 days while you continued to dip?

If so, I thought that was pretty much one of the unforgivable sins on this site.

If not, then my reading comprehension just sucks.

Kub, I had the same question?????

[Kubrick]

FlyinFree,

I just wanted to add to your new found commitment to quit, that I looked back on the spreadsheet, and you barely posted roll leading up to your cave, and then even more rare after caving. Just a testament to how important posting roll is. I know that you posted roll for 40 days while dipping, but look at you roll leading up to your cave. Just sayin, make sure posting roll is important to you. If I see that you stop posting, or are inconsistent =cave in my book.

Quit with you today!!  'nutkick'

Oh for sure! I got lazy, lost focus on my quit and BOOM, my cave was waiting.

The question I keep asking myself is; did I unconsciously get lazy and that lead to my failure, or was it intentional because I didn't really want to quit?

Unfortunately and sadly, I think it was intentional. Not outright, not obtuse, but subconsciously I didn't want to quit.

Also, that scares me, worries me that there's a cave waiting for me, because I can feel a part of me that still wants the nic. It fucking whispers to me.

But that's just the addiction, its the sick part of my mind that's slaved to the chemical dependency created by nicotine.

When I think about isolating that part, sealing it off from the healthy, quit me, I feel much better. My cravings are much more manageable, my nic rage woosahs, I feel proud of myself for putting 6 clean, honest days on the board, and I'm confident I can quit for today.

Sounds easier than it is. Sometimes it takes a constant and significant effort to suppress that sick part. So when I feel it getting bigger, and that fucker starts talking in my ear, I get on KTC and start reading and posting and reading.

I've found things over the last few days I never saw before, like the words of wisdom and Randy's story. That's some quit magic, settles me right down.

But you're totally right dr jones, whether intentional or not, my first sign was slacking on roll. If you see that again, you kick me in the nuts for real. Then tell me to get my shit together.

Thanks for quitting with me.

Just so I'm clear about what I read here - Did you post roll for 40 days while you continued to dip?

If so, I thought that was pretty much one of the unforgivable sins on this site.

If not, then my reading comprehension just sucks.

[flyingfree]

FlyinFree,

I just wanted to add to your new found commitment to quit, that I looked back on the spreadsheet, and you barely posted roll leading up to your cave, and then even more rare after caving. Just a testament to how important posting roll is. I know that you posted roll for 40 days while dipping, but look at you roll leading up to your cave. Just sayin, make sure posting roll is important to you. If I see that you stop posting, or are inconsistent =cave in my book.

Quit with you today!! 'nutkick'

Oh for sure! I got lazy, lost focus on my quit and BOOM, my cave was waiting.

The question I keep asking myself is; did I unconsciously get lazy and that lead to my failure, or was it intentional because I didn't really want to quit?

Unfortunately and sadly, I think it was intentional. Not outright, not obtuse, but subconsciously I didn't want to quit.

Also, that scares me, worries me that there's a cave waiting for me, because I can feel a part of me that still wants the nic. It fucking whispers to me.

But that's just the addiction, its the sick part of my mind that's slaved to the chemical dependency created by nicotine.

When I think about isolating that part, sealing it off from the healthy, quit me, I feel much better. My cravings are much more manageable, my nic rage woosahs, I feel proud of myself for putting 6 clean, honest days on the board, and I'm confident I can quit for today.

Sounds easier than it is. Sometimes it takes a constant and significant effort to suppress that sick part. So when I feel it getting bigger, and that fucker starts talking in my ear, I get on KTC and start reading and posting and reading.

I've found things over the last few days I never saw before, like the words of wisdom and Randy's story. That's some quit magic, settles me right down.

But you're totally right dr jones, whether intentional or not, my first sign was slacking on roll. If you see that again, you kick me in the nuts for real. Then tell me to get my shit together.

Thanks for quitting with me.

[dr_jones_25]

FlyinFree,

I just wanted to add to your new found commitment to quit, that I looked back on the spreadsheet, and you barely posted roll leading up to your cave, and then even more rare after caving. Just a testament to how important posting roll is. I know that you posted roll for 40 days while dipping, but look at you roll leading up to your cave. Just sayin, make sure posting roll is important to you. If I see that you stop posting, or are inconsistent =cave in my book.

Quit with you today!! 'nutkick'

[Deleted User (sccrockett)]

I am truly surprised and humbled by the support. I'm going to try to reply to everyone, I've got a lot to explain and answer.

1st, thanks wedge for giving me some initial steps in my quit plan. I'll start working on contacting the "comebacks" like you said.

2nd, and before my quit plan, I wanted to explain my work schedule because its a problem for me. I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend. Its complicated to explain, but the problem is that my weekends and down time are all over the place, and rarely line up with my fiance, leaving me home alone a lot, which is a VERY difficult time for me.

For example, on a swings weekday I wake up at 0700, spend some time with my fiance while she gets ready for work, go back to sleep, wake up at 1000. Then I've got roughly 4 hours of downtime before leaving for work around 1415. That downtime is so tough, and where I need the most help. Get to work around 1500, get out at 0000, home around 0100. Travel to and from work is also trouble, its a long boring drive. I get home, usually have a snack, read, and go to bed at 0300.

My plan--

NLT 0800 - Post roll in Nov. Thats before my fiance leaves, so my promise is in before I'm alone.

When she leaves, she's going to hide my keys, then tell me where they are in time for me to make the carpool.

Wake up and get busy. Either on KTC, cleaning the house, working out, wedding planning, whatever. Sitting there thinking about not dipping doesn't work, it drives me nuts.

Going to the carpool hasn't been a problem, but I'll text someone that I'm on the way and arrived. Wedge, its you tomorrow.

Also, the fiance is going to monitor my credit and debit cards including receipts. I will turn over any cash at end of day. 

Work should be ok. I am not allowed to have my phone with me for security reasons, but sometimes I have downtime to get on a computer and can access KTC (thats what I'm doing now). Sometimes I'm working 8hrs straight and can't leave, sometimes its much less and have free time for additional duties. I have to check in and out of the compound, and don't have transportation to get to a store or anywhere. People at work know not to dip around me or give me any.

The carpool back is fine, but from the carpool home is trouble. I'm hoping to find someone in Nov that works late so I can text or call them.

Once I'm home I can't leave without waking the fiance.

This plan should help protect my weak spots; being alone and traveling to/from work.

All suggestions/comments are welcome and encouraged.

Well I must say, I am pretty impressed with the steps you are willing to take. Stick to your plan. Reach out whenever you need to. Do NOT hestitate to do so! QUIT with you today.

Sorry to be a wet blanket but your quit plan has more loose holes than the mustang ranch . Seems to me your counting on your gal to keep you quit. Hiding your keys? Really? How bout you show some backbone and make a decision to be quit and then live by it. Ultimately nobody is going to keep you quit but you, your not taking full responsibility for your quit. In fact I would assert your actually shifting responsibility away from yourself and onto your gal. But at least you'll have a fall guy when you cave. Too much reliance on others, not enough reliance on you. Good try but I give your plan a D . Best rethink this.

SM is dead on. Where is the personal accountability in this plan? If you really are so weak that your girl AND your quit buddies have to carry you every day, how are you going to stay quit that day she is not available or something non-routine happens. How will you stay quit when, god forbid, a personal disaster happens?
Put yourself on the hook, and then have the integrity to perform. You will find a tremendous reservoir of personal strength if you hold yourself accountable.

T-Cell, SM,

Thank you so much for your help and advice. I deeply value and respect your experience. I just don't know if I'm ready for what you're suggesting. I had a really tough time today, and my fiance's support was really helpful.

She is working her own program and has almost a year of sobriety. Hiding the keys and monitoring my finances were her ideas, and they've really helped me through the 1st two days. I was craving really bad when she left today, because usually I would wait for her to leave then go to the store and buy dip.

But when she hid my keys, the crave just released and I felt much better. Almost instantly.

Now, I'm not saying that this plan is going to work forever, or for more than a couple of days. I've always heard that a plan is only good until the 1st hit, then its how you react.

And this plan worked pretty well for me. Haven't finished the day yet, but I've made it though almost all of my difficult spots.

I think I'm gonna get through this weekend, and take another look at it Sunday. Maybe then I'll feel strong enough to not need so much of her support.

T-cell, SM, I don't want you to think I'm ignoring your instructions, but I know myself. I would have been in trouble today if I had my keys in my hand when she left. Does that make me a huge, floppy pussy? Sure does, but I made it. My floppy pussy ass stayed quit today. I used all the support I could get like a pair of 70 year old man quit-balls.

In the future, I'm going to stand on my own and laugh at gas stations as I blow by. I won't need anyone to hold my hand and my quit will bust through craves while kicking ass and chewing bubble gum and carrying newbies through week one. I'll have a quit other people talk about.

But I don't have that quit right now. So, I'm going to do what I need to stay quit. Even if it means my fiance hides my keys when she goes to work.

T-cell, SM, I hope I don't lose your support or advice, cause its good. You are right, this won't work forever. But it worked today. Again, thanks so much.

You lack resolve grasshopper. This is as easy or hard as you choose to make it. You imagine it's soo hard you can't do it alone.

Skoal Monster just shared volumes in one sentence! I hope you read that. Quit worshiping nicotine and giving it false power over you. Get mad and determined. When you punch her first...It feels great! You're in the fight so fight to win!

Put on your Superman underoos and let's get to kicking some fucking ass. Fight it like a man. You are not sitting in a high chair with no ability to feed yourself and can only rely on what the Nic bitch slings at your face. I've seen enough of this pussy footin' around the problem. Get a pair, strap 'em on and join the fight to save your own fucking life. Seems to me you have plenty of solid support in place, they're just waiting for you to take an initiative.

Are you man enough for the challenge or not?

Of course you guys are right. Time to stand up and man up.

I was running last night and thinking about my quit and something touched home. I guess one of those "a-ha" moments I read about in the words of wisdom pages.

I've got a lot of folks believing in me. Guys like wedge, mthomas, jrws, crockett posting their quits with me. Guys with comma quits giving me advice. Tons of support.

My family is behind me, telling me that I can do it, I can quit, that they believe in me.

And I don't believe in myself. I was still doubting my quit.

13 miles took me about 2 hours, and by the time I finished I was done doubting myself. Done beating myself up, finished with the "oh its so hard"

So I quit! I quit for me! Because I don't want to die, life is so much better without nicotine, and I want my honor back. I want to keep my word. I want to be the man I intend to be, and have my actions demonstrate my integrity. I want to live my ideals. And I will, one day at a time.

Where are my SUPA-QUIT underoos?! Lets do this!

Thanks for being quit with me.

Fuck yeah,

That's what I'm talking about, proud of you and quit with you.

That's good shit right there

[eric71]

I am truly surprised and humbled by the support. I'm going to try to reply to everyone, I've got a lot to explain and answer.

1st, thanks wedge for giving me some initial steps in my quit plan. I'll start working on contacting the "comebacks" like you said.

2nd, and before my quit plan, I wanted to explain my work schedule because its a problem for me. I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend. Its complicated to explain, but the problem is that my weekends and down time are all over the place, and rarely line up with my fiance, leaving me home alone a lot, which is a VERY difficult time for me.

For example, on a swings weekday I wake up at 0700, spend some time with my fiance while she gets ready for work, go back to sleep, wake up at 1000. Then I've got roughly 4 hours of downtime before leaving for work around 1415. That downtime is so tough, and where I need the most help. Get to work around 1500, get out at 0000, home around 0100. Travel to and from work is also trouble, its a long boring drive. I get home, usually have a snack, read, and go to bed at 0300.

My plan--

NLT 0800 - Post roll in Nov. Thats before my fiance leaves, so my promise is in before I'm alone.

When she leaves, she's going to hide my keys, then tell me where they are in time for me to make the carpool.

Wake up and get busy. Either on KTC, cleaning the house, working out, wedding planning, whatever. Sitting there thinking about not dipping doesn't work, it drives me nuts.

Going to the carpool hasn't been a problem, but I'll text someone that I'm on the way and arrived. Wedge, its you tomorrow.

Also, the fiance is going to monitor my credit and debit cards including receipts. I will turn over any cash at end of day. 

Work should be ok. I am not allowed to have my phone with me for security reasons, but sometimes I have downtime to get on a computer and can access KTC (thats what I'm doing now). Sometimes I'm working 8hrs straight and can't leave, sometimes its much less and have free time for additional duties. I have to check in and out of the compound, and don't have transportation to get to a store or anywhere. People at work know not to dip around me or give me any.

The carpool back is fine, but from the carpool home is trouble. I'm hoping to find someone in Nov that works late so I can text or call them.

Once I'm home I can't leave without waking the fiance.

This plan should help protect my weak spots; being alone and traveling to/from work.

All suggestions/comments are welcome and encouraged.

Well I must say, I am pretty impressed with the steps you are willing to take. Stick to your plan. Reach out whenever you need to. Do NOT hestitate to do so! QUIT with you today.

Sorry to be a wet blanket but your quit plan has more loose holes than the mustang ranch . Seems to me your counting on your gal to keep you quit. Hiding your keys? Really? How bout you show some backbone and make a decision to be quit and then live by it. Ultimately nobody is going to keep you quit but you, your not taking full responsibility for your quit. In fact I would assert your actually shifting responsibility away from yourself and onto your gal. But at least you'll have a fall guy when you cave. Too much reliance on others, not enough reliance on you. Good try but I give your plan a D . Best rethink this.

SM is dead on. Where is the personal accountability in this plan? If you really are so weak that your girl AND your quit buddies have to carry you every day, how are you going to stay quit that day she is not available or something non-routine happens. How will you stay quit when, god forbid, a personal disaster happens?
Put yourself on the hook, and then have the integrity to perform. You will find a tremendous reservoir of personal strength if you hold yourself accountable.

T-Cell, SM,

Thank you so much for your help and advice. I deeply value and respect your experience. I just don't know if I'm ready for what you're suggesting. I had a really tough time today, and my fiance's support was really helpful.

She is working her own program and has almost a year of sobriety. Hiding the keys and monitoring my finances were her ideas, and they've really helped me through the 1st two days. I was craving really bad when she left today, because usually I would wait for her to leave then go to the store and buy dip.

But when she hid my keys, the crave just released and I felt much better. Almost instantly.

Now, I'm not saying that this plan is going to work forever, or for more than a couple of days. I've always heard that a plan is only good until the 1st hit, then its how you react.

And this plan worked pretty well for me. Haven't finished the day yet, but I've made it though almost all of my difficult spots.

I think I'm gonna get through this weekend, and take another look at it Sunday. Maybe then I'll feel strong enough to not need so much of her support.

T-cell, SM, I don't want you to think I'm ignoring your instructions, but I know myself. I would have been in trouble today if I had my keys in my hand when she left. Does that make me a huge, floppy pussy? Sure does, but I made it. My floppy pussy ass stayed quit today. I used all the support I could get like a pair of 70 year old man quit-balls.

In the future, I'm going to stand on my own and laugh at gas stations as I blow by. I won't need anyone to hold my hand and my quit will bust through craves while kicking ass and chewing bubble gum and carrying newbies through week one. I'll have a quit other people talk about.

But I don't have that quit right now. So, I'm going to do what I need to stay quit. Even if it means my fiance hides my keys when she goes to work.

T-cell, SM, I hope I don't lose your support or advice, cause its good. You are right, this won't work forever. But it worked today. Again, thanks so much.

You lack resolve grasshopper. This is as easy or hard as you choose to make it. You imagine it's soo hard you can't do it alone.

Skoal Monster just shared volumes in one sentence! I hope you read that. Quit worshiping nicotine and giving it false power over you. Get mad and determined. When you punch her first...It feels great! You're in the fight so fight to win!

Put on your Superman underoos and let's get to kicking some fucking ass. Fight it like a man. You are not sitting in a high chair with no ability to feed yourself and can only rely on what the Nic bitch slings at your face. I've seen enough of this pussy footin' around the problem. Get a pair, strap 'em on and join the fight to save your own fucking life. Seems to me you have plenty of solid support in place, they're just waiting for you to take an initiative.

Are you man enough for the challenge or not?

Of course you guys are right. Time to stand up and man up.

I was running last night and thinking about my quit and something touched home. I guess one of those "a-ha" moments I read about in the words of wisdom pages.

I've got a lot of folks believing in me. Guys like wedge, mthomas, jrws, crockett posting their quits with me. Guys with comma quits giving me advice. Tons of support.

My family is behind me, telling me that I can do it, I can quit, that they believe in me.

And I don't believe in myself. I was still doubting my quit.

13 miles took me about 2 hours, and by the time I finished I was done doubting myself. Done beating myself up, finished with the "oh its so hard"

So I quit! I quit for me! Because I don't want to die, life is so much better without nicotine, and I want my honor back. I want to keep my word. I want to be the man I intend to be, and have my actions demonstrate my integrity. I want to live my ideals. And I will, one day at a time.

Where are my SUPA-QUIT underoos?! Lets do this!

Thanks for being quit with me.

Fuck yeah,

That's what I'm talking about, proud of you and quit with you.

[Skoal Monster]

I am truly surprised and humbled by the support. I'm going to try to reply to everyone, I've got a lot to explain and answer.

1st, thanks wedge for giving me some initial steps in my quit plan. I'll start working on contacting the "comebacks" like you said.

2nd, and before my quit plan, I wanted to explain my work schedule because its a problem for me. I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend. Its complicated to explain, but the problem is that my weekends and down time are all over the place, and rarely line up with my fiance, leaving me home alone a lot, which is a VERY difficult time for me.

For example, on a swings weekday I wake up at 0700, spend some time with my fiance while she gets ready for work, go back to sleep, wake up at 1000. Then I've got roughly 4 hours of downtime before leaving for work around 1415. That downtime is so tough, and where I need the most help. Get to work around 1500, get out at 0000, home around 0100. Travel to and from work is also trouble, its a long boring drive. I get home, usually have a snack, read, and go to bed at 0300.

My plan--

NLT 0800 - Post roll in Nov. Thats before my fiance leaves, so my promise is in before I'm alone.

When she leaves, she's going to hide my keys, then tell me where they are in time for me to make the carpool.

Wake up and get busy. Either on KTC, cleaning the house, working out, wedding planning, whatever. Sitting there thinking about not dipping doesn't work, it drives me nuts.

Going to the carpool hasn't been a problem, but I'll text someone that I'm on the way and arrived. Wedge, its you tomorrow.

Also, the fiance is going to monitor my credit and debit cards including receipts. I will turn over any cash at end of day. 

Work should be ok. I am not allowed to have my phone with me for security reasons, but sometimes I have downtime to get on a computer and can access KTC (thats what I'm doing now). Sometimes I'm working 8hrs straight and can't leave, sometimes its much less and have free time for additional duties. I have to check in and out of the compound, and don't have transportation to get to a store or anywhere. People at work know not to dip around me or give me any.

The carpool back is fine, but from the carpool home is trouble. I'm hoping to find someone in Nov that works late so I can text or call them.

Once I'm home I can't leave without waking the fiance.

This plan should help protect my weak spots; being alone and traveling to/from work.

All suggestions/comments are welcome and encouraged.

Well I must say, I am pretty impressed with the steps you are willing to take. Stick to your plan. Reach out whenever you need to. Do NOT hestitate to do so! QUIT with you today.

Sorry to be a wet blanket but your quit plan has more loose holes than the mustang ranch . Seems to me your counting on your gal to keep you quit. Hiding your keys? Really? How bout you show some backbone and make a decision to be quit and then live by it. Ultimately nobody is going to keep you quit but you, your not taking full responsibility for your quit. In fact I would assert your actually shifting responsibility away from yourself and onto your gal. But at least you'll have a fall guy when you cave. Too much reliance on others, not enough reliance on you. Good try but I give your plan a D . Best rethink this.

SM is dead on. Where is the personal accountability in this plan? If you really are so weak that your girl AND your quit buddies have to carry you every day, how are you going to stay quit that day she is not available or something non-routine happens. How will you stay quit when, god forbid, a personal disaster happens?
Put yourself on the hook, and then have the integrity to perform. You will find a tremendous reservoir of personal strength if you hold yourself accountable.

T-Cell, SM,

Thank you so much for your help and advice. I deeply value and respect your experience. I just don't know if I'm ready for what you're suggesting. I had a really tough time today, and my fiance's support was really helpful.

She is working her own program and has almost a year of sobriety. Hiding the keys and monitoring my finances were her ideas, and they've really helped me through the 1st two days. I was craving really bad when she left today, because usually I would wait for her to leave then go to the store and buy dip.

But when she hid my keys, the crave just released and I felt much better. Almost instantly.

Now, I'm not saying that this plan is going to work forever, or for more than a couple of days. I've always heard that a plan is only good until the 1st hit, then its how you react.

And this plan worked pretty well for me. Haven't finished the day yet, but I've made it though almost all of my difficult spots.

I think I'm gonna get through this weekend, and take another look at it Sunday. Maybe then I'll feel strong enough to not need so much of her support.

T-cell, SM, I don't want you to think I'm ignoring your instructions, but I know myself. I would have been in trouble today if I had my keys in my hand when she left. Does that make me a huge, floppy pussy? Sure does, but I made it. My floppy pussy ass stayed quit today. I used all the support I could get like a pair of 70 year old man quit-balls.

In the future, I'm going to stand on my own and laugh at gas stations as I blow by. I won't need anyone to hold my hand and my quit will bust through craves while kicking ass and chewing bubble gum and carrying newbies through week one. I'll have a quit other people talk about.

But I don't have that quit right now. So, I'm going to do what I need to stay quit. Even if it means my fiance hides my keys when she goes to work.

T-cell, SM, I hope I don't lose your support or advice, cause its good. You are right, this won't work forever. But it worked today. Again, thanks so much.

You lack resolve grasshopper. This is as easy or hard as you choose to make it. You imagine it's soo hard you can't do it alone.

Skoal Monster just shared volumes in one sentence! I hope you read that. Quit worshiping nicotine and giving it false power over you. Get mad and determined. When you punch her first...It feels great! You're in the fight so fight to win!

Put on your Superman underoos and let's get to kicking some fucking ass. Fight it like a man. You are not sitting in a high chair with no ability to feed yourself and can only rely on what the Nic bitch slings at your face. I've seen enough of this pussy footin' around the problem. Get a pair, strap 'em on and join the fight to save your own fucking life. Seems to me you have plenty of solid support in place, they're just waiting for you to take an initiative.

Are you man enough for the challenge or not?

Of course you guys are right. Time to stand up and man up.

I was running last night and thinking about my quit and something touched home. I guess one of those "a-ha" moments I read about in the words of wisdom pages.

I've got a lot of folks believing in me. Guys like wedge, mthomas, jrws, crockett posting their quits with me. Guys with comma quits giving me advice. Tons of support.

My family is behind me, telling me that I can do it, I can quit, that they believe in me.

And I don't believe in myself. I was still doubting my quit.

13 miles took me about 2 hours, and by the time I finished I was done doubting myself. Done beating myself up, finished with the "oh its so hard"

So I quit! I quit for me! Because I don't want to die, life is so much better without nicotine, and I want my honor back. I want to keep my word. I want to be the man I intend to be, and have my actions demonstrate my integrity. I want to live my ideals. And I will, one day at a time.

Where are my SUPA-QUIT underoos?! Lets do this!

Thanks for being quit with me.

Fuck yeah,