The caver's diary

[flyingfree]

I am truly surprised and humbled by the support. I'm going to try to reply to everyone, I've got a lot to explain and answer.

1st, thanks wedge for giving me some initial steps in my quit plan. I'll start working on contacting the "comebacks" like you said.

2nd, and before my quit plan, I wanted to explain my work schedule because its a problem for me. I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend. Its complicated to explain, but the problem is that my weekends and down time are all over the place, and rarely line up with my fiance, leaving me home alone a lot, which is a VERY difficult time for me.

For example, on a swings weekday I wake up at 0700, spend some time with my fiance while she gets ready for work, go back to sleep, wake up at 1000. Then I've got roughly 4 hours of downtime before leaving for work around 1415. That downtime is so tough, and where I need the most help. Get to work around 1500, get out at 0000, home around 0100. Travel to and from work is also trouble, its a long boring drive. I get home, usually have a snack, read, and go to bed at 0300.

My plan--

NLT 0800 - Post roll in Nov. Thats before my fiance leaves, so my promise is in before I'm alone.

When she leaves, she's going to hide my keys, then tell me where they are in time for me to make the carpool.

Wake up and get busy. Either on KTC, cleaning the house, working out, wedding planning, whatever. Sitting there thinking about not dipping doesn't work, it drives me nuts.

Going to the carpool hasn't been a problem, but I'll text someone that I'm on the way and arrived. Wedge, its you tomorrow.

Also, the fiance is going to monitor my credit and debit cards including receipts. I will turn over any cash at end of day. 

Work should be ok. I am not allowed to have my phone with me for security reasons, but sometimes I have downtime to get on a computer and can access KTC (thats what I'm doing now). Sometimes I'm working 8hrs straight and can't leave, sometimes its much less and have free time for additional duties. I have to check in and out of the compound, and don't have transportation to get to a store or anywhere. People at work know not to dip around me or give me any.

The carpool back is fine, but from the carpool home is trouble. I'm hoping to find someone in Nov that works late so I can text or call them.

Once I'm home I can't leave without waking the fiance.

This plan should help protect my weak spots; being alone and traveling to/from work.

All suggestions/comments are welcome and encouraged.

Well I must say, I am pretty impressed with the steps you are willing to take. Stick to your plan. Reach out whenever you need to. Do NOT hestitate to do so! QUIT with you today.

Sorry to be a wet blanket but your quit plan has more loose holes than the mustang ranch . Seems to me your counting on your gal to keep you quit. Hiding your keys? Really? How bout you show some backbone and make a decision to be quit and then live by it. Ultimately nobody is going to keep you quit but you, your not taking full responsibility for your quit. In fact I would assert your actually shifting responsibility away from yourself and onto your gal. But at least you'll have a fall guy when you cave. Too much reliance on others, not enough reliance on you. Good try but I give your plan a D . Best rethink this.

SM is dead on. Where is the personal accountability in this plan? If you really are so weak that your girl AND your quit buddies have to carry you every day, how are you going to stay quit that day she is not available or something non-routine happens. How will you stay quit when, god forbid, a personal disaster happens?
Put yourself on the hook, and then have the integrity to perform. You will find a tremendous reservoir of personal strength if you hold yourself accountable.

T-Cell, SM,

Thank you so much for your help and advice. I deeply value and respect your experience. I just don't know if I'm ready for what you're suggesting. I had a really tough time today, and my fiance's support was really helpful.

She is working her own program and has almost a year of sobriety. Hiding the keys and monitoring my finances were her ideas, and they've really helped me through the 1st two days. I was craving really bad when she left today, because usually I would wait for her to leave then go to the store and buy dip.

But when she hid my keys, the crave just released and I felt much better. Almost instantly.

Now, I'm not saying that this plan is going to work forever, or for more than a couple of days. I've always heard that a plan is only good until the 1st hit, then its how you react.

And this plan worked pretty well for me. Haven't finished the day yet, but I've made it though almost all of my difficult spots.

I think I'm gonna get through this weekend, and take another look at it Sunday. Maybe then I'll feel strong enough to not need so much of her support.

T-cell, SM, I don't want you to think I'm ignoring your instructions, but I know myself. I would have been in trouble today if I had my keys in my hand when she left. Does that make me a huge, floppy pussy? Sure does, but I made it. My floppy pussy ass stayed quit today. I used all the support I could get like a pair of 70 year old man quit-balls.

In the future, I'm going to stand on my own and laugh at gas stations as I blow by. I won't need anyone to hold my hand and my quit will bust through craves while kicking ass and chewing bubble gum and carrying newbies through week one. I'll have a quit other people talk about.

But I don't have that quit right now. So, I'm going to do what I need to stay quit. Even if it means my fiance hides my keys when she goes to work.

T-cell, SM, I hope I don't lose your support or advice, cause its good. You are right, this won't work forever. But it worked today. Again, thanks so much.

You lack resolve grasshopper. This is as easy or hard as you choose to make it. You imagine it's soo hard you can't do it alone.

Skoal Monster just shared volumes in one sentence! I hope you read that. Quit worshiping nicotine and giving it false power over you. Get mad and determined. When you punch her first...It feels great! You're in the fight so fight to win!

Put on your Superman underoos and let's get to kicking some fucking ass. Fight it like a man. You are not sitting in a high chair with no ability to feed yourself and can only rely on what the Nic bitch slings at your face. I've seen enough of this pussy footin' around the problem. Get a pair, strap 'em on and join the fight to save your own fucking life. Seems to me you have plenty of solid support in place, they're just waiting for you to take an initiative.

Are you man enough for the challenge or not?

Of course you guys are right. Time to stand up and man up.

I was running last night and thinking about my quit and something touched home. I guess one of those "a-ha" moments I read about in the words of wisdom pages.

I've got a lot of folks believing in me. Guys like wedge, mthomas, jrws, crockett posting their quits with me. Guys with comma quits giving me advice. Tons of support.

My family is behind me, telling me that I can do it, I can quit, that they believe in me.

And I don't believe in myself. I was still doubting my quit.

13 miles took me about 2 hours, and by the time I finished I was done doubting myself. Done beating myself up, finished with the "oh its so hard"

So I quit! I quit for me! Because I don't want to die, life is so much better without nicotine, and I want my honor back. I want to keep my word. I want to be the man I intend to be, and have my actions demonstrate my integrity. I want to live my ideals. And I will, one day at a time.

Where are my SUPA-QUIT underoos?! Lets do this!

Thanks for being quit with me.

[eric71]

I am truly surprised and humbled by the support. I'm going to try to reply to everyone, I've got a lot to explain and answer.

1st, thanks wedge for giving me some initial steps in my quit plan. I'll start working on contacting the "comebacks" like you said.

2nd, and before my quit plan, I wanted to explain my work schedule because its a problem for me. I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend. Its complicated to explain, but the problem is that my weekends and down time are all over the place, and rarely line up with my fiance, leaving me home alone a lot, which is a VERY difficult time for me.

For example, on a swings weekday I wake up at 0700, spend some time with my fiance while she gets ready for work, go back to sleep, wake up at 1000. Then I've got roughly 4 hours of downtime before leaving for work around 1415. That downtime is so tough, and where I need the most help. Get to work around 1500, get out at 0000, home around 0100. Travel to and from work is also trouble, its a long boring drive. I get home, usually have a snack, read, and go to bed at 0300.

My plan--

NLT 0800 - Post roll in Nov. Thats before my fiance leaves, so my promise is in before I'm alone.

When she leaves, she's going to hide my keys, then tell me where they are in time for me to make the carpool.

Wake up and get busy. Either on KTC, cleaning the house, working out, wedding planning, whatever. Sitting there thinking about not dipping doesn't work, it drives me nuts.

Going to the carpool hasn't been a problem, but I'll text someone that I'm on the way and arrived. Wedge, its you tomorrow.

Also, the fiance is going to monitor my credit and debit cards including receipts. I will turn over any cash at end of day. 

Work should be ok. I am not allowed to have my phone with me for security reasons, but sometimes I have downtime to get on a computer and can access KTC (thats what I'm doing now). Sometimes I'm working 8hrs straight and can't leave, sometimes its much less and have free time for additional duties. I have to check in and out of the compound, and don't have transportation to get to a store or anywhere. People at work know not to dip around me or give me any.

The carpool back is fine, but from the carpool home is trouble. I'm hoping to find someone in Nov that works late so I can text or call them.

Once I'm home I can't leave without waking the fiance.

This plan should help protect my weak spots; being alone and traveling to/from work.

All suggestions/comments are welcome and encouraged.

Well I must say, I am pretty impressed with the steps you are willing to take. Stick to your plan. Reach out whenever you need to. Do NOT hestitate to do so! QUIT with you today.

Sorry to be a wet blanket but your quit plan has more loose holes than the mustang ranch . Seems to me your counting on your gal to keep you quit. Hiding your keys? Really? How bout you show some backbone and make a decision to be quit and then live by it. Ultimately nobody is going to keep you quit but you, your not taking full responsibility for your quit. In fact I would assert your actually shifting responsibility away from yourself and onto your gal. But at least you'll have a fall guy when you cave. Too much reliance on others, not enough reliance on you. Good try but I give your plan a D . Best rethink this.

SM is dead on. Where is the personal accountability in this plan? If you really are so weak that your girl AND your quit buddies have to carry you every day, how are you going to stay quit that day she is not available or something non-routine happens. How will you stay quit when, god forbid, a personal disaster happens?
Put yourself on the hook, and then have the integrity to perform. You will find a tremendous reservoir of personal strength if you hold yourself accountable.

T-Cell, SM,

Thank you so much for your help and advice. I deeply value and respect your experience. I just don't know if I'm ready for what you're suggesting. I had a really tough time today, and my fiance's support was really helpful.

She is working her own program and has almost a year of sobriety. Hiding the keys and monitoring my finances were her ideas, and they've really helped me through the 1st two days. I was craving really bad when she left today, because usually I would wait for her to leave then go to the store and buy dip.

But when she hid my keys, the crave just released and I felt much better. Almost instantly.

Now, I'm not saying that this plan is going to work forever, or for more than a couple of days. I've always heard that a plan is only good until the 1st hit, then its how you react.

And this plan worked pretty well for me. Haven't finished the day yet, but I've made it though almost all of my difficult spots.

I think I'm gonna get through this weekend, and take another look at it Sunday. Maybe then I'll feel strong enough to not need so much of her support.

T-cell, SM, I don't want you to think I'm ignoring your instructions, but I know myself. I would have been in trouble today if I had my keys in my hand when she left. Does that make me a huge, floppy pussy? Sure does, but I made it. My floppy pussy ass stayed quit today. I used all the support I could get like a pair of 70 year old man quit-balls.

In the future, I'm going to stand on my own and laugh at gas stations as I blow by. I won't need anyone to hold my hand and my quit will bust through craves while kicking ass and chewing bubble gum and carrying newbies through week one. I'll have a quit other people talk about.

But I don't have that quit right now. So, I'm going to do what I need to stay quit. Even if it means my fiance hides my keys when she goes to work.

T-cell, SM, I hope I don't lose your support or advice, cause its good. You are right, this won't work forever. But it worked today. Again, thanks so much.

You lack resolve grasshopper. This is as easy or hard as you choose to make it. You imagine it's soo hard you can't do it alone.

Skoal Monster just shared volumes in one sentence! I hope you read that. Quit worshiping nicotine and giving it false power over you. Get mad and determined. When you punch her first...It feels great!  You're in the fight so fight to win!

Put on your Superman underoos and let's get to kicking some fucking ass. Fight it like a man. You are not sitting in a high chair with no ability to feed yourself and can only rely on what the Nic bitch slings at your face. I've seen enough of this pussy footin' around the problem. Get a pair, strap 'em on and join the fight to save your own fucking life. Seems to me you have plenty of solid support in place, they're just waiting for you to take an initiative.

Are you man enough for the challenge or not?

[Mthomas3824]

I am truly surprised and humbled by the support. I'm going to try to reply to everyone, I've got a lot to explain and answer.

1st, thanks wedge for giving me some initial steps in my quit plan. I'll start working on contacting the "comebacks" like you said.

2nd, and before my quit plan, I wanted to explain my work schedule because its a problem for me. I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend. Its complicated to explain, but the problem is that my weekends and down time are all over the place, and rarely line up with my fiance, leaving me home alone a lot, which is a VERY difficult time for me.

For example, on a swings weekday I wake up at 0700, spend some time with my fiance while she gets ready for work, go back to sleep, wake up at 1000. Then I've got roughly 4 hours of downtime before leaving for work around 1415. That downtime is so tough, and where I need the most help. Get to work around 1500, get out at 0000, home around 0100. Travel to and from work is also trouble, its a long boring drive. I get home, usually have a snack, read, and go to bed at 0300.

My plan--

NLT 0800 - Post roll in Nov. Thats before my fiance leaves, so my promise is in before I'm alone.

When she leaves, she's going to hide my keys, then tell me where they are in time for me to make the carpool.

Wake up and get busy. Either on KTC, cleaning the house, working out, wedding planning, whatever. Sitting there thinking about not dipping doesn't work, it drives me nuts.

Going to the carpool hasn't been a problem, but I'll text someone that I'm on the way and arrived. Wedge, its you tomorrow.

Also, the fiance is going to monitor my credit and debit cards including receipts. I will turn over any cash at end of day. 

Work should be ok. I am not allowed to have my phone with me for security reasons, but sometimes I have downtime to get on a computer and can access KTC (thats what I'm doing now). Sometimes I'm working 8hrs straight and can't leave, sometimes its much less and have free time for additional duties. I have to check in and out of the compound, and don't have transportation to get to a store or anywhere. People at work know not to dip around me or give me any.

The carpool back is fine, but from the carpool home is trouble. I'm hoping to find someone in Nov that works late so I can text or call them.

Once I'm home I can't leave without waking the fiance.

This plan should help protect my weak spots; being alone and traveling to/from work.

All suggestions/comments are welcome and encouraged.

Well I must say, I am pretty impressed with the steps you are willing to take. Stick to your plan. Reach out whenever you need to. Do NOT hestitate to do so! QUIT with you today.

Sorry to be a wet blanket but your quit plan has more loose holes than the mustang ranch . Seems to me your counting on your gal to keep you quit. Hiding your keys? Really? How bout you show some backbone and make a decision to be quit and then live by it. Ultimately nobody is going to keep you quit but you, your not taking full responsibility for your quit. In fact I would assert your actually shifting responsibility away from yourself and onto your gal. But at least you'll have a fall guy when you cave. Too much reliance on others, not enough reliance on you. Good try but I give your plan a D . Best rethink this.

SM is dead on. Where is the personal accountability in this plan? If you really are so weak that your girl AND your quit buddies have to carry you every day, how are you going to stay quit that day she is not available or something non-routine happens. How will you stay quit when, god forbid, a personal disaster happens?
Put yourself on the hook, and then have the integrity to perform. You will find a tremendous reservoir of personal strength if you hold yourself accountable.

T-Cell, SM,

Thank you so much for your help and advice. I deeply value and respect your experience. I just don't know if I'm ready for what you're suggesting. I had a really tough time today, and my fiance's support was really helpful.

She is working her own program and has almost a year of sobriety. Hiding the keys and monitoring my finances were her ideas, and they've really helped me through the 1st two days. I was craving really bad when she left today, because usually I would wait for her to leave then go to the store and buy dip.

But when she hid my keys, the crave just released and I felt much better. Almost instantly.

Now, I'm not saying that this plan is going to work forever, or for more than a couple of days. I've always heard that a plan is only good until the 1st hit, then its how you react.

And this plan worked pretty well for me. Haven't finished the day yet, but I've made it though almost all of my difficult spots.

I think I'm gonna get through this weekend, and take another look at it Sunday. Maybe then I'll feel strong enough to not need so much of her support.

T-cell, SM, I don't want you to think I'm ignoring your instructions, but I know myself. I would have been in trouble today if I had my keys in my hand when she left. Does that make me a huge, floppy pussy? Sure does, but I made it. My floppy pussy ass stayed quit today. I used all the support I could get like a pair of 70 year old man quit-balls.

In the future, I'm going to stand on my own and laugh at gas stations as I blow by. I won't need anyone to hold my hand and my quit will bust through craves while kicking ass and chewing bubble gum and carrying newbies through week one. I'll have a quit other people talk about.

But I don't have that quit right now. So, I'm going to do what I need to stay quit. Even if it means my fiance hides my keys when she goes to work.

T-cell, SM, I hope I don't lose your support or advice, cause its good. You are right, this won't work forever. But it worked today. Again, thanks so much.

You lack resolve grasshopper. This is as easy or hard as you choose to make it. You imagine it's soo hard you can't do it alone.

Skoal Monster just shared volumes in one sentence! I hope you read that. Quit worshiping nicotine and giving it false power over you. Get mad and determined. When you punch her first...It feels great! You're in the fight so fight to win!

[Skoal Monster]

I am truly surprised and humbled by the support. I'm going to try to reply to everyone, I've got a lot to explain and answer.

1st, thanks wedge for giving me some initial steps in my quit plan. I'll start working on contacting the "comebacks" like you said.

2nd, and before my quit plan, I wanted to explain my work schedule because its a problem for me. I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend. Its complicated to explain, but the problem is that my weekends and down time are all over the place, and rarely line up with my fiance, leaving me home alone a lot, which is a VERY difficult time for me.

For example, on a swings weekday I wake up at 0700, spend some time with my fiance while she gets ready for work, go back to sleep, wake up at 1000. Then I've got roughly 4 hours of downtime before leaving for work around 1415. That downtime is so tough, and where I need the most help. Get to work around 1500, get out at 0000, home around 0100. Travel to and from work is also trouble, its a long boring drive. I get home, usually have a snack, read, and go to bed at 0300.

My plan--

NLT 0800 - Post roll in Nov. Thats before my fiance leaves, so my promise is in before I'm alone.

When she leaves, she's going to hide my keys, then tell me where they are in time for me to make the carpool.

Wake up and get busy. Either on KTC, cleaning the house, working out, wedding planning, whatever. Sitting there thinking about not dipping doesn't work, it drives me nuts.

Going to the carpool hasn't been a problem, but I'll text someone that I'm on the way and arrived. Wedge, its you tomorrow.

Also, the fiance is going to monitor my credit and debit cards including receipts. I will turn over any cash at end of day. 

Work should be ok. I am not allowed to have my phone with me for security reasons, but sometimes I have downtime to get on a computer and can access KTC (thats what I'm doing now). Sometimes I'm working 8hrs straight and can't leave, sometimes its much less and have free time for additional duties. I have to check in and out of the compound, and don't have transportation to get to a store or anywhere. People at work know not to dip around me or give me any.

The carpool back is fine, but from the carpool home is trouble. I'm hoping to find someone in Nov that works late so I can text or call them.

Once I'm home I can't leave without waking the fiance.

This plan should help protect my weak spots; being alone and traveling to/from work.

All suggestions/comments are welcome and encouraged.

Well I must say, I am pretty impressed with the steps you are willing to take. Stick to your plan. Reach out whenever you need to. Do NOT hestitate to do so! QUIT with you today.

Sorry to be a wet blanket but your quit plan has more loose holes than the mustang ranch . Seems to me your counting on your gal to keep you quit. Hiding your keys? Really? How bout you show some backbone and make a decision to be quit and then live by it. Ultimately nobody is going to keep you quit but you, your not taking full responsibility for your quit. In fact I would assert your actually shifting responsibility away from yourself and onto your gal. But at least you'll have a fall guy when you cave. Too much reliance on others, not enough reliance on you. Good try but I give your plan a D . Best rethink this.

SM is dead on. Where is the personal accountability in this plan? If you really are so weak that your girl AND your quit buddies have to carry you every day, how are you going to stay quit that day she is not available or something non-routine happens. How will you stay quit when, god forbid, a personal disaster happens?
Put yourself on the hook, and then have the integrity to perform. You will find a tremendous reservoir of personal strength if you hold yourself accountable.

T-Cell, SM,

Thank you so much for your help and advice. I deeply value and respect your experience. I just don't know if I'm ready for what you're suggesting. I had a really tough time today, and my fiance's support was really helpful.

She is working her own program and has almost a year of sobriety. Hiding the keys and monitoring my finances were her ideas, and they've really helped me through the 1st two days. I was craving really bad when she left today, because usually I would wait for her to leave then go to the store and buy dip.

But when she hid my keys, the crave just released and I felt much better. Almost instantly.

Now, I'm not saying that this plan is going to work forever, or for more than a couple of days. I've always heard that a plan is only good until the 1st hit, then its how you react.

And this plan worked pretty well for me. Haven't finished the day yet, but I've made it though almost all of my difficult spots.

I think I'm gonna get through this weekend, and take another look at it Sunday. Maybe then I'll feel strong enough to not need so much of her support.

T-cell, SM, I don't want you to think I'm ignoring your instructions, but I know myself. I would have been in trouble today if I had my keys in my hand when she left. Does that make me a huge, floppy pussy? Sure does, but I made it. My floppy pussy ass stayed quit today. I used all the support I could get like a pair of 70 year old man quit-balls.

In the future, I'm going to stand on my own and laugh at gas stations as I blow by. I won't need anyone to hold my hand and my quit will bust through craves while kicking ass and chewing bubble gum and carrying newbies through week one. I'll have a quit other people talk about.

But I don't have that quit right now. So, I'm going to do what I need to stay quit. Even if it means my fiance hides my keys when she goes to work.

T-cell, SM, I hope I don't lose your support or advice, cause its good. You are right, this won't work forever. But it worked today. Again, thanks so much.

You lack resolve grasshopper. This is as easy or hard as you choose to make it. You imagine it's soo hard you can't do it alone.

[jrws]

I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend.

I've heard of these shifts before. Two days, two nights, two graves, two off. Some bullshit like that. Those are masochistic places to work where the pussy management has no creativity and elects to make everyone suffer evenly.

Fuck that place, bro. It will suck the life out of you.

Stay strong, I hope you quit, the air is great up here.

rgross,

yeah, this place does suck something alright! but it is what it is, orders are orders and I may not be here by choice but I'm going to make the best of it.

And its not all bad. Sure, the work is boring, repetitive, and usually unrewarding of effort, skill, or creativity. The hours suck, I never see my lady on swing shift because she goes to work before I wake up, and I got to work before she gets home. And I'm on this weekend.

But the pay is good. So are the benefits. The people are really great. And the mission is important.

So you bitch and moan, waah wahh. Suck it up and march on.

Appreciate the co-complaining though, this place is a shit-hole.

Quit like fuck this time! The lying and using, not your job. :ph43r:

[flyingfree]

I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend.

I've heard of these shifts before. Two days, two nights, two graves, two off. Some bullshit like that. Those are masochistic places to work where the pussy management has no creativity and elects to make everyone suffer evenly.

Fuck that place, bro. It will suck the life out of you.

Stay strong, I hope you quit, the air is great up here.

rgross,

yeah, this place does suck something alright! but it is what it is, orders are orders and I may not be here by choice but I'm going to make the best of it.

And its not all bad. Sure, the work is boring, repetitive, and usually unrewarding of effort, skill, or creativity. The hours suck, I never see my lady on swing shift because she goes to work before I wake up, and I got to work before she gets home. And I'm on this weekend.

But the pay is good. So are the benefits. The people are really great. And the mission is important.

So you bitch and moan, waah wahh. Suck it up and march on.

Appreciate the co-complaining though, this place is a shit-hole.

[flyingfree]

I am truly surprised and humbled by the support. I'm going to try to reply to everyone, I've got a lot to explain and answer.

1st, thanks wedge for giving me some initial steps in my quit plan. I'll start working on contacting the "comebacks" like you said.

2nd, and before my quit plan, I wanted to explain my work schedule because its a problem for me. I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend. Its complicated to explain, but the problem is that my weekends and down time are all over the place, and rarely line up with my fiance, leaving me home alone a lot, which is a VERY difficult time for me.

For example, on a swings weekday I wake up at 0700, spend some time with my fiance while she gets ready for work, go back to sleep, wake up at 1000. Then I've got roughly 4 hours of downtime before leaving for work around 1415. That downtime is so tough, and where I need the most help. Get to work around 1500, get out at 0000, home around 0100. Travel to and from work is also trouble, its a long boring drive. I get home, usually have a snack, read, and go to bed at 0300.

My plan--

NLT 0800 - Post roll in Nov. Thats before my fiance leaves, so my promise is in before I'm alone.

When she leaves, she's going to hide my keys, then tell me where they are in time for me to make the carpool.

Wake up and get busy. Either on KTC, cleaning the house, working out, wedding planning, whatever. Sitting there thinking about not dipping doesn't work, it drives me nuts.

Going to the carpool hasn't been a problem, but I'll text someone that I'm on the way and arrived. Wedge, its you tomorrow.

Also, the fiance is going to monitor my credit and debit cards including receipts. I will turn over any cash at end of day. 

Work should be ok. I am not allowed to have my phone with me for security reasons, but sometimes I have downtime to get on a computer and can access KTC (thats what I'm doing now). Sometimes I'm working 8hrs straight and can't leave, sometimes its much less and have free time for additional duties. I have to check in and out of the compound, and don't have transportation to get to a store or anywhere. People at work know not to dip around me or give me any.

The carpool back is fine, but from the carpool home is trouble. I'm hoping to find someone in Nov that works late so I can text or call them.

Once I'm home I can't leave without waking the fiance.

This plan should help protect my weak spots; being alone and traveling to/from work.

All suggestions/comments are welcome and encouraged.

Well I must say, I am pretty impressed with the steps you are willing to take. Stick to your plan. Reach out whenever you need to. Do NOT hestitate to do so! QUIT with you today.

Sorry to be a wet blanket but your quit plan has more loose holes than the mustang ranch . Seems to me your counting on your gal to keep you quit. Hiding your keys? Really? How bout you show some backbone and make a decision to be quit and then live by it. Ultimately nobody is going to keep you quit but you, your not taking full responsibility for your quit. In fact I would assert your actually shifting responsibility away from yourself and onto your gal. But at least you'll have a fall guy when you cave. Too much reliance on others, not enough reliance on you. Good try but I give your plan a D . Best rethink this.

SM is dead on. Where is the personal accountability in this plan? If you really are so weak that your girl AND your quit buddies have to carry you every day, how are you going to stay quit that day she is not available or something non-routine happens. How will you stay quit when, god forbid, a personal disaster happens?
Put yourself on the hook, and then have the integrity to perform. You will find a tremendous reservoir of personal strength if you hold yourself accountable.

T-Cell, SM,

Thank you so much for your help and advice. I deeply value and respect your experience. I just don't know if I'm ready for what you're suggesting. I had a really tough time today, and my fiance's support was really helpful.

She is working her own program and has almost a year of sobriety. Hiding the keys and monitoring my finances were her ideas, and they've really helped me through the 1st two days. I was craving really bad when she left today, because usually I would wait for her to leave then go to the store and buy dip.

But when she hid my keys, the crave just released and I felt much better. Almost instantly.

Now, I'm not saying that this plan is going to work forever, or for more than a couple of days. I've always heard that a plan is only good until the 1st hit, then its how you react.

And this plan worked pretty well for me. Haven't finished the day yet, but I've made it though almost all of my difficult spots.

I think I'm gonna get through this weekend, and take another look at it Sunday. Maybe then I'll feel strong enough to not need so much of her support.

T-cell, SM, I don't want you to think I'm ignoring your instructions, but I know myself. I would have been in trouble today if I had my keys in my hand when she left. Does that make me a huge, floppy pussy? Sure does, but I made it. My floppy pussy ass stayed quit today. I used all the support I could get like a pair of 70 year old man quit-balls.

In the future, I'm going to stand on my own and laugh at gas stations as I blow by. I won't need anyone to hold my hand and my quit will bust through craves while kicking ass and chewing bubble gum and carrying newbies through week one. I'll have a quit other people talk about.

But I don't have that quit right now. So, I'm going to do what I need to stay quit. Even if it means my fiance hides my keys when she goes to work.

T-cell, SM, I hope I don't lose your support or advice, cause its good. You are right, this won't work forever. But it worked today. Again, thanks so much.

[T-Cell]

I am truly surprised and humbled by the support. I'm going to try to reply to everyone, I've got a lot to explain and answer.

1st, thanks wedge for giving me some initial steps in my quit plan. I'll start working on contacting the "comebacks" like you said.

2nd, and before my quit plan, I wanted to explain my work schedule because its a problem for me. I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend. Its complicated to explain, but the problem is that my weekends and down time are all over the place, and rarely line up with my fiance, leaving me home alone a lot, which is a VERY difficult time for me.

For example, on a swings weekday I wake up at 0700, spend some time with my fiance while she gets ready for work, go back to sleep, wake up at 1000. Then I've got roughly 4 hours of downtime before leaving for work around 1415. That downtime is so tough, and where I need the most help. Get to work around 1500, get out at 0000, home around 0100. Travel to and from work is also trouble, its a long boring drive. I get home, usually have a snack, read, and go to bed at 0300.

My plan--

NLT 0800 - Post roll in Nov. Thats before my fiance leaves, so my promise is in before I'm alone.

When she leaves, she's going to hide my keys, then tell me where they are in time for me to make the carpool.

Wake up and get busy. Either on KTC, cleaning the house, working out, wedding planning, whatever. Sitting there thinking about not dipping doesn't work, it drives me nuts.

Going to the carpool hasn't been a problem, but I'll text someone that I'm on the way and arrived. Wedge, its you tomorrow.

Also, the fiance is going to monitor my credit and debit cards including receipts. I will turn over any cash at end of day. 

Work should be ok. I am not allowed to have my phone with me for security reasons, but sometimes I have downtime to get on a computer and can access KTC (thats what I'm doing now). Sometimes I'm working 8hrs straight and can't leave, sometimes its much less and have free time for additional duties. I have to check in and out of the compound, and don't have transportation to get to a store or anywhere. People at work know not to dip around me or give me any.

The carpool back is fine, but from the carpool home is trouble. I'm hoping to find someone in Nov that works late so I can text or call them.

Once I'm home I can't leave without waking the fiance.

This plan should help protect my weak spots; being alone and traveling to/from work.

All suggestions/comments are welcome and encouraged.

Well I must say, I am pretty impressed with the steps you are willing to take. Stick to your plan. Reach out whenever you need to. Do NOT hestitate to do so! QUIT with you today.

Sorry to be a wet blanket but your quit plan has more loose holes than the mustang ranch . Seems to me your counting on your gal to keep you quit. Hiding your keys? Really? How bout you show some backbone and make a decision to be quit and then live by it. Ultimately nobody is going to keep you quit but you, your not taking full responsibility for your quit. In fact I would assert your actually shifting responsibility away from yourself and onto your gal. But at least you'll have a fall guy when you cave. Too much reliance on others, not enough reliance on you. Good try but I give your plan a D . Best rethink this.

SM is dead on. Where is the personal accountability in this plan? If you really are so weak that your girl AND your quit buddies have to carry you every day, how are you going to stay quit that day she is not available or something non-routine happens. How will you stay quit when, god forbid, a personal disaster happens?
Put yourself on the hook, and then have the integrity to perform. You will find a tremendous reservoir of personal strength if you hold yourself accountable.

[rgross298]

I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend.

I've heard of these shifts before. Two days, two nights, two graves, two off. Some bullshit like that. Those are masochistic places to work where the pussy management has no creativity and elects to make everyone suffer evenly.

Fuck that place, bro. It will suck the life out of you.

Stay strong, I hope you quit, the air is great up here.

[Wedge]

Flying informed me of what his job entails, one that he can't freely describe. He indeed does have an erratic work schedule.

However, we are not going to allow that to be a crutch to a cave. He's going to have to work hard to make it work. Bert, SM has valid points. Having your fiance' actively participate in your quit is a good thing, however you need to find thing that YOU actively do. Should she go on vacation and you are left to your own devices, your addict brain is going to tell you that "she should be here to make this hard on you and she isn't".

[Skoal Monster]

I am truly surprised and humbled by the support. I'm going to try to reply to everyone, I've got a lot to explain and answer.

1st, thanks wedge for giving me some initial steps in my quit plan. I'll start working on contacting the "comebacks" like you said.

2nd, and before my quit plan, I wanted to explain my work schedule because its a problem for me. I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend. Its complicated to explain, but the problem is that my weekends and down time are all over the place, and rarely line up with my fiance, leaving me home alone a lot, which is a VERY difficult time for me.

For example, on a swings weekday I wake up at 0700, spend some time with my fiance while she gets ready for work, go back to sleep, wake up at 1000. Then I've got roughly 4 hours of downtime before leaving for work around 1415. That downtime is so tough, and where I need the most help. Get to work around 1500, get out at 0000, home around 0100. Travel to and from work is also trouble, its a long boring drive. I get home, usually have a snack, read, and go to bed at 0300.

My plan--

NLT 0800 - Post roll in Nov. Thats before my fiance leaves, so my promise is in before I'm alone.

When she leaves, she's going to hide my keys, then tell me where they are in time for me to make the carpool.

Wake up and get busy. Either on KTC, cleaning the house, working out, wedding planning, whatever. Sitting there thinking about not dipping doesn't work, it drives me nuts.

Going to the carpool hasn't been a problem, but I'll text someone that I'm on the way and arrived. Wedge, its you tomorrow.

Also, the fiance is going to monitor my credit and debit cards including receipts. I will turn over any cash at end of day. 

Work should be ok. I am not allowed to have my phone with me for security reasons, but sometimes I have downtime to get on a computer and can access KTC (thats what I'm doing now). Sometimes I'm working 8hrs straight and can't leave, sometimes its much less and have free time for additional duties. I have to check in and out of the compound, and don't have transportation to get to a store or anywhere. People at work know not to dip around me or give me any.

The carpool back is fine, but from the carpool home is trouble. I'm hoping to find someone in Nov that works late so I can text or call them.

Once I'm home I can't leave without waking the fiance.

This plan should help protect my weak spots; being alone and traveling to/from work.

All suggestions/comments are welcome and encouraged.

Well I must say, I am pretty impressed with the steps you are willing to take. Stick to your plan. Reach out whenever you need to. Do NOT hestitate to do so! QUIT with you today.

Sorry to be a wet blanket but your quit plan has more loose holes than the mustang ranch . Seems to me your counting on your gal to keep you quit. Hiding your keys? Really? How bout you show some backbone and make a decision to be quit and then live by it. Ultimately nobody is going to keep you quit but you, your not taking full responsibility for your quit. In fact I would assert your actually shifting responsibility away from yourself and onto your gal. But at least you'll have a fall guy when you cave. Too much reliance on others, not enough reliance on you. Good try but I give your plan a D . Best rethink this.

[Roamcountry]

I am truly surprised and humbled by the support. I'm going to try to reply to everyone, I've got a lot to explain and answer.

1st, thanks wedge for giving me some initial steps in my quit plan. I'll start working on contacting the "comebacks" like you said.

2nd, and before my quit plan, I wanted to explain my work schedule because its a problem for me. I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend. Its complicated to explain, but the problem is that my weekends and down time are all over the place, and rarely line up with my fiance, leaving me home alone a lot, which is a VERY difficult time for me.

For example, on a swings weekday I wake up at 0700, spend some time with my fiance while she gets ready for work, go back to sleep, wake up at 1000. Then I've got roughly 4 hours of downtime before leaving for work around 1415. That downtime is so tough, and where I need the most help. Get to work around 1500, get out at 0000, home around 0100. Travel to and from work is also trouble, its a long boring drive. I get home, usually have a snack, read, and go to bed at 0300.

My plan--

NLT 0800 - Post roll in Nov. Thats before my fiance leaves, so my promise is in before I'm alone.

When she leaves, she's going to hide my keys, then tell me where they are in time for me to make the carpool.

Wake up and get busy. Either on KTC, cleaning the house, working out, wedding planning, whatever. Sitting there thinking about not dipping doesn't work, it drives me nuts.

Going to the carpool hasn't been a problem, but I'll text someone that I'm on the way and arrived. Wedge, its you tomorrow.

Also, the fiance is going to monitor my credit and debit cards including receipts. I will turn over any cash at end of day.

Work should be ok. I am not allowed to have my phone with me for security reasons, but sometimes I have downtime to get on a computer and can access KTC (thats what I'm doing now). Sometimes I'm working 8hrs straight and can't leave, sometimes its much less and have free time for additional duties. I have to check in and out of the compound, and don't have transportation to get to a store or anywhere. People at work know not to dip around me or give me any.

The carpool back is fine, but from the carpool home is trouble. I'm hoping to find someone in Nov that works late so I can text or call them.

Once I'm home I can't leave without waking the fiance.

This plan should help protect my weak spots; being alone and traveling to/from work.

All suggestions/comments are welcome and encouraged.

Well I must say, I am pretty impressed with the steps you are willing to take. Stick to your plan. Reach out whenever you need to. Do NOT hestitate to do so! QUIT with you today.

[flyingfree]

I am a liar. I am a failure. I betrayed my quit brother's and sister's in August. I broke my promise. Over and over. I lost my honor. I wear a ring with "death before dishonor" on it. I'm a fucking joke.

The worst is how I lied to my fiance. Fucking straight out lied to her face. Deliberately deceived her. Continuously, constantly. Over and over. Broke our trust. Broke her heart.

Because I am an addict. I gave it all away for poison and a slow suicide and a quick fix.

I'm going to write about what happened, try to figure out why, and what I'm going to do different this time.

Because I have to quit to live. I have to QUIT to LIVE.

Because I don't want cancer. I don't want to die at 45 and leave my wife and kids behind. I don't want my jaw to rot off. I don't want to be a liar, a failure, a user, a betrayer, a disgrace, or ashamed.

I don't want to have to lie to my friends and family. I don't want to lose it all to a tin can.

So I'm going to work. Work the program, stay focused, post roll 1st thing everyday, keep my promise, call for help. And be honest.

If you are reading this, I hope at the least I can be an example of how to fail, so you can avoid my mistakes. I don't want to be famous, or infamous, I just want to fucking quit, but if my story helps you or someone else then use it.

If you want to help, please, I welcome your support. I'm going to need it because I am so weak and this addiction is so strong.

I know so many of you are angry, and I understand. I would be angry if I were in your place. If you want to take your shots, I have no defenses, and I deserve them.

Some people want me to leave. I've thought several times about dropping ktc, but it works for me when I use it. I just let it go, I relaxed and my addiction stole back into my life and took over. I always intended to stop, to confess, to fix it, but I couldn't or wouldn't. I just kept using, kept feeding that monster piece after piece of myself, kept saying I'll quit after this one, this is the last one, I swear no more after this one. I told myself, "its no so bad, I intend to quit, this is just a slip." Yeah, a fucking two month long slip. What a load of crap. But my addict brain just kept justifying everything. Breaking my promise on ktc is awful, but the worst is how I lied to my fiance. I feel disgusted. If someone else did what I did, I would think, "what a loser!" And thats how I think of myself now.

I'm a loser.

But, I have to quit to live. So I'm going to quit. Posting day 1 in November.

-flyingfree

I don't know you. But I heard the story a little bit. After the 3 questions, all I want to know is where is your promise to November. You said you were going to post up an hour and a half ago.

You're right, it took me a while between my intro-post and roll post. I'm at work and had some duties to attend to. I posted as soon as I could once they were complete.

[flyingfree]

I am truly surprised and humbled by the support. I'm going to try to reply to everyone, I've got a lot to explain and answer.

1st, thanks wedge for giving me some initial steps in my quit plan. I'll start working on contacting the "comebacks" like you said.

2nd, and before my quit plan, I wanted to explain my work schedule because its a problem for me. I work a rotating shift, 4 weeks on days (08-1600), 4 wks on swings (16-00), my current schedule), 4 wks on mids (00-08). I also have an 8 day work week, 5 days on, one day on call, two day weekend. Its complicated to explain, but the problem is that my weekends and down time are all over the place, and rarely line up with my fiance, leaving me home alone a lot, which is a VERY difficult time for me.

For example, on a swings weekday I wake up at 0700, spend some time with my fiance while she gets ready for work, go back to sleep, wake up at 1000. Then I've got roughly 4 hours of downtime before leaving for work around 1415. That downtime is so tough, and where I need the most help. Get to work around 1500, get out at 0000, home around 0100. Travel to and from work is also trouble, its a long boring drive. I get home, usually have a snack, read, and go to bed at 0300.

My plan--

NLT 0800 - Post roll in Nov. Thats before my fiance leaves, so my promise is in before I'm alone.

When she leaves, she's going to hide my keys, then tell me where they are in time for me to make the carpool.

Wake up and get busy. Either on KTC, cleaning the house, working out, wedding planning, whatever. Sitting there thinking about not dipping doesn't work, it drives me nuts.

Going to the carpool hasn't been a problem, but I'll text someone that I'm on the way and arrived. Wedge, its you tomorrow.

Also, the fiance is going to monitor my credit and debit cards including receipts. I will turn over any cash at end of day.

Work should be ok. I am not allowed to have my phone with me for security reasons, but sometimes I have downtime to get on a computer and can access KTC (thats what I'm doing now). Sometimes I'm working 8hrs straight and can't leave, sometimes its much less and have free time for additional duties. I have to check in and out of the compound, and don't have transportation to get to a store or anywhere. People at work know not to dip around me or give me any.

The carpool back is fine, but from the carpool home is trouble. I'm hoping to find someone in Nov that works late so I can text or call them.

Once I'm home I can't leave without waking the fiance.

This plan should help protect my weak spots; being alone and traveling to/from work.

All suggestions/comments are welcome and encouraged.

[Roamcountry]

I am a liar. I am a failure. I betrayed my quit brother's and sister's in August. I broke my promise. Over and over. I lost my honor. I wear a ring with "death before dishonor" on it. I'm a fucking joke.

The worst is how I lied to my fiance. Fucking straight out lied to her face. Deliberately deceived her. Continuously, constantly. Over and over. Broke our trust. Broke her heart.

Because I am an addict. I gave it all away for poison and a slow suicide and a quick fix.

I'm going to write about what happened, try to figure out why, and what I'm going to do different this time.

Because I have to quit to live. I have to QUIT to LIVE.

Because I don't want cancer. I don't want to die at 45 and leave my wife and kids behind. I don't want my jaw to rot off. I don't want to be a liar, a failure, a user, a betrayer, a disgrace, or ashamed.

I don't want to have to lie to my friends and family. I don't want to lose it all to a tin can.

So I'm going to work. Work the program, stay focused, post roll 1st thing everyday, keep my promise, call for help. And be honest.

If you are reading this, I hope at the least I can be an example of how to fail, so you can avoid my mistakes. I don't want to be famous, or infamous, I just want to fucking quit, but if my story helps you or someone else then use it.

If you want to help, please, I welcome your support. I'm going to need it because I am so weak and this addiction is so strong.

I know so many of you are angry, and I understand. I would be angry if I were in your place. If you want to take your shots, I have no defenses, and I deserve them.

Some people want me to leave. I've thought several times about dropping ktc, but it works for me when I use it. I just let it go, I relaxed and my addiction stole back into my life and took over. I always intended to stop, to confess, to fix it, but I couldn't or wouldn't. I just kept using, kept feeding that monster piece after piece of myself, kept saying I'll quit after this one, this is the last one, I swear no more after this one. I told myself, "its no so bad, I intend to quit, this is just a slip." Yeah, a fucking two month long slip. What a load of crap. But my addict brain just kept justifying everything. Breaking my promise on ktc is awful, but the worst is how I lied to my fiance. I feel disgusted. If someone else did what I did, I would think, "what a loser!" And thats how I think of myself now.

I'm a loser.

But, I have to quit to live. So I'm going to quit. Posting day 1 in November.

-flyingfree

Post your day 1 and I will Quit with you EVERY day.

Bert,

I want to know what you are going to do differently. I want a quit plan. I want to know what you do for a living...what's your work shedule....do you sit behind a computer? Do you drive a bus? Do you lay shingles? I want to know when you plan on being on the website. I want to know if you are going to post roll 10 minutes after you wake up. I want to know if you are going to check in when you get home and tell everyone that you read all of roll call. I want to know how many people is too many for you to text on a daily basis. You've had my number from the start. I think you sent me 2 texts.

I'm different than many of the guys on this site. I can trust again. But you have to show me what you are going to do differently this time, and then follow through on it. You will have my support.

Actually, after writing all that...I want something new. I want you to find 5 people who have caved and come back to be successful quitters, 100 days or more. I want you to CALL them. I want you to post a cliffs notes version of what they did to regain the trust of their brothers and sister. What was their quit plan. What did they learn about themselves. Finding 5 is easy (I'm a nice enough guy to give you a headstart...buddy mac and wastepanel). Finding 5 that will help you is slightly tougher. Having the guts to beg for their number and actually dialing the phone will be toughest of all. You want to be quit? You want my support? You want my respect as a quitter on this site again? You want to avoid going back to the can? Do it. Make it happen. NOLAQ and I might very well be the only 2 people who support you. You just posted your mea culpa. I hope you get more, but you are gonna have to work to get mine.

And one last thing. Buddy Mac texts me his day every morning. 105 days straight. I want you to do the same thing. Every morning. Make it happen.

Wedge..

1. love the advice
2....Fuck you Bert....there I said it

However, I, like Wedge, don't hold a grudge......but I am not quit with you today....until you hit Day 4......embrace the suck and the horror without me.......cuz that is your foundation....

Make it to Day 4 and I am quit with you....

btw - change you self talk.....you are not a loser.....you just fucked up......get over it and move on......bitch....can I call you bitch? :-)

lets do this

I like your sincerity and feel you are being honest here. Now, its time to pick up the pieces and start over. Get some more personal accountability, like wedge said, CALL. It makes a very huge difference when you know someone mono a mono. Look forward to seeing your progress.