I still remember pretty early on in the quit phase. I got really angry. I wasted $40,000 and a lot of time, a lot of precious time with people I love, chasing a high that never came only to isolate and do something really dangerous. I'm really lucky it didn't kill me, like it did so many other people.
So Steve, are you angry at all? Lately it seems like you are swimming upstream. Remember, dipping only helped take away withdrawals. You haven't had a "fix" or a "high" from nicotine in a hell of a long time. So I'm trying to reconcile the lack of anger on your part. I wish I had something more helpful to say, but man it seems like you almost miss nicotine. You gotta stop that shit - its time to get mad!
Oh im pissed and frustrated, believe me I am. I want my life back so badly and big tobacco couldn’t give a fuck!!!
They just want my money. Yes I miss nicotine a lot. I never hated dipping, just hiding it. I promise not to dip today.
Day 208
Anxiety has lessened a little but I ain’t counting my chickens before they hatch. It’s Friday and I have the weekend off to keep my mind calm if at all possible. I still feel depressed but that too has lessened this morning.
Yes Worktowin I’m pissed at the world right now but in reality I’m the one to blame for what’s happening to me. I chose to take that first dip all those years ago and I’m the one who decided to blow a 14 year gap and try “just one” dip in the spring of 2019. Big tobacco sucks for formulating the perfect storm we put in our lips to keep us hooked. Ultimately though it’s my fault and I’m most angry with myself for what I’m going through.
On another note I work with a bunch of guys that dip heavily and they now call me the preacher because I been spreading the word about this site and how dangerous dipping is. Most of them are pretty young and think they are invincible but I got a couple older guys that have been dipping for decades that are thinking about taking the plunge and quitting. Hopefully I can help someone quit.
I've always held that helping others' quits is one of the easiest things to do to strengthen your own quit. Don't let the 'invincible' numbskulls sway you or question your choice. In reality, they are jealous you are free and had the balls to quit and they don't.
MN/2,812 QLAMF ODAAT
worktowin 4,030
I HATE NICOTINE AND I HATE TOBACCO.
I wasted over 25 years of my life chasing that fix that never came! I wasted $40,000+ trying to take away the pain of experiencing withdrawal, with absolutely no benefit! I lied to my friends and my family to sneak away in shame! I dared cancer to take me away from my friends and family because I was too weak to stand up for myself and quit for all of those years! I sat alone in hotels all over the country while on business trips isolated and lonely rather than explore and have fun, all just to try to avoid the pain of withdrawals!
There is nothing glamorous about addiction. Quitting isn't easy. Only the toughest are able to do it. Its all a mind game for a while, because the chemicals want to win. And what does losing look like? It looks like 25 years of my wasted life. NEVER AGAIN, MY FRIENDS. NEVER AGAIN. No pain, no gain. I'm in this with you guys, we fight together, we win together. And every win is a celebration, there is no fear or misery when it comes to winning.