I quit again

[MN_Engineer]

No my anxiety has nothing to do with her finding out because she never will. I’m comfortable knowing that I will never put the devils dirt in my mouth again. The only reasons I stopped before was because it was so expensive. I didn’t want to quit. I loved dipping. I missed it. I didn’t have any withdrawal either. Now that I’m older I have to quit because I’m concerned about my health and my health is very important because my family wants me around for a while. My cravings are completely gone as well as all the physical stuff but as mentioned before I’m still going through some anxiety but it’s slowly becoming less and less as the weeks go by. I’m just here to help others with advice and encouragement. I know for a fact I’ll never dip again. Once my dopamine comes back and the boredom goes away life will really get better. There is life beyond dip. We must all remember that.

So what happens if you would get some mouth/tongue/esophagus related medical issues from your history of dipping? Wouldn't she find out then? I hope and pray that doesn't happen to you or anyone here but probably a worse time for her to find out than at the start of your quit journey.

When I quit back in 2016, I thought I loved dipping as well. I didn't really want to quit but forced myself to. Turns out all that was one big fucking lie. No one loves something that is actively trying to hurt/kill them. Nicotine/dip did nothing for us other than steal our money and our health as well as strained our relationships. This is true even for those of us that ninja dipped because going off to hide our addiction took time away from our family and loved ones. The addict part of your brain will continue to tell you these lies a long time into your quit. You have to actively reprogram your brain to hate nicotine, to hate dipping and to not miss something that is poisonous and deadly. Flick off the convenience stores when you drive by. Get angry. Learn to hate this thing that kept you in slavery for so long.

[Dipchit]

No my anxiety has nothing to do with her finding out because she never will. I’m comfortable knowing that I will never put the devils dirt in my mouth again. The only reasons I stopped before was because it was so expensive. I didn’t want to quit. I loved dipping. I missed it. I didn’t have any withdrawal either. Now that I’m older I have to quit because I’m concerned about my health and my health is very important because my family wants me around for a while. My cravings are completely gone as well as all the physical stuff but as mentioned before I’m still going through some anxiety but it’s slowly becoming less and less as the weeks go by. I’m just here to help others with advice and encouragement. I know for a fact I’ll never dip again. Once my dopamine comes back and the boredom goes away life will really get better. There is life beyond dip. We must all remember that.

[MN_Engineer]

KTC has always taken a hard nosed, tough love approach to quitting. This isn't just a support group; this is an accountability network. KTC has never been a pat on the ass, 'you'll get 'em next time champ' sort of system. We quit hard. We don't accept failure as an option. We hold each other's feet to the fire and grind this out one hour, one afternoon, one day at a time. To us here, this is viewed as life and death. We call out addict speak when we see it even if it doesn't make us popular. It's better to hate and rage at us than on your loved ones at home. We can take it.

I was a ninja dipper as well. I eventually told my wife (before I found KTC) thinking it would be the motivation I needed to quit but it was another 8 months after that where I found KTC and the rest is history. Was my wife hurt? Yeah. Was she upset. Sure. Did she want to be supportive and help me be successful? Absolutely. Telling loved ones in your life can be incredibly difficult and will likely put a temporary strain on your relationships. But the transparency and honesty will help solidify the foundations of your quit. Addiction thrives on a bed of lies. Being quit requires honesty, both with yourself and those around you. I'd encourage you to consider being honest with your wife; is some of your anxiety perhaps linked to the fear of her finding out the years of lies and nicotine use?

[Dipchit]

Boy Keith arnt you just a ray of sunshine. I have had a pair since I was born 58 years ago so that’s not the problem. I don’t need others to lean on and to hold my hand to quit dipping. I’m not THAT weak. I’m pretty strong willed so I know I’ll be fine. I’m just here to help others through the process because I have successfully quit and I know that I will never go back to dipping.
BTW I’m on day 64 now and I had a fairly good day on Saturday. The anxiety was really weak to none and I actually felt like doing things that I used to. Unfortunately yesterday (day 63) really sucked. I woke up to the tingling sensation all over and my mood crashed. Then the brain fog set in for the day. It’s amazing how the symptoms come and go like that rather than disappear in a linear fashion. Today I’m feeling rather flat with no enthusiasm for anything. Life sure is boring without dip. So anyway all you fellow quitters have a good day. Even you Kieth.

[Keith0617]

Thanks. I’m hoping that documenting my journey through all this it may help comfort others in knowing that all these uncomfortable symptoms will eventually fade away. I do relize that we all heal differently and at varying rates that is individual.
No I haven’t looked into discord because I was a closet dipper and I dipped for years off and on behind my wife’s back and to access discord I would have to download the app and she would know what I was doing. We share the same account. By keeping it here I can keep it a secret. I know, not cool and I don’t feel good about it but I have it instilled in my mind that I will never dip again. I started dipping when I was 18 and dipped for over half my life if you add up all the years between stoppages. It still surprises me that 3 out of the 4 stoppages I didn’t have any withdrawal but my last stop I got slammed. I didn’t think any of my symptoms were nicotine related until I started the googling stopping dip and there it was. I even picked up a can of Zyn and put 3 in my dip pouch. Lo and behold, within 20 minutes to a half hour I felt fine. So there I thought I would just taper but that only lasted a few days and I just said fuck it and went cold turkey 61 days ago. My cravings are few and far between now but I’m still dealing with anxiety and some background depression. I am happy to say though that in the last couple weeks I am noticing that the anxiety is slowly becoming less and less.
Well back to work because break time is over. Stay strong all you fellow quitters. I can call myself a quitter because I’m never going to be tempted by the nic bitch ever again. Lesson learned.

Nothing like a relationship built on trust. Quitting alone is a bitch. Quitting with others is sooooooo much easier. Maybe grow a pair, be honest, and start quitting in a program that is proven to work.

[Dipchit]

Thanks. I’m hoping that documenting my journey through all this it may help comfort others in knowing that all these uncomfortable symptoms will eventually fade away. I do relize that we all heal differently and at varying rates that is individual.
No I haven’t looked into discord because I was a closet dipper and I dipped for years off and on behind my wife’s back and to access discord I would have to download the app and she would know what I was doing. We share the same account. By keeping it here I can keep it a secret. I know, not cool and I don’t feel good about it but I have it instilled in my mind that I will never dip again. I started dipping when I was 18 and dipped for over half my life if you add up all the years between stoppages. It still surprises me that 3 out of the 4 stoppages I didn’t have any withdrawal but my last stop I got slammed. I didn’t think any of my symptoms were nicotine related until I started the googling stopping dip and there it was. I even picked up a can of Zyn and put 3 in my dip pouch. Lo and behold, within 20 minutes to a half hour I felt fine. So there I thought I would just taper but that only lasted a few days and I just said fuck it and went cold turkey 61 days ago. My cravings are few and far between now but I’m still dealing with anxiety and some background depression. I am happy to say though that in the last couple weeks I am noticing that the anxiety is slowly becoming less and less.
Well back to work because break time is over. Stay strong all you fellow quitters. I can call myself a quitter because I’m never going to be tempted by the nic bitch ever again. Lesson learned.

[MN_Engineer]

Day 61.
Had a fairly decent night last night. I woke at 3:00 am to piss and I felt good. No anxiety or depression so I just laid there enjoying the feeling of calm that I rarely get. Drifted off soon after but when I awoke at 5:00 am I felt horrible. Dread, depression and anxiety. Just like Groundhog Day. Here we go again. It usually peaks around 4:00 pm and then starts to drop around 8:00 pm. I have described this to my POS doctor and all he wants to do I offer me some new anti depressant. Fuck him!
Anyway over all it’s slowly getting better but at a glacial pace. Fuckin nicotine should be banned worldwide. Anyone else experience this issue?
There’s my rant of the day.

Hey man, I like the way you continue to document/journal your experience. Have you got plugged into KTC on Discord yet? Discord is the primary platform and contains most of our active members; it even has a thread for folks struggling with anxiety and depression.

Click here and join us on Discord if you haven't already: https://discord.gg/nC5bc5ZKcb

[Dipchit]

Day 61.
Had a fairly decent night last night. I woke at 3:00 am to piss and I felt good. No anxiety or depression so I just laid there enjoying the feeling of calm that I rarely get. Drifted off soon after but when I awoke at 5:00 am I felt horrible. Dread, depression and anxiety. Just like Groundhog Day. Here we go again. It usually peaks around 4:00 pm and then starts to drop around 8:00 pm. I have described this to my POS doctor and all he wants to do I offer me some new anti depressant. Fuck him!
Anyway over all it’s slowly getting better but at a glacial pace. Fuckin nicotine should be banned worldwide. Anyone else experience this issue?
There’s my rant of the day.

[Dipchit]

Ok. Got it. Thanks for the clarification.

[MN_Engineer]

You have your opinion and I have mine. I QUIT dipping for 14 years or I stopped for 14 years. Same thing.
I actually had another evening last night that the anxiety was very low. It seems to follow my cortisol levels during the day. I feel like crap in the morning and as the day progresses my anxiety lowers. By bedtime it’s just in the background. I had my doctor run bloods a couple months back and everything came back normal. Hopefully this withdrawal is starting to leave forever. Again every time I quit (stopped) in the past I had virtually zero symptoms so this was quit the surprise for me. Guess I should have done some research before quitting (stopping) the devils dirt.

It may seem like semantics but at KTC we make a clear distinction between stoppages and our first and only "QUIT".

Each person only has one QUIT. Anything prior is merely a stoppage whether it was for a week, a couple months, or 14 years.

[Dipchit]

You have your opinion and I have mine. I QUIT dipping for 14 years or I stopped for 14 years. Same thing.
I actually had another evening last night that the anxiety was very low. It seems to follow my cortisol levels during the day. I feel like crap in the morning and as the day progresses my anxiety lowers. By bedtime it’s just in the background. I had my doctor run bloods a couple months back and everything came back normal. Hopefully this withdrawal is starting to leave forever. Again every time I quit (stopped) in the past I had virtually zero symptoms so this was quit the surprise for me. Guess I should have done some research before quitting (stopping) the devils dirt.

[Keith0617]

Day 59
I’m pleased to say that I had a few hours last night that the anxiety was not bad. It was there but low. Unfortunately it was back this morning. Anxiety and depression are my two most common symptoms now. Gone are the physical symptoms that consisted of mouth sores, muscle spasms, constipation, dizziness and headaches. It’s to bad we are all so different and our symptoms don’t dissolve around the same time so we can all know how much suffering we have ahead of us. I noticed that nobody really mentions how long a particular symptom lasted probably because we are so unique in our journeys. I quit or stopped a few times over the last 30 years and each one was with nearly zero withdrawal. Yes amazing!!!
When I quit in 2005 all I had was a few days of brain fog and some craving but that was it. Stupidly 14 years later I bummed a pinch from a bud and that was it. I remember after 2 years of my 14 year quit I never even thought about chewing. Just one moment of weakness was all it took to destroy that quit.
I must say I was completely taken by surprise when I was hit by the withdrawals. Hopefully this ends soon because I really want my old self back.

You didn’t quit, you just stopped for a while. You didn’t learn a thing obviously.

[Dipchit]

Day 59
I’m pleased to say that I had a few hours last night that the anxiety was not bad. It was there but low. Unfortunately it was back this morning. Anxiety and depression are my two most common symptoms now. Gone are the physical symptoms that consisted of mouth sores, muscle spasms, constipation, dizziness and headaches. It’s to bad we are all so different and our symptoms don’t dissolve around the same time so we can all know how much suffering we have ahead of us. I noticed that nobody really mentions how long a particular symptom lasted probably because we are so unique in our journeys. I quit or stopped a few times over the last 30 years and each one was with nearly zero withdrawal. Yes amazing!!!
When I quit in 2005 all I had was a few days of brain fog and some craving but that was it. Stupidly 14 years later I bummed a pinch from a bud and that was it. I remember after 2 years of my 14 year quit I never even thought about chewing. Just one moment of weakness was all it took to destroy that quit.
I must say I was completely taken by surprise when I was hit by the withdrawals. Hopefully this ends soon because I really want my old self back.

[MN_Engineer]

Thanks for the advice. I do try to keep busy to distract from the hell but it’s tough. I sometimes get relief in the evening after 8:00 pm. Sometimes the anxiety just lifts and it feels so wonderful but by wake-up time it’s back and I can be assured that it’s another day in hell. Sometimes it’s on the verge of panic. Sure makes it tough to not cave and pop in a dip of Kodiak but I know that it will put me back to square one so that’s not an option.

There is no shame getting help. You are here which is a fantastic start. Though while we can help with the addiction/nicotine side of things, we aren't qualified to help provide any medical advice. I would encourage you to see your doctor and talk through your options with them. For some folks here, medication helped get them over the hump and it was nothing long term. For me, therapy and understanding what was causing my stress/anxiety was helpful along with how to deal with instances of panic/stress/anxiety.

You aren't alone in this challenge. Keep sharing what's going on; sometimes journaling things out in here helps folks too.

[Dipchit]

Thanks for the advice. I do try to keep busy to distract from the hell but it’s tough. I sometimes get relief in the evening after 8:00 pm. Sometimes the anxiety just lifts and it feels so wonderful but by wake-up time it’s back and I can be assured that it’s another day in hell. Sometimes it’s on the verge of panic. Sure makes it tough to not cave and pop in a dip of Kodiak but I know that it will put me back to square one so that’s not an option.