I quit again

[Keith0617]

I still remember pretty early on in the quit phase.  I got really angry.  I wasted $40,000 and a lot of time, a lot of precious time with people I love, chasing a high that never came only to isolate and do something really dangerous.  I'm really lucky it didn't kill me, like it did so many other people.

So Steve, are you angry at all?  Lately it seems like you are swimming upstream.  Remember, dipping only helped take away withdrawals.  You haven't had a "fix" or a "high" from nicotine in a hell of a long time.  So I'm trying to reconcile the lack of anger on your part.  I wish I had something more helpful to say, but man it seems like you almost miss nicotine.  You gotta stop that shit - its time to get mad!

Oh im pissed and frustrated, believe me I am. I want my life back so badly and big tobacco couldn’t give a fuck!!!
They just want my money. Yes I miss nicotine a lot. I never hated dipping, just hiding it. I promise not to dip today.

As @worktowin is saying, seems like you are romanticizing dip. Look what it has done to you. You are lucky your face hasn’t rotten off. The you have your teeth. Hell, cancer may still show up one day. Instead of missing it, count your lucky stars you are stacking up clean day after clean day. Tobacco never solved a thing, but it sure will cause a lot of problems. Start looking forward and not backwards.

[Dipchit]

I still remember pretty early on in the quit phase.  I got really angry.  I wasted $40,000 and a lot of time, a lot of precious time with people I love, chasing a high that never came only to isolate and do something really dangerous.  I'm really lucky it didn't kill me, like it did so many other people.

So Steve, are you angry at all?  Lately it seems like you are swimming upstream.  Remember, dipping only helped take away withdrawals.  You haven't had a "fix" or a "high" from nicotine in a hell of a long time.  So I'm trying to reconcile the lack of anger on your part.  I wish I had something more helpful to say, but man it seems like you almost miss nicotine.  You gotta stop that shit - its time to get mad!

Oh im pissed and frustrated, believe me I am. I want my life back so badly and big tobacco couldn’t give a fuck!!!
They just want my money. Yes I miss nicotine a lot. I never hated dipping, just hiding it. I promise not to dip today.

[worktowin]

I still remember pretty early on in the quit phase.  I got really angry.  I wasted $40,000 and a lot of time, a lot of precious time with people I love, chasing a high that never came only to isolate and do something really dangerous.  I'm really lucky it didn't kill me, like it did so many other people.

So Steve, are you angry at all?  Lately it seems like you are swimming upstream.  Remember, dipping only helped take away withdrawals.  You haven't had a "fix" or a "high" from nicotine in a hell of a long time.  So I'm trying to reconcile the lack of anger on your part.  I wish I had something more helpful to say, but man it seems like you almost miss nicotine.  You gotta stop that shit - its time to get mad!

[Keith0617]

Day 207
Flat and depressed with a little fear. I promise not to dip today.

worktowin 4,029.  Probably more overwhelmed at work than I've been in year.  Not sure if that is good or bad...

MN/2,811 with you all today.

Keith0617 1918 ODAAT

[MN_Engineer]

Day 207
Flat and depressed with a little fear. I promise not to dip today.

worktowin 4,029.  Probably more overwhelmed at work than I've been in year.  Not sure if that is good or bad...

MN/2,811 with you all today.

[worktowin]

Day 207
Flat and depressed with a little fear. I promise not to dip today.

worktowin 4,029.  Probably more overwhelmed at work than I've been in year.  Not sure if that is good or bad...

[Dipchit]

Day 207
Flat and depressed with a little fear. I promise not to dip today.

[Dipchit]

Day 206
Anxiety and depression. Thought this would have been in the rear view mirror long ago. I will not dip today.

Day 2,810 - never again for any reason (NAFAR)

4,028

Hey bro, how was the first day back at work?  I was off a week and I'm now 6 weeks behind.

It was ok I guess. Kept having waves of fear out of nowhere. Nothing to attach it to, just fear. As the day went on the depression crept back in. It’s close to dinner now and both have gotten better but still no zest for life of course. Just gotta take it one day at a time and try not to be a burden on my family. Fake it til you make it. God I can’t wait for all this agony to be over. Have a good evening.

[worktowin]

Day 206
Anxiety and depression. Thought this would have been in the rear view mirror long ago. I will not dip today.

Day 2,810 - never again for any reason (NAFAR)

4,028

Hey bro, how was the first day back at work?  I was off a week and I'm now 6 weeks behind.

[worktowin]

Day 206
Anxiety and depression. Thought this would have been in the rear view mirror long ago. I will not dip today.

Day 2,810 - never again for any reason (NAFAR)

4,028

[MN_Engineer]

Day 206
Anxiety and depression. Thought this would have been in the rear view mirror long ago. I will not dip today.

Day 2,810 - never again for any reason (NAFAR)

[Dipchit]

Day 206
Anxiety and depression. Thought this would have been in the rear view mirror long ago. I will not dip today.

[worktowin]

MN/2,809 with Steve and y'all today. QLAMF ODAAT

Day 205.
ANXIETY!!!!!!! Bad anxiety again. Non stop anxiety. I don’t get it!!!!! I may consider some talk therapy but a big hard no on medication. Last thing I want to do is go through even more withdrawals getting off of some phych med. not gunna happen. I’m so fuckin tired of this nearly non stop suffering thinking and hoping that being a non dipper will be better. Im not going back to dip so don’t worry about that but I actually felt great when I was dipping. Only thing that bothered me was hiding it. It took so much energy and effort and lost quality family time away that I needed to get away from it. Never fathomed that it would have sucked this bad especially after zero withdrawal my last few stops. Had I known how bad it was going to be I think I would’ve just told my wife that I dip and just deal with it. I now have way to much suffering invested to give up and pick up a can so onward I go one day at a time. So there we are. No sugar coating. I said it like I see it. Any newbie’s who read this don’t give up because my suffering is so bad. Maybe yours won’t be as bad. Just take it one day at a time and promise not to dip today and that’s my promise.
Big tobacco you can go fuck yourselves for putting me through so much suffering.

I understand not wanting to go the medication route. I personally wouldn't want to either. But there are methods to deal with anxiety and depression that don't involve medication so consider pursuing those routes. I get the frustration and I'm sure it's demoralizing. But sometimes the right decisions aren't the easiest as you are experiencing here. I know you know that being nicotine free is the right decision. Keep fighting brother.

Keith0617 1916 ODAAT

worktowin 4,027.  Man I remember this feeling.  Never again.

My entire body feels like I’m being electrocuted. Tingling from head to toe. Fear, dread, depression, anhidonia, agitation etc. WTF? And I’m supposed to go back to work tomorrow. I thought I’d be fine long long ago. Guess I’ll just lay here and suffer because drinking lots of water and exercising just makes it worse. Constantly sore and can’t stop peeing.

One of the best parts of work is that if you are busy enough, it keeps your mind occupied.  I occasionally have people come in and talk about wanting to take time off to deal with this, or to deal with that.  I won't get into my personal life a lot, but over the past 8 years I've had more than my share of family issues, health financial relationship etc, to deal with, and I took off about 5 days in total to deal with those.  The more time off that I would have the more time off for my mind to fuck with myself.  I hope you are SWAMPED when you get back.... that would be the absolute best thing.  So swamped that you have to wear depends because you won't have time to go to the bathroom.  HAHA.  Seriously bro, thinking of you and here for you.

[Dipchit]

MN/2,809 with Steve and y'all today. QLAMF ODAAT

Day 205.
ANXIETY!!!!!!! Bad anxiety again. Non stop anxiety. I don’t get it!!!!! I may consider some talk therapy but a big hard no on medication. Last thing I want to do is go through even more withdrawals getting off of some phych med. not gunna happen. I’m so fuckin tired of this nearly non stop suffering thinking and hoping that being a non dipper will be better. Im not going back to dip so don’t worry about that but I actually felt great when I was dipping. Only thing that bothered me was hiding it. It took so much energy and effort and lost quality family time away that I needed to get away from it. Never fathomed that it would have sucked this bad especially after zero withdrawal my last few stops. Had I known how bad it was going to be I think I would’ve just told my wife that I dip and just deal with it. I now have way to much suffering invested to give up and pick up a can so onward I go one day at a time. So there we are. No sugar coating. I said it like I see it. Any newbie’s who read this don’t give up because my suffering is so bad. Maybe yours won’t be as bad. Just take it one day at a time and promise not to dip today and that’s my promise.
Big tobacco you can go fuck yourselves for putting me through so much suffering.

I understand not wanting to go the medication route. I personally wouldn't want to either. But there are methods to deal with anxiety and depression that don't involve medication so consider pursuing those routes. I get the frustration and I'm sure it's demoralizing. But sometimes the right decisions aren't the easiest as you are experiencing here. I know you know that being nicotine free is the right decision. Keep fighting brother.

Keith0617 1916 ODAAT

worktowin 4,027.  Man I remember this feeling.  Never again.

My entire body feels like I’m being electrocuted. Tingling from head to toe. Fear, dread, depression, anhidonia, agitation etc. WTF? And I’m supposed to go back to work tomorrow. I thought I’d be fine long long ago. Guess I’ll just lay here and suffer because drinking lots of water and exercising just makes it worse. Constantly sore and can’t stop peeing.
If it’s any consolation it will be 10 years as of the 22 of this month that I quit drinking. Thing is that my drinking was really never that much of a problem. I could go days without it but towards the end of it I caught the flu and went about a week without beer. When I started feeling better a had some mild anxiety. Guess it could have been from no beer for a week. I said fuck it and never drank again. The next few days I felt a little off but it passed and I never looked back. No craves and no regrets. I just can’t wait for this bull shit to end. I want my life back.

[worktowin]

MN/2,809 with Steve and y'all today. QLAMF ODAAT

Day 205.
ANXIETY!!!!!!! Bad anxiety again. Non stop anxiety. I don’t get it!!!!! I may consider some talk therapy but a big hard no on medication. Last thing I want to do is go through even more withdrawals getting off of some phych med. not gunna happen. I’m so fuckin tired of this nearly non stop suffering thinking and hoping that being a non dipper will be better. Im not going back to dip so don’t worry about that but I actually felt great when I was dipping. Only thing that bothered me was hiding it. It took so much energy and effort and lost quality family time away that I needed to get away from it. Never fathomed that it would have sucked this bad especially after zero withdrawal my last few stops. Had I known how bad it was going to be I think I would’ve just told my wife that I dip and just deal with it. I now have way to much suffering invested to give up and pick up a can so onward I go one day at a time. So there we are. No sugar coating. I said it like I see it. Any newbie’s who read this don’t give up because my suffering is so bad. Maybe yours won’t be as bad. Just take it one day at a time and promise not to dip today and that’s my promise.
Big tobacco you can go fuck yourselves for putting me through so much suffering.

I understand not wanting to go the medication route. I personally wouldn't want to either. But there are methods to deal with anxiety and depression that don't involve medication so consider pursuing those routes. I get the frustration and I'm sure it's demoralizing. But sometimes the right decisions aren't the easiest as you are experiencing here. I know you know that being nicotine free is the right decision. Keep fighting brother.

Keith0617 1916 ODAAT

worktowin 4,027.  Man I remember this feeling.  Never again.