« previous next »
Pages: [1] 2 3 4   Go Down

Author Topic: 16 years later, I quit  (Read 27760 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline BigRedDog

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 40
  • Likes Given: 11
Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #53 on: October 13, 2025, 08:17:20 PM »
174 - burning house by cam
Logged

Offline Candoit

  • Hall of Fame Conductor
  • Master of Quit
  • ***
  • Posts: 28,273
  • The Candy Man
  • Quit Date: Today
  • Likes Given: 189
Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #52 on: October 13, 2025, 01:48:05 PM »
Quote from: BigRedDog on October 13, 2025, 12:08:02 PM
174..ODAAT

Tomorrow is my first ever in person therapy....absolutely shitting bricks today about it and as it gets closer my brain is screaming to not go

But theres only one way to heal, and thats to move forward....
You are 100% right. There is no other choice but forward. I remember being in that place seeing no other way but forward
Quote from: Candoit on August 24, 2015, 09:55:00 AM
Forgiveness is not forgetting
Fear is not scared
Failure is not losing
Happiness is not painless
Success is not happiness
Pride is not ego
Honor is not selfish
Selfless is not loneliness
Sadness is not joyless
Smiling is not with out tears
Discovery is not with out frustration
Compassion is not selfless
Anger is not hate
Hate is not terminal
Moving forward is not moving on

We use too many synonyms in our lives. In doing so we forget that feelings and emotions are not singluar entities. They are complex layers that are codependent. You cannot experience one with out the others. To denie the existence of the others breeds one: resentment.
Logged
There are no circumstances in which using nicotine will improve the outcome.

My journey. The best part it is not over yet.

Offline BigRedDog

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 40
  • Likes Given: 11
Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #51 on: October 13, 2025, 12:08:02 PM »
174..ODAAT

Tomorrow is my first ever in person therapy....absolutely shitting bricks today about it and as it gets closer my brain is screaming to not go

But theres only one way to heal, and thats to move forward....
Logged

Offline MN_Engineer

  • QLAMF ODAAT
  • Administrator
  • Master of Quit
  • *****
  • Posts: 29,690
  • Aug '16 Trauma-Tizers
  • Quit Date: 04-25-2016
  • Interests: All things Mopar, Rick and Morty fan, sober husband and dad, MN Twins for life!
  • Likes Given: 4628
Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #50 on: October 13, 2025, 09:12:09 AM »
Quote from: BigRedDog on October 12, 2025, 11:27:23 AM
173

Anxiety is high, I gotta get this under control
Be patient with yourself. 173 days is badass but your brain and body still need time to adjust and heal.

Proud to be quit with you today!
Logged
Quit: 04.25.16 | HOF: 08.02.16 | 2nd FL: 11.10.16 | 3rd FL: 02.18.17 | 4th FL: 05.29.17 | 5th FL: 09.06.17 | 6th FL: 12.15.17 | 7th FL: 03.25.18 |
8th FL: 07.03.18 | 9th FL: 10.11.18 | Comma: 01.19.19 | 11th FL: 04.29.19 | 12th FL: 08.07.19 | 13th FL: 11.15.19 | 14th FL: 02.23.20 |
15th FL: 06.02.20 | 16th FL: 09.10.20 | 17th FL: 12.19.20 | 18th FL: 03.29.21 | 19th FL: 07.07.21 | Comma 2x: 10.15.21 | 21st FL: 01.23.22 |
22nd FL: 05.03.22 | 23rd FL: 08.11.22 | 24th FL: 11.19.22 | 25th FL: 02.27.23 | 26th FL: 06.07.23 | 27th FL: 09.15.23 | 28th FL: 12.24.23 |
29th FL: 04.02.24 | Comma 3x: 07.11.24 | 31st FL: 10.19.24 | 32nd FL: 01.27.25 | 33rd FL: 03.07.25 | 34th FL: 08.15.25 |
"From Skoal to Skol!" My HOF Speech HERE!
"There is no victory without a battle."
"Cave = losing an argument to a dead plant in a plastic can. You are smarter than a dead plant." - Candoit
"The truth is the truth even if no one believes it, and a lie is a lie, even if everyone believes it." - Bishop Fulton J. Sheen
Feel like throwing in the towel? Sign the "Contract to Give Up" HERE
Phat Pauly - Part 1 || Phat Pauly - Part 2 || DeanTheCoot - Pencil Poop

Offline BigRedDog

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 40
  • Likes Given: 11
Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #49 on: October 12, 2025, 11:27:23 AM »
173

Anxiety is high, I gotta get this under control
Logged

Offline BigRedDog

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 40
  • Likes Given: 11
Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #48 on: October 11, 2025, 10:02:30 PM »
172, nieces came to visit for a day... alwaya had to hide a pinch with them around

Not anymore, damn proud to be quit today
Logged

Offline BigRedDog

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 40
  • Likes Given: 11
Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #47 on: October 10, 2025, 08:37:50 PM »
Side note. This year Peyton gets to watch her daughter be a cheerleader in highschool..  got to see her daughter have her first bf

There was a time 13 years ago I was giving everything just so shed see her little toddler the next morning...I sacrificed alot for her to stay alive

Its just further proof it was worth every bit of what ive been through
Logged

Offline BigRedDog

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 40
  • Likes Given: 11
Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #46 on: October 10, 2025, 06:55:16 PM »
171

Today I made the switch from online therapy to in person...another sign of improvement

Things are improving one day at a time. ODAAT

The key to everything
Logged

Offline BigRedDog

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 40
  • Likes Given: 11
Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #45 on: October 07, 2025, 11:12:19 PM »
168

Ive been finding it hard to journal about things nowadays, at least on here. I still have weekly therapy and open discussions a out staying quit but idk...my mind is processing things differently

Peyton had a spot on her kidneys that we got news about today and I didnt panic. I didnt stress out or need/want a dip. I didnt have any oral fixation craves. I just absorbed itz processed it, accepted it and moved on.

Now sure I was concerned and supportive of her, but it didnt scare me. I didnt have dread and anxiety and end up spiraling. I was confident and stable. I knew she needed me to support her and give her some strength to face the appointment. But I was able to withoit feeling anxious or scared or panicked.

Now she got good news which was amazing to celebrate as its not cancer! But, I just realized that I approached this so differently...I didnt need a crutch or to hide.

After 168 days of being quit, therapy, and meds...my brain is finally rewiring. Yea I needed tools to do it, but it was all me. My determination and my fight for my life that changed my life.

The war rages, but thats a major victory in the war.
Logged

Offline Candoit

  • Hall of Fame Conductor
  • Master of Quit
  • ***
  • Posts: 28,273
  • The Candy Man
  • Quit Date: Today
  • Likes Given: 189
Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #44 on: October 01, 2025, 09:03:42 AM »
Quote from: BigRedDog on September 30, 2025, 09:00:47 PM
161 and the Conducting of September is done.

What a month.... between work, the conducting, the new meds, and money being short...I am absolutely mentally wore the hell out. I havent been posting in here but I have been so busy with the new months and work and just...its so easy to forget to stop and think on things.

I have learned more about being quit post 100 than I ever knew pre 100. Its also made me realize just how hard it had ahold of me. These newer quitters coming in with a belief that they arent really addicts, they just used it as a habit. It will be easy once you get through the withdrawal symptoms. Man, I didnt even think I would stay past 100 when I started...it all seemed a bit strange, a bit over dramatic....

Now I am here at 161 white knuckling the most basic stress in every day life because I spent the majority of it avoiding that happening. Now I have to teach my brain to actually function and be a grown ass man.

I will never go back. I cant afford to. For me this is about life, i aint even worried about the cancer aspect. This is just me trying to save whats left of ym mental health and find that life I once wanted. It will take time.

One day at a time.

I am worth it
Every day quit is a day further from who you were and a day closer to who you are becoming. QWYT
Logged
There are no circumstances in which using nicotine will improve the outcome.

My journey. The best part it is not over yet.

Offline BigRedDog

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 40
  • Likes Given: 11
Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #43 on: September 30, 2025, 09:00:47 PM »
161 and the Conducting of September is done.

What a month.... between work, the conducting, the new meds, and money being short...I am absolutely mentally wore the hell out. I havent been posting in here but I have been so busy with the new months and work and just...its so easy to forget to stop and think on things.

I have learned more about being quit post 100 than I ever knew pre 100. Its also made me realize just how hard it had ahold of me. These newer quitters coming in with a belief that they arent really addicts, they just used it as a habit. It will be easy once you get through the withdrawal symptoms. Man, I didnt even think I would stay past 100 when I started...it all seemed a bit strange, a bit over dramatic....

Now I am here at 161 white knuckling the most basic stress in every day life because I spent the majority of it avoiding that happening. Now I have to teach my brain to actually function and be a grown ass man.

I will never go back. I cant afford to. For me this is about life, i aint even worried about the cancer aspect. This is just me trying to save whats left of ym mental health and find that life I once wanted. It will take time.

One day at a time.

I am worth it
Logged

Offline MN_Engineer

  • QLAMF ODAAT
  • Administrator
  • Master of Quit
  • *****
  • Posts: 29,690
  • Aug '16 Trauma-Tizers
  • Quit Date: 04-25-2016
  • Interests: All things Mopar, Rick and Morty fan, sober husband and dad, MN Twins for life!
  • Likes Given: 4628
Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #42 on: September 20, 2025, 11:02:46 AM »
Quote from: BigRedDog on September 19, 2025, 04:01:07 PM
150

Not much to say today except... 150

Never could of imagined
congrats on the half floor! proud to be quit with you today!
Logged
Quit: 04.25.16 | HOF: 08.02.16 | 2nd FL: 11.10.16 | 3rd FL: 02.18.17 | 4th FL: 05.29.17 | 5th FL: 09.06.17 | 6th FL: 12.15.17 | 7th FL: 03.25.18 |
8th FL: 07.03.18 | 9th FL: 10.11.18 | Comma: 01.19.19 | 11th FL: 04.29.19 | 12th FL: 08.07.19 | 13th FL: 11.15.19 | 14th FL: 02.23.20 |
15th FL: 06.02.20 | 16th FL: 09.10.20 | 17th FL: 12.19.20 | 18th FL: 03.29.21 | 19th FL: 07.07.21 | Comma 2x: 10.15.21 | 21st FL: 01.23.22 |
22nd FL: 05.03.22 | 23rd FL: 08.11.22 | 24th FL: 11.19.22 | 25th FL: 02.27.23 | 26th FL: 06.07.23 | 27th FL: 09.15.23 | 28th FL: 12.24.23 |
29th FL: 04.02.24 | Comma 3x: 07.11.24 | 31st FL: 10.19.24 | 32nd FL: 01.27.25 | 33rd FL: 03.07.25 | 34th FL: 08.15.25 |
"From Skoal to Skol!" My HOF Speech HERE!
"There is no victory without a battle."
"Cave = losing an argument to a dead plant in a plastic can. You are smarter than a dead plant." - Candoit
"The truth is the truth even if no one believes it, and a lie is a lie, even if everyone believes it." - Bishop Fulton J. Sheen
Feel like throwing in the towel? Sign the "Contract to Give Up" HERE
Phat Pauly - Part 1 || Phat Pauly - Part 2 || DeanTheCoot - Pencil Poop

Offline BigRedDog

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 40
  • Likes Given: 11
Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #41 on: September 19, 2025, 04:01:07 PM »
150

Not much to say today except... 150

Never could of imagined
Logged

Offline BigRedDog

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 40
  • Likes Given: 11
Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #40 on: September 13, 2025, 06:26:03 AM »
144

The meds finally have leveled off a bit it seems...thank god... they are doing wonders for me but the anxiety and being on edge like that 24/7 is exhausting
Logged

Offline BigRedDog

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 40
  • Likes Given: 11
Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #39 on: September 09, 2025, 10:02:00 PM »
140

Fuck... it feels like a week 2 all over again..these new meds Wellbutrin are absolutely playing havoc with my mind right now. The smallest shit is too much pressure for my brain right now. I have to step away from work and everything else and just be in peace for a week.

I will get better again I know I will but it just sucks to finally...finally feel good and go right back down again.

Fucking fuck the fucking fuck fucking fuck.

Thats all I got. Be back tomorrow to bitch again.
Logged
Pages: [1] 2 3 4   Go Up
« previous next »