Day 31 draws to a close and I am still amazed at how strong this addiction is. Today I had a contractor stop by to estimate some work I need done. As he was driving away, I had one more question for him. He rolled down his window and I noticed two cans of cope on his passenger seat. Its like someone welded the cans to my eyelids.
Tonight I have a craving and of course I can't sleep. No need to panic ladies and gentleman, I can guarantee that I wont go back. In spite of how I feel, I still feel a thousand times better than I did when I used that crap. Its nice not hating myself for the first time in decades.
I do have some good news, and that is the panic attacks and heart pounding seem to have gone away at precisely the moment I read ichewies post that he had gone through the same thing. So it pays to post your grief here because it is comforting to see others have gone through the same battle. Kind of makes your problems go away.
And I am noticing that I am finally starting to be more productive at work. Most of my work is project based with minimal supervision so I've been able to get away with slacking for the last month, but thankfully, I have started to see the laziness go away....just in time...I might add.
Fight the good fight.
