This Time Is For Real

[Candoit]

391/5
391: +1's. Fuk yeah! Earned each one of those bad SOB's. But they also are wounds that won't heal. I have tried to ignore and let them heal on their own. That did not work. I grasped at straws and had some faith it would work out.

I delt with them one at a time and some will just fade away. Oh how wrong I was. God was pissed I wasn't listening, he kept sending signs and signals, and I was in my own happy little world. Then he kicked me so hard I saw my balls fly out my nose like a party favor. Shook me to my core.

That is the 5. I finally heard the message 5 days ago. Good for you your quit, stop resting on your lorals, and get your ass in gear, or I am going to repo your life. You are not paying for it, you are over due on your payments of love, honesty, and respect. You are not keeping the promise you made to love and protect them. You can honor your word for 386 days why can't you keep it to your own wife and childern?

Guess what I heard you. Loud and clear. You sent people, strangers to help me. You did not leave me nor turn your back on me. Now I need to do my part. I know I need to get money moving into this house. That is priority #1. I am going to sell a bunch of tools to a pawn store today. I can't just sit and wait for someone to call with an interview and a check.

So untill then I have an extra kidney, lung, dog, cat, truck and a defeated ego for sale. PM me if interested.

[danojeno]

Sunday morning - day 4
She is still sleeping. Girls are up and playing, all I want to do is go on like nothing changed. Not ignore it or pretend it didn't happen, but that it will all be okay.

I can't do that I think that is what bothers me the most right now, there is no instant fix.

Prayers man.

Like quitting, life is a one moment at a time. Sometimes you come out on top. Sometimes you get knocked on your ass. But it's not how hard you hit back in this life. It's how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. (Thanks rocky).

Live in the moment and remember that the past is the past (both the good and the bad). Don't rekindle. Build. And if that don't work, well, it takes two to tango. You can only control your actions.

I just walked in the door from having lunch with I'm Done With Chew. Tell you what, that brother not only changed my attitude but my outlook. The past 4 hrs was needed and will never be forgotten.

Sounds promising, now go with it and get the olé candy back! Alot guy's depend and count on you here! Quitting with you today my friend! God bless you and help you in times like these.

I know it's cliche and frankly, hard as hell, but you have to stay strong. Things like eating healthy, getting sleep, getting in shape and bringing home a paycheck may seem impossible but will make a world of difference in how you see yourself and how she sees you. Look beyond the worry and kick some ass. One year from now you will be in a totally different place and with hard work, it will be exponentially better.

[pab1964]

Sunday morning - day 4
She is still sleeping. Girls are up and playing, all I want to do is go on like nothing changed. Not ignore it or pretend it didn't happen, but that it will all be okay.

I can't do that I think that is what bothers me the most right now, there is no instant fix.

Prayers man.

Like quitting, life is a one moment at a time. Sometimes you come out on top. Sometimes you get knocked on your ass. But it's not how hard you hit back in this life. It's how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. (Thanks rocky).

Live in the moment and remember that the past is the past (both the good and the bad). Don't rekindle. Build. And if that don't work, well, it takes two to tango. You can only control your actions.

I just walked in the door from having lunch with I'm Done With Chew. Tell you what, that brother not only changed my attitude but my outlook. The past 4 hrs was needed and will never be forgotten.

Sounds promising, now go with it and get the olé candy back! Alot guy's depend and count on you here! Quitting with you today my friend! God bless you and help you in times like these.

[Candoit]

Sunday morning - day 4
She is still sleeping. Girls are up and playing, all I want to do is go on like nothing changed. Not ignore it or pretend it didn't happen, but that it will all be okay.

I can't do that I think that is what bothers me the most right now, there is no instant fix.

Prayers man.

Like quitting, life is a one moment at a time. Sometimes you come out on top. Sometimes you get knocked on your ass. But it's not how hard you hit back in this life. It's how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. (Thanks rocky).

Live in the moment and remember that the past is the past (both the good and the bad). Don't rekindle. Build. And if that don't work, well, it takes two to tango. You can only control your actions.

I just walked in the door from having lunch with I'm Done With Chew. Tell you what, that brother not only changed my attitude but my outlook. The past 4 hrs was needed and will never be forgotten.

[wastepanel]

Sunday morning - day 4
She is still sleeping. Girls are up and playing, all I want to do is go on like nothing changed. Not ignore it or pretend it didn't happen, but that it will all be okay.

I can't do that I think that is what bothers me the most right now, there is no instant fix.

Prayers man.

Like quitting, life is a one moment at a time. Sometimes you come out on top. Sometimes you get knocked on your ass. But it's not how hard you hit back in this life. It's how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. (Thanks rocky).

Live in the moment and remember that the past is the past (both the good and the bad). Don't rekindle. Build. And if that don't work, well, it takes two to tango. You can only control your actions.

[Candoit]

Sunday morning - day 4
She is still sleeping. Girls are up and playing, all I want to do is go on like nothing changed. Not ignore it or pretend it didn't happen, but that it will all be okay.

I can't do that I think that is what bothers me the most right now, there is no instant fix.

[Candoit]

Found this today... It really hit home

OK...sleeping in an extra room in the attic, wife started looking for apartments for me to move into but realized we cant afford a mortgage and a rent.  So, yesterday morning she said we might consider turning the basement into an apartment, but didn't know what my "comfort level" would be still living in the same house if she were to move on, start going out with friends and even maybe going on a date, "if anyone is interested."  How the hell do you answer that?  Later, before I went to work in the ER yesterday, she said we should talk about maybe writing out a formal separation agreement. 

Pretty effed up, right?  Might wonder why I would post that here, huh?

I guess I was right when I said my marriage would end before my quit.

I post it here so that any of the other quitters having trouble with their spouses see that they are not the only ones.  Also, I put it out there so everyone knows that dipping wouldn't make any of this any better or easier to deal with.  Does that mean that I haven't thought about caving?  NO.  What it means is that I have used my numbers, I've called/texted my brothers and let them know I was struggling.  I came on here and re-affirmed my promise to remain quit for the day and reminded myself that I am quit.  If you have stayed quit for even one day, there is no-one that can take that quit away from you but you.

All right coach, youÂ’ve dished out enough tough love in your time on the site, itÂ’s about time you eat some of your own medicine! What the fuck is wrong with you? Your wife has turned you into a sniveling, self loathing, pussy! Sorry, but I bet it was the Marine in you, that she fell in love with! IÂ’ll bet it was the man you used to be that she felt obliged to have four sons with.

I will preface the rest of this statement by telling you that I am a single guy and I have never been married. I have no children, and I am happy with my life. I have recently separated with my last girlfriend after raising her and her two boys for over 11 years. I am still in touch with the boys, and now that I am my own man again, they want to be around me rather than that pussy I became with their fucked up mom.

WhatÂ’s the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again and expect a different result. So fucking what if she is a Marriage Counselor. This never makes them more correct than you. IÂ’m a fucking engineer. You know what? All that means is I can duplicate what other people had to discover. IÂ’m not the genius, someone else was, and I just read the books. IÂ’m just piggy-backing. She studied shit for years and believes she knows the answers, then why is her relationship failing? She didnÂ’t see this coming? She didnÂ’t know how to stop it from happening?

No woman in the history of females has ever, ever, EVER!!! Fallen in love with a pussy-man. I’ve seen women with unattractive men and they say he is smart, funny, loyal, insightful… whatever. Never have I heard a woman tell anyone “I just love the way he folds like a cheap suit. I can tell him to do anything, and he is a complete pushover. I just love that about him!” They turn you into this man they despise and the whole time you think it will strengthen the relationship and then it has the opposite result. You know what she will find next? The “you” you used to be.

I believe Clampy sent you a copy of a book written by a complete fucking GENIUS! I will tell you that this book holds the key to your happiness. I have read this “holy grail” and I will tell you that it is the “relationship bible”. Then why am I single, you ask? Because in the end you will learn to promote your own happiness, and this will not necessarily mean it must be with the person that is beating you senseless. Would you set up your picnic next to the only pile of dog shit in the park? Read the book! Read it twice! Try something different.

Do you truly believe you cannot exist without this woman? Did you think you could live without chew? I think it was you that posted about fighting our conditioned responses. I think itÂ’s time to practice what you preach! I understand your love for the children, but let me ask you this; do you want them to observe that it is appropriate for a man to sleep in the basement while their wife has men over. To be conditioned to believe that a woman can walk on them as long as she feels superior? Think of one of your boys going through the same thing, what advice would you give them? Would it be different than the advice you would give yourself?

IÂ’m on your side buddy. YouÂ’ve been a great quit brother, and I am sorry for the difficult time, but at some point enough is enough. You are going to have to try something different. Even if itÂ’s wrong.

[30yraddict]

Sorry you are going through this bro. Prayers and positive thoughts sent your way.

[worktowin]

I am a mess. She just walked in from the wedding looked amazing, and I want to break down into tears.

I need to document this, for me. This is not a Candoit pity party. This is for me, to remind me of how stupid I was and what I am fighting for.

You and I haven't talked, but I know you. Because we are a lot alike.

We are both addicts. What you are experiencing is addict behavior. It is hard to let go and move forward, but once you harness and manage your response to change, you'll start winning again. Does winning mean you will save your marriage? I dunno. You cannot fix the past. You cannot control the future. But you can own today. I like the plan you outlined above. For the record, losing a job is a horrible experience - I've been there 3x. Put the feelings about that job and absolutely any and all negativity behind you. It is all a complete waste of your energy and is draining. Deliver pizza if you have to, but get busy doing something. You are clearly a talented guy - you'll land on your feet. Just remember - one foot in front of the other, and font look back.

You can do this.

[Candoit]

I am a mess. She just walked in from the wedding looked amazing, and I want to break down into tears.

I need to document this, for me. This is not a Candoit pity party. This is for me, to remind me of how stupid I was and what I am fighting for.

[Grizzlyhasclaws]

Right now my plan is...

Apply non stop for jobs. Stop this AFLAC shit now
Apply for unemployment benefits
Make enough money to support more than my share any way possible
Work on me. Dedicate time to working on me. Going to the gym, going out and being social again

Showing through actions that I have changed.

You need a system. Daily items that you complete, that are productive, that lead to increased income.

To help you develop and spur ideas for what you want to do, and how to develop your own system for increasing income, I recommend helping others in some fashion. For example, give to the homeless. Volunteer to help cook and serve food to homeless people at a nearby shelter. Do it once a week. You will notice there is a system in place to help these people in need. But the system requires volunteers. Once you give to others in such dire need your own situation will seem ridiculously easy. Plus you'll be inspired by helping others. Do it every week for the next year. I guarantee your own life will improve dramatically. Life is daunting. But you also need some perspective.

[Candoit]

Right now my plan is...

Apply non stop for jobs. Stop this AFLAC shit now
Apply for unemployment benefits
Make enough money to support more than my share any way possible
Work on me. Dedicate time to working on me. Going to the gym, going out and being social again

Showing through actions that I have changed.

We all change, that is the nature of the beast when we quit nicotine. The addiction that covers up so much, we just need to take the deep breath and re-learn a lot about ourselves.

But as we all see, we are not alone when we quit. We let other know that we do. That will let them know that when our behavior changes, it explains a little of why we are doing what we do.

And as I have texted you, when I say we are not alone, that includes the families from all of us, as that is the point we should all strive to get to. I included my wife and kids in my quit, as I believe you have (and others). And it is with this involvement I mentioned for the significant others to reach out to one another. They have that unique perspective that can help in so many ways from their help to us, with just conversing with others.

We all came from a similar background, we turned to a poison to help. Now lets turn to each other and our families to help.

Never look too far down as there is much there for you (in life and work). The sun will shine. Just keep looking for it.

I thank you again SD. I can do this, I have to do this. I didnt quit for anyone but me. I need to fix this for me.

Let me find the me that was hidden behind the lies and addiciton.

[SirDerek]

Right now my plan is...

Apply non stop for jobs. Stop this AFLAC shit now
Apply for unemployment benefits
Make enough money to support more than my share any way possible
Work on me. Dedicate time to working on me. Going to the gym, going out and being social again

Showing through actions that I have changed.

We all change, that is the nature of the beast when we quit nicotine. The addiction that covers up so much, we just need to take the deep breath and re-learn a lot about ourselves.

But as we all see, we are not alone when we quit. We let other know that we do. That will let them know that when our behavior changes, it explains a little of why we are doing what we do.

And as I have texted you, when I say we are not alone, that includes the families from all of us, as that is the point we should all strive to get to. I included my wife and kids in my quit, as I believe you have (and others). And it is with this involvement I mentioned for the significant others to reach out to one another. They have that unique perspective that can help in so many ways from their help to us, with just conversing with others.

We all came from a similar background, we turned to a poison to help. Now lets turn to each other and our families to help.

Never look too far down as there is much there for you (in life and work). The sun will shine. Just keep looking for it.

[Candoit]

Right now my plan is...

Apply non stop for jobs. Stop this AFLAC shit now
Apply for unemployment benefits
Make enough money to support more than my share any way possible
Work on me. Dedicate time to working on me. Going to the gym, going out and being social again

Showing through actions that I have changed.

[Grizzlyhasclaws]

I'll tell you. Toastmasters is great. I love it. It's cheap too. I recommend it if you're looking to gain confidence. Plus you'll meet some cool people.

I will.

After spending the last hour crying my eyes out, I cant come to grips with just letting things go and happen. I want her to tell me right now how to fix it. I want to know that we will always be a family. I want to know that we will come out of this more in love than ever before. I keep asking her the same questions over and over.

But she is in a different place right now, I just need to hold onto her long enough to prove that I am worth loving.

Develop a plan. Develop a system. Tell your wife your plan and your system to get the income back up to where it needs to be. It's a process. It's a system. Tell her your system. Stick to your system every single day. It's just like quitting. Same dedication and same systematic behavior. Build your framework. Share with your wife. Get up every damn morning and work the fuck out of your system. Don't take no shit from no one. You are special. You can go out there and do whatever you want. Tackle it head on.