This Time Is For Real

[Candoit]

I am so scared.
Why am I shouldering all of the blame?
Why am I saying this is all my fault?
Why am I doing all of this to save it?

Am I holding on to something that isn't worth it? I believe I should be fighting for it, but how do I keep going? This is draining beyond anything I ever experienced.

I feel used and broken. I am scared that I wasted time and effort. But I can tell that she is also unsure. Statements like right now, maybe, at this point. In those there is hope that is what I am holding on too.

[pab1964]

I have been jotting down thoughts as they come to me, I wrote this last night.

I have given you 10 years of my life. There is not one person that I would rather had by my side.

For all of the issues we have had.
For all of the words not said.
For all of the tears shed in private.
For all of the feelings lost.

I want to hear them.
I want to dry them.
I want to experience them.........WITH YOU!

We have become new people.
We have become new people not despite us but because of us.

I have never lost sight of why I fell in love with you.

Your smile, your touch, your kind eyes. Our daughters give me the same look every day. That look is a constant reminder of why I love you and never have stopped loving you.

When they look at me, I see:
What was.
What is.
What it can be.

Which is what gives me the strength, courage, and faith that this is worth fighting for.

We made a promise to grow together.
We never figured out how.
We now can learn together.
We can discover who we are together.

I can only hope with every fiber of my being that you continue to walk with me on this journey.

Share this with your wife! Candy go into your marriage just like you have with your quit. You do whatever it takes to get it done. You don't give up. You promise yourself before it's all said and done, I've done everything humanly possible to fight for what's mine ,then in the end no matter what happens you will have a piece of mind knowing that you did your best. Prayers to you!

[Candoit]

So yeah I am quit, I have that going for me. I need to tell my parents that I need a place to stay for a while. Sandy and I agreed that we need some space, she also told me that she opened a new bank account. Why? So she can know that she has control and she can pay for all of the bills.

I am not a wreck but I am not okay.

[Candoit]

I have been jotting down thoughts as they come to me, I wrote this last night.

I have given you 10 years of my life. There is not one person that I would rather had by my side.

For all of the issues we have had.
For all of the words not said.
For all of the tears shed in private.
For all of the feelings lost.

I want to hear them.
I want to dry them.
I want to experience them.........WITH YOU!

We have become new people.
We have become new people not despite us but because of us.

I have never lost sight of why I fell in love with you.

Your smile, your touch, your kind eyes. Our daughters give me the same look every day. That look is a constant reminder of why I love you and never have stopped loving you.

When they look at me, I see:
What was.
What is.
What it can be.

Which is what gives me the strength, courage, and faith that this is worth fighting for.

We made a promise to grow together.
We never figured out how.
We now can learn together.
We can discover who we are together.

I can only hope with every fiber of my being that you continue to walk with me on this journey.

[Candoit]

394/8

Going to the first couples counseling session in about an hour. The counselor wants to meet with each of us alone first. I talked with Kramer for awhile just trying to sort out a lot of these things. I know that this is the right first step, but I am scared of the truth. The truth hurts, but it is necessary to move forward and put us back together.

I also went out with my two closest friends last night. They listened but they also had some things to say, which makes me even more confused. I seem to have two buckets if you will. Emotional and Logical. In that emotional bucket are belief, hope, and faith. In that logical are the "realities" and implications. I am oscillating between the two, I need to reach equilibrium at some point. When? I hope sooner rather than later, but I know deep down that will not happen as quickly as I would like.

[cjoy]

We made an promise in front of friends, family and God. For better or worse till death do us part.

We make a promise with our brothers everyday, I will not use nicotine in any form, for better or worse, for today.

We can easily walk away from either. What surprises me, is the number of people that are willing to not honor their word.

With out honor, love, and respect we are nothing. What happened to the morals and ethics that our fathers taught us? Be honorable, be able to look yourself in the mirror at the end of the day, be able to follow through.

Nothing about keeping either of those promises is easy, but when you made them, you knew that you could and wanted to keep them.

What happened? Things got hard? You got hurt? You are scared? You realized that things changed? Hate to break it to you sunshine, life is not all princesses and unicorns.

To be honorable means looking at the insurmountable odds, saying I don't give a fuck. Then keep your promise. If your promise is to fail, let it be on them and not you.

In the end you want to be able to face St. Peter and say: "I have done everything within my power to live up to the expectations he set forth."

How many promises have you made?
How many have you kept?

The answers to those two questions are the simplest measure of an honorable person.

Do not come here with the intention of being dishonorable. That is unacceptable and inexcusable. Don't ever tell any quitter in here life is too hard to keep a promise. We are among the few left in this country who live honorably among our brothers.

Perfectly stated friend. I had to snip out one of the comments for my signature. You truly inspire many of us her on KTC. Stay open, stay honest and remain a man of integrity and you will you be able to look at yourself in the mirror with out judgement or guilt.

[pab1964]

Glad to have you back, inspiration like that is golden! Keep head high ,be the man your dad raised you to be! Thanks Candy. Damn proud to be quit with you!

[Candoit]

We made an promise in front of friends, family and God. For better or worse till death do us part.

We make a promise with our brothers everyday, I will not use nicotine in any form, for better or worse, for today.

We can easily walk away from either. What surprises me, is the number of people that are willing to not honor their word.

With out honor, love, and respect we are nothing. What happened to the morals and ethics that our fathers taught us? Be honorable, be able to look yourself in the mirror at the end of the day, be able to follow through.

Nothing about keeping either of those promises is easy, but when you made them, you knew that you could and wanted to keep them.

What happened? Things got hard? You got hurt? You are scared? You realized that things changed? Hate to break it to you sunshine, life is not all princesses and unicorns.

To be honorable means looking at the insurmountable odds, saying I don't give a fuck. Then keep your promise. If your promise is to fail, let it be on them and not you.

In the end you want to be able to face St. Peter and say: "I have done everything within my power to live up to the expectations he set forth."

How many promises have you made?
How many have you kept?

The answers to those two questions are the simplest measure of an honorable person.

Do not come here with the intention of being dishonorable. That is unacceptable and inexcusable. Don't ever tell any quitter in here life is too hard to keep a promise. We are among the few left in this country who live honorably among our brothers.

[I'm done with chew]

392/6

So I yesterday was a whirlwind of shit and emotion. Got an interview call with a marketing firm, for Tuesday (today).
I went to AFLAC drop stuff off and sat through the meeting. I don't know what even to say about that. I have a grudge against them right now, but it is a focus of anger. The pawn shop was closed. So I drove to the Starbucks, about to get out of the car, I get another call for an interview, the same day. Great, but it is damn near an hour away. What ever, I rush home get changed, and go. I end up having to pull over because I am a wreck and need to pull myself together. It is a sales job. Pedling some air purification system. I can do it, base salary + bonus. But the guy is a moron. Doesn't read my resume beyond the first line, what ever.
I leave I have a phone call from another company, Bankers Life, that is 100% commission. No thanks. I also start talking to marriage counselers. I get an appt for Thursday. I tell my wife, she goes well I have plans, I guess I can reschedule. I told her don't worry, he wanted to see both of us individually at some point so I will go by myself. I never got a response.

That was yesterday. Today is today. I need to focus on small achievable steps. But more importantly I need money coming in. So 1:30 interview will determine what the next step is, on to the job boards.

I prove that I have changed. But I also realized something uesyesterday. I had my confindnce, self worth, and pride sitting next to me on the couch all these months, and it took me really losing it to realize I had it.

Good for you Candy. Things are on the uptick it sounds like. Thoughts and prayers still with you.

Positive attitude breeds positive outcomes.... NOW THAT IS CLICHE! But it comes from truth!

[KingNothing]

392/6

So I yesterday was a whirlwind of shit and emotion. Got an interview call with a marketing firm, for Tuesday (today).
I went to AFLAC drop stuff off and sat through the meeting. I don't know what even to say about that. I have a grudge against them right now, but it is a focus of anger. The pawn shop was closed. So I drove to the Starbucks, about to get out of the car, I get another call for an interview, the same day. Great, but it is damn near an hour away. What ever, I rush home get changed, and go. I end up having to pull over because I am a wreck and need to pull myself together. It is a sales job. Pedling some air purification system. I can do it, base salary + bonus. But the guy is a moron. Doesn't read my resume beyond the first line, what ever.
I leave I have a phone call from another company, Bankers Life, that is 100% commission. No thanks. I also start talking to marriage counselers. I get an appt for Thursday. I tell my wife, she goes well I have plans, I guess I can reschedule. I told her don't worry, he wanted to see both of us individually at some point so I will go by myself. I never got a response.

That was yesterday. Today is today. I need to focus on small achievable steps. But more importantly I need money coming in. So 1:30 interview will determine what the next step is, on to the job boards.

I prove that I have changed. But I also realized something uesyesterday. I had my confindnce, self worth, and pride sitting next to me on the couch all these months, and it took me really losing it to realize I had it.

Good for you Candy. Things are on the uptick it sounds like. Thoughts and prayers still with you.

[Candoit]

392/6

So I yesterday was a whirlwind of shit and emotion. Got an interview call with a marketing firm, for Tuesday (today).
I went to AFLAC drop stuff off and sat through the meeting. I don't know what even to say about that. I have a grudge against them right now, but it is a focus of anger. The pawn shop was closed. So I drove to the Starbucks, about to get out of the car, I get another call for an interview, the same day. Great, but it is damn near an hour away. What ever, I rush home get changed, and go. I end up having to pull over because I am a wreck and need to pull myself together. It is a sales job. Pedling some air purification system. I can do it, base salary + bonus. But the guy is a moron. Doesn't read my resume beyond the first line, what ever.
I leave I have a phone call from another company, Bankers Life, that is 100% commission. No thanks. I also start talking to marriage counselers. I get an appt for Thursday. I tell my wife, she goes well I have plans, I guess I can reschedule. I told her don't worry, he wanted to see both of us individually at some point so I will go by myself. I never got a response.

That was yesterday. Today is today. I need to focus on small achievable steps. But more importantly I need money coming in. So 1:30 interview will determine what the next step is, on to the job boards.

I prove that I have changed. But I also realized something uesyesterday. I had my confindnce, self worth, and pride sitting next to me on the couch all these months, and it took me really losing it to realize I had it.

[pab1964]

391/5
391: +1's. Fuk yeah! Earned each one of those bad SOB's. But they also are wounds that won't heal. I have tried to ignore and let them heal on their own. That did not work. I grasped at straws and had some faith it would work out.

I delt with them one at a time and some will just fade away. Oh how wrong I was. God was pissed I wasn't listening, he kept sending signs and signals, and I was in my own happy little world. Then he kicked me so hard I saw my balls fly out my nose like a party favor. Shook me to my core.

That is the 5. I finally heard the message 5 days ago. Good for you your quit, stop resting on your lorals, and get your ass in gear, or I am going to repo your life. You are not paying for it, you are over due on your payments of love, honesty, and respect. You are not keeping the promise you made to love and protect them. You can honor your word for 386 days why can't you keep it to your own wife and childern?

Guess what I heard you. Loud and clear. You sent people, strangers to help me. You did not leave me nor turn your back on me. Now I need to do my part. I know I need to get money moving into this house. That is priority #1. I am going to sell a bunch of tools to a pawn store today. I can't just sit and wait for someone to call with an interview and a check.

So untill then I have an extra kidney, lung, dog, cat, truck and a defeated ego for sale. PM me if interested.

Well done brother! It sounds like you are listening with both ears now. Keep up your "Can Do It" attitude, do this now, fight for what you want and believe that you deserve, earn it all back one day at a time.

Thanks P. All I can say is that is amazing what a swift kick can do for you.

"Smacking IDWC back to reality is my job." Mrs. IDWC

It is nessary any wives that think that a swift kick in the ego, will hurt the relationship? As long as it is warrented, start stretching, and get a running start.

She kicks my ass from time to time. I am sure I always deserve it. Even if I'm not sure why.

Sounds like alot of prayers answered great news! Keep your head up! You got this! Quit on!

[I'm done with chew]

391/5
391: +1's. Fuk yeah! Earned each one of those bad SOB's. But they also are wounds that won't heal. I have tried to ignore and let them heal on their own. That did not work. I grasped at straws and had some faith it would work out.

I delt with them one at a time and some will just fade away. Oh how wrong I was. God was pissed I wasn't listening, he kept sending signs and signals, and I was in my own happy little world. Then he kicked me so hard I saw my balls fly out my nose like a party favor. Shook me to my core.

That is the 5. I finally heard the message 5 days ago. Good for you your quit, stop resting on your lorals, and get your ass in gear, or I am going to repo your life. You are not paying for it, you are over due on your payments of love, honesty, and respect. You are not keeping the promise you made to love and protect them. You can honor your word for 386 days why can't you keep it to your own wife and childern?

Guess what I heard you. Loud and clear. You sent people, strangers to help me. You did not leave me nor turn your back on me. Now I need to do my part. I know I need to get money moving into this house. That is priority #1. I am going to sell a bunch of tools to a pawn store today. I can't just sit and wait for someone to call with an interview and a check.

So untill then I have an extra kidney, lung, dog, cat, truck and a defeated ego for sale. PM me if interested.

Well done brother! It sounds like you are listening with both ears now. Keep up your "Can Do It" attitude, do this now, fight for what you want and believe that you deserve, earn it all back one day at a time.

Thanks P. All I can say is that is amazing what a swift kick can do for you.

"Smacking IDWC back to reality is my job." Mrs. IDWC

It is nessary any wives that think that a swift kick in the ego, will hurt the relationship? As long as it is warrented, start stretching, and get a running start.

She kicks my ass from time to time. I am sure I always deserve it. Even if I'm not sure why.

[Candoit]

391/5
391: +1's. Fuk yeah! Earned each one of those bad SOB's. But they also are wounds that won't heal. I have tried to ignore and let them heal on their own. That did not work. I grasped at straws and had some faith it would work out.

I delt with them one at a time and some will just fade away. Oh how wrong I was. God was pissed I wasn't listening, he kept sending signs and signals, and I was in my own happy little world. Then he kicked me so hard I saw my balls fly out my nose like a party favor. Shook me to my core.

That is the 5. I finally heard the message 5 days ago. Good for you your quit, stop resting on your lorals, and get your ass in gear, or I am going to repo your life. You are not paying for it, you are over due on your payments of love, honesty, and respect. You are not keeping the promise you made to love and protect them. You can honor your word for 386 days why can't you keep it to your own wife and childern?

Guess what I heard you. Loud and clear. You sent people, strangers to help me. You did not leave me nor turn your back on me. Now I need to do my part. I know I need to get money moving into this house. That is priority #1. I am going to sell a bunch of tools to a pawn store today. I can't just sit and wait for someone to call with an interview and a check.

So untill then I have an extra kidney, lung, dog, cat, truck and a defeated ego for sale. PM me if interested.

Well done brother! It sounds like you are listening with both ears now. Keep up your "Can Do It" attitude, do this now, fight for what you want and believe that you deserve, earn it all back one day at a time.

Thanks P. All I can say is that is amazing what a swift kick can do for you.

"Smacking IDWC back to reality is my job." Mrs. IDWC

It is nessary any wives that think that a swift kick in the ego, will hurt the relationship? As long as it is warrented, start stretching, and get a running start.

[Pinched]

391/5
391: +1's. Fuk yeah! Earned each one of those bad SOB's. But they also are wounds that won't heal. I have tried to ignore and let them heal on their own. That did not work. I grasped at straws and had some faith it would work out.

I delt with them one at a time and some will just fade away. Oh how wrong I was. God was pissed I wasn't listening, he kept sending signs and signals, and I was in my own happy little world. Then he kicked me so hard I saw my balls fly out my nose like a party favor. Shook me to my core.

That is the 5. I finally heard the message 5 days ago. Good for you your quit, stop resting on your lorals, and get your ass in gear, or I am going to repo your life. You are not paying for it, you are over due on your payments of love, honesty, and respect. You are not keeping the promise you made to love and protect them. You can honor your word for 386 days why can't you keep it to your own wife and childern?

Guess what I heard you. Loud and clear. You sent people, strangers to help me. You did not leave me nor turn your back on me. Now I need to do my part. I know I need to get money moving into this house. That is priority #1. I am going to sell a bunch of tools to a pawn store today. I can't just sit and wait for someone to call with an interview and a check.

So untill then I have an extra kidney, lung, dog, cat, truck and a defeated ego for sale. PM me if interested.

Well done brother! It sounds like you are listening with both ears now. Keep up your "Can Do It" attitude, do this now, fight for what you want and believe that you deserve, earn it all back one day at a time.