A month or so ago we had a nuclear bomb hit our family. Stole my breath, rocked me back on my heels, and ripped my heart out of my chest in one fell swoop. There are levels of anguish that cannot be explained. Things that cannot be undone. Life happened. I continued to get up every day and to breathe in and out. I pulled back like a turtle in a shell and focused only on our immediate household. I still posted in my home room every day but that was it. A thought hit me yesterday as I was working a pasture that a lipper would have been nice. Not a crave. Just a thought. It then occurred to me that had I used the trauma as an excuse to leave I would have popped 'just one' yesterday. Instead, I remained nicotine free another day. Life, good or bad, only happens one day at a time. Each day, good or bad, is a gift. We don't get to choose what befalls us; our choice is how to respond. Stay clean. Work the problem. Continue living. One Day At A Time.
for fathers of little girls
Preach it brother. Damn glad you're still here and still quit!
@Athan You are a pillar here my friend. Folks come to this site when they are at the lowest of lows...scared, vulnerable, fogged out, enraged, etc. Most run into your posts without too much searching; a testament to your heroic involvement. Speaking for myself, once I read one of your posts, I actively searched you out and read everything I could get my hands on. You are a clear and concise writer and your posts are well thought out, often witty, and always on point with the best interest of the individual or group in mind.
Reading the post above put some things in perspective for me. I've been fairly active on the site describing my struggles over the last 339 days...especially early on. I could have written much more. As recently as this morning, I awoke for work about an hour early, sweats and rapid heart rate. Stressful tours = more craves and the unwavering thought in my brain that everything I do would be easier and more manageable with a wedge in my lip. The depth of my dependance on nicotine continues to amaze me.
Yet I'm here at 339 days quit...a number I never came close to in the past. Like you I believe that without this place and the connections I've made here, I would have caved by now in the same way you described above. Posts like yours above "reset" me. They ensure me that I am not alone...not unique. They also prove that I've got a long road ahead...but so did you and you are still here and quit.
I'm the father of a daughter also. If you can make it through the last several weeks and remain unincarcerated, never mind free of nicotine, then I can make it another day. Thank you for your involvement on this site and, on a personal level, thank you for sharing your story...I'm stronger in my quit than I was before reading it. Hold the line my friend.
~HAG
