cbird65 to cbird to bird ... either way here's the back story

[cbird65]

 14 Jul 2012, 07:36
Chalk this up to the ramblings of a 40-something white guy trying to occupy his mind while running 7 miles in the Texas heat this morning.

No, I’m not Bruce Jenner by any stretch of the imagination or Hydro either… So I’m out running this morning in the drudgery of the Texas heat(thanks to my damn schnauzer for waking me and the missus up 4 times last night) needless to say, my normal 5:45AM run didn’t begin until 9:00AM - It’s Friday and I’m my own boss so I make the hours don’t hate.

Anyway, during my run I saw three things that I am going to link together. One dead bird, one dead squirrel and one crushed empty can of Smokey Mountain Mint.

Dead bird, - maybe it’s the newbie who tries to fly out of the nest too early only to find itself at the mercy of Mother Nature. New guys, stay away from alcohol or any other substance that would lower your quit resolve. Have an emergency quit plan (phone numbers, toothpicks, candy, fake herbal chew, exercise, whatever it takes to dodge a crave/cave).

Sadly, one dead squirrel. They are not cuter or rank higher in the food chain but I applaud their work ethic. They are always gathering food, storing it away. Unfortunately, it wasn’t fast enough to dodge that truck delivery poison to the local convenience store. Applies to any aged quitter – if you are not paying attention (posting, keeping your quit strong by helping others and keeping yourself and your quit bros/sisters accountable) you will “get dead”

One crushed can of Smokey Mountain Mint: I remember the littering PSA campaign of the 70s and the crying Indian, I’m not applauding littering but I am glad to see there are other guys in my area using fake to keep the nic bitch off their backs.

OK, I’m done – pick which group you want to be in and OWN IT

[cbird65]

 09 Jul 2012, 09:40
Day 192


I guess I'm wired differently - if I caved and broke my promise to myself, God, family and all the support here, I would feel like I betrayed every trust imaginable.

I don’t expect re-treads to grovel but show some humility and respect of other quitters who day in and day out keep their promise and try to be active role models to the younger quitters.

I don’t remember who wrote it but the say was: “the tools on this site are ammunition for your quit gun; however, it is completely up to you to load the gun and pull the trigger when being attacked. You failed to either load the gun or pull the trigger. It’s time to identify the answer and then further explore why.

Did life just get so difficult you had to poison your body again with nicotine? Better question, did nicotine make all your problems disappear?

Post roll
Keep promise
Repeat tomorrow

Everyone has read this but not everyone will commit this as a daily mantra.

Choose which side of the fence you want to be on because straddling it, isn’t an option in the long run.

[cbird65]

  23 Jun 2012, 16:49
Day 176

Just chillin on a Saturday afternoon. I worked Car Care (free oil & filter change for widows and single moms at our church) this morning 7AM-Noon-
came home and went straight to the yard work task -

After the de-funking shower- updated the spreadsheet and jumped on chat - - got some running advise from the Wick-meister and found out we're going to have about 10 KTC guys show up at the DFW meet on Tues.

I was reading some of the posts in Sept and it dawned on my I didn't put in pinch of Hooch before hitting the yards today. That is the 1st time in 35 yrs to mow a yard without copenstankin or Hooch

[cbird65]

21 Jun 2012, 15:02

Here we go again – another handful of cavers limping into the new Pre- HOF class and low and behold we have a few with some serious days quit – supposedly 600 and another recent HOF is now deemed as a re-tread.

Anger and shock are just a couple of my immediate reactions.

Angered and shocked that they would be so careless with something they fought so long to protect. But one thing I am not and that is doubtful. I will not let the negative actions of a handful of people shake my resolve

How do I prevent a cave from happening to me?

The first one is second nature to me now on day 174 Post daily.

Secondly, renew you quit on a regular basis. Make it a habit of retracing your steps by going back and reading through the suck period, you guys remember that….Day 1 through whatever before you felt like you could walk in public without ripping into someone. How many of our spouses would let us get away with the argument, I told you I loved you on our wedding day and not repeat it again?? If you don’t love yourself enough to recommit to your quit then why did you make the decision in the first place?

Pay if forward. The more invest in others here they become and it also strengthens the Brotherhood of KTC. It’s kind of a catch 22 also, if you’re helping a newbie, they are looking to you for guidance and now you are or should be an example for them to follow.

So the question is, does your quit merit following?

[cbird65]

 13 Jun 2012, 08:22
What can help you to not get separated from your quit?

How strong is the anchor line connecting you to your quit?

So you decided you have had enough of being a slave to nicotine and joined this accountability quit site to help you. OK, that’s one degree or connection point of your quit.

You post roll every morning in your quit group. Now you’re up to two.

You enlist friends and family to keep you on the straight and narrow. Watch out, it’s level three.

You get bold and swap an email address or phone number. Moving on up… to the fourth rung.

You actually use that connect info and speak or email your new found quit ally. Scary now you’re at level five.

You get involved in a noobies quit and ask them to post in your group and you post in theirs. Getting tightly wound and bound to your quit at level six.

You create a group inside you class that will hold each other accountable to posting every day without argument.
Nice, you’ve reached the seventh level of separation.

This is not an exhaust list but try it and then add on to it.

Each one of these connection points will help minimize your separation. Try breaking a rope made of seven different chords woven tightly together.

If you are having difficulties in your quit, give this a try. I don’t have a white paper study on the strength of quit relative to the amount of effort and involvement on this site. I can tell you with certainty, if you do nothing to strengthen your quit, the probability of you returning one day to post Day 1 is dramatically higher.

[cbird65]

 
  02 Jun 2012, 12:22
155

On and on, it never stops ~ some group is always moaning about posting - or some re-tread comes back in posting Day 1 again and uses the I didn't post roll often enough and slipped away.

This site is about accountability-responsible to somebody or for something

So the $64,000 question is who are you responsible to and who is depending on you?

If you didn’t post roll one day, how many people would notice? Likewise, how many people out there are you holding accountable if they miss?
Last edited by CBird65 on 02 Jun

[cbird65]

 31 May 2012, 08:41
Day 153

It's been said so many times on this site - it's not personal, it's about the quit or take what you can and leave the rest...

Filter out everything else out- the only thing of importance is your quit and keeping your word to your brothers and sisters here

everything else is noise

[cbird65]

 27 Apr 2012, 13:15
How do we judge success here? Easy right, we stay quit. Zero Tolerance is the benchmark.
It’s a lofty goal, especially for the new quitter. Our nicotine lace minds can see ourselves quit for all of 1 day max and it’s screaming for the next fix. It’s a physical and mental conditioning that we have allowed ourselves to fall into. How do we get out of said trap?

Do we subscribe to the hardcore boot camp reprogramming or is a laissez-faire mentality the way to go? Some of you already know me and my stance on the subject so for you new guys, it’s not the latter. There is no negotiating with the nic bitch. Let me be perfectly clear here. It should be a black and white not grey area question to be answered.

Coach Steve has dubbed the phrase QLF. don’t know what that means? Click on the linked QLF and read it QLF is an attitude. You do one thing over and over and it becomes second nature. When you take nicotine off the table every morning without argument and repeat to yourself, QLF, it also becomes a mantra.

Mantra, an expression or idea that is repeated, often without thinking about it and closely associated with something.- Yeah, just like my quit!

Oops… I touched on a sore subject. Taking nicotine off the table every day but posting roll. Why is that concept so difficult to wrap our brains around? Is it because we don’t want to burn our bridges? Yes, we kind of want to be around for our wives/families with jaw intact??? Really- I want to live life to the fullest and enjoy every day God gives me. Posting roll is our way of committing ourselves and telling our brothers/sisters that we will look each other in the eye and swear by all things holy that we will not use nicotine today. I guess if you don’t have that same conviction, you shouldn’t bother reading the rest of this post.

Still with me? Good! Good read QLF again and come back. You energized? What is your quit meter measuring? Mushroom Cloud Laying MFer - Superfly TNT - I’m the Guns of Navarone. You ain't got no problem, Jules. I'm on the mfer. Go back in there, chill them nxxxxxs out and wait for the Wolf who should be coming directly. (little Pulp Fiction)

So we’ve agreed to:
Post roll daily
We fulfill our promise
We repeat

With nicotine off the table every morning, our brains can start to focus on other things that we may have neglected over the years. Guilty as charged. I’ve tried to make a mental note of thinking through my entire response before letting my mouth get too far ahead of me. Secondly, I have set myself a 34 week training program to run a marathon. This might not be what you need or want to work on, but find something that will challenge you physically, mentally and spiritually.

We’ve got a lot of living left. Get to it

[cbird65]

20 Apr 2012, 08:42
Today we are witness to another cave.

Folks, how many times does this have to happen before it sinks in?

12,775 days, that is how long I polluted my body with nicotine. I’m posting for the 112th consecutive time of my 112 day quit. Bully for me? Sure if posting 100% meant that I was free for life, unfortunately it means diddly squat! I take that back, it means I am embracing the brotherhood concept this site was built upon. The WE as my quit brother and friend calls it is what will bind us together, help us on our daily fight as well as lift us up or give us a kick in the shorts if we need it.

I can’t count the number of caves that have been posted here since my quit started last New Year’s Eve but I am willing to bet nearly 100% of them were the result of the caver drifting away.

Do yourself a favor – get serious or get out

[cbird65]

 18 Apr 2012, 09:18
day 110

things I wished I had learned in the first week here

I saw this line a week ago. The "tools plus the personal contacts made on KTC are like bullets." They must be loaded with determination, the gun must be aimed accurately and then the trigger must be pulled in order to hit your target.

Building friendships among your quit brothers adds another layer to your quit but it is action oriented and for many it will take you out of your comfort level. It takes time to seek someone out, to get to know them, to share with them and soon trust them. How likely are you to cheat on your friend?

Get outside of yourself and stop focusing only on yourself. But I’m hurting you say. I reply, go find someone who is hurting more. Find a way to encourage or challenge your brother to take one more step. When you stop focusing on your own pain and help another, two quits are strengthened in the process.

Use the ChatLive room- a whole different environment all together

Exercise coupled with an increase of water consumption, to date, has been one of the best activities to combat the nic bitch. Exercise and water will help flush out the poison we’ve ingested for years and it is good for every aspect of your quit. The release of the anxiousness, pent up anger or rage with the benefit of dedicated thought time. Start becoming a better man/woman. If the stress and rage becomes too much, log on and vent to your group. Never, and I mean never vent on your family.

We’re learning to recondition our thought and response methods. .It’s funny how we like to romance our history with nicotine. We had all the same emotional ups and downs we have now. What did nicotine really do ~ nothing. There is no clarity enhancing characteristic in the chemical compound of nicotine, we just associated it and choose to remember it that way.

No fingerprint is identical; neither is the quit for any member here; however, you are joining an organization created by quitters and this site has seen it all. Remember this: “It ain’t personal, it’s about the quit” and in most cases the guys offering you advice are trying to help you so just listen. Your "quit is in infancy stage" so park your attitude and ego. You are not a special butterfly.

This site is based on honor, brotherhood, accountability and success. What are you doing with your quit when no one is watching?

[cbird65]

 
  14 Apr 2012, 07:08
Day 106-

Think the nic bitch is working overtime. I’ve had 3 dip dreams in the first 100 days or so and have had a dream the last three nights in a row now. Wondering if it’s the workout program – infant stages of marathon training in Dec 2012

[cbird65]

12 Apr 2012, 07:56
Day 104

A mix of emotions crowds my thought this morning regarding the recent posts by a couple of dropouts from April 2012.  I sit here speechless - right hold the applause
Two separate speeches from two members of the glass of April (albeit not active members) decided to give this site credit for the quit and in the same breath flipped off most everyone on the site.  If spite or anger is what drives any decision, history and my experience shows that it will end poorly. 

This site is based on brotherhood, accountability and success.  The first two are achieved by posting roll on a daily basis and the latter is the culmination or the fruition of the first two.  If you decide not to post roll daily, YOU WILL CATCH FLACK.  It part of the reprogramming of our habits.  Along with the reprogramming, the vets offer up their experience and warn of activities that are best to avoid early in one’s quit.

In both instances, each of these guys were not willing post regularly or avoid certain activities early in their quit,  so they reaped the whirlwind of the vets trying to help these guys adopt new habits to offset nicotine.  Feel free to crawl back through the annals of April 2012 and you will plainly see “strongly worded encouragement” being offered.  In the end, both of these guys left the site saying the “internet tough guy” role was too much.  Guess neither of these guys were ever underclassmen or the “fish” on a sports team. 

Being able to separate the emotion and rage of your present circumstances while a vet is “bullying” you is critical. Did I explode?  Yes.  It might be hard to find but it’s there.  Would I have handled it differently now, probably but I am glad that I didn’t put petty emotion in front of my brotherhood.

If you do decide to leave this site, for whatever reason do it with class and dignity.

Above all STAY QUIT!

Very well put!

The bottom line here is everyone came to this site for the HELP! I am not sure why when they get the help they then decide to go all molly pissy pants and take their ball and go home.......

I agree with Cbird in that no matter what stay quit and I also agree that if you are going to leave do so with class.

Just my $.02

Well put Cbird, and you know I feel exactly the same way. I would like to add one thing though and I'll keep it brief since it's your Intro thread.

This site is littered with stories of quitters who tried once, told everyone to fuck off, then failed, and then came back and accepted the err of their ways. It is also littered with poor souls that told everyone to fuck off, failed, but did not return because of their foolish pride or because of shame. Then you have our two most recent April dropouts. They profess not to need KTC or any of the accountability that it provides, yet they took the time to return and post a BS HOF speech. At least one of them has returned and taken the time to re-engage on the forums under the guise that "he just wanted to piss Coach Steve off because I called him out."

If you ask me, you two ass clowns need KTC and us more than you'd like to admit. Even if it's just the spite that's driving your quits right now. Well....who do you think created those spiteful feelings? That's right, US. As always, I hope you stay quit.

i like this ship but i really don't care for it that a few "quitters" feel it necessary to say they're quit but, as we say in texas, act ugly.
everything about ktc is about support and help and if somebody gets their feathers ruffled it's their shit. defensiveness, irritability, shadow, not dealing with their own stuff.
but then, that's pretty much how everything is - it's just that this community super-charges it.
it's like what they say about being famous; if you're a kind person before you get famous, you'll just be more kind when everyone's watching. if you're a dickhead before you get famous, you'll be the biggest dickhead on earth when you're in the spotlight.
the quit brings out everything that's in there. just more so. and there's a lot that we like to keep in the shadows if we can. especially cuz we're addicts and we don't think straight about our addiction and the issues that go with it.

you think the problem is ktc? it's just a big mirror.

boom.

bluebonnetman

[cbird65]

08 Apr 2012, 06:07
Day 100-
Today is a very special day indeed, Happy Easter.  Remeber the true meaning of today-  I will and will never forget this one.

Today I am quit with all my amigos, buddies, compatriots, gumbas, home slices, brothas, and pals who have helped, encouraged, challenged or slapped me down in order to get me here!

 It’s my honor to be quit with all of you!

[cbird65]

06 Apr 2012, 07:41
Day 98
Two observations, actually one with two applications.  I know your siting there saying geez, here we go again, doesn’t this guy every come out and say something straight out.  
I’ve read some posts recently about HOFer’s experiencing the toughest days of their quit following 100.  Maybe the nic bitch decided to take another serious run at them, thinking the celebration time might be her window of opportunity.  Maybe it was the simple fact of short-sighted goals.  Say what?  I’ll explain.  
When you started your quit, did you look set HOF as a goal or just a milestone marker?  I’m not there yet but it’s a sign post, a marker telling me I’m headed in the right direction.  When I hit 100 on Sunday, guess what, it’s another day.  When I post on Monday, oh yeah that’s another day also; albeit 101.  I will not be cured at 100 or ever-  I will be a recovering addicting battling my poor judgment as my father (love ya Dad!) used to say for the rest of my life.  

Second point.  Short and sweet-  I’m not calling anyone out because I see the value in verbally committing to posting daily till the Second Floor but’s almost identical to the Hall.  Yes, it would nice to get to the 2nd Floor, but it will be another day and another sign post reaffirming I’m still on the right road.  The ongoing question of will I post roll, Nope sorry, you guys are stuck with me.  

I think this thread brings light to Life Past 100

I’ll shuffle off now.  Remember the meaning of Sunday

[cbird65]

03 Apr 2012, 07:38
Day 95
In five days I will hit the Hall, yes on Easter Sunday. This has a very special meaning to me but I must express something else before I forget it.

Yesterday was a interesting day. Like the 2nd week of my quit, my wife is out of town and I found myself relying on this site to reinforce my quit. The gheys in April were there as usual but a few had wandered in the neighborhood. Me, being the designated “watcher” went in search and wound up in the firestorm of a newbie trying to test his wings and I had reflect back oh so long ago and smile. Preference is trumped by principle every time.
What are you talking about bird, you ask? Let me explain.

I am a believer. I believe that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, was virgin born, lived a sinless life, was crucified and was resurrected three days later. I believe He was the sacrifice and He alone is is the way the truth and the light and no one shall come to the Father without Him This my friends is a principle- it is NOT up for debate.

My choice of church I worship in is a preference.

Long way around the bend to stick with me. I had to steal something from Loot

” Roll call is the most important thing you will do here. That one simple act will be what makes this quit different than any other attempt. Roll call, quite simply, is a promise to your brothers that you will be Nicotine Free for that day.

We require a simple “one day at a time” philosophy. Make roll call, concentrate on today and today only. We’ll work through the troubles of today with you. We’ll worry about tomorrow when it gets here.

Roll call will build accountability with your brothers. You know that the man next to you in line is going through or has dealt with the exact same things you are. Lean on the knowledge of those who have walked that road. Develop relationships with them and especially the guys in your home group. These people will save your life if you let them”.

This is a principle. You cannot separate the end goal of brotherhood, accountability and success without posting.

Make an impact today on your group and this site as a whole and strengthen the accountability!