I'm A Douche

[SWJ]

Since I already called that this is my very own page, I can add whatever I want.

And since today was Day #100 for me, I went back to look at some of the few posts that I put up over the last three months.

And in thinking that the remote chance exists that someone else might be helped by something from my own Quit, I thought I'd put some of those posts here.

The first one was my introduction or My Reasons for quitting.
Personally, I thought they were pretty good.

Another one I found was one I posted right after I told my wife about my habit and my decision to Quit.
That one was a tough one to write. Wicked helpful to me though.

The last one I posted right after I was considering a Cave.
That was one of the toughest times during my whole Quit.

Perhaps the most awesome thing to me about these posts are the responses that my Brothers gave. It's a little weird that it didn't strike me as awesome then as it does now.

If you're a new Quitter, these posts should illustrate the bad-assery of the support that you'll find here.

[SWJ]

Forgetting the fact that, apart from this page's untouchable awesomeness, this is a blatant rip-off of Dave's idea to start his own page...

And apart from the fact that my prematurely ejaculatory posting of Day 100 on Day 99 was more than a little embarrassing...

It occurs to me that, although I really have reached Day 100, it might as well be the first day of my Quit.

Just like, in my business, the end of each month simply brings another month of new challenges, I surmise that the next 100 days will not be without their challenges.

And I intend to crush them.

So, I've decided to post them here. If you are reading this, I call that it automatically means that you think I rule. I also call that it means that we're in the same place...

Whether you're on Day #1 or Day #365, a brotherhood exists between us and that alone gives you the right to post shit on my page - You're welcome to it.

I'm more glad to be here with you dudes than I thought I would be...

And I'm looking forward to tomorrow, which is Day #100... + 1.

Booya.

[Gooch]

Yesterday, I decided to cave.

36 days ago, I decided to stop dipping, for the sake of my wife and two little boys.  I used dip tobacco for years, and really, genuinely enjoyed it.  However, three weeks ago I decided to stop, for the three most important people in my life. 

And I did.  Cold turkey.  Frankly, it was pretty easy.  I found the KTC site and posted every day, I read the posts from dudes who were having a really tough time with their Quit, and I posted a few words of encouragement.  I had never tried to quit before, but I was really proud of having gone three weeks without any tobacco.

But yesterday I decided to cave.

My wife and two boys left for a week on vacation.  This, my friends, would be prime dipping time - I could put a wad of Grizzly in, sit in front of the TV, and just enjoy it...  I literally thought about it for a week.  To be honest, I could hardly wait.

They left.  I waved to them.  And I made two more decisions...

I Will Always Be Stronger Than Any Vice.  And I Will Never Cave.

The verbal abuse that I would get in my Quit Forum here on KTC doesn't scare me in the least - If I ever decided to cave, I just wouldn't show up here anymore.

But I would know.

I would know that I was weak.  And I Am Not Weak.

I would know that I let my family down.  And They Are Everything To Me.

I would know that I lied to my boys.  And I Am The Greatest Dad Ever.

I am a husband.
I am a father.
I am a member of KTC April 2009.

And I Am A Quitter.

My quit brotha.... That, is a fabulous post!!! Nice work, I'm right beside you.

What he said.  Apr09. Nice post, SWJ.

Here we are at the end of the week. Family is coming home from vacation soon.
And how has the week versus tobacco been...?

Solid. Easy. Just shrugged that shit off like it was nothing.

No laying awake at night. No itching for nicotine. No craving.

Just smooth, solid days of working hard and missing my wife and little guys.

Just like a stand-up husband and father is supposed to be...

I'm proud, boys. I'm proud that we're still here.
I'm proud of the decision we've each made and I'm proud that I haven't caved.

And I won't cave. Ever.

My wife has my word. My boys have my word.
And each of you have my word.

SWJ -
Don't ever forget the feeling you just described in your post. There will be days you need to "tap into" that feeling for support. I know the feeling, I've had the feeling but fucked up when I turned my back on this site during my original quit. I'm starting to get that feeling back myself and I'm only on day 4 of my new and improved quit. I share this with you so you can avoid the same mistake I made.
Gooch

[SWJ]

Yesterday, I decided to cave.

36 days ago, I decided to stop dipping, for the sake of my wife and two little boys.  I used dip tobacco for years, and really, genuinely enjoyed it.  However, three weeks ago I decided to stop, for the three most important people in my life. 

And I did.  Cold turkey.  Frankly, it was pretty easy.  I found the KTC site and posted every day, I read the posts from dudes who were having a really tough time with their Quit, and I posted a few words of encouragement.  I had never tried to quit before, but I was really proud of having gone three weeks without any tobacco.

But yesterday I decided to cave.

My wife and two boys left for a week on vacation.  This, my friends, would be prime dipping time - I could put a wad of Grizzly in, sit in front of the TV, and just enjoy it...  I literally thought about it for a week.  To be honest, I could hardly wait.

They left.  I waved to them.  And I made two more decisions...

I Will Always Be Stronger Than Any Vice.  And I Will Never Cave.

The verbal abuse that I would get in my Quit Forum here on KTC doesn't scare me in the least - If I ever decided to cave, I just wouldn't show up here anymore.

But I would know.

I would know that I was weak.  And I Am Not Weak.

I would know that I let my family down.  And They Are Everything To Me.

I would know that I lied to my boys.  And I Am The Greatest Dad Ever.

I am a husband.
I am a father.
I am a member of KTC April 2009.

And I Am A Quitter.

My quit brotha.... That, is a fabulous post!!! Nice work, I'm right beside you.

What he said.  Apr09. Nice post, SWJ.

Here we are at the end of the week. Family is coming home from vacation soon.
And how has the week versus tobacco been...?

Solid. Easy. Just shrugged that shit off like it was nothing.

No laying awake at night. No itching for nicotine. No craving.

Just smooth, solid days of working hard and missing my wife and little guys.

Just like a stand-up husband and father is supposed to be...

I'm proud, boys. I'm proud that we're still here.
I'm proud of the decision we've each made and I'm proud that I haven't caved.

And I won't cave. Ever.

My wife has my word. My boys have my word.
And each of you have my word.

[PbKid]

Yesterday, I decided to cave.

36 days ago, I decided to stop dipping, for the sake of my wife and two little boys.  I used dip tobacco for years, and really, genuinely enjoyed it.  However, three weeks ago I decided to stop, for the three most important people in my life. 

And I did.  Cold turkey.  Frankly, it was pretty easy.  I found the KTC site and posted every day, I read the posts from dudes who were having a really tough time with their Quit, and I posted a few words of encouragement.  I had never tried to quit before, but I was really proud of having gone three weeks without any tobacco.

But yesterday I decided to cave.

My wife and two boys left for a week on vacation.  This, my friends, would be prime dipping time - I could put a wad of Grizzly in, sit in front of the TV, and just enjoy it...  I literally thought about it for a week.  To be honest, I could hardly wait.

They left.  I waved to them.  And I made two more decisions...

I Will Always Be Stronger Than Any Vice.  And I Will Never Cave.

The verbal abuse that I would get in my Quit Forum here on KTC doesn't scare me in the least - If I ever decided to cave, I just wouldn't show up here anymore.

But I would know.

I would know that I was weak.  And I Am Not Weak.

I would know that I let my family down.  And They Are Everything To Me.

I would know that I lied to my boys.  And I Am The Greatest Dad Ever.

I am a husband.
I am a father.
I am a member of KTC April 2009.

And I Am A Quitter.

My quit brotha.... That, is a fabulous post!!! Nice work, I'm right beside you.

What he said. Apr09. Nice post, SWJ.

[Samsdad109]

Congrats. That's solid.

[wildcat99]

Yesterday, I decided to cave.

36 days ago, I decided to stop dipping, for the sake of my wife and two little boys. I used dip tobacco for years, and really, genuinely enjoyed it. However, three weeks ago I decided to stop, for the three most important people in my life.

And I did. Cold turkey. Frankly, it was pretty easy. I found the KTC site and posted every day, I read the posts from dudes who were having a really tough time with their Quit, and I posted a few words of encouragement. I had never tried to quit before, but I was really proud of having gone three weeks without any tobacco.

But yesterday I decided to cave.

My wife and two boys left for a week on vacation. This, my friends, would be prime dipping time - I could put a wad of Grizzly in, sit in front of the TV, and just enjoy it... I literally thought about it for a week. To be honest, I could hardly wait.

They left. I waved to them. And I made two more decisions...

I Will Always Be Stronger Than Any Vice. And I Will Never Cave.

The verbal abuse that I would get in my Quit Forum here on KTC doesn't scare me in the least - If I ever decided to cave, I just wouldn't show up here anymore.

But I would know.

I would know that I was weak. And I Am Not Weak.

I would know that I let my family down. And They Are Everything To Me.

I would know that I lied to my boys. And I Am The Greatest Dad Ever.

I am a husband.
I am a father.
I am a member of KTC April 2009.

And I Am A Quitter.

My quit brotha.... That, is a fabulous post!!! Nice work, I'm right beside you.

[theo3wood]

...I could put a wad of Grizzly in, sit in front of the TV, and just enjoy it...

This is a really scary fuckin' post. I haven't had the pleasure to have spoken with you very much on these boards, SWJ, but I have certainly noticed that you post like a "Rambo-Badass" quitter. No chance whatsoever that you'll ever cave, no-sir-ee; not you. That's 'cause you're just too damn strong. Or so you said.

Now this. Fully pre-meditated, including the planned disappearance from the boards. It all makes me think of that Jimmy Cliff song, "The harder they come, the harder they fall."

Anyway I'd like to point out two things:

1. Graditude: Thanks for such an honest post. It just further supports the notion that none of us are fully beyond the grasp of the nic bitch.
2. The part of your quote that jumps out most to me is above; about "enjoying" dip. I think I used to "enjoy" dip. That lasted about 14 years. Then I just did it because I had to...not that I really wanted to. Now I haven't had it for over six months. I honestly don't know if I could ever "enjoy" it again, even if I tried. I can imagine the severe feelings of guilt and loss if I ever did it again. "Enjoy" it? Nope.

[Colonel_No_Cope]

Man, that strikes home pretty hard. As a newly joined quitter, I can relate to everything you just said, because that is how all my quits failed in the past, i.e., before KTC.

If there were an award for timely and/or relevant posts, you ought to receive it.

I know how absence of loved ones usually leads to THE bad thought.

Knowing that I have some tough times ahead with the simple craves, I will also be leaving for 3 weeks on a mission in WA... I must/will remember your post.

My biggest fear is the decision you made... and fortunately the one you brushed aside.

I'll be selfish here and say this:

Thanks for staying quit... and even more thanks for writing about it.

That took courage. You have no idea how this will help when the chips are down.

[bert]

Amen

[CopeFiend]

But you didn't cave.

[SWJ]

Yesterday, I decided to cave.

36 days ago, I decided to stop dipping, for the sake of my wife and two little boys. I used dip tobacco for years, and really, genuinely enjoyed it. However, three weeks ago I decided to stop, for the three most important people in my life.

And I did. Cold turkey. Frankly, it was pretty easy. I found the KTC site and posted every day, I read the posts from dudes who were having a really tough time with their Quit, and I posted a few words of encouragement. I had never tried to quit before, but I was really proud of having gone three weeks without any tobacco.

But yesterday I decided to cave.

My wife and two boys left for a week on vacation. This, my friends, would be prime dipping time - I could put a wad of Grizzly in, sit in front of the TV, and just enjoy it... I literally thought about it for a week. To be honest, I could hardly wait.

They left. I waved to them. And I made two more decisions...

I Will Always Be Stronger Than Any Vice. And I Will Never Cave.

The verbal abuse that I would get in my Quit Forum here on KTC doesn't scare me in the least - If I ever decided to cave, I just wouldn't show up here anymore.

But I would know.

I would know that I was weak. And I Am Not Weak.

I would know that I let my family down. And They Are Everything To Me.

I would know that I lied to my boys. And I Am The Greatest Dad Ever.

I am a husband.
I am a father.
I am a member of KTC April 2009.

And I Am A Quitter.

[ScubaSteve]

SWJ,

Awesome post. I must say that we seem to have a lot in common every time I see your post, and you're helping me with my quit even though you're only a day ahead of me. I'm going to have the exact same talk with my wife this weekend and I'm excited as hell that I get to come clean and have something positive (my quit) to bring to the table. but I also know it's going to be emotional since it is all a lie. Stay strong this weekend, because there are others out there just like you that need you to lead the way.

I will follow SWJ.

[QuittinTime]

By the way, it's a brilliant idea to keep a daily journal of your quit. Start your own thread for that journal.......and better yet, get a little book (you know the ones with actual paper in them) and write all this shit down. I wish I had. Eventually you will want to look back on all of this and remember where you came from when you're sitting on top of the world.

[QuittinTime]

Day #5 started today. Started strong. Today is going to be one of those days when The Habit is clearly weaker than I am. Last night was different though.

I broke.

Not like you might think - I did not cave in to The Habit - That's not going to happen. Instead, I found something else about this addiction that needed to be addressed - My honesty.

After supper, I told my wife that I had something to tell her - That it was partly bad and partly good. She looked worried and frightened and in that beautiful, innocent face I saw what I had done to her and I started to cry a little.

I told her that I had lied to her since we had known each other. I told her that every time she had caught me and I had promised to quit, I had not. I told her that I had NEVER gone more than 12 hours without tobacco, and I told her how sorry I was, and I told her about you guys, and I cried.

Some of those tears were for all the times I had snuck off to be by myself to enjoy a dip, and some of them were for the times that she had found a full can hidden in my spot and thrown it away... Most of them though, were because the husband I've been doesn't meet the husband that she deserves, and I'm ashamed of that. I told her that too.

But I also told her that I wasn't going to fail. Although this is my first attempt at quitting, I am only going to need one time, I told her. I promised her that I wouldn't let her down  I told her again how so very sorry I was...

And the tears told her all the rest.

She knows that I'm dangerous when I set my mind on something. She knows that I am ultra-competitive and have a tendency to literally believe that I can do anything.

And because of the tears, she knows that I am being truthful. She knows how terribly sorry I am and she knows that the time has come. She knows how much I love and adore her and she knows that I do not fuck around when I make a decision.

I was broken last night after supper because I needed to be.

Today, though, I am rock solid because I want to be.

SWJ,

Damn, sounds like me almost 3 years ago. You sir, are going to be (are) a fine quitter. Just remember all the things your pouring out when the Nico-Bitch come knockin'. The shit will hit the fan and you will be ready. This is a ongoing process, and the power of nicotine is never to be underestimated. Your resolve is admirable, just keep it together, keep the faith, and keep the quit. B)

Quittin'Time.