I'm A Douche

[RoyJester]

Day #102.


But now that I'm not wedging cans of Grizzly in my crotch pocket, I wonder what a newly rational person could do with all that genital storage space...

Words can not express the sheer awesomness of this post. 'worship'

This is a great confession.

Now, have you come clean with the "lemme bum a dip off you" boys yet?

Them peeps "taint" gonna be real happy.......

That "Area" is a perfect storage site for your "Smokeyg" signed HOF knife and coin- I keep mine in a pocket, but you know if it is a valuable- keep it in a safe place!

I always thought it would be awesome to have my stomach covered with ball skin. Imagine all the things you could carry by pulling it out into a pouch. If you forgot your long sleeves you could wrap them up in your warm tummy-blanket. Forgot your raincoat, no problem with your insta-hoodie!

[niwot]

Day #102.

I've been reading, over the past few months, lists of all the things people won't miss about dipping or chewing.  Lists that contain stuff about spraying dip juice all over the place and spitting into your wife's coffee cup and other crazy shit like that.

You guys are rude.

But there's one thing I haven't seen on any list. 

Now the disclaimer here is that the distinct possibility exists that the following is a can-hiding method previously unemployed by even the most ninja-fied dipper.  It may be shocking as well as disturbing...So if you're a 5-year old, you may want to fuck off.

Simply put, I will not miss hiding my dip can behind my ball sac.

There I said it.

For those of you who reside in warmer climes, you may have noticed the proliferation of short pant wearing dudes.  Well, I don't live in warmer climes, but I am one of those dudes.

Many types of shorts, for those of you who are unobservant idiots, do not have pockets.

(Personally, I think shorts with pockets in them are gay.)

Now, if your powers of reading comprehension are anywhere north of retarded, you will have taken from this that I very often wear shorts with no pockets.

Which, of course, leaves a stealthy dipper to ponder the question about where he will hide his dip can.

Well, one of the most unique and ground breaking innovations known to mankind is, of course, the ball sac.

Incredibly versatile, this globular feat of human engineering can be scratched by its owner for spine tingling pleasure. 

It can be kneaded, like a hairy loaf of bread, which results in a pleasurable feeling, albeit different than from scratching. 

It has a seam, but no opening.

And on holidays, you can even paint a face on it to make a goulish sac-o-lantern.

Being the rock star that I am, I had added another amazing feature to my sac.

I could hide stuff behind it.

Using the inherent properties of my bag, I found that a can of dip was the perfect size to be hidden behind its bulk.  Jammed deftly between the rear bumper of my nads and my gootch, I found that my Grizzly can would allow itself to be safely transported about.  My versatile bag hung perfectly about the can, rendering it completely undetectable.

Now if your wife is at all like mine, she is a fan and enthusiastic supporter of your "danger-area".

This is a source of concern for dudes hiding shit behind their balls.

While you are transporting your dip can in the space between berries and gootch, it is vitally important to keep people from groping you.  This is to say that, while the ball-notch method is otherwise impervious to detection, if your wife happens to grope you while you are transporting, your shit will be ruined.  Game over.

Not to mention that your local health board would probably frown on you putting something in your mouth from a container that you kept in such close proximity to your tailpipe.

Unbelievable.

And don't judge me either, bitches.  I never drank my own spit or anything gross like that.

But now that I'm not wedging cans of Grizzly in my crotch pocket, I wonder what a newly rational person could do with all that genital storage space...

Words can not express the sheer awesomness of this post. 'worship'

This is a great confession.

Now, have you come clean with the "lemme bum a dip off you" boys yet?

Them peeps "taint" gonna be real happy.......

That "Area" is a perfect storage site for your "Smokeyg" signed HOF knife and coin- I keep mine in a pocket, but you know if it is a valuable- keep it in a safe place!

[redtrain14]

Day #102.

I've been reading, over the past few months, lists of all the things people won't miss about dipping or chewing.  Lists that contain stuff about spraying dip juice all over the place and spitting into your wife's coffee cup and other crazy shit like that.

You guys are rude.

But there's one thing I haven't seen on any list. 

Now the disclaimer here is that the distinct possibility exists that the following is a can-hiding method previously unemployed by even the most ninja-fied dipper.  It may be shocking as well as disturbing...So if you're a 5-year old, you may want to fuck off.

Simply put, I will not miss hiding my dip can behind my ball sac.

There I said it.

For those of you who reside in warmer climes, you may have noticed the proliferation of short pant wearing dudes.  Well, I don't live in warmer climes, but I am one of those dudes.

Many types of shorts, for those of you who are unobservant idiots, do not have pockets.

(Personally, I think shorts with pockets in them are gay.)

Now, if your powers of reading comprehension are anywhere north of retarded, you will have taken from this that I very often wear shorts with no pockets.

Which, of course, leaves a stealthy dipper to ponder the question about where he will hide his dip can.

Well, one of the most unique and ground breaking innovations known to mankind is, of course, the ball sac.

Incredibly versatile, this globular feat of human engineering can be scratched by its owner for spine tingling pleasure. 

It can be kneaded, like a hairy loaf of bread, which results in a pleasurable feeling, albeit different than from scratching. 

It has a seam, but no opening.

And on holidays, you can even paint a face on it to make a goulish sac-o-lantern.

Being the rock star that I am, I had added another amazing feature to my sac.

I could hide stuff behind it.

Using the inherent properties of my bag, I found that a can of dip was the perfect size to be hidden behind its bulk.  Jammed deftly between the rear bumper of my nads and my gootch, I found that my Grizzly can would allow itself to be safely transported about.  My versatile bag hung perfectly about the can, rendering it completely undetectable.

Now if your wife is at all like mine, she is a fan and enthusiastic supporter of your "danger-area".

This is a source of concern for dudes hiding shit behind their balls.

While you are transporting your dip can in the space between berries and gootch, it is vitally important to keep people from groping you.  This is to say that, while the ball-notch method is otherwise impervious to detection, if your wife happens to grope you while you are transporting, your shit will be ruined.  Game over.

Not to mention that your local health board would probably frown on you putting something in your mouth from a container that you kept in such close proximity to your tailpipe.

Unbelievable.

And don't judge me either, bitches.  I never drank my own spit or anything gross like that.

But now that I'm not wedging cans of Grizzly in my crotch pocket, I wonder what a newly rational person could do with all that genital storage space...

Words can not express the sheer awesomness of this post. 'worship'

This is a great confession.

Now, have you come clean with the "lemme bum a dip off you" boys yet?

Them peeps "taint" gonna be real happy.......

[BigDippa]

Day #102.

I've been reading, over the past few months, lists of all the things people won't miss about dipping or chewing. Lists that contain stuff about spraying dip juice all over the place and spitting into your wife's coffee cup and other crazy shit like that.

You guys are rude.

But there's one thing I haven't seen on any list.

Now the disclaimer here is that the distinct possibility exists that the following is a can-hiding method previously unemployed by even the most ninja-fied dipper. It may be shocking as well as disturbing...So if you're a 5-year old, you may want to fuck off.

Simply put, I will not miss hiding my dip can behind my ball sac.

There I said it.

For those of you who reside in warmer climes, you may have noticed the proliferation of short pant wearing dudes. Well, I don't live in warmer climes, but I am one of those dudes.

Many types of shorts, for those of you who are unobservant idiots, do not have pockets.

(Personally, I think shorts with pockets in them are gay.)

Now, if your powers of reading comprehension are anywhere north of retarded, you will have taken from this that I very often wear shorts with no pockets.

Which, of course, leaves a stealthy dipper to ponder the question about where he will hide his dip can.

Well, one of the most unique and ground breaking innovations known to mankind is, of course, the ball sac.

Incredibly versatile, this globular feat of human engineering can be scratched by its owner for spine tingling pleasure.

It can be kneaded, like a hairy loaf of bread, which results in a pleasurable feeling, albeit different than from scratching.

It has a seam, but no opening.

And on holidays, you can even paint a face on it to make a goulish sac-o-lantern.

Being the rock star that I am, I had added another amazing feature to my sac.

I could hide stuff behind it.

Using the inherent properties of my bag, I found that a can of dip was the perfect size to be hidden behind its bulk. Jammed deftly between the rear bumper of my nads and my gootch, I found that my Grizzly can would allow itself to be safely transported about. My versatile bag hung perfectly about the can, rendering it completely undetectable.

Now if your wife is at all like mine, she is a fan and enthusiastic supporter of your "danger-area".

This is a source of concern for dudes hiding shit behind their balls.

While you are transporting your dip can in the space between berries and gootch, it is vitally important to keep people from groping you. This is to say that, while the ball-notch method is otherwise impervious to detection, if your wife happens to grope you while you are transporting, your shit will be ruined. Game over.

Not to mention that your local health board would probably frown on you putting something in your mouth from a container that you kept in such close proximity to your tailpipe.

Unbelievable.

And don't judge me either, bitches. I never drank my own spit or anything gross like that.

But now that I'm not wedging cans of Grizzly in my crotch pocket, I wonder what a newly rational person could do with all that genital storage space...

Words can not express the sheer awesomness of this post. 'worship'

[SWJ]

Day #102.

I've been reading, over the past few months, lists of all the things people won't miss about dipping or chewing. Lists that contain stuff about spraying dip juice all over the place and spitting into your wife's coffee cup and other crazy shit like that.

You guys are rude.

But there's one thing I haven't seen on any list.

Now the disclaimer here is that the distinct possibility exists that the following is a can-hiding method previously unemployed by even the most ninja-fied dipper. It may be shocking as well as disturbing...So if you're a 5-year old, you may want to fuck off.

Simply put, I will not miss hiding my dip can behind my ball sac.

There I said it.

For those of you who reside in warmer climes, you may have noticed the proliferation of short pant wearing dudes. Well, I don't live in warmer climes, but I am one of those dudes.

Many types of shorts, for those of you who are unobservant idiots, do not have pockets.

(Personally, I think shorts with pockets in them are gay.)

Now, if your powers of reading comprehension are anywhere north of retarded, you will have taken from this that I very often wear shorts with no pockets.

Which, of course, leaves a stealthy dipper to ponder the question about where he will hide his dip can.

Well, one of the most unique and ground breaking innovations known to mankind is, of course, the ball sac.

Incredibly versatile, this globular feat of human engineering can be scratched by its owner for spine tingling pleasure.

It can be kneaded, like a hairy loaf of bread, which results in a pleasurable feeling, albeit different than from scratching.

It has a seam, but no opening.

And on holidays, you can even paint a face on it to make a goulish sac-o-lantern.

Being the rock star that I am, I had added another amazing feature to my sac.

I could hide stuff behind it.

Using the inherent properties of my bag, I found that a can of dip was the perfect size to be hidden behind its bulk. Jammed deftly between the rear bumper of my nads and my gootch, I found that my Grizzly can would allow itself to be safely transported about. My versatile bag hung perfectly about the can, rendering it completely undetectable.

Now if your wife is at all like mine, she is a fan and enthusiastic supporter of your "danger-area".

This is a source of concern for dudes hiding shit behind their balls.

While you are transporting your dip can in the space between berries and gootch, it is vitally important to keep people from groping you. This is to say that, while the ball-notch method is otherwise impervious to detection, if your wife happens to grope you while you are transporting, your shit will be ruined. Game over.

Not to mention that your local health board would probably frown on you putting something in your mouth from a container that you kept in such close proximity to your tailpipe.

Unbelievable.

And don't judge me either, bitches. I never drank my own spit or anything gross like that.

But now that I'm not wedging cans of Grizzly in my crotch pocket, I wonder what a newly rational person could do with all that genital storage space...

[cubs204]

A Rumination On The Thong

I was in the gym this morning doing my thing.
You know, benching 1,000 lbs and other pretty easy stuff like that.

In front of me, an older lady got on the treadmill to do her thing, and bent over to tie her shoe.

Now, before I get to the action part of the scene there is a small amount of character development that must take place...

This lady, although I'm sure she's a nice person, closely resembles a troll or some other nasty mythical creature of your choice.

She probably goes 250 or so and most of that is ass.
She's got a face that would stop a clock and a fro that probably hasn't seen a comb or brush since 1962.

Anyway, when she bent over in front of me, it was obvious that she was sporting a thong underneath her clam diggers.

Now, I've seen my fair share of thongs. I know fair well that there are moderate thongs and demure thongs, as well as other kinds.

This one was what you'd call a ho-thong. Like stripper nasty.

Simultaneously, I was both horrified and fascinated.

This was the equivalent of putting ho-panties on the bumper of a Buick.

But she owned it. Sporting that ass like a chick in a Busta Rhymes video.

And I gave her mental props because it occured to me that the only thing that rivals the size of that ass is the depth of her self-confidence. "Good for her" I thought. "And good for her old man too" I also thought.

(I've got to try to remember to remind my wife, when she's old and big, that thongs do it for me...)

And I also think that, as a dude, you could put a nasty, stripper-thong on a water buffalo and I would think it was hot.

Just something about it...

And now I'm stuck thinking about those 3 ounces of fabric covering 20 yds of ass...

That, my friend, was awesome...

[Smokeyg]

Busted a gut on the thong story...I'll give it to you...YES you do own it..the thong and the ass that is! That is your mental picture to keep for the rest of your life..now I think I'll go wash my brain out with soap! 'crackup'

I am so awesome that I will sacrifice my own awesomeness to celebrate ndrooster's 8th green dot. Shplazamoh!! Put that bling on a piece of ryebread and call it my hero.

[ndrooster1]

Busted a gut on the thong story...I'll give it to you...YES you do own it..the thong and the ass that is! That is your mental picture to keep for the rest of your life..now I think I'll go wash my brain out with soap! 'crackup'

[Montana Rob]

Simultaneously, I was both horrified and fascinated.


But she owned it. Sporting that ass like a chick in a Busta Rhymes video.


put a nasty, stripper-thong on a water buffalo and I would think it was hot.

THANKS FOR A GOOD MORNING LAUGH!!!

[SWJ]

This post serves only to move my Page Of Awesomeness ahead of Smokey's Page Of Douchery.

[SWJ]

A Rumination On The Thong

I was in the gym this morning doing my thing.
You know, benching 1,000 lbs and other pretty easy stuff like that.

In front of me, an older lady got on the treadmill to do her thing, and bent over to tie her shoe.

Now, before I get to the action part of the scene there is a small amount of character development that must take place...

This lady, although I'm sure she's a nice person, closely resembles a troll or some other nasty mythical creature of your choice.

She probably goes 250 or so and most of that is ass.
She's got a face that would stop a clock and a fro that probably hasn't seen a comb or brush since 1962.

Anyway, when she bent over in front of me, it was obvious that she was sporting a thong underneath her clam diggers.

Now, I've seen my fair share of thongs. I know fair well that there are moderate thongs and demure thongs, as well as other kinds.

This one was what you'd call a ho-thong. Like stripper nasty.

Simultaneously, I was both horrified and fascinated.

This was the equivalent of putting ho-panties on the bumper of a Buick.

But she owned it. Sporting that ass like a chick in a Busta Rhymes video.

And I gave her mental props because it occured to me that the only thing that rivals the size of that ass is the depth of her self-confidence. "Good for her" I thought. "And good for her old man too" I also thought.

(I've got to try to remember to remind my wife, when she's old and big, that thongs do it for me...)

And I also think that, as a dude, you could put a nasty, stripper-thong on a water buffalo and I would think it was hot.

Just something about it...

And now I'm stuck thinking about those 3 ounces of fabric covering 20 yds of ass...

[SWJ]

For your page to retain its intended awesome aura, it must be updated, and leave no post/response unanswered, otherwise it'll just be gay.

Hey, I'm 100 + 10 +1, there's not going to be another day like today for a while!
Congrats on the triple digits plus!

On this page, gayness and other forms of verbal ass-piracy will not be tolerated and will be otherwise strictly prohibited.

Lumberjacks, ninjas, and vikings are most certainly welcome.

As are True Quit Brothers.

Thanks, Roy -

[RoyJester]

For your page to retain its intended awesome aura, it must be updated, and leave no post/response unanswered, otherwise it'll just be gay.

Hey, I'm 100 + 10 +1, there's not going to be another day like today for a while!
Congrats on the triple digits plus!

[SWJ]

Yes, I congratulated you yesterday on 100 and will do the same today on your real 100.

Thanks for letting me post shit on your page bro, you rule!

Here's to your 100+1 'Cheers'

You Rock, Move.
Welcome to the first inaugural other-dude post on my page.

You don't win shit.

But you should be feeling an overwhelming sense of awesomeness at the auspiciousness of the occasion.

Thanks, Brother.

[Move Forward]

Yes, I congratulated you yesterday on 100 and will do the same today on your real 100.

Thanks for letting me post shit on your page bro, you rule!

Here's to your 100+1 'Cheers'