BigRedDude

[RAZD611]

Day Freaking 10!
Double Digits! I can't wait until I add another digit!

The last 2 days have been awesome.

No fog or rage, and I only had 2 major craves yesterday.


Crave 1. We had a bunch of family over for a barbecue. Grilling brought on a massive crave. I beat that sucker down, with a few texts, some push ups and a fat dip of herbal tea which was shockingly not bad.

Crave 2. I had major crave mid-afternoon and got on kakao (pvt chat app with my group and some awesome vets) and this guy was having a major crisis and was craving bad. I spent the next 15 minutes texting back and forth with him and talked him off the ledge. Afterwards, I remembered why I was even talking to him - because I was craving bad. I had totally forgot about it.

Lesson learned: Helping a brother out helps me. Strengthening somebody else's quit strengthens my quit. I already knew that but it has now been nailed down, framed, and filled in with concrete.

Nice bro!

Well done. You are getting it.

[Nolaq]

Day Freaking 10!
Double Digits! I can't wait until I add another digit!

The last 2 days have been awesome.

No fog or rage, and I only had 2 major craves yesterday.


Crave 1. We had a bunch of family over for a barbecue. Grilling brought on a massive crave. I beat that sucker down, with a few texts, some push ups and a fat dip of herbal tea which was shockingly not bad.

Crave 2. I had major crave mid-afternoon and got on kakao (pvt chat app with my group and some awesome vets) and this guy was having a major crisis and was craving bad. I spent the next 15 minutes texting back and forth with him and talked him off the ledge. Afterwards, I remembered why I was even talking to him - because I was craving bad. I had totally forgot about it.

Lesson learned: Helping a brother out helps me. Strengthening somebody else's quit strengthens my quit. I already knew that but it has now been nailed down, framed, and filled in with concrete.

Nice bro!

[bigreddude44]

Day Freaking 10!
Double Digits! I can't wait until I add another digit!

The last 2 days have been awesome.

No fog or rage, and I only had 2 major craves yesterday.


Crave 1. We had a bunch of family over for a barbecue. Grilling brought on a massive crave. I beat that sucker down, with a few texts, some push ups and a fat dip of herbal tea which was shockingly not bad.

Crave 2. I had major crave mid-afternoon and got on kakao (pvt chat app with my group and some awesome vets) and this guy was having a major crisis and was craving bad. I spent the next 15 minutes texting back and forth with him and talked him off the ledge. Afterwards, I remembered why I was even talking to him - because I was craving bad. I had totally forgot about it.

Lesson learned: Helping a brother out helps me. Strengthening somebody else's quit strengthens my quit. I already knew that but it has now been nailed down, framed, and filled in with concrete.

[bigreddude44]

Day 8.
The fog has finally lifted! That was 4 days of pure hell! I intended to write this post 3 days ago but have been too brain dead to formulate a sentence but I feel 1000% percent better now than I have since I quit so I'm going to give it a go

I want to remember how hard I had to work in the beginning to solidify my quit for my future self.

Here is a list of the things in no particular order that I'm doing to stay quit at this point.

1. posting roll every day as soon as I wake up
2. Reading a ton of stuff on here - mostly introductions and cancer stories at this point
3. googling lip cancer a lot. I even have a lip cancer pic as my wall paper on my phone.
4. Spending almost every waking hour on the kakao app with the Titans or in Live Chat talking to vets.
5. Supporting the November group with posts on their intros.
6. Popping the rubber band on my wrist every time I want a dip.
7. writing encouraging pms to friends I've made.
8. I was eating sunflower seeds like a crazy person but that has torn my mouth up way more than snuff ever did. I haven't done that in a few days. Mostly I'm chewing a lot of gum. I haven't done the fake stuff because I'm afraid of it. I caved on a stop once all because I took a "dip" of Smokey Mountain.
9. Surviving the nights reading on KTC. I still can't sleep. It took me 3 hours to get sleep last night.
10. Researching everything I can find on nicotine addiction and recovery.

[bigreddude44]

I'm at the end of day 5. I'm determined to post day 6 in the morning. I feel good about my quit, love my group - the Titans - and I"ve been working my butt off on this but I'm so tired! I have pretty much done nothing for the last 5 days other than work on my quit. I'm either on the forum, posting here, on live chat, or on Kakao all day long. My sister, the sober, recovered alkie says the first 30 days of recovery are a full time job and I believe it! I am absolutely committed to keep going. I'm not wavering or even thinking about caving. I'm just tired and for the first time in my quit I am anxious about how long I will be able to or need to maintain this level of intensity. Everybody further along than me says it gets easier and I believe that but I'm ready for it to start happening. This is not a cry for help. I just want to remember this and how much work it takes in the beginning to quit. I want to remember how hard I worked to remind my future dumb ass how hard it was to remind him that if he quits, we'll both have to do all of this again! I don't think I'm as crazy as that last sentence makes me sound but it is a good picture of how fried my brain is right now. haha!! In my next posts I will list what I'm doing at this point to work on my quit as well a contract with myself stating what I have to do before I'm "allowed" to cave.

You have the right idea man--embrace the misery and fatigue of this first week and vow each day to stay quit so that you never have to go through it again. Like you, I had multiple stoppages without a true commitment to quit. Unlike you, each one was miserable...I was in a deep fog for 2-3 times EVERY time I stopped. I don't know how much your fatigue is related to all of the hard work of your quit versus just your body recovering from the nicotine you fed it over the years, but it really doesn't matter.

You made it 30 plus days the last time, so you did experience "normal" off of nicotine. You should start feeling better and better in the coming days and weeks. Enjoy it! Hold on to it! A whole new you is being born.

This is super encouraging! Thanks for this. I had not thought about the idea that my fatigue may be a result of my body healing itself. That makes a lot of sense and helps a lot!

Thanks! My quit is stronger today because of you!

[steffano626]

I'm at the end of day 5. I'm determined to post day 6 in the morning. I feel good about my quit, love my group - the Titans - and I"ve been working my butt off on this but I'm so tired! I have pretty much done nothing for the last 5 days other than work on my quit. I'm either on the forum, posting here, on live chat, or on Kakao all day long. My sister, the sober, recovered alkie says the first 30 days of recovery are a full time job and I believe it! I am absolutely committed to keep going. I'm not wavering or even thinking about caving. I'm just tired and for the first time in my quit I am anxious about how long I will be able to or need to maintain this level of intensity. Everybody further along than me says it gets easier and I believe that but I'm ready for it to start happening. This is not a cry for help. I just want to remember this and how much work it takes in the beginning to quit. I want to remember how hard I worked to remind my future dumb ass how hard it was to remind him that if he quits, we'll both have to do all of this again! I don't think I'm as crazy as that last sentence makes me sound but it is a good picture of how fried my brain is right now. haha!! In my next posts I will list what I'm doing at this point to work on my quit as well a contract with myself stating what I have to do before I'm "allowed" to cave.

You have the right idea man--embrace the misery and fatigue of this first week and vow each day to stay quit so that you never have to go through it again. Like you, I had multiple stoppages without a true commitment to quit. Unlike you, each one was miserable...I was in a deep fog for 2-3 times EVERY time I stopped. I don't know how much your fatigue is related to all of the hard work of your quit versus just your body recovering from the nicotine you fed it over the years, but it really doesn't matter.

You made it 30 plus days the last time, so you did experience "normal" off of nicotine. You should start feeling better and better in the coming days and weeks. Enjoy it! Hold on to it! A whole new you is being born.

[tsj12b]

Big Red! Right there with you. It's going to start improving for you from here on out. It has been gradual for me. I finally slept more than 4-5 hours last night. Woke up without a headache. Keep the faith, our crew is tight, and above all I'm a call, text or group msg if you need anything. I know what you mean with quitting being a full time job. I just stay on here and Kakao myself. This is just the most important thing to me right now. It's like protecting a baby! Proud to call you a brother and quit with you!

Proud to be QUIT with both of you. Y'all becoming some Bad Ass Titans!

ENAV is right, have to protect that QUIT hard, especially while building up this foundation.

[bigreddude44]

You two get it. Well done. You are winning!

Take advantage of those hrs awake... Read on this site. Read intros of those that are winning... Read HOF speeches, read the Kern story,,,,

You will be surprised how this helps. This does a couple things in my mind.... First, you are gaining knowledge on this war against nicotine and second, and most importantly, you accept that not sleeping is just part of the process. You don't look at it as a negative thing... It really isn't. You need to embrace it!

I didn't sleep well for a long time. I'd sit in my rack at night and read all I could. Then ... One day.... I went to bed and fell asleep. It was no big deal. Even today... If I have a sleepless night... I read on KTC. It is therapeutic.

Keep fighting today. You are winning. Quit with you all day.

Thanks for the advice and support! The Kern story should be required reading! It's absolutely heart breaking and life changing!
Kern story

[bigreddude44]

Big Red! Right there with you. It's going to start improving for you from here on out. It has been gradual for me. I finally slept more than 4-5 hours last night. Woke up without a headache. Keep the faith, our crew is tight, and above all I'm a call, text or group msg if you need anything. I know what you mean with quitting being a full time job. I just stay on here and Kakao myself. This is just the most important thing to me right now. It's like protecting a baby! Proud to call you a brother and quit with you!

Love being quit with you bro! I am, however, jealous of your possum experience. Haha I'm certain if I could have the same experience my quit would be at thousand times more solid!

[Derk40]

You two get it. Well done. You are winning!

Take advantage of those hrs awake... Read on this site. Read intros of those that are winning... Read HOF speeches, read the Kern story,,,,

You will be surprised how this helps. This does a couple things in my mind.... First, you are gaining knowledge on this war against nicotine and second, and most importantly, you accept that not sleeping is just part of the process. You don't look at it as a negative thing... It really isn't. You need to embrace it!

I didn't sleep well for a long time. I'd sit in my rack at night and read all I could. Then ... One day.... I went to bed and fell asleep. It was no big deal. Even today... If I have a sleepless night... I read on KTC. It is therapeutic.

Keep fighting today. You are winning. Quit with you all day.

[Nolaq]

You two get it. Well done. You are winning!

[enav]

Big Red! Right there with you. It's going to start improving for you from here on out. It has been gradual for me. I finally slept more than 4-5 hours last night. Woke up without a headache. Keep the faith, our crew is tight, and above all I'm a call, text or group msg if you need anything. I know what you mean with quitting being a full time job. I just stay on here and Kakao myself. This is just the most important thing to me right now. It's like protecting a baby! Proud to call you a brother and quit with you!

[bigreddude44]

I'm at the end of day 5. I'm determined to post day 6 in the morning. I feel good about my quit, love my group - the Titans - and I"ve been working my butt off on this but I'm so tired! I have pretty much done nothing for the last 5 days other than work on my quit. I'm either on the forum, posting here, on live chat, or on Kakao all day long. My sister, the sober, recovered alkie says the first 30 days of recovery are a full time job and I believe it! I am absolutely committed to keep going. I'm not wavering or even thinking about caving. I'm just tired and for the first time in my quit I am anxious about how long I will be able to or need to maintain this level of intensity. Everybody further along than me says it gets easier and I believe that but I'm ready for it to start happening. This is not a cry for help. I just want to remember this and how much work it takes in the beginning to quit. I want to remember how hard I worked to remind my future dumb ass how hard it was to remind him that if he quits, we'll both have to do all of this again! I don't think I'm as crazy as that last sentence makes me sound but it is a good picture of how fried my brain is right now. haha!! In my next posts I will list what I'm doing at this point to work on my quit as well a contract with myself stating what I have to do before I'm "allowed" to cave.

[bigreddude44]

...I am totally on my own out here...

False. We're out here with you BRD. Proud to be quitting with you!

That quote was from my intro from my failed quit a year ago. The thing is I never really got involved last time and supported anybody or took any support from others. I really was alone, it was absolutely self imposed aloneness and that is why I failed. It did, however, teach me a good lesson - supporting and being supported is what this site is for and you get out of it what you put into it.
Thanks for your support bro! You have strengthened my quit today!

Even if you think you're alone, you're not.

'ninja'

Last time I thought I was alone. I realize now that I wasn't alone. Learning that, so far, has made all the difference. My quit now is radically different than it was last time or any of the other times before that. I have a band of brothers with Titans and veterans around here. Caving is not an option because it would be like stabbing them in the back and I will not do that!

[Scowick65]

...I am totally on my own out here...

False. We're out here with you BRD. Proud to be quitting with you!

That quote was from my intro from my failed quit a year ago. The thing is I never really got involved last time and supported anybody or took any support from others. I really was alone, it was absolutely self imposed aloneness and that is why I failed. It did, however, teach me a good lesson - supporting and being supported is what this site is for and you get out of it what you put into it.
Thanks for your support bro! You have strengthened my quit today!

Even if you think you're alone, you're not.

'ninja'

hey big red - interesting stuff going on with you- 36 years....I can relate - I'm @ day 40 after 34 years RED. Each day gets better and that no bullshi$$. Hydrate, exercise and beat the bitch down. I'm SULTAN PROUD and glad to be quit with you. I'm a PM away if needed. Old ES

Unpack what NOLAQ just wrote. That is the essence of this site. If you use this site properly, you quit with the herd.