Day 197
Now that IÂ’m approaching my 200 day mark, IÂ’ve been thinking about previous quit attempts and why I joined KTC on the 28th day of my Quit(why join when the worst is behind you, right?). Why did I cave in 2011 at day 292, 2013 at day 194, 2015 at day 147 and around that same time period half a dozen times + in the years prior to 2011?
It's the same thing every time around that time period. I start getting these intense cravings mixed with feelings of depression usually late (7 to 9 pm) in the evening. They seem 3X stronger than cravings I usually experience between month 1 and let's say 6 to 8. I can recognize them like the back of my hand, it’s always that same intense feeling of craving mixed with depression, and I think "Oh God, not again”. I find myself thinking "why did I quit doing the only thing that brings me enjoyment in life", which even at the time I know is complete BS but it feels so true. I've made it through those cravings a couple of nights in a row sometimes, picking up the keys to the truck, talking myself out of walking out that door to head to the gas station. I get up the next morning clear headed and think, “thank God I didn't cave!” and then go through the same thing the next night. Until I finally throw in the towel and go buy a can.
I see people in July 16 and other groups peeling off, thinking theyÂ’ve got this, they donÂ’t need support anymore. Not me. ThereÂ’s a storm coming.
Overly dramatic? I don’t know, maybe I won’t experience that this time around with the support I’ve found here. But I can’t help but feel a little worried as I get closer to the “wall”.
Anyone else whoÂ’s experience anything similar, IÂ’d be interested in hearing from you.