Day 22 intro

[rdad]

Thanks for the update Kirk. You are doing this man. One day at a time, posting roll, putting your thoughts down on your intro...all important stuff. You have a good attitude and that is more than half the battle. The other is patience. Well done.

[Gone Cruising]

Went and saw my counselor this morning for the 1st time and he was amazed at how far I have come on my own with dealing with my quit. I especially what to thank all of you.

Now, onto the fight. Day 24 and my head is in the fog right now. I can feel my heartbeat in my chest and am just a bit on edge today. Funny thing is that I feel that way right now, but I didn't feel this way when talking to the counselor. This is what happens when you leave your mind with nothing to do or think about. So I am writing you all right now to occupy my mind.

I am tired today as I had a rough night with no sleep. I know I was battling those damn nic receptors in my brain all of them panicking wanting to know where their nic was at. I denied them and will continue to deny them. It was a helluva fight as there still launching volleys at each other in my head. I am winning and will win this fight

I don't know what is worse since there seems to be two distinctive withdrawal conditions. One where the quitter can't seem to resist taking a chew and is fighting it tooth and nail. Or like me where I have no desire or want to take a dip, but am fighting the demons in my head with anxiety and a whole slew of physical conditions.

I am 43 years old and today my brain is 24 days old with old without nic,

[Gone Cruising]

Well I woke in a panic sweat a few minutes ago and came straight here to read. I also caved and took a half of a xanax pill to calm me down. I sat there for almost two hours trying to fight the nic bitch. I know she was doing this to me to get me to come back. Not going to happen while I'm still alive.

I did find Samuel who is in his 80 plus day quit and we are a mirror of what took place in our lives. I left him a message and was so happy I read someone was going through and still going through what I am facing.

[redtrain14]

Thank you okcguy. I pm'ed you back.


Redtrain14, I definitely know what your saying. My doctor didn't know anything and from what you read on the net there's not much anyone knows. I am truly expecting this fight to take my entire life to beat and when I'm gone and dead, I will know that I called the shots and that I won the fight!

Just like the doctor prescribed. Xanax to be taken 3 times a day to calm my nerves. I have only taken a half a pill right before bed time so I can fall asleep over the past few days. Using it when I'm unconscious as I want to be fully aware and awake in my life to retrain my brain to deal with life without nic! Tonight I am going to go without the xanax as I am not going to subject my brain to another crutch. I know I can do it and I will always remember the pain, but the fear of going through what I just did the first 3 weeks is what will keep me away and keep me true along with all of you here. Again I thank you all for your support I have needed it every hour since I joined.

You can do this, I promise! And there are tons of quitters here that have your back.

[Gone Cruising]

Thank you okcguy. I pm'ed you back.


Redtrain14, I definitely know what your saying. My doctor didn't know anything and from what you read on the net there's not much anyone knows. I am truly expecting this fight to take my entire life to beat and when I'm gone and dead, I will know that I called the shots and that I won the fight!

Just like the doctor prescribed. Xanax to be taken 3 times a day to calm my nerves. I have only taken a half a pill right before bed time so I can fall asleep over the past few days. Using it when I'm unconscious as I want to be fully aware and awake in my life to retrain my brain to deal with life without nic! Tonight I am going to go without the xanax as I am not going to subject my brain to another crutch. I know I can do it and I will always remember the pain, but the fear of going through what I just did the first 3 weeks is what will keep me away and keep me true along with all of you here. Again I thank you all for your support I have needed it every hour since I joined.

[redtrain14]

Kirk

I'm not a doctor....so take this for what it's worth.

I've been around here for a couple of days or so. In my time here I've read numberous stories just like yours. I have yet to read even one where a doctor knows shit about nicotine addiction. I've seen story after story about "the doctor prescribed this, that and the other thing". In my humble opinion they are simply replacing one mood altering substance for another....and another.....and another.

You need to clean your system out. When I first came here most folks would say you can attribute any symptom within the first 30 days of your quit to quitting. I wager it's a year. Yeah....a year. How long did you dip? 30 years? Holy shit brother. I doubt a quick presciption of anything is going to ease the pain of 30 years of nicotine addiction.

Water, cranberry juice, excersise, seeds, gum, atomic fireballs, no booze (sorry), your computer and maybe a dose of melatonin will be a good start.

This is going to be a roller coaster ride. You will have highs where you feel invicible and lows that will make you want to crawl into the fetal position and suck your thumb. This will not be over in a month or two, no matter what. You will experience the pull of nicotine addiction well beyond your first year.

But let's not get too far ahead of ourselves.

Pain.....remember the pain....remember it well. Never go back. You have the power to never feel this way again. One daily promise, keep it for 24 hours, then repeat. You'll be stacking days up in no time.

[okcguy]

Hello everyone. My name is Kirk I am 43 and have been chewing kodiak or grizzly for 30 years. I Quit December 20th 2015.

On Dec 8th 2015 as I was reading about the Seahawks online and enjoying relaxing with a dip of grizzly at 10:30pm my life suddenly changed. All of a sudden my heart, for no apparent reason started racing out of control. I became dizzy and hot and started to vomit. I quickly drank a few 20oz Dasani waters and laid in bed next to my wife. My heart had slowed down for a few minutes, but then ramped back up. I ended up throwing up all the water I just drank. I thought I was having a heart attack and told my wife to take me to the ER.

I was scared out of my mind and had no idea what was happening. After spending 5 hours in the ER they found nothing physically wrong with me. I went the next day to see my doctor and was placed on high blood pressure medication and had further blood tests done. Again, nothing came back from any of the tests other than slight high blood pressure.

I am in management with a large company and have been in management all my life. I lead a very stressful life with what I do and I never realized that chewing was covering up my real ability to handle life and all the stresses that came with it.

After that night and few weeks that followed I searched for answers I decided I was going to change everything in my life and be more healthy with what I eat and get more exercise. AND ABOVE ALL QUIT CHEWING TOBACCO.
I QUIT DECEMBER 20TH

The first week was fine and was just a little more touchy with everything. I told my wife that I apologize for any
way I act as I go through with quitting. She had my back. The second week was a bit tougher as I was feeling I was missing something. I started exercising and eating healthy and was feeling great on day 15.

On day 16 (1/5/16) at work I suddenly felt really tired, then a bit of panic started. I drove home doing my best to take my mind off of the anxiety I was feeling that there's something very wrong. I felt the same as that night when I went to the ER except I had no racing heart. I felt a pressure on my chest, severe stomach pains, burping, severe anxiety, and some depression. I almost wanted to go back to the hospital. The next day I called into work and did not go in. Keep in mind I knew nothing about nicotine withdrawal until today or of this web site, i was alone. I was up all night filled with stomach cramps, anxiety, depression, constant sweating then being cold, and constant burping. I lost my appetite and any smell made me want to vomit.

I went to see my doctor that morning and he had no idea what was causing this. He ended up putting me on zoloft, the smallest dose. That was a huge mistake as it made me feel 100 times worse with my symptoms and i quickly got off that after 2 days (1/7/16). The doctor gave me a small dose of xanax next, which I did not take.This past Thursday I started feeling there was nothing to live for and everything that made me happy no longer could make me happy. My mind raced that I was going crazy and panicking trying to find an answer for the way I was feeling. I felt helpless, lost, scared, thinking about my life and having it feel like it was going to end like this. It was a constant feeling that overtook me that I couldn't shake off. The heavy chest, stomach issues, loss of appetite and my mind going insane was unbearable. I made an appointment with a psychologist to help with my new anxiety and depression and did everything to learn about relaxation techniques. They helped some but I still had that feeling.

I caved in and took 1/2 the pill of xanax this past Saturday and suddenly I was calm and relaxed and my symptoms went away for about 6 hours. I ended up taking the other half that night to get some sleep. Sunday morning my appetite was somewhat back and the stomach issues subsided. I actually ate! As of the past week I had lost 15lbs. I went through my day watching my seahawks get a miracle win and I felt a bit of emotion that I had lost several days earlier when I cared of nothing in life. I still had that feeling in the pit of my stomach and chest, yet all the other symptoms were disappearing, especially the fog. I took another half of xanax and went to bed.

I woke up this morning feeling a bit medicine headed and I was determined to seek answers as to what the hell was going on with me. I asked myself what had changed over the past few weeks and since I don't do any other drugs or drink I could only determine it to be nicotine. As I searched and read of nicotine withdrawal I started to cry, which I haven't done in years. All these years I was destroying myself, de-sensitizing my brain and for what? For a little piece of what my mind thought was heaven.

I found that after I Quit and was back at work my mind couldn't handle the stress of work or daily life like I was able to. I had a crutch called nicotine that handled it for me. The more stressed out I was the more nicotine I needed. I then found this site and read for hours today, signed up, and here I am. I am truly blessed that I didn't have the headaches some of you had and I truly feel for all of you. Nor do I have any cravings of ever wanting to dip again, especially with the withdrawals I'm going through.

Guys I Quit and need help today, tomorrow, forever. I am addicted to nicotine, but I quit and will vow to never use nicotine in any format ever again. I wholeheartedly look forward to any support you can give me as live through this while taking on a positive attitude that I have quit and that I will remain quit.

Thank you,

Kirk

Kirk,

Welcome home brother, I say that with all the sincerity in the world. As I read through your post, I found myself again and again identifying with your experience. When I was in the early days of my quit, still am as I am on day 31, I thought I was going to die. But this site and the brothers in arms that I have met on this site have really been what has gotten me through today and will again get me through tomorrow. I am really glad that you are here.

I also identified with what you were saying about being at work. It was hell and if I sent two emails I thought I had actually done something good that day. Bottom line, you have us and the power that comes from being honest and real with this group of guys and girls. We wont let you fall if you stand with us daily. That is the beauty of this group and I learn that lesson every single day.

Hang tough and I will PM you my details as I am happy to have as a part of my quit support system!

[Gone Cruising]

Thank you all for your support and especially to those of you reaching out to me by text. Being on this site, reading as much as I can, hearing from all of you, and knowing you are all there for me has eased my mind and is keeping my mind off of the negative thoughts. Thank You!!!! You guys are the best!

[worktowin]

Brother, you have gotten some responses from some ultra bad-ass quitters. They all have spoken from their hearts.

Unfortunately, every one of us had our own nicotine train wreck experience. Some were worse than others, but every one of them sucked balls (Pab's words - not mine... I wouldn't know what sucking balls is like, but I don't judge those that want to suck balls. Just to be clear.) If you've taken time to read the Hall of Fame speeches, which winners write at 100 days, I guarantee you haven't read one that said "Dammit this quitting is for the birds - I wish I'd never done this!" or "my wife and children were so much more proud of me when I chewed."

What you will see is "This is the best thing I've ever done for myself." "It is amazing how much more time I have to spend with my family now that I'm not spending time on my addiction." "I wish I'd done this X years ago." Now... that doesn't mean that at 100 days you are cured. Or at 1,000 days. What it means is that these people are all healing and see the reward and pride, after years of after years of losing, that winning is contributing to their lives. They are no longer fearful every time their lip bleeds or hurts. They no longer drive around for hours late at night looking for their brand when the local 7-11 is out. They don't hide spit bottles or worry about getting cancer drool on their white shirts. They are all happy about winning. And they are proud.

Dude you are on your way. Keep logging the bs that you are feeling. Soon you'll look back at this and say "fuck that bear." You don't need friends like bear that when you've got friends like us.

[pab1964]

Got some badass quitters reaching out to you! Use the tools provided here. Get as many Numbers as you can. Reach out in your group, that's how all of this works. The quit sucks balls early on but it will get better. I've learned that anxiety and dipping go hand and hand. One good thing is you never have to do this alone as long as your name is posted on roll! I quit with you today!

[Thumblewort]

Good use of an intro! Put your thoughts down in here, and don't quit alone.

[ChristopherJ]

Glad to see you on roll. Cruisin. You really have some stellar quitters posting support for you! You got this - today - well worry abut tomorrow then. Check your PM.

CJ

[brettlees]

Hi Kirk- you are doing some things right, so you're on a great path!

It's great that you reached out for help-- that network, and the real knowledge about what one is facing when battling this addiction, are the two missing pieces that made all my previous quit attempts fail. Now I'm on day 812 and so far, so good-- but not without a HELL of a lot of help and fellowship and support and learning along the way. It all comes just one day at a time, too. They just stack up nicely when you approach it that way.

Here are my basic tips:

1. learn all you can about the addiction you are fighting. In your case, the symptoms you are likely in other quitters stories in these introductions- read all you can from other quitters. And, as you get to know how the addiction works from other stories and from articles, etc, you'll start to understand whatever comes your way better. It makes it make more sense and that makes it easier to get through.

2. build a network of support and accountability. Reach out. PMs here, posting in intros and other quit classes, texts, phone calls. By now i rely hugely on a text network- and when I started i would never have thought that would be the case. Include regular, non-failing, daily posting here for roll, too.

3. log your experiences here in the intros. That provides a great record for others to see how you are doing so they can help. And it lets others see how a quit progresses. AND finally, it gives you a record of what you make it through- a sense of accomplishment that helps reinforce your quit, and a record of what you never want to have to go through again!

Keep it up- you've got some great support building around you and it's all up to you now to build a quit as strong as you are able!

Exercise and lots of water may help a lot with your stress and sleeping issues. Also cut back caffeine and sugar if you can. They will effect you stronger since you're body isn't constantly detoxing nic anymore.


I'll pm you with my contact info

[Gone Cruising]

Thank you all!

I just got back from the doctors office and enlightened him of what I found out about nic withdrawals. He said it was good that I figured out what was going on and that nicotine can be a wildcard with people. He didn't sound too convinced that it was my nicotine withdrawals that was causing all my symptoms, but then again he isn't a specialist, just a family doctor.

I am prescribed to take a 1mg Zanax pill every 8 hours, but have been taking only half a pill before bed time to get sleep. I want my brain to deal with real life on it's own as much as possible during my waking hours while I take my quit. I pretty much should just try using regular sleep pills to ease my mind for sleep, unless that is a bad thing? The doc said that I may begin using Zanax as a crutch like I did nic, but that it would have to be over a long period of time. That had me concerned....be on it 24/7 or only take it before I sleep while I am unconscious??? I don't think using it that way will become a crutch. Anyone try regular sleeping pills like simply sleep to get to sleep?

[rdad]

Damn Kirk, you are going thru a lot. I'm glad you are getting professional help with the anxiety. There are a lot of quitters here who went thru similar stuff when they quit and I can promise you that every one of them is glad and thankful they stayed quit. Freeing myself from the chains of nicotine addiction is the best thing I have ever done for myself. Finding KTC, posting roll everyday, and building a group of friends to lean on has probably saved my life. Stay active here, post roll, and read everything you can, and build a support group around you. Welcome brother, if I could do this , you can too!