I don't know how I could have ever thank all of you enough for coming to my support yesterday.....I just can't, but thank you.
Things are better today and dealing with the turmoil yesterday wasn't as big of a deal as my mind was making it to be. The nic bitch was whispering into my ear that I couldn't handle it. I handled it and I prevailed over you nic bitch!
A few thoughts so far from my quit. Please note I am not a doctor and am not expert, but this is what I have observed from my quit and my thoughts so far of my experience on day 28 of my quit.
Quitters
I believe there are two types of quitters and what we go through. One type is where you're feigning so bad for a dip it drives you nuts, you almost want to chew your arm off due to the cravings. I am grateful that I don't have that feeling or craving. Yet, the other type is the one who goes through serious mental/psychological withdrawals (anxiety/depression/feeling of loss/hopelessness) that lead to physical symptoms (headache, stomach aches, loss of appetite, sweats, insomnia, nausea) This is the one I have. Not sure which ones worse, but if you have both going at you I feel for you.
Live for today
"How to stop worrying and start living". That's actually a book that I have read many times, but never really lived it until I found KTC. That is all I hear since I have been here. Get through this minute, half hour, hour, 12 hours, day and you can do it! Live for today because tomorrow may never come. I know that now and I feel that now in my mind. Make today the best day of your life! Look what you have accomplished, look at your wife, kids, house, memories, look at everything and feel good and proud. If everything was taken away from you do you not still have your health, arms, legs, sight, smell, hands, brain feet.... can you not achieve it again? Thank you my brothers for pointing me in that direction with my mind.
Meds, see you doctor 1st
Before I knew what was happening to me (before I found KTC) I was put on Xanax (low dose) It was prescribed as 1mg per hour every 8 hrs. to counter my anxiety (not anxiety attacks, which I have none) I decided to only take a .5mg (cut pill in half) right before I go to sleep, as that's when my mind has a chance to start thinking. I would only take it once per day because I am fine when I am awake and active. I was suffering some acute anxiety due to the withdrawals of nicotine as your mind has no idea how to react to anything in life since it was deadened by the effects of nicotine. For me that's 30 years of letting nicotine control my emotions and fight or flight tendencies. The wife and I were out to dinner two nights ago and she was looking at me strangely and asked why I was so quite. I could literally feel my brain re-wiring itself on how to react in that situation (sitting, eating in a crowded restaurant) I was learning all over again on how to feel. The food sure as hell tasted a lot better!!!! I find there is no shame in being on meds to help you out until your brain readjusts. I just don't want to depend on them like I did nic! You wouldn't tell a diabetic that he shouldn't be taking insulin would you?
Alternative Meds, see your doctor 1st
Several people on KTC have told me about Natural Vitality Natural Calm and how it will help with insomnia and anxiety (amongst other things). I read all the testimonials on Amazon and went and bought a container at my local GNC. Its a supplement that mainly contains Magnesium (read up on Magnesium) I tried it today and feel very relaxed although it could be that I still feel the effects of the Xanax I took last night at 8pm???? No idea so we'll see how that goes. If it can help replace Xanax the more power to it. The GNC guy also told me about L-Theanine and I bought a bottle of that as well to help with withdrawals dealing in relaxing the mind. Again, all of this is what I have done. Please see you doctor. I haven't take the L-Theanine yet until I see my doctor on Tuesday and ask his opinion, but then again he may not know much about alternative natural supplements as much as he knows about prescribed ones.
Working Out
I started working out to get back into shape (round is shape I don't want to be in) and to control anxiety and withdrawals. I think I over did it at first as all my muscles in my body were twitching one night and it kept me awake. If your not exercising it really helps with the quit, but ease into it if you haven't exercised like me for years!
Reading/Posting on KTC
Post away, share your story, don't feel like a pussy, surrender yourself, and say what you want to say. Even if no one responds on here to what you post you it helps get this shit off your mind and down on paper (or screen) like a journal of your journey without nic. I can guarantee you something you say on KTC will help someone else today, tomorrow, next month or next year. And read people, read as much as you can on this site. I read for two days straight when I found KTC, with tears coming out of my eyes every hour with what I was reading and the relief that I was not alone with what I was going through.
Thank you for listening my brothers...... on to day 29!!!!
