So here's the deal - I've got another stalker so to speak (had a FB stalker a few months ago for those of you that don't know).
Looking for suggestions.
Background:
June 2012.
Weird ass 40 ish dude brings me his 15 y/o Corgi for "trouble getting around". Do some lab work and X-rays - and the dog has arthritis. No surprises. I put him on some medicine and advise Weirdo to see his primary DVM in 10 days. Toodleloo.
July 2012 - weird fuck shows up to have same dog euthanized. OK. Whatever. I ask how he did on the medicine and what his DVM thought. (Knowing full well he never followed up like I advised). Shocker-he never went. So...alright, the dog is 15, and isn't exactly loving life anymore, so we euthanize him. Weird Fuck wants to take body home to bury (illegal in city limits), so we put the body in a bag, and then place it in a cardboard coffin thingy, give the guy his deceased dog, condolences...yadayadayada...and he leaves.
I vividly recall this because
1. It was early, I had just woken up, was getting ready to go home, and was on KTC (~7:45).
2. Before shift change, so it was just me and nurse.
3. And did I mention this dude is weird as fuck? Like Silence of the Lambs Buffalo Bill/Jame Gumb Tucked penis Would you fuck me? weird.
4. And he was distraught and crying....more so than usual. ie: opened coffin in lobby to pet dog-even though it was in a bag inside coffin.
But whatever Jame....toodleloo.2
August 2012:
Jame comes in and requests to speak with me. (Generally not going to be a positive experience when someone shows up w/o their pet to speak with the doctor). So I clear some rooms and go visit with him in an exam room. So....Billy proceeds to tell me how much he still misses his dog, and then asks me if they change color after they die. (WTH?)
Because, he had been talking to some people....
and....
they said that sometimes ...
vets will keep dogs ...
and not tell the owners...
and because he kept the dog in his garage for a few days...
and he opened up the bag before he buried his dog...
he noticed it was a different dog!
The dog in the bag looked younger and was more brown....
Ummm....okaaaay....(goosebumps on arms)
So I tell Jame:
1. I did not substitute a different dog for his dog.
2. I do not keep a fresh supply of dead dogs around the hospital.
3. Dogs' fur does not change color postmortem.
4. And, why would someone substitute a younger dog, and keep an older, decrepit dog alive? It is nonsensical.
Jame nodded that he understood.
I offered some consolatory hubbub, and turned to leave...
Except, Jame just stood there....staring at the wall. He starts nervously rubbing his forearm and says....
"Doc, I would do anything ...pay any amount of money...to get my dog back."
(Note to self at the time: I am an addict, I no longer self medicate with nicotine, I have some anger/rage issues, I called a gang banger wannabe a "punk ass" in the lobby about 6 weeks prior, and this dude is fucked up, don't get involved, get him out of here...)
So, I come around the exam table, look him in the eye, and tell him incredulously that now I am pissed and offended. After I explained that I did not and would never do what he implied, he still doesn't believe me?
“Jame”, I say, let's get this straight...your old dog, who you left in a bag in your garage in July looked different to you because
1. It was dead.
2. It had began to rot.
3. It was likely covered in dead juice, feces and urine.
4. And, it was DEAD.
"I do not have a secret lair in the basement where I keep old dogs alive with tubes of neon green juice running to them so I can perform evil experiments, Mr Gumb. Your dog is gone, and you are in denial, but I can do nothing more you. Your next step would be to exhume the body (Gumb blanched and stumbled), call CSI, and do DNA testing. I advised him to not return and walked out of the exam room (inwardly smiling because I definitely got through to him this time). Toodleloo.3
September 2012.
Yep Jame Buffalo shows back up. Now wants to speak with owner. No longer wants to speak with me. Still thinks we have his dog in some evil veterinary lair. Says that every night that he sleeps with his window open he can hear the dog whispering "you left me there". My boss assures him that his dog was not exchanged. And that he should consider getting some grief counseling. Also advises him that maybe his "not letting go" is preventing the dog from traveling on to heaven (sigh). Buffalo agrees and leaves. And Dr. Vadge is the joke of the week. Hahaha. But at least he is finally gone. Toodleloo.4
Octfuckingtober 24, 2012!
Buffalo Bill comes back. All long-faced and wanting to talk about his dog. Now, he would like to look around the facilities!
So what would you guys do?
I told him to leave. Informed him that we are going to report this to cops, and, that if he ever returns here, we will let the police handle him. Too harsh maybe? I have now gone from laughing at the poor motherfucker to worried he's going to show up with gun. I don't know whether to laugh or tremble. He never outwardly threatened me or the staff, he just creeps me the fuck out. For the record, this is not the first time I have dealt with crazies, and our front door has an electronic lock for a reason, but I have never dealt with this kind of denial/pathology. (Wish I was in Luckenbach....)
