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The struggle is beginning. Up until this point I have felt strong. Unfaltering.Â
This week is the week I get laid off and I have not found a replacement and like a little spider creeping, the want is coming.Â
I know it is a temporary buzz and it is not worth it and I laugh because I can see why I should not ever have one, but that physical urge is coming and stronger. As it comes stronger, so too does my anger and rage. Almost like the urge is using the anger as a crutch to satiate that desire for that 10 minute buzz and 30 minute burn.
My first real struggle is here. It's almost like I can feel it. That this is the first heavy part of my quit rollercoaster. And as much as I get annoyed at the 'she' talk of nic; I feel like she is coming with her weapons. Crutches supplied through want. Fake fixes. Etc.
I will be posting this week and will likely be in chat a lot as talking with you guys does help calm me down.
Yogi,
We all have similar phases but the battles are personal. I wanted to just give you my pre 100 day story.
I wasn't laid off but I was reduced in pay. I then pledged to quit dipping. At my 100 day mark, I loved that I made it to the hall!
However I went from 1/2 pay to zero pay. I went to work and feared that I was a dumb ass. I believed so much in my company and what I was doing. Even though they couldn't pay me, I was all in.
The stress of spending all my savings to only get by and work 40+ hours a week. Can't tell you how many times the call for a dip came. My first 100 days taught me never to be impulsive to the can.
Since I wasn't impulsive I stayed quit and something changed in me. I AM QUIT. Regardless of my life circumstances, I valued being quit and dipping wouldn't get me a pay check. It would cost me 5.00.
I made it, I got my back pay and a bi weekly check now. All is well. So it is in life. It will all work out if you stay committed and do what is necessary.
Short version: Caving won't make your situation better. Staying quit increases your confidence to believe in you and what you are doing. Quit every damn day and keep your word. That is the best way to play our game of life.