Dumping the Tin

[ERDVM]

Yogi
+3
It looks like Life is pushing hard. And it sounds like you are willing to push back. Please remember a few things

1. Do NOT discount the 20-30s funk. It is NOT psychological. It is Physiological. Your brain is just now re-regulating its dopamine receptors to near normal nonnicotine addict levels. Not to be all Wilson Phillips but hang on one more day. It does improve.

2. You've ignored a lot of shit. BUT do not start thinking you are alone. Every quitter that reads your post can see some of themselves in it.

3. Solutions will present if you can recognize and Act on them. Professional help is in order. Keep your appointment no matter what.

4. Lot of support here for you. Use it.

Vadge

[YogiBear257]

Counselor/Psychiatrist meeting next Wednesday. Just a few days to tough this out...

[Marcusaurelius]

Good Luck Yogi...Stay strong Bro

[srans]

Yogi, I just sent you a PM. Stay strong. I live in MD so give me a shout if you want to take a hike sometime and blow off steam. We can get your ass ready for the AT if that is something you are considering.

I'm going to have to agree with c4. You might need to talk to someone. I would say you are having some serious depression. You have a lot of things going through your head. I do know that alcohol or dip WILL NOT FIX IT. Please seek some help from a family member or something and don't do anything stupid.

[cr4]

Great to hear. Stay strong buddy. Let us know if we can help.

[YogiBear257]

Cr,

I have already made the appointment and am leaving here shortly.


Kodiak,

I responded.




Thank you, both of you.

[EFNKodiak]

Yogi, I just sent you a PM. Stay strong. I live in MD so give me a shout if you want to take a hike sometime and blow off steam. We can get your ass ready for the AT if that is something you are considering.

[cr4]

Update:

Morning everyone. Time for my weekly update.

I'm a mess. Not just with the effects of the quit but with a lot of life issues and my handling of them. 24 days quit, yes, but the mountain I have been hiding from is starting to crumble on me and I am honestly afraid, confused, lost, angry, etc.

I have been putting my girl through absolute hell for a number of reasons. Honesty, behavior, alcohol, lies, it's this web of fuck and she deserves so much better and I truly fear that last night may have been the final nail. Whether for her or myself. I drank and it hit really hard. And it was ugly. I was ugly.

I have struggled with alcohol before and unlike dip, I held on to the I want to be able to have 2 beers. I have done AA before and I will say this, I absolutely hate and despise the AA mentality and kick yourself down, I am so powerless mentality. I want to quit dip outright. I don't want to quit alcohol and not be able to have a beer. But I am now facing that I simply may not be able to. I have run to the bottle or can so many times when I am upset or anxious in order to get that happy buzz and I progressively had 2 beers more and more once I quit. I hid this vice trading from myself. I took the shame of it out on her in many ways. Not just with the addiction and the effects but it caused me to hide all sorts of things. I thought me hiding it was a means to not hurt her but my actions and lack of actions were doing more damage than I could have possibly understood.

I am depressed. I am angry. It's not just the dip. It's this fucking mountain. I receieved notice I'd be out of a job on Good Friday, then notice that now it's been extended to the 12th. Good news as it allows me to find something new. It's only a job and not a life definer but it is still stressful. Part of me is looking at it as a slate clean and I can leave and go start elsewhere on my own where I can find out how I need to do things. I feel like I am just floundering about and allowing myself to be distracted and to hurt others because of it.

Dip, alcohol, going from always wanting sex to now not wanting any, lack of diet, hiding things, being unable to open, what step to take first, resentment of myself and others, there are these barriers that I know I am in control to break down and remove but I don't know where to start. Yes I know man up and do it but everytime I've done it before I've burnt myself out after 2 weeks and slipped.

I don't know what the fuck has happened to me in the last few years. I've lied, cheated, swindled, been a drunk coward, an asshole, and a manipulative fuck and I justified it all as doing so to not hurt others. And it's been the exact opposite.

I don't know what I need. A shoulder. A clinic. Do not say religion please. I am not aethiest (I categorize myself as a Universal Creationalist) but I do not want to use religion. I want to use myself and a tool and I do not see faith in that as a tool.

I am just ranting and I am all over the place. I just need to type. To express. I'll likely add more as the day goes on. I am on the verge of a mental collapse. I can't explain it but I feel like any day is the day the anxiety will hit and I'll have some sort of attack.

I am seriously considering either moving new and on my own bc everything feels so fucking broken and I doubt anyone can or wants to truly forgive me. Especially her now. Do I take the loss of a job, postpone all my bills for a month and do part of my dream, which the Appalachian trail?

Fuck. I don't know what I need. I need something. Swift kick in the ass is here but it's where the fuck do I land and walk to after.

It's to the point that every day on my drive back from work I ask for an accident where someone clips me or the like. Not for death. Not at all. I enjoy life and don't plan on ever dying. (Favorite quote is " I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want to")

My credit is fucking bunked now. I'm behind on nearly every payment possible. Financially I am destroyed bc of the past 2 years and now emotionally with myself and with others I am completely broken.

For the first real time in my life, I can say this.

I am afraid.

Yogi,

That all sucks. I'm not going to pretend to know how you feel or that there is any quick fix to how you are feeling. I'm sure it's not alcohol or dip and it seems clear that you know that. It sounds to me like you need to speak to a professional today. It would be nothing to be ashamed of but you need to take care of yourself.

PM if I can help in any way but I think you need more than what can be offered here right now.

[YogiBear257]

Edited previous.

[YogiBear257]

Update:

Morning everyone. Time for my weekly update.

I'm a mess. Not just with the effects of the quit but with a lot of life issues and my handling of them. 24 days quit, yes, but the mountain I have been hiding from is starting to crumble on me and I am honestly afraid, confused, lost, angry, etc.

I have been putting my girl through absolute hell for a number of reasons. Honesty, behavior, alcohol, lies, it's this web of fuck and she deserves so much better and I truly fear that last night may have been the final nail. Whether for her or myself. I drank and it hit really hard. And it was ugly. I was ugly.

I have struggled with alcohol before and unlike dip, I held on to the I want to be able to have 2 beers. I have done AA before and I will say this, I absolutely hate and despise the AA mentality and kick yourself down, I am so powerless mentality. I want to quit dip outright. I don't want to quit alcohol and not be able to have a beer. But I am now facing that I simply may not be able to. I have run to the bottle or can so many times when I am upset or anxious in order to get that happy buzz and I progressively had 2 beers more and more once I quit. I hid this vice trading from myself. I took the shame of it out on her in many ways. Not just with the addiction and the effects but it caused me to hide all sorts of things. I thought me hiding it was a means to not hurt her but my actions and lack of actions were doing more damage than I could have possibly understood.

I am depressed. I am angry. It's not just the dip. It's this fucking mountain. I receieved notice I'd be out of a job on Good Friday, then notice that now it's been extended to the 12th. Good news as it allows me to find something new. It's only a job and not a life definer but it is still stressful. Part of me is looking at it as a slate clean and I can leave and go start elsewhere on my own where I can find out how I need to do things. I feel like I am just floundering about and allowing myself to be distracted and to hurt others because of it.

Dip, alcohol, going from always wanting sex to now not wanting any, lack of diet, hiding things, being unable to open, what step to take first, resentment of myself and others, there are these barriers that I know I am in control to break down and remove but I don't know where to start. Yes I know man up and do it but everytime I've done it before I've burnt myself out after 2 weeks and slipped.

I don't know what the fuck has happened to me in the last few years. I've lied, cheated, swindled, been a drunk coward, an asshole, and a manipulative fuck and I justified it all as doing so to not hurt others. And it's been the exact opposite.

I don't know what I need. A shoulder. A clinic. Do not say religion please. I am not aethiest (I categorize myself as a Universal Creationalist) but I do not want to use religion. I want to use myself and a tool and I do not see faith in that as a tool.

I am just ranting and I am all over the place. I just need to type. To express. I'll likely add more as the day goes on. I am on the verge of a mental collapse. I can't explain it but I feel like any day is the day the anxiety will hit and I'll have some sort of attack.

I am seriously considering either moving new and on my own bc everything feels so fucking broken and I doubt anyone can or wants to truly forgive me. Especially her now. Do I take the loss of a job, postpone all my bills for a month and do part of my dream, which the Appalachian trail?

Fuck. I don't know what I need. I need something. Swift kick in the ass is here but it's where the fuck do I land and walk to after.

It's to the point that every day on my drive back from work I ask for an accident where someone clips me or the like. Not for death. Not at all. I enjoy life and don't plan on ever dying. (Favorite quote is " I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want to")

My credit is fucking bunked now. I'm behind on nearly every payment possible. Financially I am destroyed bc of the past 2 years and now emotionally with myself and with others I am completely broken.

For the first real time in my life, I can say this.

I am afraid.

[RAZD611]

We quit together.  And I just wanted to say thank you to you all.  I may not have caved or crashed or what have you, but I had some shitty ass time and there were guys making sure I was OK.  Not just for dip but for life.

You will get to know some of the best friends you will ever have if you stick around. This place is amazing!!!

[YogiBear257]

Lads,

Your favorite big bear here, boys. Yea, I've been doing roll but I know I've been kind of absent and quiet. Had a bit of a roller coaster week+ here.

I firstly want to thank ZTravis and J Haenel for keeping up with me. You guys have been awesome.

So I've been having a tough time with my job as of late. I'm not super happy with my company, I work as a GIS Technician, and am a remote-access guy at a client's office. Well, my company is small and is focused more on programming and developing whereas I do Analyst and in-map solutions rather than application development.

Well after 1.75 years, I got the news Friday that I will be done in 3 weeks. My primary project had a budget slashing and without tech work to be done, I'm on the out.

This weekend was tough and I flew through my Jake's. And I tried an experiment; I tried thinking about wanting dip. About a lip of Cope Southern Blend and that sweet grainy plug- and I started gagging and my body and mind said nope, give us Jake's. And it was awesome and I felt it was a great victory.

I know I came in here with a flurry and got really involved and then just kind of up and left. I just got side tracked with life worries such as moving and jobs (I was planning on leaving anyway but wanted to do so in my time and not in 3 weeks).

I will work better at keeping in the loop because my quit is worth it, your quit is worth it, and anyone else who hasn't made their first post but will is worth it.

We quit together. And I just wanted to say thank you to you all. I may not have caved or crashed or what have you, but I had some shitty ass time and there were guys making sure I was OK. Not just for dip but for life.

And if guys here can resist the urge to dip through job loss, loss of loved ones, accidents, etc....you wanna be cavers for exams and deadlines need to suck it the fuck up. Pussy.

:-*

I went to AA meetings once upon a time and they were the most self-loathing depressive cry fests. I tmade me want to guzzle gin and go fuck that. I came here expecting the same. I was wrong. We take the step ourselves with our heads high and look to the left and right and our brothrs are there too. Not being a pity party but being strong and real. Get quit. Get the nic out. Get your life right.

Thank you to you all so far and may we enjoy continued victory,
Nick

[iquitchewing]

Thanks for the update yogi. It is great to be quit with you today.

[YogiBear257]

So Update time since I wasn't really on the comp much outside of work this weekend:

Day 3: Hell. I was angry. I was irritable. I wanted to snap constantly. Pushed through though. You guys in chat were awesome, especially by helping me laugh.

Day 4: Started very good. Felt completely...different. Then at around 12:30-ish it hit. The fog. I felt like I was wandering. I wante doranges. I wanted to watch Harry Potter. I wanted a bath. I wanted to run. I wanted to sleep. My mind race dliked that constantly but I couldn't focus or narrow down. Didn't want dip, just wanted to focus.

Day 5: Much better off. Hit a kind of funk during my drive but it wasn't awful. Alternated Jake's Cranberry and Wintergreen. Wish the cranberry had more cranberry tart flavor! This day was cake.

Day 6: Was a little edgy in the morning but I think that was mostly just catching up on sleep and oversleeping. No craving. Only had one lip of Jake's.

Day 7: Starting really well. I want to work. My jaw doesn't ache, my gums feel good, I swear my teeth look brighter. I'm liking this whole deal. And still no want for the nasty.

BTW thank you to all those that came in last night to help out our brother. I am hoping we helped.

[YogiBear257]

Heya guys, can I get people in chat? Not for me but for someone else. ASAP.