Day 1

[medquit]

Almost 2 weeks in, the last week has gone a lot faster than the first did!

I realized the cravings for me are the worst late at night, when I tend to ruminate on things/get more anxious. So working out at night every night has been perfect for me, I always shower and pass out right after. I have been walking/running 4-5 miles a night and lifting every other day.

I used to be a semi gym rat before I started dipping. I was 170 lbs. After a couple years of dipping and laziness I was pushing 200, not the worst 200 possible but definitely not all lean body mass! Just weighed myself today, I am at 193, so starting to get back down there! My goal is 180 lbs at the rate of 0.75-1 lbs lost per week. I will keep you guys updated!

Also I intend to get my blood pressure checked soon, I used to run 130-140/70-80 while dipping. Curious to see what it's at now.

Anyways, good things generally. Keeping my guard up today, tomorrow, and every day. Thank you KTC for the continued support, I hope you are all having a great week!

[kubiackalpha]

Kubiack and ChrisJ, thanks for the kind words and advice. I have read about getting complacent on here, I understand to never let my guard down!

Kubiack I think it's funny that I surprise you, I think the reason you think that is that there may be a relatively bimodal distribution of physicians who use nic. Totally conjecture here, but I'll bet like the general population there's a group of physicians that constantly tries to fight the addiction by "not using too much" and "outsmarting the nic" and I'll bet there's another group who realize they are addicts and are able to quit solo +/- some varenicline. Both groups are goal oriented and motivated, it's just that only one of those groups actually has the goal of quitting. I'll bet you see more of the former group, who haven't admitted to themselves that they can't quit/need help, and I can totally imagine those ones being tough to break! Just remember that we are people too, and we are all different :)

It is actually because Med professionals tend to be know it alls. However, what ever the reason may be, it is all good.

[mattlock]

Congrats on the one week milestone! That first week is a bear and you should be proud that you made it through.

One thing I want to echo is what Kubiak was saying, just because things feel good now, doesn't mean they will only get better. After my first week I felt really good until about 25 days in and then it was a mix of fog, depression and life kicking you when you are already down. That lasted about 1.5 weeks, then it's been pretty smooth since. I'm not trying to be a downer, just want to say have a plan for when shit goes sideways and stick to it. That way you are never caught unawares.

Proud to quit with you today!

[medquit]

I've broken 7 days without nicotine. Going through a lot of different sensations and emotions so I'm just going to list them:

1. Headaches are completely gone.
2. Difficulty concentrating is still there but it's improving at a rate quicker than I initially anticipated, which I'm very happy about.
3. For now, it seems I don't get really hard cravings more than once per day, and it's usually only for about 10-20 seconds. It seems like I am retraining my brain to think about this forum in place of nicotine, because it seems like whenever I would normally think about dipping, I check out this site without even remembering that I'm in the process of quitting, but more just to see what's up/what people are talking about. That's an inexplicably cool feeling, I hope everyone experiences that to some degree because it's awesome. Hopefully the cravings don't get worse, bc right now they're a non-issue.
4. There is some massive ulceration/epithelial sloughing going on in various parts of my buccal mucosa right now, but it's obvious that healing is taking place. Scheduling a dentist appt for mid June.

The above has only been occupying my mind for like 10% of the time. The main 90% is this: I FEEL GOOD. I feel like being constantly bombarded with dopamine desensitized me to how amazing some things in our world are.

I'll explain it this way:

Think about things that normally would make you 10/10 the happiest you could ever be in that moment. Now say dip resets your happiness scale from a maximum of 10 to 20, and it gives you all 20. So now nicotine is 20/20, but nothing else changes. So now those happy things that previous were the best you could feel are 10/20, which is just middle of the road enjoyment. Only nicotine can make you feel 20/20, nothing else comes close.

The benefit to quitting is that now I can feel that maximum number starting to drop back down to a 10. I feel amazing after working out now, whereas before it wasn't nearly as fulfilling as my next dip would be. Sex is better. Food is better. Colors seem more colorful. When I'm happy I'm happier, and when I'm sad I'm sadder which I'm ecstatic about, because I want to live life fully/to experience the full range of emotions life has to offer.

I feel like nicotine is an anesthetic in every sense; it blunts a lot of bad sensations, sure, but at the expense of blunting all of the good ones. I only wish I had taken the time to do this sooner so I could fully understand what I was giving up. How could you ever trade what I am experiencing now for ANYTHING?

I hope I have made clear to all reading the personal significance of this realization. This is some real allegory of the cave shit. What I thought was real when I dipped was nothing but the shadow of reality. I've been unchained. I see the light, and it is fucking gorgeous.

Thank you KTC for getting me this far. I look forward to continuing this journey together!

Speaking of which, for those who have not read Plato's "The Allegory of the Cave" and want some mental stimulation, here is some crave-reading: https://web.stanford.edu/class/ihum40/cave.pdf

[medquit]

Kubiack and ChrisJ, thanks for the kind words and advice. I have read about getting complacent on here, I understand to never let my guard down!

Kubiack I think it's funny that I surprise you, I think the reason you think that is that there may be a relatively bimodal distribution of physicians who use nic. Totally conjecture here, but I'll bet like the general population there's a group of physicians that constantly tries to fight the addiction by "not using too much" and "outsmarting the nic" and I'll bet there's another group who realize they are addicts and are able to quit solo +/- some varenicline. Both groups are goal oriented and motivated, it's just that only one of those groups actually has the goal of quitting. I'll bet you see more of the former group, who haven't admitted to themselves that they can't quit/need help, and I can totally imagine those ones being tough to break! Just remember that we are people too, and we are all different :)

[ChristopherJ]

Over 100 hours of quit. I made my drive yesterday with no nic and a ton of chewing gum, thanks for the tips guys.

Today is the best I've felt so far. Minimal headaches, still a little foggy, but this is the first day I've been able to even wrap my mind around being out of the suck. Went outside this morning with a cup of coffee and just thought about how thankful I am to have all I do in my life, including all of you.

Looking back, there were definitely moments this weekend when I subconsciously doubted my ability to succeed with this quit. If I continue to feel as good as I feel now though, I know it's possible. The way I feel now beats anything I felt with nicotine, and I don't even think I'm 100% clear of withdrawal symptoms yet. I am very stressed right now with life and school stuff and I am learning to cope using exercise, meditation and optimism... not nicotine. If I can do it now, I can do it forever.

Future self, never forget the suck.

You are in a good spot. Forewarning, good spots can be just as powerful of a trigger as stress and bad spots. One brother told me to keep my head on a swivel. I did and still do because of that reason. Not saying live a life of paranoia. by no means. Just saying that complacency is a killer.

Side note. You are doing great! I am surprised by your success. And again, no offense. Like I said Med professionals tend to be the hardest. I say that as a counselor and having Doctors and male nurses as clients in the past I know how bull headed you guys are. Keep surprising me! Very proud to be quit with you!


Just for today, Self.

Great to hear some of the fog is lifting Med. Kubiak made some very good points about complacency and the risks of overthinking your quit. Posting roll is the promise to continue this fight through the fog and the suck each day. You got a glimpse of how much better it can be - and it will be - but the path is strewn with rocks. Remember we are here to help you past them. CJ

[kubiackalpha]

Over 100 hours of quit. I made my drive yesterday with no nic and a ton of chewing gum, thanks for the tips guys.

Today is the best I've felt so far. Minimal headaches, still a little foggy, but this is the first day I've been able to even wrap my mind around being out of the suck. Went outside this morning with a cup of coffee and just thought about how thankful I am to have all I do in my life, including all of you.

Looking back, there were definitely moments this weekend when I subconsciously doubted my ability to succeed with this quit. If I continue to feel as good as I feel now though, I know it's possible. The way I feel now beats anything I felt with nicotine, and I don't even think I'm 100% clear of withdrawal symptoms yet. I am very stressed right now with life and school stuff and I am learning to cope using exercise, meditation and optimism... not nicotine. If I can do it now, I can do it forever.

Future self, never forget the suck.

You are in a good spot. Forewarning, good spots can be just as powerful of a trigger as stress and bad spots. One brother told me to keep my head on a swivel. I did and still do because of that reason. Not saying live a life of paranoia. by no means. Just saying that complacency is a killer.

Side note. You are doing great! I am surprised by your success. And again, no offense. Like I said Med professionals tend to be the hardest. I say that as a counselor and having Doctors and male nurses as clients in the past I know how bull headed you guys are. Keep surprising me! Very proud to be quit with you!


Just for today, Self.

[medquit]

Over 100 hours of quit. I made my drive yesterday with no nic and a ton of chewing gum, thanks for the tips guys.

Today is the best I've felt so far. Minimal headaches, still a little foggy, but this is the first day I've been able to even wrap my mind around being out of the suck. Went outside this morning with a cup of coffee and just thought about how thankful I am to have all I do in my life, including all of you.

Looking back, there were definitely moments this weekend when I subconsciously doubted my ability to succeed with this quit. If I continue to feel as good as I feel now though, I know it's possible. The way I feel now beats anything I felt with nicotine, and I don't even think I'm 100% clear of withdrawal symptoms yet. I am very stressed right now with life and school stuff and I am learning to cope using exercise, meditation and optimism... not nicotine. If I can do it now, I can do it forever.

Future self, never forget the suck.

[medquit]

Rawls, I appreciate your insight. I do tend to get ahead of myself sometimes. I'm very analytical and anxious in general, but you're right; I need to remember to focus on the here and now. I needed the reminder, thank you for that.

[Rawls]

Med..... You are very interesting.
You are so coherent of the moment.
Obviously expressive.
And well studied....to say smart.
I enjoy your intro. And thank you for it.
I hope you post in hear as you feel the need.
Its a great sword towards addiction.
Dont put limits on time spent here expressing your struggles and victories.
My fear... Is your flip of the coin towards the dark side young medquit.
You are still guessing about tomorrow.
Focus on your ability today!
Just today.
Just today with 5 or more other quiters.
Your promise today is another rock you should stand on.
I believe you will.
We are addicts.
We have a responsibility to keep our focus on Today.
Im not concerned about tomorrow.
I didnt make a promise about tomorrow .
My word is on today.
Throw a shovel of dirt on the old med...
Let him die.
He was lied too.... Your grown up now.
Let truth set your new path.
I hate when I preach.
Im sorry...... No one has ever gained anything with nicotine.
I quit with you today.
Rawls 539

[RDB]

I used (who am I kidding, still use) sugar free gum a substitute.

On my first long drive, I gave myself no limit on the amount of gum I could chew, the frequency of taking a new piece, how many pieces to chew at one time.

[pky1520]

For the drive, try to pick up some of the smokey mountain herbal stuff - they sell it at Walmart. That will at least give you something to do - sunflower seeds do the same thing.

Also try downloading Audible and doing a book on tape rather than music. Maybe if you get really invested in a story it will take your mind off of the craving.

You could avoid going into the gas station, but honestly I think you're better off setting it up as a challenge and facing it. Do it just like the checklist in your post.

[ ] Don't buy dip when getting road trip supplies
[ ] Don't stop for dip for hour 1
[ ] Don't stop for dip for hour 2
[ ] Stop at gas station, fill tank, buy a pack of gum, seeds, jerky and a mountain dew code red
[ ] Leave station with your items, sans tobacco
[ ] Don't stop for dip for hour 3,4,5...
[ ] Arrive at your destination

Look at that list - piece of cake.

[medquit]

Quit for 72 hours. I'll update less frequently now that I'm out of the 3-day window (still posting roll obviously). Will update here again at 1 week, 2 weeks, 1 month, etc.

Triggers I've confronted/need to confront:
[X] Eating (definitely my most ritualized trigger, so it's been a tough one)
[X] Studying (very proud of myself for being able to study effectively the last few days without dip)
[X] Drinking/being around smokers
[X] Boredom (worked on this one first by doing nothing this weekend)
[ ] Stressful life event
[ ] Driving (long trip tomorrow, I'm very nervous about it)
[ ] Post-exercise (going to the gym tonight though)

If anyone has any tips for long drives I'd really appreciate it. My resolve is strong but relatively untested, and I'll obviously have to stop for gas tomorrow so I'm sort of terrified about that as well. Maybe I just won't go inside. I don't know, I haven't come face to face with a tin since Friday and I'm not sure if I'm ready to either.

[medquit]

Yeah you're right, I've heard the advice to be wary of alcohol the first few months. Luckily I won't be going out with those guys again anytime soon so I don't foresee any issues.

Still, it's cool that even as I'm in acute withdrawal I'm putting KTC (and myself) ahead of any temptations, and I've only been here for a few days. You guys have built something really awesome here, and I'm really pumped to be joining you all.

[kubiackalpha]

48 hrs. Went out last night and drank with a bunch of friends who are social smokers. I just thought of you guys and my roll promise and was able to easily push it away. Sorry nicotine but not today 'Finger'

That's what it takes Med. Nice win!

Good job! Real early in your quit to be around that and had you said something I believe 99.9% of us would have jumped you. LOL! So, tell you what. Dont do it again....at least for a while. You did great on your coping skill and keeping your promise and that is to be commended. Plllleeeeeease. Dont do it again. Proud to be quit with you today.



Just for today, Self.