Tomorrow is obviously a special day in America. But let me share (again) the significance to me.
9/11/10 - Came in from cutting the grass...dip in my mouth as usual...flicked on TV. It was as "survivors' story." I usually hated watching those. But I was too hot, tired, lazy to turn the channel. So I watched...and watched...and began tearing up and continued watching....
They interviewed a little boy who was about 12 or 13 about losing his father that fateful morning. I was tearing up like a baby. Nobody to play catch with, talk about girls, help with homework or watch baseball, etc. Other fathers tried to chip in, but nobody could fill his father's shoes. That little guy got choked up a couple of times telling his story. His mother could only stroke his head and brush his hair out of his face as they both fought back tears...
AND I'M SITTING THERE WITH A FUCKING DIP IN MY MOUTH!!! That was it. Done. Finished. I was madder than Hell at the Nic Bitch who would have me do that to mine own kids (3 yr boy, 1 yr girl).
That little guy's loss was completely beyond his control...like a lightening strike or freak accident. And it devastated him. It devastated his family. That family was missing a husband and father. There was talk of "good days and bad days." The events of 9/11 tortured that family for years. AND I WAS WILLFULLY DOING IT TO MINE!!! WTF?!!! I would strangle anyone who hurt my little boy and yet I went out of my way to buy Copenhagen and hide from my family and kill myself slowly. I was SICK.
That was it. I spit it out right then and there after 20 years of dipping Copenhagen. I found this site 9 days later at about 4:00 in the morning. And, with they help of you folks, I'm one day shy of 1 year without nicotine.
To new folks...yes, it is hard...hardest thing I think I have ever done. But there are no short-cuts. No pills, no patches, no bullshit. You just get your fucking head on straight, give your word that come Hell or high water you are not going to put that shit in your face for just one day. Then wake up the next day and do it again. I still fight urges (Dove season started on Sept 1...huge trigger). But I think back on that day, that other family, that little boy;s face...and the urges are babyshit.
So, 9/11 is an especially powerful day for me. I remember the folks we lost, the survivor families and their struggles, the soldiers since that time, all the heros. But, I think I found my silver lining...I QUIT and I'm still here quitting to help every person I can spare him/herself and their loved ones of the pain that 9/11 has come to symbolize.
Stay strong, stay quit. Living nic-free is totally worth it.
